My friend Timm sent me these the other day. This is the updated version of redneckdom (heh)
You Might Be A Redneck - 2003 Edition
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
5. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
6. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
7. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
8. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
9. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
10. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 11. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
12. You have a rag for a gas cap.
13. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
14. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
15. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
16. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
17. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
18. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
20. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
21. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
22. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop alwaysbrings you home.
23. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
24. You think fast food is hitting a squirrel at 65 mph.