Friday, October 17, 2003

The Art of Profanity

The Redneck has developed profanity into an art form, probably due to the fact that their environment so richly deserves just the right phrases to compliment it. Is it a sign of poor character? I don't think so. Once this yankee gentleman was invited to hunt down in deep, southern redneck country. He appeared at the camp in a sports jacket, slacks, and tie. The cabin owner's wife took one look at him and said, "Holy Shit, Pete, what the fuck have you brought in here?" Then their dog bit him. She could have said, "I'm very glad to meet you, but your attire is completely improper and out of place for our rustic area." But would the effect have been the same? There are just times when a bit of cussing does the job better. As for the dog, he was very lucky that he only bit him. He usually greeted guests with a leg hump.

The Redneck peckerwoods in the south have elevated profanity to something near poetry. A rancid smell might lead one to say, "that smells like a cold wind coming off a pile of wet wolf shit!" After sundown a phrase often heard is, "We got skeeters so big down here they can fuck a turkey standin flat-footed." In a downpour it has been said that "it's rainin hard as a tall cow shittin on a flat rock." On a cold day, a popular phrase is "gawud dayum, I'm shakin jes lak a dog shittin peach pits?"

Then one time I heard tell of a yankee who went down to Texas showing off his cowboy hat and an old Texan looked at it squinty-eyed and said, "Ah do believe ah'd lak to buy me two o'them. (long, long pause) One to shit in, an t'other to cover it up with."

I believe there are times when profanity is a necessity. There will always be men and women who will stand tall and protest against uncaring fate using every word available to them.

Doncha think?

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