10 Reasons Trick or Treating is better than SEX

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.



9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.



8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.



7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.



6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.



5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.



4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.



3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.



2. You'll feel less guilt the next morning.



1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!!

I'm Done Exercising for the Day

Remind me not to go Trick-or-Treating with Jerri again. She decided to go to the neighborhood where her grandmother lives over on Crowley's Ridge, the only freaking thing that resembles a hill here in the delta. 7 more blocks of hills and now this old gal is wiped out. I told my son, after the first block, to tie a rope around me and drag me up the rest of those hills!!

Here are the last Halloween photos of the season.

I really need to get out more.

I swear sometimes I need a keeper.

I made it to the Baptist Medical Center about 45 minutes early and got lost in the damned thing. My appointment was in Medical Tower II. Now I'm not stupid, I know II comes after 1, right, doesn't it? Well I drove around and around that complex and finally decided that it had to be there somewhere, there was a 1, so II had to be nearby.

Wrong!

5 uphill blocks later and there it was. Of course the 2 hr drive and the hike had me desperate to find a bathroom, so I rode the elevator to the 6th floor office and asked the receptionist where the bathrooms were. She told me that they were renovating and I'd have to go back to the 1st floor lobby to use the facilities. So I go back down and wander around down in the lobby until I found the bathroom. By then the world probably knew I needed to pee cause I had that "knees together, afraid to breath, fucked if I cough" look.

A quick pee and hand wash later and I found the elevators again to go back up to the 6th floor. I didn't have to wait in the reception area for very long but after I got back in the examination room I waited so long that I fell asleep. When the doc finally did come in, I shook his hand while wiping drool and sleepy eyes with the other hand.

Anyway, I drove 2 hrs and hiked hell and a half acres to find out that the test I'd been sent to have couldn't be done with good results on me.

Are you ready for this?

I couldn't get the scheduled test done because my boobs are too big and he said they often don't get accurate readings in these cases. "Oh but that's not a big problem", he said, "we'll just schedule a more reliable stress test for the 24th." I just stared at him for a minute, then told him I don't LIVE in the neighborhood and if he scheduled the appointment then he'd better be on time to do it after I drive all that way again.

2 1/2 hrs later I'm finally on my way outta there. I decided to dig in my bag to find my keys before doing the downhill hike and I couldn't find them. I sat down and took several deep breaths and started thinking back to when I knew I had them last. I went to the reception area, then to the lobby, then to the bathroom, backtracking. I finally stuck my head in the door at another office and asked them where their lost and found was. It was in yet another building so I hiked over to check with them. They had them, thank God!

At least the 5 blocks back to my truck were downhill, AND I damned well know where Medical Tower II is now!

Gotta go trick-or-treating here soon, Zach and I are going with the Chickie. Anybody wanna come along?

Happy Halloween!

Friday Photos

I have a few minutes while my pants finish up in the dryer (yep, I forgot to dry them last night) so I thought I'd post a few photos that I had developed yesterday. I like being able to have prints AND a cd from my film!


Trish, Jordan & Jaylen


Zach and Abie


Meri Kate


Krysten

Friday

Just a quick note. As soon as Zach is picked up and headed towards school I'll have to jump in the truck and head to Little Rock for that appointment with the cardiologist. I'm not looking forward to the drive today, nor am I looking forward to having a stranger look me over.

Have a GREAT Day!!! Happy Halloween!!!

A Site To Visit

Kat sent me Solipist's site today because she thought I'd like her rendition of football in the south, and I did. We really aren't as bad as all that, or it could be that we're worse. High School football is a pretty big thing for us down here in these parts but we're very minor league with our school of less than 400 students even if we do hold several STATE records. (Yep, I'm braggin there a little).

Oh did I mention that the Barton Bears are in the State Playoffs once again?

A Love Letter Received in My Email Today

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...

I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...

I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.

I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY... BEG FOR ME TO STOP.

I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.

AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.

ALL MY LOVE,

THE FLU

Now get your mind out of the gutter.............. and GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such a sweet note from Bear who lives up yonder in Alaska.

Looking Back

I really need to read over what I write first thing in the mornings, don't I?

I went in and did that payroll and piddled around and did a few other things that needed doing. I'm still at a stand-off concerning some of it since SOME people can't follow SIMPLE instructions at that place! It's like the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get down at that office.

I got home just in time to turn around and go back 5 of those miles and pick the terrorist up from school. I had to come home first to put on some cooler clothes. It's near bout 80 degrees down here today! I feel guilty for sweatin!

Thursday

It's one of those days. I've got to make myself move in short while to go into the office and do another payroll. Our forecast calls for lots of sun but rather high winds today so I expect it will feel a little cooler than it normally would and it will be a great "hair" day.

I hope everyone has lots of good things happen for them today and maybe later on I'll have inspiration to write something interesting.

Advance Warning

So as not to freak you out again about another change to my blog, I'm giving advance warning. On Saturday Halloween will be over so I'll be giving it a Thanksgiving holiday look. Any and all suggestions are welcome and will be considered!

If A Redneck Were President

Air Force 1


another of John Strain's kind contributions!

Murphy's Laws for Rednecks

I received an email on 3/23/06 from a lady who claims copyright to this entry so I'm deleting it. I figure the lady is going to have to go further than my little journal to stop any infringment she may feel has occured because I received it from a humor site in my email a long time ago and thought it was very funny so I posted it on my blog so my family and friends could also have a laugh. I don't feel I did anything wrong since I might also post a cartoon I think is funny in the same manner that I might clip one from the Sunday paper's comic section. If my site were "one for profit" or a popular website, I would understand this better.

Anyway, I don't think Murphy's Laws for Rednecks is all that funny anymore.

It's Gotta Be Monday!

Please tell me it's Monday cause if this really is Wednesday then I'm afraid of the rest of the week.

I was up at 6, was out of sugar for Zach's cereal so there was whining when I woke him up at 6:40. He finally settled for sugar-loaded Trix. After waiting 10 minutes for him to come out of the bathroom where he was supposedly brushing his teeth, I decided to investigate. I'm not sure what he planned to do with the half roll of toilet paper he unrolled but I'm glad I looked in. He finally brushed his teeth, with supervision, and went to get dressed. A few minutes later he's walking around looking for one of his shoes, whining again. I join in the search. The shoe is not inside the house, so I go OUTSIDE to look and find the shoe out near the driveway. (muttering here wondering how the hell it got out there!)

My feet are cold and wet, I'm tired and frustrated already, and I made a decision to stop smoking in the near future? HAVE I LOST MY EVERLOVIN MIND????????

I need drugs.

I'm Gonna Try

I made a decision today as I lit up another cigarette that I didn't even want OR like. I'm going to try to quit smoking come Jan. 1. I figure that gives me a couple months to start cutting back a bit and then I'm going to try the patch to wean myself completely. This habit is just too expensive money and health-wise for me to continue. There are only 2 per day that I really enjoy but I'm too weak to just be satisfied with those 2 so I reckon they've gotta go.

I quit for 5 months, once, a long time ago and I was a regular bitch for a few weeks. I've never smoked in my bedroom so for those worst weeks I stayed in the bed a LOT. I am not a nice person at all when I am in the throes of withdrawal so I may take up another habit to replace the cigs.

I think sex would be a handy replacement. I've heard tell that sex will cure headaches by encreasing the release of endorphins, reduce stress, help you to sleep better, increase blood flow, help maintain the body, increase your life span, increase your estrogen level, and lower cholesterol. It's not fattening (well not for me at least) and it's easy to relearn if you've forgotten how.

Now I've just got to figure out the minimum amount of sex it will take to replace the nicotine craving cause I really think that if I have sex every time I crave a cigarette, someone around here is going to need an awful lot of vitamins!

UPDATED

I updated my What's Up down South photo page with some of the bluesfest photos.

The Short Imp

Zach decided that he needed to try on his Halloween duds before Friday to make sure he looked spooky enough to scare em into giving him Candy. What do ya'll think?

Freaky!!!

The sun is out, it's a mite cool, but a lovely day outside. It's not dark, or gloomy, or Halloween yet, but something freaky is going on here!! I've either got a "haint" in my house, or I'm decidely more distracted than I first thought.

In the middle of posting that last entry, I decided that a cup of coffee would be good. The timer on the pot had switched off so I stuck a cup in the microwave and came back in here to spell check and publish. I went back in there just now to grab my cup out of the microwave and there it was, sitting on the counter!!

More Monday

Do you ever start doing something, then have something distract you that makes you forget what you were doing before the distraction so that you end up starting something else? (did that sentence make any sense?)

I started my morning blowing and going. I got scrubber and Scrub Free and got down on hands and knees in order to scrub hubby's shower stall. That man gets mighty nasty down on the farm so there is all forms of scum leftover from his showers and he'd never consider wiping the danged walls down so as to save me this chore. Sometimes I think a chisel and pick would be the best tools for the job.

Upon finishing that dreadful chore and noticing the scrapped skin on 4 of my knuckles from the job, I sat down here at my puter for a break before I have to move again to do something else. Then I remembered that I needed to take something out to thaw for supper and also had some whites that I needed to soak for a bit before washing them. I dumped them into the washer and added detergent and was waiting for it to fill enough to add the bleach when I heard a truck stop outside. It was the fed-ex guy with a package so I just had to see what I'd gotten in a package from Blogger/google. And I had to try it on. Then I had to take a pic to show it off.

That done, I then noticed the washer was in the rinse cycle. Shittttttttt,,I didn't soak! So I go back to the laundry room and start all over again.

I have the inclination to get things done,,,,sometimes,,,, so if I were also organized, I'd be hell on wheels!!!

Monday

I had a lovely email from our Soony in Holland this morning. Here is a photo she sent me of herself and her sweetie, Eric. She tells me that there may be a wedding in the works for next year so I reckon I've got to save for a plane ticket to Holland!


Danielle and Eric at a friend's wedding

Where Exactly Is Dixie?

The red-shaded area on the map above is generally inhabited primarily by Southerners. The blue-shaded areas are populated mostly by Yankees. Yes, that includes about 50% of Florida.


The areas shaded in light green, while often thought of by Yankees as "Southern," are actually populated by Hillbilllies. Southerners make a huge distinction between these two cultural groups (think of Rhett Butler as compared to Jedd Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies...got it now?). While most Hillbillies are geographically situated in the South, this does not make them Southerners by any means. Generations of sharp cultural differences make Hillbillies vividly distinct and separate from their Southern cousins (and yes, there are Hillbillies and Southerners within the same families).


The areas shaded in pink are populated by Southern Wannabes - people who think they're Southern, but who, by their lifestyle choices and heritage, don't make the cut. This is an interesting group, members of which sometimes think of themselves as Yankees, but who secretly (or openly) desire to be labeled as "Southern." Note that these areas include a large portion of Kentucky (about as un-Southern a state as ever existed), plus all of Metro Nashville, the northern suburbs of Atlanta (heavily populated with Yankee transplants), Hilton Head, South Carolina, and a section of central Florida. With only a minor shift, any of these regions could easily become full-fledged blue or orange territories, i.e., Yankee or Midwesterner.


Beyond these areas, we have regions inhabited by Midwesterners, Cowboys, and Mountaineers - all groups that could never under any circumstances be considered "Southern."


Please remember that these boundaries are fluid, and that they wander back and forth from time to time. Areas shrink and grow, and are always subject to change. For example, if Huntsville, Ala., picks up a few more Yankee immigrants, they'll soon probably have to be shaded pink!


With that in mind, these regions shouldn't be considered set in stone, but rather as approximate guidelines for consideration by the student of Southern culture.

Southern Horoscopes

Some of us (especially Southerners) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.

When out and about, one can see bulls, and once in a great while, even a ram. Up the street, there may be some twins. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. And virgins? Scarce, at best.

What we need are Southern astrological signs! Take a look at these suggestions:


OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLINS (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - April 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM (APR 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWDAD (May 22 - June 21)
Crawdad is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawdads prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (October 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you is old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

More on Kids

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
a talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

What every man expects in a Wife.

~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
~ Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
~ She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure.
~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
~ She will hate charge cards.
~ Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, honey?"
~ She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done.
~ She will love you because you're so sexy

Saturday Afternoon

It rained so James was back home earlier with Zach. Around 6, Bubbie, Jerri, and the Chickie came over for supper and to watch the Arkansas - Old Miss game with us on ESPN.

I made a Mexican chicken casserole with a salad for supper before we settled in to watch the game. The casserole was great, the game sucked big time since the Razorbacks couldn't seem to do anything right. After a fumble during the last 3 minutes of the game I jumped up yelling and gave up on them. We had fun with the Chickie though. She adores Zach and they put in some major play time.

It's a cloudy, cool Sunday morning now and I'm going to be pissed if I have to dress today for any reason!

Saturday Morning

I've cooled off a lot since yesterday, I slept until 7:45 this morning, and I had a visit from the Chickie last night where she showed me all the new things she's learned this week. Now if there just wasn't a chance for rain and the sun were shining.

Gravel Road Rage

I live in the country in Arkansas and I believe we are one of the last states to still have a shit load of gravel roads. They have to use more of their tax revenue for food stamps and welfare down here so there is none left for asphalt for the road departments to pave the damn roads.

We have a lot of traffic on these gravel roads. Mind you, a lot of it is farm equipment, but the farm pickups also travel them a lot and we get the drunks out here who are trying to avoid the state troopers. This time of year we also get the module trucks that are going to the fields to pick up the modules of cotton to take to the gins.

They drive like bats out of hell in those big ole trucks. I swear they are moving so fast that if they had wings they'd be airborne!! They throw up great, huge clouds of dust and an avalache of rocks in their wake. When you meet them on the road, it takes a full minute to be able to see where you are going after they pass, and forget about seeing where you've been. Last year one of those trucks threw up a rock that made a hole in my windshield, I honestly thought the damn thing was going to hit me in the face.

This morning I was driving out to take the kids to school and go to work and I met one of those monster trucks. I could see it coming about a mile ahead and I pulled over as far as I could with hopes that my windshield would not get another fatal blow. I still got several pings, but nothing too bad, that time, so I drove on. Fuming. Pondering. The more I thought about their lack of consideration to other drivers, the more pissed I got. I didn't know if there was a speed limit on a gravel road so I decided I'd find out.

On my way home just a little while ago, I could see another one of those damn trucks coming. This time I was ready for him.

When he was about 1/10 of a mile from me, I pulled my pickup into the center of the road and I stopped. After he came to a screaming stop, I got out and coughing and choking from the dust that was still fogging, went up to that truck and I told the driver that one of their trucks had smashed my windshield last year, and that his truck had put little dings in my windshield this morning, and that he wasn't going to do that anymore. I told him the speed limit was 35 MPH on that damned road and he'd better not be going even 1MPH over that, cause if I met another truck and it looked like they were going too fast, I was stopping in the middle of the road again, and I wasn't moving until the Sheriff got there.

This ain't no damn interstate out here, dang it.



The truck was just like the one above except he was loaded with one of those modules that this one hasn't picked up yet. Those modules weigh between 21 and 25 thousand pounds. Can you imagine that coming at you on a rock road at 60 MPH?

Morning

I have to take the Terrorist and neighbor Jessie to school today.

I have to go in and do that payroll that I didn't do yesterday because I thought I'd feel more like doing it today, but I don't.

Why do ducks and geese fly south in the winter?

Be back later.

Cast Your Vote Please

If anyone has a few minutes, please go take a look at Alexis's (the Chickie) photo and click to vote for her here. Her mommy has entered her photo in a contest.

A Late In The Day Smile

I actually dressed today to go pick Zach up at school because I had to go to the store. Normally I'll just hop in the truck in sleep shorts, a tee, or PJ's since I don't have to get out anywhere (well barring an accident or flat). When I do have to dress, as soon as I get home, and sometimes in the truck on the way home, I undress and put on my knock-around duds. Zach is the same way about clothes and his knock-around-the-house duds are usually his boxers and a tee.

When we got home a little while ago, we both went about getting comfortable, then I made coffee and was putting dinner in the oven. The phone rang and it was PopPop wanting to talk to Zach about his day, so I took the phone into the living room to where he lay, on his back, in shirt and boxers, watching tv wearing my red, stack sandals. I kept my cool and went back in with the camera just now. This beats all I've ever seen! I've seen him naked except for a pair of cowboy boots before, but this takes the cake! I hope it's a temporary fashion statement, cause it's gonna be hard to play baseball in those shoes!

Curiosity

I've written before about the fact that I was an Air Force brat so was granted a few travel opportunities that would never have come my way otherwise. These opportunities allowed me to develop a greater curiosity for the world and the ways that others live.

I was about 4 years old when we lived in North Carolina near Fayetteville. I can remember the soil in the yard was a reddish color and an ant hill. I think this memory is clear because my 2 year old sister once sat on the thing and got stung a few times. My mind also sees hills or bluffs with winding roads where crosses dot the sides of the road here and there. I seem to recall my mother and a friend talking about this one day, saying that each cross marked a site where someone had been killed in a car accident. I can also vividly see my father coming into the house after my youngest sister had been born. His words have always stayed with me, "It's another damned girl."

As a kindergartener, living in Duluth, MN on Lake Superior, I remember very little about the kids I went to school with, but I remember, very clearly, the great heaping piles of snow during the winter that I spent there. Open windows with the breeze filling the house with the scent of lilacs in bloom is another memory that is revived occasionally. I also recall huge boats and a draw bridge where we'd wait for the boats to pass so we could drive on to wherever we were going.

When I was 11 we lived in Brandywine, MD where there were lots and lots of pine trees and sandy soil. A day trip in to see Washington D.C. impressed me very much until we drove through parts of the city away from the Capital building and monuments and I saw tacky buildings with broken windows and trash in the streets wherever I looked. I guess that was my first experience with slums. My memories of Chesapeake Bay include the color green that I became after spending the night on a cabin cruiser.

I have written of living in England before in my blog so I'll save other memories of that for another time.

I write of these things this morning to try to explain my enjoyment of seeing photos and reading about all the places that my blog friends live and visit. A geography class never prepares you for the wonderful things that you can see if the opportunity presents itself.

Another Southern English Lesson

1. BAD CLOUD: Yankee Americans say a thunderstorm blew in, but in the South we say--"It come up a bad cloud."
2. TOAD STRANGLER: A lot of rain. "That was a sure nuff toad strangler."
3. GO ON: A little extra something we put into sentences to get people moving. "You just go on up there and give it your best shot."
4. PURT NYER [pretty near]: We purt nyre there, Ma?
5. I SWANEY (I declare, or My goodness) I swaney, you've growed a foot since I last saw ya!

And yet a few more expressions:

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.
= [We've sorta met after a fashion, but haven’t been properly introduced.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
= [He thinks his feet don’t stink.]
Harriet's got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth.
= [Harriet can talk.]
It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.
= [We need a rain here ‘bouts.]
Them two ate supper before they said grace.
= [They been living in sin.]
Man, it’s time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.
= [Just quit fussing and do right.]

Oh Yeah!!!!

Looks like our dilligence paid off. That Terrorist came home with all A's on his report card!! About to turn cartwheels here. (If you feel the quake, it originated in Eastern Arkansas ya'll).

My oldest daughter's 2 year old, Jaylen, did an amazing thing the other day. She and her sister Jordan, who is 5, have been in a daycare run by a state certified teacher since Jaylen was 3 months old.

On Saturday, Trish took them to the State Fair. When they went to the barns to see all the farm animals, Jordan looked up on the building and said "the sign says FFA." Jaylen looks up also and says, "FFA,,,e, i, o, u, and sometimes y." Now how's that for 2 year old vocabulary?

Proud Nanny here!!

He's Got My Vote!

John down there in Louisanna sent this to me. I'll be posting the others soon. Thanks John!!

My Kind Of Hockey!!

How Men Screw Up A Romantic Moment

A BIG Change

Wow, I'm sitting here trying to decide if I want to cry or if I'll get used to the fact that my mouth may have overloaded my behind today.

I've had blonde hair all my life but as I got older it got darker. A few years ago, I decided that I was going to lighten it back up again so I started coloring it. Back in January, I decided that I was getting to be too old for the light blonde shade and have been trying to let it grow out and just having the hairdresser put highlights in it, at the roots, so it would blend in somewhat.

Last week I decided that I didn't like the tacky way it looked and I needed a cut anyway so I my hairdresser today to get it all the same color but darker. We had to go light brown to get an even coverage and then she went back and added a few gold highlights.

I'm going to go cry now.

You might be a redneck Jedi if...

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side.. .it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.

You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.

More than half the droids you own don't function.

The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.

You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.

You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.

You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.

A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.

You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.

You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.

You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.

You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.

The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

A Story

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful
Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed
that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next
day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she
dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the
Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the
King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would
cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of
Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician
then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder,
which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick
worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The
Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left
satisfied and touted as
a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the
Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now
satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and knowing that
Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him
away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King immediately summoned Nick
the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills

LO and BEHOLD, tis a miracle!

Although I didn't get my little bit of silence this morning, I have gotten a break from the battle of the warm bed! The terrorist beat ME up this morning, has already had a big bowl of strawberries for breakfast, and is contemplating his morning constitutional as I write. Life sometimes holds surprises!

My son called enroute from work last night wanting to know what was for supper. So he was here at 5 and Jerri and Chickie came at around 6. We had supper and then scanned some new photos of the Chick while we played patty-cake. I was very proud of Zach, he allowed the baby to play with his John Deere tractors, another miracle!!

Dr. Phil Doesn't Impress Me Much

I haven't managed to hop onto the Dr. Phil bandwagon just yet although I agree with some of the points he makes. I've been thinking about this today and have come to a few conclusions.

1. I do not easily trust loud people with beady, squinchy eyes. Dr. Phil reminds me of Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley so I could be biased by association.

2. I have had counceling, although limited, and I found that you can easily lead them by the nose thereby leading me to hesitate to have faith in their abilitity to do more than speculate a little.

3. I find it difficult to trust someone who makes a great deal of money from TV and books. With all this on your plate, when do you actually have time for all this research?

4. I have found that doing what's always right for YOU, usually tends to hurt someone else along the way and I can't do that if there is a way around it. I don't believe in pat answers and I strongly believe that for many things, there are no answers.

That's about if for the conclusions I've made today. So, shoot me, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan.

Click here for Dr. Phil fun.

Most Mondays

Monday's Rantings

I was up this morning at 6 a.m. and had 30 minutes of coffee and gazing at the wall before it was time to fix breakfast for Zach and then start the next round of talking him out of a warm bed.

I am getting too old for this.

10 minutes to talk him into getting up.
15 minutes he's on the pot, naked, singing, and playing
5 minutes for him to brush his teeth, wash his face and hands, brush his hair
5 minutes for me to wash him again to remove hair gel from hands and face
15 minutes to pull on a pr. of jeans, shirt, socks and shoes while watching cartoons

Only 20 threats, not bad?