Tuesday, May 13, 2003


Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions
granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

I have never gone to the bathroom in my life that a small voice
on the other side of the door hasn't whined, "Are you saving the
bananas for anything?"

Who, in their infinite wisdom, decreed that Little League
uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in
your mouth!"

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking
children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

Most children's first words are "Mama" or "Daddy." Mine were, "Do
I have to use my own money?"

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one
light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?"
and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."

Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes,
which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets
carsick and who isn't kidding when he stands outside the bathroom
door and tells you what's going to happen if he doesn't get in
right away. It's tough. If they all have the same hair color they
tend to run together.

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a
mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're
going to get it anyway.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known
mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because
there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked.
This is sick.

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're
not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or
the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of cap less
shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because
they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator.
It's like being the vice president of the United States.
(personally, I think it's just shock!)

***contributed by Timm***

No comments: