Saturday, June 07, 2003

Ya'll Come
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you
adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has the Mafia, The South has the Klan.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard and turnip greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. It's
really best to give "em a generous tip, though.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Warning: Do not buy food at this store, everything is kept in the same
fridge and mix-ups are easy.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child.
This is short for "Ya'll ought not do that!" and is the equivalent
of saying "No!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They can't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol"
boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this
way. All of them are in denial about it.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, ya'll, watch this," stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle
of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere,
and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think that they
will be accepted as Southerners.

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