Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
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Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
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It's scary, I can relate to some of this.