Senior Toons

Antiqued (Is that a word?)

I'm going to turn 50 on Sunday and I gotta tell you, this past year has really zoomed by for me since I was hoping it would take a little longer for this birthday to arrive.

Anyway, I've never had much hoopla made over my birthday since hubby comes from a family who didn't make much of a fuss over them (well there was that one time when he bought himself that $1000 coon hound on my birthday and I actually made the fuss) and my kids pretty much fail to remember birthdays except for their own and their younguns, but mind you that's a bunch.

Anyway, all that aside, I went plodding to my little rural mail box across the gravel road here this week and there was a package in it. I had to put down all the bills and other stuff to read the return address and let me tell you folks, I was moving much quicker back across that road, faster than a slow-speeding bullet, so I could get somewhere to sit and tear into that wrapping. The package was from Ms. Leslie and inside I found the sweetest little birdy ornament you've ever seen!! And a handy little note pad all decorated with flowers on the cover which will be just right for all my notes to remind me of stuff. I got all teary over the card and presents because it's the best feeling in the world to know that someone is thinking of you.

Today I pulled up to the old mail box on my way back from town and had another great surprise birthday card from Miz Mary lou!

I gotta tell you, I'm feeling pretty danged special this week!

Sunshine Years

If this is what I have to look forward to I'm thinking about passing on it. But then again, I've had moments like these in the past.


THE ROBBERY

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She
got in the back-seat by mistake."

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time
...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared
at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, no, am I driving?"

Chemical Warfare

As I was driving into town earlier this week I again noticed the plastic gallon containers strewn about beside the road and in the ditches down at the end of my road across from the air strip. Knowing that this was a strip for ag planes and that those jugs had been there for a good long time, I decided to stop on my way back home and take photos of the mess and to try to see what sort of chemicals the containers had held.

Most of the containers had lain there so long that the labels had disintergrated or had faded so that they were unreadable but I did find a couple that were labeled as some sort of fungicide which supposedly aren't dangerous to humans or plantlife. I took the photos anyway because they load all manner of farm chemicals onto the airplanes at that strip and some of that stuff is responsible for the death and disease of my garden and yard plants, and for rashes and allergies that we too often have in the summer.

Jerri came by the corner about 30 minutes after I had stopped and taken the photos and the containers were no longer there. Funny how that works, huh?

Now I wish I had taken photos the day that I saw the backhoe down there burying those barrels.

I'm a Grandma

There's a ball or two of clay, or chips, or gummy bears, dumped somewhere in my truck and a sticky, rewrapped peppermint in my jacket pocket. I wear baggy tees and sleep shorts all day. I recognize almost every cartoon character of the day and all of the ones from the past.

At any given moment, I might be carrying the remains of whatever's yucky from a child's mouth -- or nose. Small children throw up on me regularly. I might wash a little face with spit and my thumb,,,,, wipe their noses with my shirt. I'm sure you've seen me at the supermarket. I'm the one with the permanent look of insanity on my face with lips in the constant "NO" forming position. I'm chasing the only child in history who can be in 12 places at once.

You know who I am.

I'm the one with the glazed look on my face after answering for the millionth time, "I don't know what worms eat." I sniff at a baby's diaper -- on purpose or stick my hand in and go knuckle deep into the contents.

You know me,,,,I never get to finish a sensible thought.

Don't ask me if I've seen any good movies lately. I have if you count the Dora ones or Shreik.

I used to be reasonably intelligent, pondering the deep secrets of the universe. I once thought I was prepared for the great challenges of life. Now I find myself wondering such things as: If Bert and Ernie aren't related, why do they sleep in the same room? And, where are their parents? I remember when getting together with friends meant stimulating conversation about current events, love and the meaning of life, now I wonder, "Is there life?"

I know you don't know my first name-- I don't have one anymore. I answer to Nanaw, or Nanny. To be honest, I don't even remember my first name sometimes -- I've stop using it myself. When speaking, I simply refer to myself as, "Nanny or Nanaw".

I have my good days, too. I know I'm loved unconditionally by these little ones no matter how I look or feel.

I'm happy as a frog in a fly swarm

Gotta love that Haddocktwat and the great links shared over there. Take a gander at my tombstone over to the right there. I'm gonna have so much fun with that site!!

Haddock, you're my favorite twat!

I'd also be right behold'n if ya'll would drop in and visit my daughter-in-law, Jerri's, new blog. We'll be getting all the Chickie updates first hand from there and I promise, that child will keep you entertained.

Name my bird

Ok, so far we've had some good ones here but there's still several weeks before The Bird's homecoming so ya'll have time to get your thinking caps on. So far we have:

Shasta, borwwwd
Mr/Ms Harland Sanders II
Jazz, Yellow/Blue Jug
Spot

I've been reminded again of some of the pet names I thought up over the years. I had a Banny chicken named Brenvic, A cocker spaniel named Hinkle (originally Twinkle but my sister couldn't say it), a squirrel named Violet, dogs named Hunter, Jack, Fancy, Gizmo, and Useless, and a ginger cat named 'Tin-Tin.



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Kim, over at Bacon and Ehs dared her readers to post a photo of our 80's hairdos. This isn't a closeup mind you, but it will show that I wasn't a stylin kinda gal back then but I am a daring kinda one so I'll put it up here.


1982 with my sisters and 4 of my half-brothers

Adopting a baby!

This morning I had to pick hubby up at the shop where he left his truck for repairs so we drove on to another little town to visit a pet store. Hubby decided to grant my wish for a cockatiel for my birthday so we went to search for one.

The owner had 2 adult male tiels for sale but they were already 1 1/2 yrs old and I've heard that the younger the bird, the easier they are to train. I was feeling disappointed until the owner told me that she had a hatch of 4 chicks who were 2 to 4 days old and if I didn't mind waiting, I could have my pick of the new babies. I should be able to bring the new birdie home around the first or second week of September.

A bird's sex is not easily defined until after they've molted at around 4 to 6 months, so I plan to name my tiel a gender-neutral name and I'd like to ask my readers if they'd offer some name suggestions. So far the only ones I've thought of are E.T. and Gizzie so ya'll give me some ideas, please?

Here is a photo of a newly hatched birdie that looks like the one the owner showed me. They get prettier, I promise!



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Just had to post these. The Chick loves her critters.
The lady with the Chick is Momma Kitty, I think.




,,,,,,,photos by Jerri

It's Sunday, Isn't it?

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell
happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong-


Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.

Today's funniest emails

There were two blonde guys working for the city. One would
dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They
worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again." The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

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A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

A story based on one sentence.

This writer is hilarious and I'd give my right ass cheek to be able to write with this much imagination.

Ya'll go have a read.

Here She Is.

The Chick did it, go take a gander at our Alexis.



A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to
say one thing."

What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say,
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he
thought for a moment. You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your
problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and
read the Bible. "Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots
to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase
in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the
solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi,
we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot
looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads
away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"



I had to try this little thingy from over at Shara's.


You're Bettie Page!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Good Afternoon.

Jerri sent me an email with a preview of the catalog banner with the Chick on it but it's still in sort of a rough form so I'll look on the site this weekend to see if they have it posted yet.

I've been awake way too long and have been feeling kinda dragged out today but I slipped outside onto the deck this morning and took a pic of the mist hanging over everything.

A few more photos

MeriKate, Krysten, and Abie


Playing on the trampoline


Doesn't this look like a terrorist to you?



It's been a long day here. The Chickie and her Mommy came before noon and my son came after work so they stayed for supper. Nanny has been playing all afternoon.

I thought I had Zach talked into going to Bible School so we could have a little break from each other and to have 10 minutes alone with James because he is complaining about how he's being left out in the "cold" for months now (because Zach refuses to go home even for a visit!) However, about an hour before time to go, Zach decided that he didn't want to leave me so when James came in from work I told him he'd best go buy winter gear for that "cold" he continues to moan about.

Like I'd have any energy to bring him in out of the cold anyway.

Our Chick won first runner up in a modeling contest!

She won first runner up in an online contest and will model an outfit for Palm Beach Swimwear this season.






Alexis

Heh, heh

Hung Chow called his boss and says,
"Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick.
I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work".

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow I need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and make love.
That makes me feel better and I can go work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon.
You got nice house."

Tuesday already

I've actually had to get some work done this morning. I hate days like this, don't you?



IRS form 941 for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE

State Employment Report for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE

State Tax report for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE

Now if I could just get through the 6 pages of new information the IRS sent AND comprehend it, I'd be all done for the day.

I think I need a 3 hr coffee break.

New and Better Disposable Products

"Screw the Planet, I'm an American, Life is Good!"

See, now, the happily narcotized, entirely sexless, vaguely bulbous modern housewife in the recent TV commercial as she finally tosses away her angry, growling, animated (!) toilet brush (see how it snaps and snarls at her like a drunken deadbeat dad! See her toss it into the trash can and then plop her butt down on it in satisfied glee!) in favor of -- say it with me -- disposable toilet scrubbers you use once and throw away!

Scotchbrite Disposable Toilet Bowl Scrubbers, when you care enough to dump a bunch of toxic crap down the toilet only to have it be pumped through the sewage system and get filtered through the City's already heavily overburdened sewage-treatment plant and intermixed with 10,000 other toxic deadly chemicals and then pumped out to sea in a swirling nauseating stew of stickygross human by-products. Oh, and those plastic handles last about 2 million years in a landfill. Sweet!



The entirely silly and pointless Swiffer family of totally toxic landfill crap you really don't need but millions of people are apparently buying via some mass genius PR-marketing delusion that somehow tells them this junk might somehow be better than a really good broom or mop, despite how it's basically nothing but a plastic rod and an electromagnetic sheet worth about half a cent and if you want the same damn effect just take one of your fabric-softener sheets out of the dryer and put it on the end of a broom handle. Voilà.

Mark Morford

This gives me pause for thought cause I'm all for saving that tree and the rain forrest, but my first thought was how much do these products cost?

The Clorox ToiletWand starter kit, which includes a ToiletWand and six single-use sponges, has a suggested retail price of $9.99. Single-use sponge refills, sold in packages of six, have a suggested retail price of $2.99.

Compared to the plastic toilet brush that I bought at Freds for .98 which is good for several years and is easily disinfected with bleach, which sells for less than $2 a gallon (a gallon of bleach goes a longggggggg, longgggggggg way), it's like comparing the price of gold and silver.

But what about those icky germs, you say? Well my friends, chlorine bleach will kill most anydamnthing. Even AIDS, if you could drink the stuff without it killing you!

I refuse, however, to give up my handy little Swifter Duster. Even if I do cry when I have to pay the price of a nice roast for the refills.

Sunday

Today makes 33 years of marriage, to the same man! As Special K and I discussed the other day, if I'd murdered him instead of marrying him 33 years ago, I'd be outta jail by now!!

It's Saturday and

I've been doing the domestic goddess thing again today but the only problem
with that is I'm not actually domestic goddess material.

My day began with a side trip to the bathroom whereupon my big ass was
tossed in the floor by what I suspect is a "terrorized"
toilet seat. One of the doohickies that holds it on
mysteriously disappeared. He's been pleading innocent but I still
have my suspicions due to his current misdemeanor record.

After having only one cup of coffee and not nearly enough time to attend to
my blog reading, Hubby was back home from work because it rained last
night and the fields are muddy. He decided to piddle around in
the garden for a bit and ended up picking more peas and some green
beans so I've been shelling and snapping. The canner now has
another full load that'll be ready to turn off and cool in about 40
minutes.

I've also prepared some stuffed bell peppers and cabbage rolls and have them
in the crockpot. James and Zach have already asked me twice when
supper would be ready.

The nondomesticated part of me, which is the part that has control most of
the time, wants a nap but the pile of dirty laundry, and the
vacuum, and this damned cluttered office, says that a nap is not in my
Saturday future.

I feel like June Cleaver without the dress and pearls.

Have a great Saturday folks!!

Purple Hull Peas

I'm from Arkansas

Ron White on being from Texas:

I'm from Texas and in Texas we have the death penalty and we use it. That's right, if you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. That's our policy. Right now there's a bill in the Texas legislature that would speed up the execution process of those convicted of a heinous crime with more than three credible witnesses. If more than three people saw you do what you did you don't sit on death row for 15 years Jack, you go straight to the front of the line. Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty. My state's puttin in an express lane.

Brenda on Arkansas:

Arkansas is the only state in the Union in which swap meets are for arranging marriages, understandable when you consider, in the last 17 Miss Arkansas beauty contests, nobody won.

Man's ex-wife informs him that he's dead.

Thu Jul 15,11:02 AM ET
Oddly Enough

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian taxi driver got a rude shock when he discovered his blind ex-wife, who thought he had died in an explosion, had him buried in a Moscow cemetery, a newspaper reported on Thursday.



Oleg Lunkov learned of his apparent death when he applied for a passport and was told he died in a bomb blast on Moscow's metro on February 6. His ex-wife thought he was on the train, but being blind, she got her mother to identify the remains.

"I thought, 'I hope they didn't bury me on my birthday'," Lunkov told the Moscow Times after visiting his grave in southeastern Moscow. "But it turns out they did."

The grave has been exhumed by police investigating his wife for possible fraud.

Lunkov's name still appears on prosecutors' official list of the 38 people who died in the explosion.

I just love stuff like this!

Tis the Season

It's that time of year again. For 24 hours a day, here in my country, the lovely sounds of silence, or crickets, or frogs, are overcome by the deep vibrating thrums coming from the power units that pump the irrigation water for the pivots and miles of polypipe. Even from a quarter of a mile away you can hear/feel these diesel sucking motors drawing the water up from the nether regions.



It's also the season for canning vegetables that have to be picked and prepared even though it's hot enough to melt wax outdoors. I'd better get started on those peas I shelled last night.

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There's something oddly satisfying about seeing the end results of your work.

Laws of the Universe

I've learned a few of these over time by trial and error, mostly error.

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
--Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren't.
--Beach's Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
--Anthony's Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
-- Tussman's Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
--Lowery's Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem.
--Peer's Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
--William's Law

Machines should work.. People should think.
--IBM's Pollyanna Principle

The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where they can do the least damage.
--The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
--Ehrlich's Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
--Ralph's Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
-- Cannon's Comment

The newer the carpet the greater the likelihood that the bread will land jelly side down.
-- Law of inevitable consequences

Men are Aliens

When I woke up this morning and went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee I was greeted with the usual sights found in my kitchen and living room every morning.

Two coffee cups sitting on a table in the living room.

A trail of coffee drips from where the pot sits on the counter, across the floor leading to the living room.

Mayonnaise sitting on the crumb littered counter beside an open loaf of bread.

Two open cupboards just waiting for me to bang into them in my early morning confused state.

This stuff has been going on for 33 years now and you'd think after that many years of mentioning (what hubby calls bitching) that these things are not acceptable morning visions, he'd finally get the message. In my wifely wisdom I know it ain't gonna happen. Men are different. Men are so different that I really think that they evolved from some strange spore deposited here a millennium ago by aliens from another planet.

How different?

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who
admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about doctor appointments and ball games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Women understand color. They seem to know what to wear all the time. Men just think red is nice, pink is nice, so why not have them together?

Men appreciate the importance of a 42 inch plasma screen. Women do not.

Women are more interested in the small details. If you told a woman that you had just returned from a trip to the surface of the Moon, she would show her interest by asking who you had gone with.

Men know that common house spiders are far less dangerous than scorpions. Women don't care, it's creepy, KILL IT!!

Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender

Women pee together. Men do not acknowledge, let alone speak, to each other when peeing.

Men can watch six different channels at the same time and know the name of none of the programs they claim to be following. This pisses women off.

Men have a gene that enables them to maintain a vice like grip on the remote control while reclining on the sofa studying the insides of their eyelids.

Men can write their names clearly in the snow and often do.

Women parallel process, men parallel park.

Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.

Men will hear you open a beer from three rooms away but can't hear the child crying right beside him.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.

Any married man should forget his mistakes.
No use in two people remembering the same thing.

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.

If women knew what men were thinking they'd never stop slapping them.

The only way to understand a woman is to love her and then it isn't necessary to understand her.

There is no way to understand a man. You just learn to live with bread crumbs and coffee trails.

Last post about Amsterdam

I've presented the Amsterdam tour backwards because we spent so much time that day in the Red Light district and at the Anne Frank House. We did, however, do a little more during our day trip.

The first thing we did after arriving by train was to take a canal boat tour. That was pretty awesome because the boats passed along the streets as though the canal were just another lane on a highway (which canals in Amsterdam actually are).


platform inside Central Station


We took the canal tour in a boat like the one on the left in the photo.


See the little tunnels going under the street bridges? It took some maneuvering to get through some of those.



CanKoepelkerk Church Dome


We also took a walk and went to the Van Gogh museum and to Dam Square (de dom). Dam square is the physical center of the city and we decided, as we walked and went into shops along the way, to meet at Dam Square if we got separated. To the west the square is flanked by the Royal Palace which doesn't really resemble a palace due to it being originally designed as the city hall but it was elegant nonetheless.




Dam Square


The Royal Palace in Dam Square

Now we come to the end of the Amsterdam tour. I hope ya'll enjoyed it. I don't expect to spend much time there during my next trip since I'll probably be helping Soony with last minute wedding things.

Lazy Sunday

This is the sweetest little ponytail in the world!


Her momma has the patience of a saint!!