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Samuel C. Anderson
PO Box 1302
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Superior Health Insurance
ATTN: Claims Review
1423 W. 90th St.
New York, NY 05016
Dear Sir:
This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a
more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist
Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block
21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit).
On the original form, I put "Stupidity." I realize now that this answer was
somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances
leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had
just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the
bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I
had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the
toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee,
unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid
back to its normal position.
Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body,
which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its main
body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump back. It
quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are firmly attached
to an unmovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the opposite
direction. Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid.
However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking
mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and
subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended to try to force the lock of the device open with one of my keys; thus extracting myself. Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock. Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a minor concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and rational
manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly arrived and
decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of the store manager. Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could not get her key in. Seeing no other solution,
she called the EMS (as indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)).
After approximately 15 minutes, the EMS arrived, along with two police
officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the channel 4 "On-the- Spot" news team.
The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was obviously
a rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered that the
device was attached with bolts to the
cement wall that could only be reached once the device was unlocked. His
discovery was by means of tearing apart the device located in the stall next
to the one that I was in. (Since the value of the property destroyed in his
examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not include it in my
claim.) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow at the time, came
up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with the propane torch
that was in the rescue truck.
The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and
commenced to attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state
to think of such things, I might have realized that in cutting the
device from the wall several things would also inevitably happen. First, the
air inside of the device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device
to suffer the same effects that are normally achieved by placing things
in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to react as if thrown into a
hot skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the inside of the device as
the torch cut through. The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut, in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a small pry
bar to be placed inside of the device.
The EMS team then loaded me, along with the device, into the waiting
ambulance as stated on your form. Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3),
I was unable to give a full explanation of these events, and thus used
the word which I thought best described my actions that led to my hospitalization.
Sincerely,
Samuel C. Anderson
I think I'm going to reconsider some of my public bathroom trips. The worst I've ever done is drop my wallet in!
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WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF . . .
1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY YOU ASK? Well . . .
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND ...
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
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Focus
Twin sisters in St.Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years
old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get
over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of
the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well...
Once the photographer arrived, he asked the sisters to sit on the
sofa.
The nearly-deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the
photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin, the nearly-deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH
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And last but not least..........
The Top 16 Famous Quotes from Redneck Movies
16. "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle... and your first and
second cousin, your nephew..."
15. "We'll always have Wal-Mart."
14. "What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in warm
chicken fried steak with gravy."
13. "You had me at 'Sooooey!'"
12. "Houston, we have a 'possum."
11. "You're trying to seduce me, aren't you, Uncle Ed?"
10. "I feel the need... the need for sheep."
9. "Are you CRYING? There's no crying in NASCAR!"
8. "Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her
'68 Rambler into mine."
7. "I... see... Black people."
6. "Use the horse, Luke!"
5. "I ate his ribs... with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack
Daniel's."
4. "Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good
tractor pull, kid."
3. "I know what you're thinking... did he fire six shots or only five?
Well, hell if I know! You KNOW I cain't count no higher'n three
since the chainsaw accident!"
2. "My daddy always said, 'Life is like a ten-dollar hooker -- you
never know what you're gonna' get.'"
And The Number 1 Famous Quote from a Redneck Movie...
1. "You want a tooth?! You can't HANDLE a tooth!!"
Still laughing.
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