10 Reasons Trick or Treating is better than SEX

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.



9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.



8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.



7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.



6. The person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.



5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.



4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.



3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.



2. You'll feel less guilt the next morning.



1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!!

I'm Done Exercising for the Day

Remind me not to go Trick-or-Treating with Jerri again. She decided to go to the neighborhood where her grandmother lives over on Crowley's Ridge, the only freaking thing that resembles a hill here in the delta. 7 more blocks of hills and now this old gal is wiped out. I told my son, after the first block, to tie a rope around me and drag me up the rest of those hills!!

Here are the last Halloween photos of the season.

I really need to get out more.

I swear sometimes I need a keeper.

I made it to the Baptist Medical Center about 45 minutes early and got lost in the damned thing. My appointment was in Medical Tower II. Now I'm not stupid, I know II comes after 1, right, doesn't it? Well I drove around and around that complex and finally decided that it had to be there somewhere, there was a 1, so II had to be nearby.

Wrong!

5 uphill blocks later and there it was. Of course the 2 hr drive and the hike had me desperate to find a bathroom, so I rode the elevator to the 6th floor office and asked the receptionist where the bathrooms were. She told me that they were renovating and I'd have to go back to the 1st floor lobby to use the facilities. So I go back down and wander around down in the lobby until I found the bathroom. By then the world probably knew I needed to pee cause I had that "knees together, afraid to breath, fucked if I cough" look.

A quick pee and hand wash later and I found the elevators again to go back up to the 6th floor. I didn't have to wait in the reception area for very long but after I got back in the examination room I waited so long that I fell asleep. When the doc finally did come in, I shook his hand while wiping drool and sleepy eyes with the other hand.

Anyway, I drove 2 hrs and hiked hell and a half acres to find out that the test I'd been sent to have couldn't be done with good results on me.

Are you ready for this?

I couldn't get the scheduled test done because my boobs are too big and he said they often don't get accurate readings in these cases. "Oh but that's not a big problem", he said, "we'll just schedule a more reliable stress test for the 24th." I just stared at him for a minute, then told him I don't LIVE in the neighborhood and if he scheduled the appointment then he'd better be on time to do it after I drive all that way again.

2 1/2 hrs later I'm finally on my way outta there. I decided to dig in my bag to find my keys before doing the downhill hike and I couldn't find them. I sat down and took several deep breaths and started thinking back to when I knew I had them last. I went to the reception area, then to the lobby, then to the bathroom, backtracking. I finally stuck my head in the door at another office and asked them where their lost and found was. It was in yet another building so I hiked over to check with them. They had them, thank God!

At least the 5 blocks back to my truck were downhill, AND I damned well know where Medical Tower II is now!

Gotta go trick-or-treating here soon, Zach and I are going with the Chickie. Anybody wanna come along?

Happy Halloween!

Friday Photos

I have a few minutes while my pants finish up in the dryer (yep, I forgot to dry them last night) so I thought I'd post a few photos that I had developed yesterday. I like being able to have prints AND a cd from my film!


Trish, Jordan & Jaylen


Zach and Abie


Meri Kate


Krysten

Friday

Just a quick note. As soon as Zach is picked up and headed towards school I'll have to jump in the truck and head to Little Rock for that appointment with the cardiologist. I'm not looking forward to the drive today, nor am I looking forward to having a stranger look me over.

Have a GREAT Day!!! Happy Halloween!!!

A Site To Visit

Kat sent me Solipist's site today because she thought I'd like her rendition of football in the south, and I did. We really aren't as bad as all that, or it could be that we're worse. High School football is a pretty big thing for us down here in these parts but we're very minor league with our school of less than 400 students even if we do hold several STATE records. (Yep, I'm braggin there a little).

Oh did I mention that the Barton Bears are in the State Playoffs once again?

A Love Letter Received in My Email Today

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...

I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...

I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.

I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY... BEG FOR ME TO STOP.

I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU.

AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.

ALL MY LOVE,

THE FLU

Now get your mind out of the gutter.............. and GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such a sweet note from Bear who lives up yonder in Alaska.

Looking Back

I really need to read over what I write first thing in the mornings, don't I?

I went in and did that payroll and piddled around and did a few other things that needed doing. I'm still at a stand-off concerning some of it since SOME people can't follow SIMPLE instructions at that place! It's like the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get down at that office.

I got home just in time to turn around and go back 5 of those miles and pick the terrorist up from school. I had to come home first to put on some cooler clothes. It's near bout 80 degrees down here today! I feel guilty for sweatin!

Thursday

It's one of those days. I've got to make myself move in short while to go into the office and do another payroll. Our forecast calls for lots of sun but rather high winds today so I expect it will feel a little cooler than it normally would and it will be a great "hair" day.

I hope everyone has lots of good things happen for them today and maybe later on I'll have inspiration to write something interesting.

Advance Warning

So as not to freak you out again about another change to my blog, I'm giving advance warning. On Saturday Halloween will be over so I'll be giving it a Thanksgiving holiday look. Any and all suggestions are welcome and will be considered!

If A Redneck Were President

Air Force 1


another of John Strain's kind contributions!

Murphy's Laws for Rednecks

I received an email on 3/23/06 from a lady who claims copyright to this entry so I'm deleting it. I figure the lady is going to have to go further than my little journal to stop any infringment she may feel has occured because I received it from a humor site in my email a long time ago and thought it was very funny so I posted it on my blog so my family and friends could also have a laugh. I don't feel I did anything wrong since I might also post a cartoon I think is funny in the same manner that I might clip one from the Sunday paper's comic section. If my site were "one for profit" or a popular website, I would understand this better.

Anyway, I don't think Murphy's Laws for Rednecks is all that funny anymore.

It's Gotta Be Monday!

Please tell me it's Monday cause if this really is Wednesday then I'm afraid of the rest of the week.

I was up at 6, was out of sugar for Zach's cereal so there was whining when I woke him up at 6:40. He finally settled for sugar-loaded Trix. After waiting 10 minutes for him to come out of the bathroom where he was supposedly brushing his teeth, I decided to investigate. I'm not sure what he planned to do with the half roll of toilet paper he unrolled but I'm glad I looked in. He finally brushed his teeth, with supervision, and went to get dressed. A few minutes later he's walking around looking for one of his shoes, whining again. I join in the search. The shoe is not inside the house, so I go OUTSIDE to look and find the shoe out near the driveway. (muttering here wondering how the hell it got out there!)

My feet are cold and wet, I'm tired and frustrated already, and I made a decision to stop smoking in the near future? HAVE I LOST MY EVERLOVIN MIND????????

I need drugs.

I'm Gonna Try

I made a decision today as I lit up another cigarette that I didn't even want OR like. I'm going to try to quit smoking come Jan. 1. I figure that gives me a couple months to start cutting back a bit and then I'm going to try the patch to wean myself completely. This habit is just too expensive money and health-wise for me to continue. There are only 2 per day that I really enjoy but I'm too weak to just be satisfied with those 2 so I reckon they've gotta go.

I quit for 5 months, once, a long time ago and I was a regular bitch for a few weeks. I've never smoked in my bedroom so for those worst weeks I stayed in the bed a LOT. I am not a nice person at all when I am in the throes of withdrawal so I may take up another habit to replace the cigs.

I think sex would be a handy replacement. I've heard tell that sex will cure headaches by encreasing the release of endorphins, reduce stress, help you to sleep better, increase blood flow, help maintain the body, increase your life span, increase your estrogen level, and lower cholesterol. It's not fattening (well not for me at least) and it's easy to relearn if you've forgotten how.

Now I've just got to figure out the minimum amount of sex it will take to replace the nicotine craving cause I really think that if I have sex every time I crave a cigarette, someone around here is going to need an awful lot of vitamins!

UPDATED

I updated my What's Up down South photo page with some of the bluesfest photos.

The Short Imp

Zach decided that he needed to try on his Halloween duds before Friday to make sure he looked spooky enough to scare em into giving him Candy. What do ya'll think?

Freaky!!!

The sun is out, it's a mite cool, but a lovely day outside. It's not dark, or gloomy, or Halloween yet, but something freaky is going on here!! I've either got a "haint" in my house, or I'm decidely more distracted than I first thought.

In the middle of posting that last entry, I decided that a cup of coffee would be good. The timer on the pot had switched off so I stuck a cup in the microwave and came back in here to spell check and publish. I went back in there just now to grab my cup out of the microwave and there it was, sitting on the counter!!

More Monday

Do you ever start doing something, then have something distract you that makes you forget what you were doing before the distraction so that you end up starting something else? (did that sentence make any sense?)

I started my morning blowing and going. I got scrubber and Scrub Free and got down on hands and knees in order to scrub hubby's shower stall. That man gets mighty nasty down on the farm so there is all forms of scum leftover from his showers and he'd never consider wiping the danged walls down so as to save me this chore. Sometimes I think a chisel and pick would be the best tools for the job.

Upon finishing that dreadful chore and noticing the scrapped skin on 4 of my knuckles from the job, I sat down here at my puter for a break before I have to move again to do something else. Then I remembered that I needed to take something out to thaw for supper and also had some whites that I needed to soak for a bit before washing them. I dumped them into the washer and added detergent and was waiting for it to fill enough to add the bleach when I heard a truck stop outside. It was the fed-ex guy with a package so I just had to see what I'd gotten in a package from Blogger/google. And I had to try it on. Then I had to take a pic to show it off.

That done, I then noticed the washer was in the rinse cycle. Shittttttttt,,I didn't soak! So I go back to the laundry room and start all over again.

I have the inclination to get things done,,,,sometimes,,,, so if I were also organized, I'd be hell on wheels!!!

Monday

I had a lovely email from our Soony in Holland this morning. Here is a photo she sent me of herself and her sweetie, Eric. She tells me that there may be a wedding in the works for next year so I reckon I've got to save for a plane ticket to Holland!


Danielle and Eric at a friend's wedding

Where Exactly Is Dixie?

The red-shaded area on the map above is generally inhabited primarily by Southerners. The blue-shaded areas are populated mostly by Yankees. Yes, that includes about 50% of Florida.


The areas shaded in light green, while often thought of by Yankees as "Southern," are actually populated by Hillbilllies. Southerners make a huge distinction between these two cultural groups (think of Rhett Butler as compared to Jedd Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies...got it now?). While most Hillbillies are geographically situated in the South, this does not make them Southerners by any means. Generations of sharp cultural differences make Hillbillies vividly distinct and separate from their Southern cousins (and yes, there are Hillbillies and Southerners within the same families).


The areas shaded in pink are populated by Southern Wannabes - people who think they're Southern, but who, by their lifestyle choices and heritage, don't make the cut. This is an interesting group, members of which sometimes think of themselves as Yankees, but who secretly (or openly) desire to be labeled as "Southern." Note that these areas include a large portion of Kentucky (about as un-Southern a state as ever existed), plus all of Metro Nashville, the northern suburbs of Atlanta (heavily populated with Yankee transplants), Hilton Head, South Carolina, and a section of central Florida. With only a minor shift, any of these regions could easily become full-fledged blue or orange territories, i.e., Yankee or Midwesterner.


Beyond these areas, we have regions inhabited by Midwesterners, Cowboys, and Mountaineers - all groups that could never under any circumstances be considered "Southern."


Please remember that these boundaries are fluid, and that they wander back and forth from time to time. Areas shrink and grow, and are always subject to change. For example, if Huntsville, Ala., picks up a few more Yankee immigrants, they'll soon probably have to be shaded pink!


With that in mind, these regions shouldn't be considered set in stone, but rather as approximate guidelines for consideration by the student of Southern culture.

Southern Horoscopes

Some of us (especially Southerners) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.

When out and about, one can see bulls, and once in a great while, even a ram. Up the street, there may be some twins. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. And virgins? Scarce, at best.

What we need are Southern astrological signs! Take a look at these suggestions:


OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLINS (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - April 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM (APR 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWDAD (May 22 - June 21)
Crawdad is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawdads prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (October 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you is old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

More on Kids

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
a talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

What every man expects in a Wife.

~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
~ Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
~ She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure.
~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
~ She will hate charge cards.
~ Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, honey?"
~ She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done.
~ She will love you because you're so sexy

Saturday Afternoon

It rained so James was back home earlier with Zach. Around 6, Bubbie, Jerri, and the Chickie came over for supper and to watch the Arkansas - Old Miss game with us on ESPN.

I made a Mexican chicken casserole with a salad for supper before we settled in to watch the game. The casserole was great, the game sucked big time since the Razorbacks couldn't seem to do anything right. After a fumble during the last 3 minutes of the game I jumped up yelling and gave up on them. We had fun with the Chickie though. She adores Zach and they put in some major play time.

It's a cloudy, cool Sunday morning now and I'm going to be pissed if I have to dress today for any reason!

Saturday Morning

I've cooled off a lot since yesterday, I slept until 7:45 this morning, and I had a visit from the Chickie last night where she showed me all the new things she's learned this week. Now if there just wasn't a chance for rain and the sun were shining.

Gravel Road Rage

I live in the country in Arkansas and I believe we are one of the last states to still have a shit load of gravel roads. They have to use more of their tax revenue for food stamps and welfare down here so there is none left for asphalt for the road departments to pave the damn roads.

We have a lot of traffic on these gravel roads. Mind you, a lot of it is farm equipment, but the farm pickups also travel them a lot and we get the drunks out here who are trying to avoid the state troopers. This time of year we also get the module trucks that are going to the fields to pick up the modules of cotton to take to the gins.

They drive like bats out of hell in those big ole trucks. I swear they are moving so fast that if they had wings they'd be airborne!! They throw up great, huge clouds of dust and an avalache of rocks in their wake. When you meet them on the road, it takes a full minute to be able to see where you are going after they pass, and forget about seeing where you've been. Last year one of those trucks threw up a rock that made a hole in my windshield, I honestly thought the damn thing was going to hit me in the face.

This morning I was driving out to take the kids to school and go to work and I met one of those monster trucks. I could see it coming about a mile ahead and I pulled over as far as I could with hopes that my windshield would not get another fatal blow. I still got several pings, but nothing too bad, that time, so I drove on. Fuming. Pondering. The more I thought about their lack of consideration to other drivers, the more pissed I got. I didn't know if there was a speed limit on a gravel road so I decided I'd find out.

On my way home just a little while ago, I could see another one of those damn trucks coming. This time I was ready for him.

When he was about 1/10 of a mile from me, I pulled my pickup into the center of the road and I stopped. After he came to a screaming stop, I got out and coughing and choking from the dust that was still fogging, went up to that truck and I told the driver that one of their trucks had smashed my windshield last year, and that his truck had put little dings in my windshield this morning, and that he wasn't going to do that anymore. I told him the speed limit was 35 MPH on that damned road and he'd better not be going even 1MPH over that, cause if I met another truck and it looked like they were going too fast, I was stopping in the middle of the road again, and I wasn't moving until the Sheriff got there.

This ain't no damn interstate out here, dang it.



The truck was just like the one above except he was loaded with one of those modules that this one hasn't picked up yet. Those modules weigh between 21 and 25 thousand pounds. Can you imagine that coming at you on a rock road at 60 MPH?

Morning

I have to take the Terrorist and neighbor Jessie to school today.

I have to go in and do that payroll that I didn't do yesterday because I thought I'd feel more like doing it today, but I don't.

Why do ducks and geese fly south in the winter?

Be back later.

Cast Your Vote Please

If anyone has a few minutes, please go take a look at Alexis's (the Chickie) photo and click to vote for her here. Her mommy has entered her photo in a contest.

A Late In The Day Smile

I actually dressed today to go pick Zach up at school because I had to go to the store. Normally I'll just hop in the truck in sleep shorts, a tee, or PJ's since I don't have to get out anywhere (well barring an accident or flat). When I do have to dress, as soon as I get home, and sometimes in the truck on the way home, I undress and put on my knock-around duds. Zach is the same way about clothes and his knock-around-the-house duds are usually his boxers and a tee.

When we got home a little while ago, we both went about getting comfortable, then I made coffee and was putting dinner in the oven. The phone rang and it was PopPop wanting to talk to Zach about his day, so I took the phone into the living room to where he lay, on his back, in shirt and boxers, watching tv wearing my red, stack sandals. I kept my cool and went back in with the camera just now. This beats all I've ever seen! I've seen him naked except for a pair of cowboy boots before, but this takes the cake! I hope it's a temporary fashion statement, cause it's gonna be hard to play baseball in those shoes!

Curiosity

I've written before about the fact that I was an Air Force brat so was granted a few travel opportunities that would never have come my way otherwise. These opportunities allowed me to develop a greater curiosity for the world and the ways that others live.

I was about 4 years old when we lived in North Carolina near Fayetteville. I can remember the soil in the yard was a reddish color and an ant hill. I think this memory is clear because my 2 year old sister once sat on the thing and got stung a few times. My mind also sees hills or bluffs with winding roads where crosses dot the sides of the road here and there. I seem to recall my mother and a friend talking about this one day, saying that each cross marked a site where someone had been killed in a car accident. I can also vividly see my father coming into the house after my youngest sister had been born. His words have always stayed with me, "It's another damned girl."

As a kindergartener, living in Duluth, MN on Lake Superior, I remember very little about the kids I went to school with, but I remember, very clearly, the great heaping piles of snow during the winter that I spent there. Open windows with the breeze filling the house with the scent of lilacs in bloom is another memory that is revived occasionally. I also recall huge boats and a draw bridge where we'd wait for the boats to pass so we could drive on to wherever we were going.

When I was 11 we lived in Brandywine, MD where there were lots and lots of pine trees and sandy soil. A day trip in to see Washington D.C. impressed me very much until we drove through parts of the city away from the Capital building and monuments and I saw tacky buildings with broken windows and trash in the streets wherever I looked. I guess that was my first experience with slums. My memories of Chesapeake Bay include the color green that I became after spending the night on a cabin cruiser.

I have written of living in England before in my blog so I'll save other memories of that for another time.

I write of these things this morning to try to explain my enjoyment of seeing photos and reading about all the places that my blog friends live and visit. A geography class never prepares you for the wonderful things that you can see if the opportunity presents itself.

Another Southern English Lesson

1. BAD CLOUD: Yankee Americans say a thunderstorm blew in, but in the South we say--"It come up a bad cloud."
2. TOAD STRANGLER: A lot of rain. "That was a sure nuff toad strangler."
3. GO ON: A little extra something we put into sentences to get people moving. "You just go on up there and give it your best shot."
4. PURT NYER [pretty near]: We purt nyre there, Ma?
5. I SWANEY (I declare, or My goodness) I swaney, you've growed a foot since I last saw ya!

And yet a few more expressions:

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.
= [We've sorta met after a fashion, but haven’t been properly introduced.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
= [He thinks his feet don’t stink.]
Harriet's got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth.
= [Harriet can talk.]
It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.
= [We need a rain here ‘bouts.]
Them two ate supper before they said grace.
= [They been living in sin.]
Man, it’s time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.
= [Just quit fussing and do right.]

Oh Yeah!!!!

Looks like our dilligence paid off. That Terrorist came home with all A's on his report card!! About to turn cartwheels here. (If you feel the quake, it originated in Eastern Arkansas ya'll).

My oldest daughter's 2 year old, Jaylen, did an amazing thing the other day. She and her sister Jordan, who is 5, have been in a daycare run by a state certified teacher since Jaylen was 3 months old.

On Saturday, Trish took them to the State Fair. When they went to the barns to see all the farm animals, Jordan looked up on the building and said "the sign says FFA." Jaylen looks up also and says, "FFA,,,e, i, o, u, and sometimes y." Now how's that for 2 year old vocabulary?

Proud Nanny here!!

He's Got My Vote!

John down there in Louisanna sent this to me. I'll be posting the others soon. Thanks John!!

My Kind Of Hockey!!

How Men Screw Up A Romantic Moment

A BIG Change

Wow, I'm sitting here trying to decide if I want to cry or if I'll get used to the fact that my mouth may have overloaded my behind today.

I've had blonde hair all my life but as I got older it got darker. A few years ago, I decided that I was going to lighten it back up again so I started coloring it. Back in January, I decided that I was getting to be too old for the light blonde shade and have been trying to let it grow out and just having the hairdresser put highlights in it, at the roots, so it would blend in somewhat.

Last week I decided that I didn't like the tacky way it looked and I needed a cut anyway so I my hairdresser today to get it all the same color but darker. We had to go light brown to get an even coverage and then she went back and added a few gold highlights.

I'm going to go cry now.

You might be a redneck Jedi if...

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side.. .it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.

You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.

More than half the droids you own don't function.

The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.

You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.

You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

Your moonshine is made on a real moon.

You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

Sandpeople back down from your mama.

You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.

You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.

A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.

You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.

You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.

You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.

You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.

The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

A Story

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful
Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed
that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next
day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she
dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the
Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the
King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would
cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of
Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician
then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder,
which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick
worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The
Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left
satisfied and touted as
a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the
Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now
satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and knowing that
Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him
away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King immediately summoned Nick
the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills

LO and BEHOLD, tis a miracle!

Although I didn't get my little bit of silence this morning, I have gotten a break from the battle of the warm bed! The terrorist beat ME up this morning, has already had a big bowl of strawberries for breakfast, and is contemplating his morning constitutional as I write. Life sometimes holds surprises!

My son called enroute from work last night wanting to know what was for supper. So he was here at 5 and Jerri and Chickie came at around 6. We had supper and then scanned some new photos of the Chick while we played patty-cake. I was very proud of Zach, he allowed the baby to play with his John Deere tractors, another miracle!!

Dr. Phil Doesn't Impress Me Much

I haven't managed to hop onto the Dr. Phil bandwagon just yet although I agree with some of the points he makes. I've been thinking about this today and have come to a few conclusions.

1. I do not easily trust loud people with beady, squinchy eyes. Dr. Phil reminds me of Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley so I could be biased by association.

2. I have had counceling, although limited, and I found that you can easily lead them by the nose thereby leading me to hesitate to have faith in their abilitity to do more than speculate a little.

3. I find it difficult to trust someone who makes a great deal of money from TV and books. With all this on your plate, when do you actually have time for all this research?

4. I have found that doing what's always right for YOU, usually tends to hurt someone else along the way and I can't do that if there is a way around it. I don't believe in pat answers and I strongly believe that for many things, there are no answers.

That's about if for the conclusions I've made today. So, shoot me, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan.

Click here for Dr. Phil fun.

Most Mondays

Monday's Rantings

I was up this morning at 6 a.m. and had 30 minutes of coffee and gazing at the wall before it was time to fix breakfast for Zach and then start the next round of talking him out of a warm bed.

I am getting too old for this.

10 minutes to talk him into getting up.
15 minutes he's on the pot, naked, singing, and playing
5 minutes for him to brush his teeth, wash his face and hands, brush his hair
5 minutes for me to wash him again to remove hair gel from hands and face
15 minutes to pull on a pr. of jeans, shirt, socks and shoes while watching cartoons

Only 20 threats, not bad?

Sunday

The Mexican dinner was good last night. Sometimes I crave the salsa they serve there and I got plenty at dinner.

Today,

I woke at 7:30, Jami and the girls came at 9:30 and we cooked burgers and hot dogs on the grill at around 11. They left some time after 12 so I went to bed with my book but don't remember reading much before I was snoozing. I woke up around 3 pm. Still yawning.


Zach and the Girls


Walking Sticks, getting it on.

Another Great Find

I found a link to this interesting test over at The-G-Spot and I think it will fit right in with my blog decor.

United States Department of Health and Human Services
Sexual Competency Test
Intended for rednecks in rural, backwood areas or mountain dwellers

Score 2 points for each correct answer.
Score 1 point for each partially correct answer
Score 0 points for each incorrect answer

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You may check both TRUE and FALSE if you
believe both answers are correct.

You may check neither box if you believe
neither answer is correct.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRUE FALSE 1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
TRUE FALSE 2. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
TRUE FALSE 3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
TRUE FALSE 4. Vagina is a medical term for "Heart Attack".
TRUE FALSE 5. The clitoris is a type of flower.
TRUE FALSE 6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
TRUE FALSE 7. Semen is a term for sailors.
TRUE FALSE 8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
TRUE FALSE 9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
TRUE FALSE 10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
TRUE FALSE 11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
TRUE FALSE 12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
TRUE FALSE 13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
TRUE FALSE 14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
TRUE FALSE 15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
TRUE FALSE 16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
TRUE FALSE 17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
TRUE FALSE 18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
TRUE FALSE 19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
TRUE FALSE 20. Douche is the French word for 'twelve.'
TRUE FALSE 21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
TRUE FALSE 22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
TRUE FALSE 23. Pornography is the business of making records.
TRUE FALSE 24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
TRUE FALSE 25. An erection is when Japanese people vote.

Scoring answers: 1. False, 2. False, 3. False, 4. False, 5. False, 6. False,
7. False, 8. False, 9. False, 10. False, 11. False, 12. False, 13. False,
14. False, 15. False, 16. False, 17. False, 18. False, 19. Both True and False are correct,
20. False, 21. False, 22. False, 23. False, 24. False, 25. False

15 or more correct answers is EXCELLENT
You have a well-rounded knowledge of sexual issues and are able to
understand and appreciate humorous innuendos on TV.

8 to 14 correct answers is AVERAGE
If female, you may be fooled by preditory males seeking release,
and are probably already a mother, or currently pregnant.
If male, you may have already fathered a number of children,
but are still able get busy on Saturday night, although you are
at high risk for contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

0 to 7 correct answers is IGNORANT
You operate in a world of heresay and misinformation about
sexual issues and probably do not know where babies
come from. It is advised that you keep your clothes on at all
times when in the company of the opposite sex to avoid
pregnancy and disease.

All About Being P.O.'d

I would love to spend the day smiling. Just one day without the usual aggravations is all I'm asking for. Today started out fairly well, then I kept coming across things that piss me off on a regular basis. When I'm not in a rage, I call this being P.O.'d.

P.O. Things For The Day

1. Wire coat hangers. Especially wire coat hangers that get tossed in the floor of the closet where they become an mass of entangled, dangerous, sharp objects.

2. Coffee grounds. Specifically the random handling of coffee grounds which leaves a trail of grit on the counter or across the floor. Wet coffee grounds P. me O. even worse.

3. Sticky Stuff. Syrup, toothpaste, jello, suckers, jelly, all could be used for industrial glue, or when dried, cement tough enough to be used to patch those damn potholes on the interstate!

4. Telemarketing Phone Calls. The ones that begin with, "Please hold for a message containing important information" are the worst of the lot, especially after I've done the run and search thing to find the damned phone, but they all pretty much aggravate the living shit outta me.

5. Misuse of the Word Borrow. My kids are the worst offenders of this word. Even after showing them the meaning of the word in the dictionary, they just don't get it. Give me and Let me borrow DO NOT mean the same thing!

The list is short today, but hey, it's just 2:30 p.m. here, give me time.

Gotta Get Moving

It's that time. I'm meeting James to deliver Zach unto him in about an hour, then I'm coming back home to get some housework done.

In peace.

Without cartoons.

It's gonna be a longggg day, but I think we're going out for Mexican for dinner so a reward at the end.

Happy Saturday everyone!

Wasting Our Money?

It now costs between 30 and 50 thousand dollars for a college education in these here United States and that's probably an underestimation. It's become as big a money grabber as our medical care, so when I read an item such as this, I begin to feel the fumes of rage rising.

Mich. Students Learn Art of Kissing
Thu Oct 16,10:19 AM ET Add Strange News - AP to My Yahoo!

DEARBORN, Mich. - The challenge wasn't getting students to show up for a lecture given by a kissing expert, it was recruiting volunteers to demonstrate for the group.

Of the 200 students who showed up Wednesday to see author Michael Christian speak at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, just five — three men and two women — were willing to lock lips.

Christian implored those jammed into the auditorium: Who else will volunteer?

And then, a nervous 17-year-old from Eastpointe raised her hand, spoke briefly with Christian and filled an empty seat next to the young man without a partner.

The crowd applauded, and the show began.

Over the next hour, Christian, author of the book "The Art of Kissing," walked the volunteers through techniques and variations on 30 kisses, the Detroit Free Press reported in a Thursday story.

One female volunteer performed a kiss so erotic that an audience member jumped up with a freshly written sign that said "10."

Christian delivers his PG-13-rated show full-time to college campuses across the country. The student activities board at the University of Michigan-Dearborn brought him in for an undisclosed fee.

Organizer Tim Trunzo, a senior from Woodhaven, said he fielded a concerned question or two from students about the propriety of the event, but men and women in the crowd Wednesday left smiling.

Most people know the French kiss (the favorite of men and women, Christian said), but he also had his subjects demonstrate the vacuum kiss (suck the breath from your partner), the butterfly kiss (eyelashes fluttering against another's cheek) and the Trobriand Islands kiss, an aggressive liplock involving the teeth, the hair and the eyelashes.

Christian, a slight man with graying hair who said he's engaged, spoke of tongues, braces, electricity, giggles, first kisses, racing hearts, tears, caresses, earlobes and hickeys.

Most of all, Christian said, he was there to promote the beauty and grace of one of humanity's most thrilling gifts.

"If you do it right," he said, "it feels like your souls are merging."

Awwww Man

I am going to have to stop eating stuff like left-over spaghetti for breakfast/brunch!

After reading blogs awhile this morning and eating the handiest thing in the fridge for breakfast, I laid down on the couch with an afghan, a book, and the "vagina" channel on TV and drifted off to lala land pretty soon after. And I dreamed, or maybe it was a nightmare, but I didn't wake up scared or anything.

Anyway, I'm at Prissy's house, the friend that died back in December, and even in dreamland I knew she was sick and dying, but we talked as we hadn't talked in years. I baked her a chocolate cake because she wanted one and I don't bake worth a shit, even talked to her husband in an almost civil tongue, although this was difficult to do, even in a dream, because I don't like the whoremonger and he knows it!
Ieven told him that I'd make him two pumpkin pies if he'd bring me a cord of firewood. (the lord only knows what the hell I'd be doing with firewood, I have gas logs in my fireplace!)

We must have talked a long time because I looked at my watch and told her I had to go or I'd be late picking Wade up from school. This was even weirder, Wade is a friend of my son's who hasn't been in school for about 4 years now, and Prissy just died 10 months ago. Was I dreaming in the past? Hell I could have still be visiting.

Everything was so clear in the dream. Standing in her kitchen, where I've been hundreds of times before, I could even see the patterns in the coffee cups, I even clearly saw the glass that almost fell on my head when I was putting away some stuff in her cabinets. Due to her total loyalty to her shithead of a hubby, I hadn't been in her kitchen but maybe twice in the past 11 years. Is my memory that good when I'm asleep?

I woke up about 30 minutes before time to go pick Zach up to school and I'm still thinking about this dream and trying to shake out the weird leftover mood from it when I came to the only redlight between home and the school. It registered in my foggy brain that it was green, so I stopped, and looked south and those cars were stopped too. I looked north, those cars were also stopped. Then it hit me, GREEN!! So on I went through the intersection. No telling what names the folks behind had for me.

Anyway, I parked at the school and called Kat. She always manages to straighten me right up!! She did, and I'm still laughing!

It was eerie folks, and I'm still shaking my head cause it seemed so freaking REAL.

No more late morning spaghetti I tell ya.

Had To Do One

I've been over at Dorthy's place looking at her pumpkin and I had to do one, so here he is!

The Art of Profanity

The Redneck has developed profanity into an art form, probably due to the fact that their environment so richly deserves just the right phrases to compliment it. Is it a sign of poor character? I don't think so. Once this yankee gentleman was invited to hunt down in deep, southern redneck country. He appeared at the camp in a sports jacket, slacks, and tie. The cabin owner's wife took one look at him and said, "Holy Shit, Pete, what the fuck have you brought in here?" Then their dog bit him. She could have said, "I'm very glad to meet you, but your attire is completely improper and out of place for our rustic area." But would the effect have been the same? There are just times when a bit of cussing does the job better. As for the dog, he was very lucky that he only bit him. He usually greeted guests with a leg hump.

The Redneck peckerwoods in the south have elevated profanity to something near poetry. A rancid smell might lead one to say, "that smells like a cold wind coming off a pile of wet wolf shit!" After sundown a phrase often heard is, "We got skeeters so big down here they can fuck a turkey standin flat-footed." In a downpour it has been said that "it's rainin hard as a tall cow shittin on a flat rock." On a cold day, a popular phrase is "gawud dayum, I'm shakin jes lak a dog shittin peach pits?"

Then one time I heard tell of a yankee who went down to Texas showing off his cowboy hat and an old Texan looked at it squinty-eyed and said, "Ah do believe ah'd lak to buy me two o'them. (long, long pause) One to shit in, an t'other to cover it up with."

I believe there are times when profanity is a necessity. There will always be men and women who will stand tall and protest against uncaring fate using every word available to them.

Doncha think?

Fumbling

Do ya'll recall my last Fumblina episode? I don't either but it's not due to it being so far in the past that it's gone from my short-term memory. It's because I often don't remember what went on yesterday.

Anyway, in the space of 15 minutes today, I almost deep fried the Chickie's sippy cup, and I placed the colendar on the counter instead of IN the sink to drain my spaghetti. No lasting damage done and I found out that I can still move pretty damned fast!

A Conversation With God

I ran across this a while back and saved it cause it really hit the spot. I figure, if God ever started a conversation with me, I would drive him up the wall!

"Our Father which art in heaven....."

Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But you called me.

Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our Father which art in heaven....."

There you did it again.

Did what?

Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven." Here I am...what's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.

All right. Go on.

"Hallowed by thy name....."

Hold it. What do you mean by that?

By what?

By "hallowed be thy name"?

It means...it means...Good grief, I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?

It means honored, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed" meant before. "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.

Have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.

That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money, all on yourself. And what about the kind of books you read?

Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church.

Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I probably could name some others.

So could I.

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.

Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can be truly won. I'm proud of you.

Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does...."Give us this day our daily bread."

You need to cut out the bread. Your're overweight as it is.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this, "Criticize me day?" Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups. Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed by it, you know.

That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying, I'm interested in the next part of your prayer....(pause). Well, go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try me and see.

"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."

What about Ann?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories about my family. She never paid back the debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!

What about your prayer?

I didn't mean it.

Well, at least you are honest. But it's not much fun carrying that load of bitterness around inside, is it?

No. But I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I got some plans for that neighbor. She'll wish she had never moved into this neighborhood.

You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change all that.

You can? How?

Forgive Ann. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Ann's problem and not yours. You will have settled your heart.

Oh, you're right. You always are. And more than I want to revenge Ann, I want to right with you. Ann, I want to be right with you...(pause)...(sigh)...All right. I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way.

There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?

Hmmmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed tonight uptight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest.

You're not through with your prayer. Go on.

Oh, all right. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you will be tempted, that's your part.

What do you mean by that?

Don't turn on the TV when you know the laundry needs to be done and the house needs to be picked up. Also, about the time you spend coffeeing with your friends, if you can't influence the conversation to positive things, perhaps you should re-think the value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbors and friends shouldn't be your standard for "keeping up". And please don't use me for an escape hatch.

I don't understand the last part.

Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in a bad situation. You get into trouble and then you come running to me, "Lord, help me out of this mess and I promise you I'll never do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me?

Yes and I am ashamed, Lord. Really I am.

Which bargains are you remembering?

Well, there was the night that Bill was gone and the children and I were home alone. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the roof would go any minute and the tornato warnings were out. I remember praying "Oh God, if you would spare us, I'll never skip my devotions again."

The tornado was ten seconds away from landing on your roof when you called me. I protected you, but you didn't keep your promise, did you?

I'm sorry Lord, really I am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like it did.

Go ahead and finish your prayer.

"For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever"...Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to know how to please you. I can see what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would be to really be one of your followers.

You just answered the question.

I did?

Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us. Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, well, there is no limit to what we can do together.

Lord, let's see what we can make of me, OK?

Yes, let's see.

Butt Prints In The Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there were seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Meditational Prayer

Yesterday, as we were chatting on yahoo, Kat mentioned that she slept much better after meditation. She said you have to focus like you do when you are praying. I've decided that this should be my meditational prayer.

Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am e.s.t.

God, help me to consider peoples' feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!

Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

God, give me patience, and I mean right NOW!

Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

God, help me to finish everything I start.

God, help me to keep my mind on one th-Look at the birdie-ing at a time.

God, help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?

Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

Amen!

A Thursday Smile

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large biker who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The biker smiled and said: "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I figured we were friends.

I Feel Like I'm Strung Out

,,,and walking a mighty thin line. My temper is horrible and the terrorist has gotten a couple of spats today already and he was in school for most of it. I think I need a good drunk, or to kill something.

Think you know everything...?

1. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
2. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
3. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
4. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
5. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
6. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
7. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can
sleep for three years.
8. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
9. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
10. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
11. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
12. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child
reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
12.5 Butterflies taste with their feet.
13. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
14. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
15. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full
moon
16. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
17. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
18. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an
average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
19. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
20. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
21. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
22. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or
purple.
23. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
24. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing.
25. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
26. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
27. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand;
lollipop" with your right.
28. The Beatles originally were a quintet.
29. The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there
were three gifts.
30. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel
that it burns.
31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube
and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
every letter of the alphabet.
33. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely

Contributed by bear

Betcha Didn't Know Department

Quite a few of us grew up with Captain Kangaroo, as you or your children probably did. I knew nothing of his background, only that his show was both entertaining, educational, and as kids, we looked forward to it with great anticipation. Captain Kangaroo turned 76 recently, which is odd, because he's never looked a day under 76. (DOB: 6/27/27) It reminded me of the following story. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin, is buried in a grave alongside 3 and 4 star generals at Arlington National Cemetery.



His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else. Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:

I always liked Lee Marvin, but did not know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often in rear-echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima.

There is only one higher Naval award... the Medal Of Honor.

If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.

Dialog from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: His guest was Lee Marvin. Johnny said, "Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima... and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded."

"Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the as... and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribach ... bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys gettin' shot hauling you down.

But Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew. We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. The dumb bastard actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends.

When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter, and said, 'Where'd they get you Lee?' 'Well Bob... if you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!'

Johnny, I'm not lying... Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew..... Bob Keeshan... You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo."



On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth.



But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long sleeve sweater to cover the many tattoo's on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. He hid that away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm. America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did, they quietly go about their day to day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy. Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened.

Just a side note, Mr. Rogers was also an ordained Presbyterian minister.

.......contributed by Bear

I Lost A Buddy

Somehow, while I was doing all that blog decorating, I lost my young buddy Matthew's link. I've got him back now but it's still odd how the link just up and disappeared on me. I don' t like losing stuff. I don't like being lost. Is someone or some thing playing tricks?

Nap Time

I need a nap now.

Whatever It Was, It's Gone

For one year and 5 months we've had vinyl blinds on the windows. Those things are ok as long as you don't have little fingers pulling and bending them for whoeverthehell knows reasons. Anyway, a few of the slats had mysteriously become broken and sunlight was peeking in when hubby was trying to watch TV during the day, so a couple of weeks ago, I ordered some cute little aluminum mini blinds.

They've been in for a week, and a few times I've mentioned that I'd sure appreciate it if someone would help me with their installation. The hanging part isn't a problem, but I have a couch that is approximately 35 years old and they made very good couches 35 years ago, and I recalled that it took 3 grown men to put that sucker in my living room last year. That couch is in front of the 3 windows where the new blinds were to be installed.

Fast forward to today.

I finally got fed up, although it took awhile I got the urge. I decided that I was not going to wait until a frost, or a 3 day rain, or whateverthehellelse excuse they could come up with. I shoved, and scooted, and sweated, and cursed, and I moved that big ass couch enough so that I could squeeze behind it and install those blinds. Then I had to move it some more due to finding some really odd stuff behind it.

There was a petrified gummy worm, 27 cents, 2 crayons, crumbs, one miniature dinosaur, 4 pencils, a cheezit, and corn seeds.

So I hauled out the vacuum and squeezed that AND my fat butt behind that couch and tidied up before I put up the blinds. Then I had to move that big sucker back in place.

I don't know what got into me this morning but I'm glad it's gone!!

Another Monday

Wheww, I feel like I've put in my day already. I do believe Zach hates mornings even more than I do and getting him up and motivated to eat and get dressed is a job. But we got through it once again.

Yesterday, after throwing the roast and veggies into the oven, Jerri, Chickie, Zach and I drove down to the cotton field to see PopPop for a short time. It was the Chickie's first trip to the farm and she took the big, loud machinery in stride. Zach has become an old pro at operating the module builder so he hopped up there as soon as he could.

We couldn't stay long because of the cooking roast, but it was nice to get out and look over the harvest for a short while.

"Been a piddlin around with my blog this morning"

I added a few little Halloweeny graphics to get with the season and now I'd better get with the program and do some housework before the Chickie gets here to help Zach in the "destroy" mission.

I think we're having a roast for supper. Now I need to think a bit about stuff to go with it.

I hope everyone is having a nice, restful Sunday.

Ewww For The Day

Saturday

I've mostly just been useless today, but I have another cute kid thingy.


It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is
it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Happy Thanksgiving To My Canadian Friends!!

2003 King Biscuit Blues Fest

I left when the biggest part of the crowd was beginning to pour in, but it appeared that this year's blues fest will be another good one. I think the chair person said they were expecting around 150,000 people this year.

I worked from 10am until a bit after 3 today selling beer. I took a few photos soon after I got there but later on it got so busy and as I was leaving it was all I could do to weave my way through the crowd coming in.

The first group of the day was Govenor Huckabee's band. He's a much better singer than he is a govenor! His was the only act I had time to photograph but I listened to some great blues singers today as I was selling that budweiser.



I worked with a few people I've known for years and a few I had never met before today. Dino (she told me this was her nickname) was one of the volunteers today.



Below is Joyce, the beverage volunteer coordinator and my already drooping self.



I took a quick photo of our beer tent before things got too busy.



Next is a jammin blues fan.



This little diva could really drink the water!!

Conspiracy

I think they are trying to kill me with these antibiotics. I started taking them this morning. Supposed to take twice a day for 5 days. They look like horse pills and they are making me so nauseous. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

Kid'll Get You Every Time!

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."

Thursday afternoon

It rained a little and they're crawling out of the cracks down here wanting FOOD, so I'd better go hustle up some grub and throw it to those animals so the growling will be down to a minimum. Big hugs all round!

King Biscuit Blues Festival

The Blues Fest starts today and I'm not even sure I'll be going. I haven't heard from my sister, Terri, as yet, and I don't like going alone. James will be working I'm sure. Dammit!!!!

Harvest Time

We've got a chance of rain today, but if it doesn't rain too much to put them out of the fields, Zach and I will go to the field on Saturday for a little while so he can "help" with the cotton picking.


Last year with Carol

Answered Prayers

This time last year, I was frantic and worried sick with thoughts of Zach having a possible learning problem. I tried everything I knew to do, and many things others told me to try in order to help this child learn to recognize his letters and numbers. We spent hours every day working with flash cards, writing, and singing. I bought computer programs, games, workbooks.

Suddenly, almost overnight, it clicked. He finished the second semester of kindergarten on the honor roll. We bought books and work books over the summer but not too many because I wanted him to have a break from school, and now, almost done with the first 9 weeks of school, unless something happens, he's going to be on the all A's honor roll!!!

He brought a library book home yesterday and read it to me. I let him stay up a little while past his bed time so he could read it to his Pop Pop when he came in from work. I am a proud Nanny!!!

As I've Matured

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.


I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from
you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the
real pains in the ass are permanent.

Got This Delicious Receipe in my Email Today

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who
just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to taste
______________________________

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt,
and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end
toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across
the room, it is done.

And, you thought I couldn't cook.

from the good cook, Pat.

Specially for Kat

This Cracks Me Up.

I know that I mailed this to some of ya'll, but it's so funny to imagine Wonder Woman allowing nature to run it's course as it does with the nonsuperheroesses of us. (is that a word?)

New Book Purchase

Midnight Voices by John Saul

Monstrosity by Edward Lee

Light in Shadow by Jayne Ann Krentz

Scary Stories Treasury (a collection from folklore)

Seriously,,,

I MUST lose weight! All tips and tricks are welcome as long as they don't include special foods, or elaborate preparations.

I went a little early to the doctor's appointment yesterday and strolled around the Park Plaza Mall on University Ave. I found a book store and spent a hard-earned 50 bucks on a few books that sounded like they may be interesting reading.

Next I allowed this little fellow to do a demonstration for some nail products that he was selling and ended up spending a fortune on a little kit. I think the hand massage is what did it! He wasn't willing to do my feet though, dang it.

I browsed through Lerners and another ladies wear shop, and found nothing in my "comfort comes first" style and was disappointed to see only those wide leg slacks and pants everywhere (I didn't like those in the 70's and don't like em now!) The handkerchief/scarf hems on some of the tops reminded me of the clothes I wore to disguise my budda belly when I was pregnant, so I wasn't interested in those either. I'm sure they look nice on a slim young thing though.

I also wandered briefly through a gourmet coffee shop but wandered back out after spotting the heart-stopping prices on coffees I couldn't pronounce anyway.

The visit to the doc was depressing. The blood test in question was a high white cell count due to some sort of infection. She finally narrowed it down to my ears which have been giving me some problems since the cotton defoliant has had me stuffed up, so antibiotics for that.

Then we discussed the holter monitor results and she's decided that I need to see a cardiologist to be on the safe side.

The drive home was long and boring, Jami didn't help Zach with his homework, so I had that to do when I finally came in for a landing. I cooked some hamburgers for supper and had mine with no bread (dang it), then I crashed and slept until 6 this morning.

I see a long, comfortfoodless winter ahead folks.

My House Is Haunted

And the little ghost that lives here reset the themostat on my fridge and froze my lettuce and diet Dr. Pepper!

MidLife

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"

Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.

My adorable cousin sent this to me!$#^**^**!!

In The Know

It takes 2 butter knives, a pair of needle nose pliers and 1 1/2 hours to remove a golf ball from the recessed drain of a bathtub.

How do I know this?

How do you think?

SKWERL

James hunts and fishes and I try to be the good wife and cook the food that he brings home although I much prefer the prepackaged, preservative and hormone enhanced meats in the supermarket. I promised to fry him up some skewrl (squirrel) for dinner tonight and would rather be using this recipe:

TAKE ONE SQUIRREL AND PUT IT IN A CAGE. GIVE IT SOME FRIED CHICKEN AND NUTS TO MAKE IT FAT. THEN GIVE THEM A BIG OL' KISS AND SEND IT ON ITS WAY. YOU WILL FEEL A LOT BETTER KNOWING THAT YOU SET IT FREE INSTEAD OF KILLING IT.

A Lazy Sunday

My Sunday started out with a drizzling rain that kept the deck wet for a few hours but then it turned out to be sort of cloudy and warm. The cotton was too wet to pick so hubby was back home before 10am so I had 2 to contend with all day.

Around 1, we decided to go into town and pick up some bread and dog food and not thinking about the date, figured after this 10 minute chore, we'd stop and have mexican food on the way home.

First we had to park across hell and a half acres to go to the supermarket, then the only buggies left in the entrance were those that were half crippled with the wobbly wheels that made the thumping noises as you rolled them along. I walked back out to the parking lot and captured one that wouldn't announce my trail around the supermarket.

Since Zach AND James were with me, the initial plan to snag a couple loaves of bread and a bag of dog food were out the window before we even got to the aisles holding those products. The first item in the buggy after much haggling was a rubber alien Halloween mask with big yellow bug eyes. Then James decided that he would like to have a few cookies in his lunches for the coming week (to go along with the apples and cakes that were already at home in the cupboard). Oh, and since we only had 2 sleeves of crackers left, we had to have more of those too.

I headed towards the dog food isle once more and low and behold, the summer sausage display caught the man's eye, and of course he had to have pepper jack cheese to go with that. The pre-made pimento cheese looked mighty tasty so he had to have some of that also, and of course another 12 pk of Sprite since the crew seems to think his cooler is the community drink box.

Can ya'll understand why I feel like I'm feeding Jethro Bodine here?

We finally made it to the dog food, and the bread aisles. Then he decides the checkout lines are way too long and he and Zach went to wait in the truck. I finally realized that food stamp cards must have been reloaded after I had been in line for an extra half hour while a clerk worked on a card reader. That's why half the county was in the supermarket!!

Oh Joy!

After we had our Mexican food and were on the way home, I realized that I had also needed some peanut oil. Isn't that the way of it?

I Survived!

But the living room caught hell. The Chickie is a tornado in disguise.


In the beginning


After the storm

Wanna Hear It? Here It Goes,,,,,,,,,,

My name shouldda been Mrs. Murphy. If there's a kink, I find it, if there's a screw up, mine was the loose one, if it's banana's, all I have are apples, and so it goes. Today I just want my smilies on the zonkerboard. I love smilies, PLEASE?

New Pics

Jerri goes around with a camera in her hand as much as I do. I scanned a few of hers this morning.


Lookout!! FOOD!


Daddy and Alexis in their camo


Keeping the hair out of her eyes


Zach and Jerri's other baby, Bugs

A Chickie Saturday

The Chickie is coming in a few to spend the day with Nanny while her mommy works an overtime Saturday. I haven't seen her since last Saturday so it will be a treat.

Nanny is now trying to swill enough coffee in order to get her eyes open so that she can greet her.

Ya'll have a happy and restful Saturday!

Getting Ready for HO HO.

The UPS guy brought my first Christmas order yesterday. Amazingly there are only 2 items on back order so this could be a year when the shopping will be finished before Thanksgiving. The closet here in my little office is pretty much stuffed full so I'll be searching for new hiding places soon.

I try so hard every year to find just the right thing for each person and every year it becomes more and more difficult to do. With 7 grandchildren now, the most difficult part is trying to remember what I bought last year so as not to do the repeat thing.

Today I had to hide,

2 little girl vanities
1 little girl beauty salon
1 keyboard for a budding musician
1 gameboy advance game
1 John Deere sit on tractor with trailer
1 pr of binoculars with built in digital camera
2 prs of ladie's pjs
1 XLT men's shirt

I wonder when I'll be able to purchase some wrapping paper?

Outside

It's cool and cloudy today.


Outside my back door looking NW, my sunflowers are budding


Outside my front door looking S. That cotton is about ready for picking.

Another Day Almost Done

I did the work thing today, then I drove over to Helena and took a few photos at the Helena River Park. That old Mississippi looked calm today.

Work Today

Gotta go in and do a little at the office today. I'd rather continue my lazy meanderings right here in my old sweat pants and robe.

I looked out a bit ago and my autumn sunflowers are just starting to bud so in a few days they should be all abloom and ready for the camera. I hope Jack Frost doesn't decide to take a nip at them before it's time.

I think I'll drive over to Helena today after work to see if there are any good photo taking opportunities.

Ya'll have a great day, see you later!

Feeling Good About Divine Sharing.

Special K's lecture from the heart came at a good time today. I realize that she was speaking in general terms about women taking care of themselves last, but it struck home for me on a more personal note today and I feel like she's been picking up my vibes again. (insert eerie music here).

My test results are all back from the visit with the doctor in Little Rock last week. I'm scheduled to go back on Tuesday for further testing. There was an abnormality in the holter monitor readings from July that my family doctor missed, and abnormalities in one of the blood test results. I'm nervous, but I don't feel like it's anything serious since they are letting me come next week, right? AND,,it could be they contaminated the samples!

I honestly see a serious diet and exercise regime in my future, and damn I'm so lazy about that stuff!

About them dialects...

I met another one of my daughter's friends over the weekend, and after speaking with her for a few minutes, I noticed that she had a slight speech impediment. Later on, another of her friends arrived and we were all talking together and I noticed the other friend, whom I had met before, also seemed to have developed a problem with her speech.

Then it hit me.

Both girls were in biracial relationships (marriage or otherwise), and both girls were attempting to speak with the slang and dialect of their partners. I found this to be very sad. They were bypassing their uniqueness, their own natural ways of speech.

I am from the south and that's a fact, but I do know how to speak grammatically correct English and even though I sometimes (oftentimes) revert to that "easy, laid back way of talkin" that we do down here, I do know and respect the English language. What I found to be so sad, is how foolish these girls sounded trying to speak with a dialect that they weren't born to. I don't mean this as in their trying to speak a different language, but in a difference in tone and inflections that is learned naturally by people from birth.

They sounded about as natural as Ted Kennedy would with his Bostonian self, coming down here and trying to say "beans and taters" right!!




for the Southpark fans amongst ya.

I Know It's Fall

I woke up to an outside temperature of 49F this morning and now, 2 hours later, it's only climbed 3 degrees so I know it's fall. I realize that in most places in the world, October 1 really is Autumn, but here in the mid-south, we are usually still having late-spring type weather.

My personal fall indicator is not wanting to emerge from my warm cocoon on a cool morning. My first thought is, "Do I have to get up." My second is, "Oh shit, yes, I DO have to, damn it." My third thought is, "What can I do to avoid this?" Then knowing that none of that stuff is going to do anything to delay the feel of cool/cold air on my delicate, bare parts, I drag myself up from my intimate snuggle with the blankets and pillows and bravely face the day.

Why, oh why is life so cruel?

Nonintentional Cartoon Favorites

I've been meaning to blog on this and Ms. Leslie's inspirational entry led me to do this today. (That's two days in a row Ms. Leslie).

Living with a first grader and an adult male gives me very little access to the remote control in this house, so some things are just forced on you. At first they are just a noise in the background as you go along with your other doings of the day. Then you glance up at a particularly different noise and before you know it, you have actually watched a cartoon episode or a really shoot-em-up western.

Don't get me wrong. I really like The Simpsons and King of the Hill, but we all know that these are really adult comedy, right? To admit that a few of the cartoons that living with Zach has exposed me to are really pretty good viewing makes me feel like I have brain cells dying or perhaps I'm reverting back to a childhood that I missed or something. Ya think?

Anyway, here are a few of the cartoons that I've come to enjoy (tolerate?).

Dexter's Laboratory is my top choice. I really like his voice and his family is down right dingy, which reminds me of how things get around here at times.

Ed, Edd, n Eddy take the number 2 spot. These guys are bad, badder and dumber with a love like no other for jaw breakers.

Courage the Cowardly Dog takes number 3 spot. I don't know why I watch this one. Maybe it's the noises this dog makes when he's scared. He's scared of everything.

NOTE:
This entry does not, in any form or fashion, represent the true intelligence of it's author.