I'd go back to see....
River Dance.
Whats UP down South
LIVING AND LEARNING WITH REDNECKS DOWN SOUTH.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Music
While reading Ms. Leslie's blog this morning I was reminded how long it's been since I've been to a concert. A long time!
I think the last one was the Morris Day and the Time concert over at the Isle of Capris across the river here. I was one of a minority group of southerners who really enjoys the preening, flashy show they put on.
I've also enjoyed other concerts at that casino but two other favorites were
who can sing your blues away, and
who make you want to sing along.
I think the last one was the Morris Day and the Time concert over at the Isle of Capris across the river here. I was one of a minority group of southerners who really enjoys the preening, flashy show they put on.
I've also enjoyed other concerts at that casino but two other favorites were
who can sing your blues away, and
who make you want to sing along.
On New Vocabulary Skills
On Sunday evening, Zach and I had a deep but short conversation. "Nanny, do I have to go to school tomorrow? They won't care if I miss a day sometimes." I waded in with my pitch about how he didn't need to miss school unless he was sick because he had so much to learn, and how would he ever be able to read big books with big words if he didn't learn. His reply was, "Nanny, I can read those big words if you just give me a minute, I can break them down in chunks and read them.
Early Morning Tuesday
We found out last evening that they're pretty sure Vicki died from a heart attack. That news is pretty much like a bucket of cold water tossed in the family's face. She did absolutely everything for them and now they're on their own.
*********************************************************************
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Monday, September 29, 2003
Awwww Man, My Favorite Place
Built at a cost of millions of manufacturing jobs and an untold number of small local businesses, there is nary a point in God's America that isn't within screaming distance of the Great Wal-Mart of Made in China. Though it continues to spread across the landscape like some unstoppable disease-fungus hybrid out of your grandparents' worst nightmares, the Great Wal-Mart of Made in China is already the only retail outlet visible from outer space. Economic experts have predicted that by the year 2015, fully three-quarters of the nation's redneck workforce will be employed by the Great Wal-Mart of Made in China.
from Monday's edition of the Daily Dirt
from Monday's edition of the Daily Dirt
Something Good,,,Something Sad.
It has been a really strange day.
Around 11 my phone rang and it was Soony, my dutch child, calling me from Holland.
She just wanted to talk and we did for a good, long while. I had been thinking of her for the past few weeks and had sent an email this morning to ask if all was ok with her and her family. I supposed our thoughts of each other finally met and she called to say she still loved me.
After we said our goodbyes, I called James on his cell to tell him that she'd called and he told me that he'd been trying to call me to tell me that another friend had died this morning. Vicki was a year or two younger than me and her husband also works for the same farming corporation as an asst. manager.
He said it was really odd, she went to work, walked into the office and passed out. They called an ambulance and when they arrived she was dead. The cause of death is not known yet but it's really eerie because she hasn't even been ill.
******************************************************************
Around 11 my phone rang and it was Soony, my dutch child, calling me from Holland.
She just wanted to talk and we did for a good, long while. I had been thinking of her for the past few weeks and had sent an email this morning to ask if all was ok with her and her family. I supposed our thoughts of each other finally met and she called to say she still loved me.
After we said our goodbyes, I called James on his cell to tell him that she'd called and he told me that he'd been trying to call me to tell me that another friend had died this morning. Vicki was a year or two younger than me and her husband also works for the same farming corporation as an asst. manager.
He said it was really odd, she went to work, walked into the office and passed out. They called an ambulance and when they arrived she was dead. The cause of death is not known yet but it's really eerie because she hasn't even been ill.
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What do You think?
Let me know what you think of my new fall colors. I'd appreciate it if anyone could tell me how I could place graphics across from my blog title on top of the page. I've tried a lot of different things and had to undo them all. I'm too dense to do it I reckon.
ROFLMAO!
The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio
and his wife was in the house, in the kitchen.
The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle
and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear.
The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass
patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found
her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle
laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to
the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly
large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to
the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the
hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some
papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come
home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and
the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the
bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing
the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband
laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering
burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again
ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at
the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and
began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs
to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked
the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the
paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and
dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.
**************************************************
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio
and his wife was in the house, in the kitchen.
The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle
and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear.
The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass
patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found
her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle
laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to
the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly
large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to
the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the
hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some
papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come
home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and
the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the
bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing
the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband
laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering
burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again
ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at
the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and
began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs
to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked
the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the
paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and
dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.
**************************************************
Unconscious Mutterings
Herpes:: ouch?
Freddy:: Fender
October:: trick or treat
Hunting:: dog
MSN:: program
36:: what I was
Hotel:: Relaxation
Travesty:: of freedom
Health:: not smoking
Conditions::calm and cool
borrowed from Chaos
Freddy:: Fender
October:: trick or treat
Hunting:: dog
MSN:: program
36:: what I was
Hotel:: Relaxation
Travesty:: of freedom
Health:: not smoking
Conditions::calm and cool
borrowed from Chaos
Sunday, September 28, 2003
HOLY SHIT!!
That's it, I'm freaking out now.
I found a thumbnail photo of a homeless guy to place on my entry from earlier this morning about the man asking me for money for food yesterday. When I logged on just now, that photo had changed to something different called Dirty Whore Diary.
That was just too freaky for words, and mind you, it takes a lot to put me at a loss for words!!
I found a thumbnail photo of a homeless guy to place on my entry from earlier this morning about the man asking me for money for food yesterday. When I logged on just now, that photo had changed to something different called Dirty Whore Diary.
That was just too freaky for words, and mind you, it takes a lot to put me at a loss for words!!
What's Funny About Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you? .... "I'm four and a half" .... You're never 36 and a half .... you're four and a half going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!!
But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!!
So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother wouldn't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!!
But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!!
So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother wouldn't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"
More on Saturday
While I was in Little Rock yesterday, I made a quick trip to one of the shopping centers there and found two new books to read and a few scrapbooking supplies. As I was going to my truck in the parking lot a man carrying a backpack walked up to me and told me that he and his wife were hitchhiking to S.C. and they were out of money and hungry.
When I got back to my daughter's, I was telling she and my son about this man and they wanted to know how much I'd given him for his drug or drinking habit. They know I can't stand the thought of someone being hungry. I listened to them fuss at me about giving money to strangers, and then I asked them,
"What if that had been Jesus?"
Although I hate the thought of contributing to a drug or alcohol addiction, I was not in a position to buy the man a meal or give him food, and that thought is always in the back of your mind, what if he really IS hungry.
I listened to the arguments about the social programs and stuff available, but don't you have to have a permanent address for things such as food stamps or checks? What happens if you don't have a home and don't know where to go for help?
This is America. People should not have to be hungry or cold, but they are. It's a sad situation. What would you do?
When I got back to my daughter's, I was telling she and my son about this man and they wanted to know how much I'd given him for his drug or drinking habit. They know I can't stand the thought of someone being hungry. I listened to them fuss at me about giving money to strangers, and then I asked them,
"What if that had been Jesus?"
Although I hate the thought of contributing to a drug or alcohol addiction, I was not in a position to buy the man a meal or give him food, and that thought is always in the back of your mind, what if he really IS hungry.
I listened to the arguments about the social programs and stuff available, but don't you have to have a permanent address for things such as food stamps or checks? What happens if you don't have a home and don't know where to go for help?
This is America. People should not have to be hungry or cold, but they are. It's a sad situation. What would you do?
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Home Again
The birthday party turned out really well. My daughter decided to have it at Burns Park in Little Rock and it was much cooler today than it has been so a good time was had by all. Now,,on to the photos.
Another Long Day
Driving to Little Rock again today for Jaylen's birthday party. She's 2 today!! I'll be home with new photos later.
Friday, September 26, 2003
In Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home,,,,,,,,,
The title is one of those old country songs from way back when. Cotton pickin is upon us here in Arkansas. The air is fragrant with defoliants (which I hate) and fluffy bolls of cotton (which I love). While the weather stays nice and dry, I can look forward to hubby being in the field until after dark most days. I'll be spending some of my time on the weekends out in the fields with Zach cause that child sure loves to help them at harvest time.
I walked out the front door and took a couple of photos of the field to the south of our house.
I walked out the front door and took a couple of photos of the field to the south of our house.
A New Study
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.
Thursday, September 25, 2003
A Day In The Life
I got through another one and it wasn't so bad.
I finally got my old butt moving and made it to work before 9 and worked for a few hours until came up against another one of those brick walls. After I left the office I drove over to Helena to sign some forms to be faxed to the doctor that I saw on Tuesday, then I stopped at the grocery and picked up a few things.
I made it home around 12:30 and spent the next 2 hours on the phone with the IRS coniving and bargaining over Willie's (one of the farm tractor drivers) tax debt. I finally made progress when after the agent asked me why this man shouldn't be held responsible for the way his tax returns were filed, I told her the man can barely read or write and whichever whore he was living with at any given time took care of filing his returns for him and that was the WHOLE problem! I then calmly told her that it would be to her advantage AND his if she'd see about deferring some of the penalties and release the lien against his pay check so that he could afford to buy gas to drive to work.
I think this must have gotten her attention somewhat because he now will be allowed to make a monthly payment of about 1/10 of what they were taking with the lien and hubby will keep a good tractor driver. ( I doubt he'll get the debt paid off before he dies of old age though.)
Then, on my way to pick the terrorist up from school, I was on the cell phone with Altell about my son's cell package which is part of our fleet account. They've had it screwed up since last March and I'm hoping they have that straight THIS time.
I am very proud to say that I didn't lose my cool completely during the above mentioned telephone encounters, which is a rare thing for me since I tend to get very frustrated, then very upset, when I have to keep repeating myself over and over about something.
Patience is not one of my virtues. (and Kat, don't ask what one of my virtues MIGHT be!)
I think I'll go read a little in a bit and see how much sleep I can get tonight. I woke up this morning with an itchy hand that is still driving me bonkers!
Hugs and kisses all around. Nite!
I finally got my old butt moving and made it to work before 9 and worked for a few hours until came up against another one of those brick walls. After I left the office I drove over to Helena to sign some forms to be faxed to the doctor that I saw on Tuesday, then I stopped at the grocery and picked up a few things.
I made it home around 12:30 and spent the next 2 hours on the phone with the IRS coniving and bargaining over Willie's (one of the farm tractor drivers) tax debt. I finally made progress when after the agent asked me why this man shouldn't be held responsible for the way his tax returns were filed, I told her the man can barely read or write and whichever whore he was living with at any given time took care of filing his returns for him and that was the WHOLE problem! I then calmly told her that it would be to her advantage AND his if she'd see about deferring some of the penalties and release the lien against his pay check so that he could afford to buy gas to drive to work.
I think this must have gotten her attention somewhat because he now will be allowed to make a monthly payment of about 1/10 of what they were taking with the lien and hubby will keep a good tractor driver. ( I doubt he'll get the debt paid off before he dies of old age though.)
Then, on my way to pick the terrorist up from school, I was on the cell phone with Altell about my son's cell package which is part of our fleet account. They've had it screwed up since last March and I'm hoping they have that straight THIS time.
I am very proud to say that I didn't lose my cool completely during the above mentioned telephone encounters, which is a rare thing for me since I tend to get very frustrated, then very upset, when I have to keep repeating myself over and over about something.
Patience is not one of my virtues. (and Kat, don't ask what one of my virtues MIGHT be!)
I think I'll go read a little in a bit and see how much sleep I can get tonight. I woke up this morning with an itchy hand that is still driving me bonkers!
Hugs and kisses all around. Nite!
Morning Comes Early
I'm up and Zach is up and dressed and watching cartoons while he waits for his ride to school. Before I got to this stage though, I noticed the sun was trying to peek over to the east and a little wisp of fog was trying to rise so I ran for the camera. I wish it I could make it look as beautiful as it was.
This little critter was resting by the back door.
This little critter was resting by the back door.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
These Dang Comments Thingys
These comments are on again and off again more often than Johns in a cat house down on Yazoo street!!
TOUGH LOVE
There is just so much good stuff coming my way today that I'm wiggling in my chair with eagerness to share! I love this woman, she's got it going ON. I wanna grow up to be just like her!
Dear Abby,
I recently read your column advising grandparents on "tough love" for
grandparents to give misbehaving grandchildren, whose own parents let
them run wild. I have followed your advice, and enclose a picture
demonstrating my technique when my grandson just won't behave while
I'm babysitting for his parents. They have told me not to spank him, so
I just take him for a ride, and he usually calms down afterward.
Sign me,
Tough Love Grandma
Dear Abby,
I recently read your column advising grandparents on "tough love" for
grandparents to give misbehaving grandchildren, whose own parents let
them run wild. I have followed your advice, and enclose a picture
demonstrating my technique when my grandson just won't behave while
I'm babysitting for his parents. They have told me not to spank him, so
I just take him for a ride, and he usually calms down afterward.
Sign me,
Tough Love Grandma
ASTROLOGICAL PROVERBS
Aries
Leave it for tomorrow, what you could do today. ARIES did it yesterday.
Taurus
First food, then fun.
Gemini
Speech fast, silence miserable.
Cancer
Live with a CANCER and find out soon: You live under the moods of her Moon.
Leo
Let's lift the cat on the table, LEO will climb for himself.
Virgo
Only a Virgo sees trees even in the forest.
Libra
Biggest fight will be little, when a LIBRA walks in the middle.
Scorpio
In war and in love all the means are allowed for a Scorpio.
Sagittarius
Laughter after joy, although the trees in the forest were missed.
Capricorn
No Capricorn grows without discipline, or dies without honor.
Aquarius
Today is already yesterday's tomorrow.
Pisces
Who else will land a fish, than a fish?
Leave it for tomorrow, what you could do today. ARIES did it yesterday.
Taurus
First food, then fun.
Gemini
Speech fast, silence miserable.
Cancer
Live with a CANCER and find out soon: You live under the moods of her Moon.
Leo
Let's lift the cat on the table, LEO will climb for himself.
Virgo
Only a Virgo sees trees even in the forest.
Libra
Biggest fight will be little, when a LIBRA walks in the middle.
Scorpio
In war and in love all the means are allowed for a Scorpio.
Sagittarius
Laughter after joy, although the trees in the forest were missed.
Capricorn
No Capricorn grows without discipline, or dies without honor.
Aquarius
Today is already yesterday's tomorrow.
Pisces
Who else will land a fish, than a fish?
The Aging Factor
There's been a lot in the news lately about the scientific community's research on aging. If they can identify the factors that make people age, scientists say it will make a big step toward longer lives for all of us.
At the risk of putting a lot of scientists out of work, there's really no big mystery. Having kids causes old age. I don't have a lot of studies, charts, and analytical data to support that. All I do is offer myself as "Exhibit A".
Once upon a time I was a young lady. I had a figure, and my joints did not protest with movement. Then my first child was born and I became an old woman.
My back went first.
This came from from loading 700 pounds of baby equipment into the trunk of the car every time we took a trip that lasted longer than half an hour. After 8,000 miles of horsey-back rides across the kitchen floor, I had blisters on my palms, calluses on my knees and sway in my spine.
Those weren't really age spots on my hands and forearms. They were Sani-Flush stains from reaching into toilets to rescue combs, Lincoln Logs, and Fisher-Price people. After a while I got used to walking around with one sleeve permanently rolled up, but I'm still trying to get over the effects of having to give mouth-to-mouth to a Baby Tears.
The more kids I had, the older I got. All my life I had 20/20 vision. But by the time I had assisted on the first few hundred book reports that didn't get started until the night before they were due because "nobody told me about it," I was making weekly visits to an optometrist.
My only consolation is that now these children have children of their own.
Now, they're older than I am!
At the risk of putting a lot of scientists out of work, there's really no big mystery. Having kids causes old age. I don't have a lot of studies, charts, and analytical data to support that. All I do is offer myself as "Exhibit A".
Once upon a time I was a young lady. I had a figure, and my joints did not protest with movement. Then my first child was born and I became an old woman.
My back went first.
This came from from loading 700 pounds of baby equipment into the trunk of the car every time we took a trip that lasted longer than half an hour. After 8,000 miles of horsey-back rides across the kitchen floor, I had blisters on my palms, calluses on my knees and sway in my spine.
Those weren't really age spots on my hands and forearms. They were Sani-Flush stains from reaching into toilets to rescue combs, Lincoln Logs, and Fisher-Price people. After a while I got used to walking around with one sleeve permanently rolled up, but I'm still trying to get over the effects of having to give mouth-to-mouth to a Baby Tears.
The more kids I had, the older I got. All my life I had 20/20 vision. But by the time I had assisted on the first few hundred book reports that didn't get started until the night before they were due because "nobody told me about it," I was making weekly visits to an optometrist.
My only consolation is that now these children have children of their own.
Now, they're older than I am!
My Funny Son
Jerri, Bubbie and the Chickie entertained us last night at the supper table. Bubbie starts his new position at the prison as a field officer on Monday. They decided not to give him the horse that goes to sleep on the job sometimes so he'll be riding a more alert horse at least. I had to laugh when he told us that for a few weeks, while in training, he'll be carrying a wooden gun.
So now he'll have to chase em down and hit them with a piece of wood? Or perhaps point it and say "bang, bang"?? I wish I could be a little bird ya know.
So now he'll have to chase em down and hit them with a piece of wood? Or perhaps point it and say "bang, bang"?? I wish I could be a little bird ya know.
Good Morning!
I popped over to see Mary lou in my wanderings this morning. That pup of hers has a taste for socks and undies. It reminded me of my friends who once had a dog that used to eat their clothes every time they left without taking her. She'd jump up, snag a pair of jeans from the closet and eat the ass outta them, or dig through the laundry basket and bite holes in their underwear.
You gotta admit, that was a smart dog!
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Weary
The girls came by this morning to visit with Nanny and the Chickie came this evening for supper so it's been a full day. I think it's time to curl up with my book and see if the sand man will come to visit soon. I'll pick Zach up from school tomorrow so things will be hectic again for the rest of the week.
Nite, nite!!
Nite, nite!!
Death and Humor
I've just been over to Wanda's where I read her entry about John Ritter and the plans to continue the sitcom he'd been starring in at the time of his death. There are conflicting emotions from his fans about these plans but I think Wanda pretty much summed it up when she said he'd want things to go on. There is nothing funny about death, but I think you must keep your sense of humor during even the most trying times to prevent the sadness from taking over your life.
When my mother died a few years ago we were all gathered at the funeral home for the viewing. Tears were shed, friends came and went, and there in the midst of all of that was my mother looking better in death than she had in the last 10 years of her life. We were all sitting on sofas talking quietly when suddenly my aunt jumped up and said, "OH, don't do that, get away from there!" My niece and nephew and Zach, had crawled beneath the coffin and were happily playing. I just looked up at my aunt and told her to leave them, they weren't bothering anything, and told her to sit down and relax. I had to smile about it, they continued on with what kids do best even amid the room full of weepy grownups. And I don't think my mother minded one little bit!!
When my mother died a few years ago we were all gathered at the funeral home for the viewing. Tears were shed, friends came and went, and there in the midst of all of that was my mother looking better in death than she had in the last 10 years of her life. We were all sitting on sofas talking quietly when suddenly my aunt jumped up and said, "OH, don't do that, get away from there!" My niece and nephew and Zach, had crawled beneath the coffin and were happily playing. I just looked up at my aunt and told her to leave them, they weren't bothering anything, and told her to sit down and relax. I had to smile about it, they continued on with what kids do best even amid the room full of weepy grownups. And I don't think my mother minded one little bit!!
Today is the first day of Autumn.
That means I've got to start trimming back and pruning soon. Sounds like work don't it?
I WISH
I wish I could go over the hill for apples and pears with Mary lou. That sounds like it would be a most delightful day trip!!
Monday, September 22, 2003
Monday's Mumbles
Match.com personals. Fun-loving gal, 42, likes long walks on the beach, long Sunday afternoons at Linens 'n' Things, bridge . . . PLEASE KILL ME
Livejournal. How I'm feeling: bored.
Song stuck in my head: "Raspberry Beret."
Air of mystery that once surrounded me: gone.
Drinks with "sexy" names. Bar patrons who order a "screaming orgasm," "sex on the beach," "blow job," or "long slow screw against the wall" are
77% less likely to get laid than the ones drinking beer. Wonder why?
Pilates. Yoga minus the kinky contortions. There are better ways to spend an hour on your back.
Valium. It gained fame as the drug that kept Donna Reed fem-bots from having nervous breakdowns and burning the roast. Except you're not cute
like Donna Reed. You're just slurring your speech. Stop it.
Over-grooming. Being clean and neat is good. People appreciate a white smile and trimmed fingernails. If you're spending time and money getting
your asshole bleached, step back for a sec. (don't groan, I read an article about this!!)
Continentals. Everything sounds sexy with an outrageous accent. Sure, whatever they say seems profound, but that's because their 300-word
vocabulary was gleaned entirely from Doors records. Context, people!
All-over tans. Frequently accompanied by a clean-shaved pubic region, a pot belly and a NASCAR visor. A deep-tanned penis looks like a dry-cured
meat snack you bought at a gas station. Tan lines = hot!
The Mile High Club. You hear a lot about horny, uncreative couples ducking into airplane restrooms together. What you don't hear about are
sprained knees, the smell of disinfectant, and the very real possibility of
being sucked through the toilet to your death.
Livejournal. How I'm feeling: bored.
Song stuck in my head: "Raspberry Beret."
Air of mystery that once surrounded me: gone.
Drinks with "sexy" names. Bar patrons who order a "screaming orgasm," "sex on the beach," "blow job," or "long slow screw against the wall" are
77% less likely to get laid than the ones drinking beer. Wonder why?
Pilates. Yoga minus the kinky contortions. There are better ways to spend an hour on your back.
Valium. It gained fame as the drug that kept Donna Reed fem-bots from having nervous breakdowns and burning the roast. Except you're not cute
like Donna Reed. You're just slurring your speech. Stop it.
Over-grooming. Being clean and neat is good. People appreciate a white smile and trimmed fingernails. If you're spending time and money getting
your asshole bleached, step back for a sec. (don't groan, I read an article about this!!)
Continentals. Everything sounds sexy with an outrageous accent. Sure, whatever they say seems profound, but that's because their 300-word
vocabulary was gleaned entirely from Doors records. Context, people!
All-over tans. Frequently accompanied by a clean-shaved pubic region, a pot belly and a NASCAR visor. A deep-tanned penis looks like a dry-cured
meat snack you bought at a gas station. Tan lines = hot!
The Mile High Club. You hear a lot about horny, uncreative couples ducking into airplane restrooms together. What you don't hear about are
sprained knees, the smell of disinfectant, and the very real possibility of
being sucked through the toilet to your death.
I'm Back
It rained all day yesterday and last night so hubby woke up this morning with the bright idea to go to my doctor's appointment with me. Wonderful news.
My appointment was a 2:45, at 4, I was finally called in to see the doctor. Her first concern was my blood pressure but she became less concerned when I told her that I'd been waiting in her crowded waiting room for an hour and a half AFTER having ridden with my husband for the past two hours and had she been me, her blood pressure would be right up there also. Thirty minutes after my first glimpse of the woman, and two punctures later, I was on my way out of the building with a "snoopy" bandaid and a bruised arm. About the only thing I really understood that the woman said was,
1. I am not diabetic, my blood sugar is fine.
2. My body is retaining too much fluid (duh,)
3. My thyroid is suspect? (of what I was not able to decypher)
4. They'll call me with the test results and further instructions.
I have felt all along that I suffer from "deadass disease" for which there is no cure other than a brain transplant which is not covered by my HMO.
My appointment was a 2:45, at 4, I was finally called in to see the doctor. Her first concern was my blood pressure but she became less concerned when I told her that I'd been waiting in her crowded waiting room for an hour and a half AFTER having ridden with my husband for the past two hours and had she been me, her blood pressure would be right up there also. Thirty minutes after my first glimpse of the woman, and two punctures later, I was on my way out of the building with a "snoopy" bandaid and a bruised arm. About the only thing I really understood that the woman said was,
1. I am not diabetic, my blood sugar is fine.
2. My body is retaining too much fluid (duh,)
3. My thyroid is suspect? (of what I was not able to decypher)
4. They'll call me with the test results and further instructions.
I have felt all along that I suffer from "deadass disease" for which there is no cure other than a brain transplant which is not covered by my HMO.
Sunday, September 21, 2003
It's Sunday
I actually know it's Sunday because they told me yesterday was Saturday and I know it's not Monday yet cause I didn't have to get up to take Zach to school. Therefore, today I'm on the ball although that could change at any given time.
I am going to piddle around today and do a little housework, a little laundry, and probably take a little nap at some point. I might even stay awake long enough to start a new book since I finished one up last night.
The coming week will be a bit busier than I like because I've got an appointment with a doc in Little Rock tomorrow afternoon (dreading that two hour drive), and I really need to go in and work a few extra hours one day. Then on Friday we'll be going back to Little Rock for another birthday party on Saturday. Jaylen will be 2!
Hope everyone's weekend is going greatly!
I am going to piddle around today and do a little housework, a little laundry, and probably take a little nap at some point. I might even stay awake long enough to start a new book since I finished one up last night.
The coming week will be a bit busier than I like because I've got an appointment with a doc in Little Rock tomorrow afternoon (dreading that two hour drive), and I really need to go in and work a few extra hours one day. Then on Friday we'll be going back to Little Rock for another birthday party on Saturday. Jaylen will be 2!
Hope everyone's weekend is going greatly!
Saturday, September 20, 2003
All You Ever Wanted to Know About HMOs,,,and then some.
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Saturday Morning
I'm up. My throat feels like a train wreck looks, my head's stopped up tighter than a bottle of Heiz Ketchup, and my ears are ringing to the beat of the drums pounding in my head. Yep, it's fall alright.
This afternoon we are going to a park to have a little party for Krysten's #5 birthday, which is Tuesday. The day is supposed to be nice so maybe the kids will run themselves ragged and sleep like logs tonight. I'll take some pics and share some here later today.
This afternoon we are going to a park to have a little party for Krysten's #5 birthday, which is Tuesday. The day is supposed to be nice so maybe the kids will run themselves ragged and sleep like logs tonight. I'll take some pics and share some here later today.
Friday, September 19, 2003
Is Something Missing??
I'll keep looking, but someone seems to be missing amongst us.
I'm going to herd this tiny terrorist to bed now. Think sweet thoughts!
I'm going to herd this tiny terrorist to bed now. Think sweet thoughts!
Tidbits
The reason it's so hard to solve a redneck murder is because the DNA is all the same and there’s never any dental records!
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.-Roseanne Barr
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country. -Elayne Boosler
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner
women from the south are graceful/gentle like the branches of a magnolia tree,yet strong as steel to withstand tornados... they are like Steel Magnolias.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.-Roseanne Barr
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country. -Elayne Boosler
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner
women from the south are graceful/gentle like the branches of a magnolia tree,yet strong as steel to withstand tornados... they are like Steel Magnolias.
I Figgered It Out.
I'm very tired of my naps being interrupted by telemarketers. I think I got the last call I'm gonna from a few of them this week. I let them make their pitch and then I asked them if I could pay for that with Food Stamps. That made for a quick end to the conversation.
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
******************************************************************
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
******************************************************************
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
******************************************************************
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
******************************************************************
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
******************************************************************
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
******************************************************************
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
******************************************************************
It's scary, I can relate to some of this.
******************************************************************
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
******************************************************************
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
******************************************************************
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.
******************************************************************
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
******************************************************************
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
******************************************************************
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
******************************************************************
It's scary, I can relate to some of this.
A Dictionary for Women
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner".
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself ...anyway.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner".
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself ...anyway.
ON BEING BRAIN DEAD
After I messed around with my blog a bit this morning, I went to the couch for a nap. That lasted a whole 15 minutes then the phone rang. So I decided I was hungry and fixed a little breakfast snack, cold spam sandwich with doritos (very nutritious).
I came back in here and once again looked at the pile of "to dos" on my desk and decided that first I'd better call to see if Mr. Manager, at the local Wal mart store had gotten my fax yesterday. So to the living room to get the phone, back in here, look down and I've got the friggin remote. Back to the living room with remote in hand to get the phone,,back to my desk for the number. I dial, after a dozen rings in customer service, they answer, phone goes dead. &$&#$^%&*&&@^A!! (that's my brain waves cursing).
Is today Friday?
I came back in here and once again looked at the pile of "to dos" on my desk and decided that first I'd better call to see if Mr. Manager, at the local Wal mart store had gotten my fax yesterday. So to the living room to get the phone, back in here, look down and I've got the friggin remote. Back to the living room with remote in hand to get the phone,,back to my desk for the number. I dial, after a dozen rings in customer service, they answer, phone goes dead. &$&#$^%&*&&@^A!! (that's my brain waves cursing).
Is today Friday?
DAMMIT
Ok, I added the title field in my template. I didn't like the test so I went to edit and fixed it. The fix is not showing up so NOW what's up with blogger???
Pulling my hair out, one strand at a time.
Pulling my hair out, one strand at a time.
ADDING A TITLE FIELD
I'm still pretty slow at this html stuff and I sure wish I had more time to mess around with it. Here's hoping that the title field code went in the right place!!
Thursday, September 18, 2003
My day started out ok, then went downhill from there.
First of all, I got so upset with the owner of the business, where I work on Thursdays, that I wanted to throttle the man. His warehouse and office burned in May, and the ding-a-ling left his data backups in the server, so records, reports, AND backups went up in smoke. I'm left with nothing but the check stubs from the May 21st payroll to use to reconstruct January through mid-May payroll information.
I called the IRS, and other agencies to get copies of reports that I'd done for previous quarters. This would have helped tremendously in the reconstruction. I always complete the reports before their due dates and put them on his desk with a printed check for him to sign, then give to the secretary to mail. I found out today that he had not mailed those damn reports because of cash flow problems, so at this point, I may just have to pull quarterly figures from thin air.
I told him today that I'm one of the best problem solvers around, but I'm not a goddamn magician!
THEN, while still in a snit about all those problems, I decide to stop and buy a few groceries on the way home, and you guessed it,,,like the damn fool that I am,,I decided to stop at Wal mart because their veggies always look pretty good.
I raced through tossing things I needed into the basket, ran into a friend and talked with her for a few minutes, then went to the checkout. There were actually enough checkers for once so I breathed a sigh of contentment at that, paid for my purchases, loaded them in the truck and drove home.
I made two trips from truck to house unloading the stuff and started putting it away, then I noticed that the meat I had bought was not there. I went back out to the truck, looked, no meat. So, back in the house, looked to see if I'd been in a zone and put it away without noticing, no meat.
I called the store, spoke with the manager and told him the problem and he appeared to be listening, then when I finished he asked me, "What is the problem"? At this point I lost it.
I told that little fart of a manager that if he couldn't find someone to bring MY MEAT to me, cause I wasn't about to drive 30 miles round trip to come pick it up due to the fact that they had IDIOTS checking, that I'd be faxing him my receipt (cause I wasn't coming back to his fucking store again either), he could credit my debit card, and the next time I am in town, I'd go to KROGER to spend my damn money. Mr. Manager said that they did not have a delivery service, which was not a good thing to say, so I said FINE and hung up the phone.
I faxed the receipt, my complaint, and a paragraph that informed him that I was going to send a copy of the note to the newspaper.
I HATE WAL MART!!!!!!!!
And now my stomach hurts.
First of all, I got so upset with the owner of the business, where I work on Thursdays, that I wanted to throttle the man. His warehouse and office burned in May, and the ding-a-ling left his data backups in the server, so records, reports, AND backups went up in smoke. I'm left with nothing but the check stubs from the May 21st payroll to use to reconstruct January through mid-May payroll information.
I called the IRS, and other agencies to get copies of reports that I'd done for previous quarters. This would have helped tremendously in the reconstruction. I always complete the reports before their due dates and put them on his desk with a printed check for him to sign, then give to the secretary to mail. I found out today that he had not mailed those damn reports because of cash flow problems, so at this point, I may just have to pull quarterly figures from thin air.
I told him today that I'm one of the best problem solvers around, but I'm not a goddamn magician!
THEN, while still in a snit about all those problems, I decide to stop and buy a few groceries on the way home, and you guessed it,,,like the damn fool that I am,,I decided to stop at Wal mart because their veggies always look pretty good.
I raced through tossing things I needed into the basket, ran into a friend and talked with her for a few minutes, then went to the checkout. There were actually enough checkers for once so I breathed a sigh of contentment at that, paid for my purchases, loaded them in the truck and drove home.
I made two trips from truck to house unloading the stuff and started putting it away, then I noticed that the meat I had bought was not there. I went back out to the truck, looked, no meat. So, back in the house, looked to see if I'd been in a zone and put it away without noticing, no meat.
I called the store, spoke with the manager and told him the problem and he appeared to be listening, then when I finished he asked me, "What is the problem"? At this point I lost it.
I told that little fart of a manager that if he couldn't find someone to bring MY MEAT to me, cause I wasn't about to drive 30 miles round trip to come pick it up due to the fact that they had IDIOTS checking, that I'd be faxing him my receipt (cause I wasn't coming back to his fucking store again either), he could credit my debit card, and the next time I am in town, I'd go to KROGER to spend my damn money. Mr. Manager said that they did not have a delivery service, which was not a good thing to say, so I said FINE and hung up the phone.
I faxed the receipt, my complaint, and a paragraph that informed him that I was going to send a copy of the note to the newspaper.
I HATE WAL MART!!!!!!!!
And now my stomach hurts.
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument of Bill Clinton. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Thank you.
Bill Clinton Monument Committee
P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.
We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.
If you are one of the fortunate people who have anything left after taxes, we expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.
Thank you.
Bill Clinton Monument Committee
P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
My heart has finally stopped beating like a bass drum although it took a tranxene and a cup of coffee to get it slowed down a bit.
We called Zach in to supper, I heard the back door open, then I heard the back door close. I finished what I was doing and looked around. No Zach. So I go out on the deck and yell for him. No Zach. I go in and James has finished his shower so I send him out to look for him while I finish laying the table. No Zach. We both went out, walked and searched and yelled until I was to the point of PANIC. Finally the neighbors come out and their daughter is no where in sight either, so we're looking for TWO wayward youngsters.
Then someone thinks to check at their son's house next door to them. There they were, sweeping and moping and helping the son's girlfriend do her cleaning. I didn't know whether to hug him or choke him so I just cried.
We called Zach in to supper, I heard the back door open, then I heard the back door close. I finished what I was doing and looked around. No Zach. So I go out on the deck and yell for him. No Zach. I go in and James has finished his shower so I send him out to look for him while I finish laying the table. No Zach. We both went out, walked and searched and yelled until I was to the point of PANIC. Finally the neighbors come out and their daughter is no where in sight either, so we're looking for TWO wayward youngsters.
Then someone thinks to check at their son's house next door to them. There they were, sweeping and moping and helping the son's girlfriend do her cleaning. I didn't know whether to hug him or choke him so I just cried.
This is so unbelievably SWEET. I'd love to be able to see this and take photos such as these some day!!
This morning on the Interstate,
He looked over to his
left and there was a
woman
in a brand new
Cadillac
doing 65 mph
with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.
He looked away
for a couple seconds
and when he looked back she was
halfway over in his lane,
still working on that makeup.
As a man,
He doesn't scare easily.
But she scared him so much;
he dropped
his electric shaver,
which knocked
the donut
out of his other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car
using his knees against
the steering wheel,
it knocked
his cell phone
away from his ear
which fell
into the coffee
between his legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and theTwins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked his trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.
Damn women drivers ! !
He looked over to his
left and there was a
woman
in a brand new
Cadillac
doing 65 mph
with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.
He looked away
for a couple seconds
and when he looked back she was
halfway over in his lane,
still working on that makeup.
As a man,
He doesn't scare easily.
But she scared him so much;
he dropped
his electric shaver,
which knocked
the donut
out of his other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car
using his knees against
the steering wheel,
it knocked
his cell phone
away from his ear
which fell
into the coffee
between his legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and theTwins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked his trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.
Damn women drivers ! !
Last night, my son and Jerri came by again for supper. While we were cleaning up afterwards the discussion turned to my son's new promotion and the horse he'll be riding when he goes to work in the field.
He was telling us that the field captain said his horse is really big, but has a few years on him. He also told him that occasionally this horse will fall asleep on the job and that if he feels the horse swaying, he'd best goose him to wake him up, cause if he decides to lay down, it's a long trip to the ground.
I'm in the kitchen listening to this, and an image of my son on this horse pops into my head, so I said,
"Son, what happens if a prisoner tries to escape and your horse is asleep? Do you have to wake him up to go chase the prisoner?"
I'm anxious to see how long he'll play cowboy on a sleeping horse (grin).
He was telling us that the field captain said his horse is really big, but has a few years on him. He also told him that occasionally this horse will fall asleep on the job and that if he feels the horse swaying, he'd best goose him to wake him up, cause if he decides to lay down, it's a long trip to the ground.
I'm in the kitchen listening to this, and an image of my son on this horse pops into my head, so I said,
"Son, what happens if a prisoner tries to escape and your horse is asleep? Do you have to wake him up to go chase the prisoner?"
I'm anxious to see how long he'll play cowboy on a sleeping horse (grin).
I Can Relate to This:
PORT ST. LUCIE, FL -- Police said a woman cut her husband with a butcher knife because he wanted to watch football on television instead of getting ready for Hurricane Isabel.
Joan W. Harris, 70, faces a felony aggravated battery charge in the Sunday afternoon incident, police said.
Joan W. Harris, 70, faces a felony aggravated battery charge in the Sunday afternoon incident, police said.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
HUSH PUPPIES
1/2 cup of self rising corn meal mix
1/2 cup of flour
1 egg
enough milk to make a batter
3 tablespoons of cooking oil (add this to batter)
add chopped onions, (or chopped jalapenos, cheddar cheese if desired)
Add batter by tablespoons full to hot oil in deep fryer, move about so both sides will brown
drain on paper towels and serve hot.
1/2 cup of self rising corn meal mix
1/2 cup of flour
1 egg
enough milk to make a batter
3 tablespoons of cooking oil (add this to batter)
add chopped onions, (or chopped jalapenos, cheddar cheese if desired)
Add batter by tablespoons full to hot oil in deep fryer, move about so both sides will brown
drain on paper towels and serve hot.
The comments thingy is down so I can't tell Kat and Leslie how I'd be freezing my most precious assets if I lived up there in the Northern regions.
We've had a cooler than usual September so I'm hoping that it isn't forewarning for me to buy a REAL coat this year. I am not real crazy about wearing clothes, but I dearly hate to wear a coat!!
Ya'll can send me pics of the snow but don't send it down this way, ok?
We've had a cooler than usual September so I'm hoping that it isn't forewarning for me to buy a REAL coat this year. I am not real crazy about wearing clothes, but I dearly hate to wear a coat!!
Ya'll can send me pics of the snow but don't send it down this way, ok?
Just Gotta Love this Cat
I just love this cat's attitude. He really knows what to expect out of life.
UPDATE: Behind as Usual
I'm late as usual. It seems that Yoko did her thing yesterday. I think it's probably a good thing that her son is a young man and not an impressionable child. I think seeing your mother naked on stage might cause a youngun to have major problems later in life.
Sean Lennon cuts away with scissors a piece of his artist mother Yoko Ono 's dress as she repeats her 1960s performance 'Cut Piece', in Paris Monday Sept.15, 2003. The appearance repeats Ono's famous performance in Japan, which captivated the media and art critics at the time for its boldness. Sean Lennon is the son of the late Beatle John Lennon and Yoko Ono. (AP Photo/Michel Euler)
AP - Sep 15 5:16 PM
Early on in the peaceful protest
Sean Lennon cuts away with scissors a piece of his artist mother Yoko Ono 's dress as she repeats her 1960s performance 'Cut Piece', in Paris Monday Sept.15, 2003. The appearance repeats Ono's famous performance in Japan, which captivated the media and art critics at the time for its boldness. Sean Lennon is the son of the late Beatle John Lennon and Yoko Ono. (AP Photo/Michel Euler)
AP - Sep 15 5:16 PM
Early on in the peaceful protest
On Yoko
I read this somewhere.
For the first time in nearly 40 years, Yoko Ono is to perform one of her art "happenings" in which she invites her audience to cut off her clothing until she is naked on stage.
If this is another one of those war protests, that old broad best keep her duds on cause I see a riot in the works here.
For the first time in nearly 40 years, Yoko Ono is to perform one of her art "happenings" in which she invites her audience to cut off her clothing until she is naked on stage.
If this is another one of those war protests, that old broad best keep her duds on cause I see a riot in the works here.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Celebration Dinner
I'm stuffed. I met Jerri and Bubbie at Oliver's in Helena and had a wonderful combination platter of catfish, fried shrimp, bbq shrimp, a delicious salad, and hushpuppies (I make better hushpuppies though). I had to bring a take-out plate home cause there was just too much!
We had a good time teasing Bub about riding that horse. He's pretty worried now about being bow-legged but I told him it wouldn't matter so much with that little twitch he has when he walks anyway (grin). I just keep thinking about that poor horse.
We had a good time teasing Bub about riding that horse. He's pretty worried now about being bow-legged but I told him it wouldn't matter so much with that little twitch he has when he walks anyway (grin). I just keep thinking about that poor horse.
Monday
It's been a pretty long day but I did get a nap in. I slept for two hours and woke up not knowing where I was, which wasn't such a bad feeling. Jami brought the kids by at 3:30 and I had them until about 15 minutes ago.
Now I'm got to go dress and meet my son and his wife for dinner to celebrate his promotion to field seargent at the prison. (I'm trying to picture the poor horse that has to take him for a ride all day). James isn't going because a tractor broke down in the field (typical).
I hope everyone had a wonderful Monday!!
Now I'm got to go dress and meet my son and his wife for dinner to celebrate his promotion to field seargent at the prison. (I'm trying to picture the poor horse that has to take him for a ride all day). James isn't going because a tractor broke down in the field (typical).
I hope everyone had a wonderful Monday!!
Sunday, September 14, 2003
A New Day?
I've got to get out of this "Idon'tgiveashitjustshootme" mood. For the past few months it's been creeping up on me, some days not so bad, some days I'm horrible!! Hubby made the remark yesterday that I hadn't left the house all day, that I needed to get outdoors and do something. My reply was not nice, my thoughts were, "WHAT"???
It has been too hot to do much outdoors without having a heat stroke. I love to lie in the sun, but my preferences there run towards sand and a nice ocean breeze.
Once upon a time I enjoyed a fishing trip, but he makes me so miserable with his rules and regulations if I go with him that I decided a long time ago that the fewer trips with him, the better. I like fishing with a cane pole, and don't much care if I catch anything or not as long as it's quiet and the sun is shining. His idea of fishing is an expensive pole and reel and to keep moving around till he hits the right spot. He gives me so many instructions that I forget the first one before he's gotten to the last one. Also, he hogs all the best fishing spots.
I'll stop whining now.
It has been too hot to do much outdoors without having a heat stroke. I love to lie in the sun, but my preferences there run towards sand and a nice ocean breeze.
Once upon a time I enjoyed a fishing trip, but he makes me so miserable with his rules and regulations if I go with him that I decided a long time ago that the fewer trips with him, the better. I like fishing with a cane pole, and don't much care if I catch anything or not as long as it's quiet and the sun is shining. His idea of fishing is an expensive pole and reel and to keep moving around till he hits the right spot. He gives me so many instructions that I forget the first one before he's gotten to the last one. Also, he hogs all the best fishing spots.
I'll stop whining now.
I think it's Sunday. I didn't leave the house yesterday so I'm quite brain dead. After I get a shower and wake up a bit more maybe I'll get a little inspiration to move around a bit and think of something to post.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Brand New Hat
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands
holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should
be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent,
while both hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old;
this hat is brand new!"
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands
holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should
be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent,
while both hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old;
this hat is brand new!"
As long as women keep having babies, guys are going to keep saying stupid things. Both actions are genetic imperatives. Guys who take the time to familiarize themselves with the following list will still say something stupid, but at least they’ll have to think of something original.
Top 15 Things NOT To Say During Childbirth
1. "Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!"
2. "Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth."
3. "Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?"
4. "I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes."
5. "If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball."
6. "That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?"
7. "When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar."
8. "Let’s see if they’ll let us take one of these hospital gowns for you to wear around the house."
9. "You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment."
10. "This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy."
11. "Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?"
12. "Stop your swearing and just breathe."
13. "Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words."
14. "Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there."
15. "You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger."
Top 15 Things NOT To Say During Childbirth
1. "Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!"
2. "Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth."
3. "Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?"
4. "I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes."
5. "If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball."
6. "That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?"
7. "When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar."
8. "Let’s see if they’ll let us take one of these hospital gowns for you to wear around the house."
9. "You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment."
10. "This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy."
11. "Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?"
12. "Stop your swearing and just breathe."
13. "Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words."
14. "Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there."
15. "You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger."
Friday, September 12, 2003
Oh boy do I sympathize with Mary lou about those aches and pains that come with the years.
A few years ago, when my mother was very ill before her death, I would leave work on Fridays and drive to Little Rock so could take care of her while my sister worked the weekend shift at the hospital.
One Friday she wanted something from her house which was on the way to my sister's. I stopped by there and went in and gathered the things she needed. As I was leaving, I noticed the roses were blooming beside her porch so I went back into the house to find something to cut a bouquet of roses to take to her. I couldn't find sissors so I found a knife and went back out. Instead of going down the steps,,I just stepped off the porch beside the rose bush (only about a foot to the ground).
When my right foot hit the ground, something crunched, loudly, and I did a special little flip, shined my ass to the neighborhood, and landed in a heap in the yard. It hurt SO bad, I thought it was broken and these thoughts were going through my head like,,"how am I going to get up??" "Oh shit, I hope noone saw me fall." Then, "god I hope they DID see me fall, how am I going to get UP?"
By the time I rolled around a little and got my foot and leg out from under me, my ankle had already turned blue and had swollen to triple it's normal size. I was in so much pain and was sobbing and thinking how damned stupid I was that I didn't notice the neighbors from across the street until they were standing beside me. They were kind enough to help me to my car and bring an ice pack for my foot and leg. They even locked the house up for me because there was no way I could get up those steps to do that right then.
They offered to call someone for me but I knew I had to get to Little Rock to take care of my mom before my sister's shift started. So, with the ice pack taped around my leg, I drove on. What should have taken a hour and 15 minutes of driving ended up taking me almost 3 because I kept having to stop on the side of the interstate and prop my foot up on the dash to ease some of the pain enough to drive on a little further. When I finally made it to Little Rock, my sister had to bring crutches out so that I could get out of the car.
I still managed to take care of mom that weekend and after Terri got back from work, we took care of the pain with a gallon of white wine. It took about 8 weeks in a cast to heal everything that I messed up that day, the least of which was my dignity.
Whewww,,was that a mouthful or what?
A few years ago, when my mother was very ill before her death, I would leave work on Fridays and drive to Little Rock so could take care of her while my sister worked the weekend shift at the hospital.
One Friday she wanted something from her house which was on the way to my sister's. I stopped by there and went in and gathered the things she needed. As I was leaving, I noticed the roses were blooming beside her porch so I went back into the house to find something to cut a bouquet of roses to take to her. I couldn't find sissors so I found a knife and went back out. Instead of going down the steps,,I just stepped off the porch beside the rose bush (only about a foot to the ground).
When my right foot hit the ground, something crunched, loudly, and I did a special little flip, shined my ass to the neighborhood, and landed in a heap in the yard. It hurt SO bad, I thought it was broken and these thoughts were going through my head like,,"how am I going to get up??" "Oh shit, I hope noone saw me fall." Then, "god I hope they DID see me fall, how am I going to get UP?"
By the time I rolled around a little and got my foot and leg out from under me, my ankle had already turned blue and had swollen to triple it's normal size. I was in so much pain and was sobbing and thinking how damned stupid I was that I didn't notice the neighbors from across the street until they were standing beside me. They were kind enough to help me to my car and bring an ice pack for my foot and leg. They even locked the house up for me because there was no way I could get up those steps to do that right then.
They offered to call someone for me but I knew I had to get to Little Rock to take care of my mom before my sister's shift started. So, with the ice pack taped around my leg, I drove on. What should have taken a hour and 15 minutes of driving ended up taking me almost 3 because I kept having to stop on the side of the interstate and prop my foot up on the dash to ease some of the pain enough to drive on a little further. When I finally made it to Little Rock, my sister had to bring crutches out so that I could get out of the car.
I still managed to take care of mom that weekend and after Terri got back from work, we took care of the pain with a gallon of white wine. It took about 8 weeks in a cast to heal everything that I messed up that day, the least of which was my dignity.
Whewww,,was that a mouthful or what?
POINTS TO PONDER:
1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk".
3. The early bird still has to eat worms.
4. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
5. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
7. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
8. My spouse says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
9. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
10. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
12. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
another bear contribution
1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk".
3. The early bird still has to eat worms.
4. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
5. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
7. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
8. My spouse says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
9. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
10. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
12. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
another bear contribution
Thursday, September 11, 2003
THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Majal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:
1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. And To Love
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook are simple and ordinary. These things that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons, enjoy your gifts and give thanks to The Giver."
a bear contribution
A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Majal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:
1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. And To Love
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook are simple and ordinary. These things that we take for granted are truly wondrous! A gentle reminder - that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons, enjoy your gifts and give thanks to The Giver."
a bear contribution
They are combining corn in the field across from the house so I took some photos this evening.
Meri Kate, Krysten, and Zach in the corn field.
Grain cart unloading corn at sundown
Hubby and truck driver. A lot of farming is done this way.
Meri Kate, Krysten, and Zach in the corn field.
Grain cart unloading corn at sundown
Hubby and truck driver. A lot of farming is done this way.
Children amaze me at their ability to seem to do things overnight, especially in the first year of their lives. Alexis is in that first year and every day it seems that she's learned to do something new.
Last night we were in the living room and the outside door was open to where you could see out the storm door. That Chickie hasn't gotten the hang of hands and knees crawling yet, but she can move pretty fast using a combination of elbows, hands, one knee, and those little fat toes. We heard a racket at the door and she had made it over there and was making faces at the dog through the door glass. This reminded Jerri to tell us about her evening snack the night before.
Jerri sat her in the kitchen floor with toys while she was cooking supper and a few minutes later she heard the cat make a sort of "oh shit" noise. When she turned around, there was the Chickie, holding Mamma Kitty down with one hand while she used the other to stuff her mouth full of cat food.
Nanny thinks it may be time to put the gates up and hope they have a few months peace before she learns to climb over.
Last night we were in the living room and the outside door was open to where you could see out the storm door. That Chickie hasn't gotten the hang of hands and knees crawling yet, but she can move pretty fast using a combination of elbows, hands, one knee, and those little fat toes. We heard a racket at the door and she had made it over there and was making faces at the dog through the door glass. This reminded Jerri to tell us about her evening snack the night before.
Jerri sat her in the kitchen floor with toys while she was cooking supper and a few minutes later she heard the cat make a sort of "oh shit" noise. When she turned around, there was the Chickie, holding Mamma Kitty down with one hand while she used the other to stuff her mouth full of cat food.
Nanny thinks it may be time to put the gates up and hope they have a few months peace before she learns to climb over.
| Red |
| Fiery and intense, you are a leader and very passionate about things you believe in. |
Hmmmmmmmmmmm this seems to match my "Leo" personality don't it? Thanks for sharing Wanda and Kat.
The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. Governor Marc Racicot, RNC chairman, explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
So now we know.........
SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading minister warns. "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine. Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals. "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed.
The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," he said. "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations. "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering
Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally.
"One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.' " The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.' " Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.
"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the
minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming facts.
"I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them." The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit. Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and
reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently."
SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading minister warns. "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine. Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals. "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed.
The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," he said. "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations. "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering
Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally.
"One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.' " The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.' " Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.
"I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the
minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming facts.
"I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them." The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit. Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and
reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently."
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Country Life Lessons
Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
Country fences need to be horse high,
pig tight and bull strong.
Life is not about how fast you run,
or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
Mortgaging a future crop is like saddling a wobbly colt.
A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.
Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered,
not yelled.
Meanness don't happen overnight.
To know how country folks are doing,
look at their barns, not their houses
Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal,
it just ain't helpful
Teachers, bankers, and hoot owls
sleep with one eye open
Forgive your enemies.
It messes with their heads
Don't sell your mule to buy a plow
Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat
Don't corner something meaner than you
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar,
assuming you want to catch flies
Man is the only critter who feels the need
to label things as flowers or weeds
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge
Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug
You can't unsay a cruel thing
Every path has some puddles
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty
The best sermons are lived, not preached
Most of the stuff people worry about never happens
Lazy and Quarrelsome are ugly sisters
Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
Country fences need to be horse high,
pig tight and bull strong.
Life is not about how fast you run,
or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
Mortgaging a future crop is like saddling a wobbly colt.
A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.
Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered,
not yelled.
Meanness don't happen overnight.
To know how country folks are doing,
look at their barns, not their houses
Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal,
it just ain't helpful
Teachers, bankers, and hoot owls
sleep with one eye open
Forgive your enemies.
It messes with their heads
Don't sell your mule to buy a plow
Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat
Don't corner something meaner than you
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar,
assuming you want to catch flies
Man is the only critter who feels the need
to label things as flowers or weeds
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge
Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug
You can't unsay a cruel thing
Every path has some puddles
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty
The best sermons are lived, not preached
Most of the stuff people worry about never happens
Lazy and Quarrelsome are ugly sisters
Some days you're the windshield, some days your the bug and I'm thinking today is one of my bug days. I just can't seem to get moving or motivated to do anything.
After I took the munchkin to school this morning, I came home and vigourously vaccumed the living room, carried out the trash, wrote a check to buy stamps from the rural postman, washed one load of clothes and dried one. After that Jami dropped in with the girls for a while. Then after they left and I was all set to recline on the sofa for a little snooze before time to pick the kid up, the freakin phone rang. It was the school nurse so I went to pick the munchkin up and now have him on MY sofa watching cartoons.
I need to think of something to have for dinner but right now I just can't be bothered. Ever have days like that?
Monday, September 08, 2003
My heart goes out to the Etoch family. Their 17 year old son died in a car accident late Saturday night. Anthony played tight end for the local High School football team and had a long life ahead of him. I ache for what his parents must be going through.
*********************************************************************
*********************************************************************
I've asked Kat some stupid questions about Canada, but even I am not this dense. I'm still laughing here. I got these from Ernie at EHOWA.
These questions about Canada were posted on an International
Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.
Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A:We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of ?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk Is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places
I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Whoever this person was with the answers reminds me of Special K!! Gotta love em.
These questions about Canada were posted on an International
Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.
Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A:We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of ?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk Is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places
I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Whoever this person was with the answers reminds me of Special K!! Gotta love em.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
My son was here this morning before 6 a.m. to go hunting with his father and I've had company ALL day. I'm one pooped old nanny right now.
I'll try to come back sometime tomorrow when I'm not all washed up and post something intelligent.
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!!
I'll try to come back sometime tomorrow when I'm not all washed up and post something intelligent.
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!!
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Here's the smilin Miss Chickie with her crown and trophy and another with her doing her thing on stage.
Oh, I almost forgot. This morning the Chickie was in a beauty pageant and she was crowned "Wee Miss Phillips County 2003". As soon as I get the photos, I'll be posting them.
All the things forgotten came back to me as I walked around the midway the 10th time today. I'd forgotten how dusty and crowded the fair grounds were, how world weary and worn the carnaval workers appeared, how difficult it is to keep up with little ones in a crowd, how expensive one damned glass of coke is, and how glad I am that there is only one county fair a year!!
Friday, September 05, 2003
Twas a cool night under the lights out there on the football field, our team was whoopin their team 30-6 at the half, so we decided to come on back home and rest up for the county fair tomorrow. I'm taking Zach and his little sisters so I expect I need to be resting up for that excursion.
I hope ya'll had a lovely evenin!!
I hope ya'll had a lovely evenin!!
The highlight of my day was an unexpected phone call from Special K and those of you who know her, know that I'm still smiling from that encounter!!
I've got supper cooked, so now I'm off to get my bath and put some clothes on so I can go to the football game tonight without causing a riot!
I've got supper cooked, so now I'm off to get my bath and put some clothes on so I can go to the football game tonight without causing a riot!
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Barton High School State Championship game, Dec. 1997 (the white X is my son)
High School Football season is ready to begin so I reckon we'll be going out tomorrow night to support our school's team. We'll go to as many of the games as we can because it pretty much got to be a habit when our kids were all at home and playing sports. The photo above was my son's last game (which they won by the way) and the end of many frantic Friday nights of football.
This little rural public school has done some amazing things in the past.
All-Time Most State Championships
Ranked 3rd with 8 from 1978-1998
Consective State Championships
Ranked 2nd with 4 from 1986-1989
UNDEFEATED Consecutive Games
State Record holder with 63 from 1985-1990
State Record for Consecutive Regular Season Wins
111 from 1985-1997
State Record for Consecutive Conference Wins
75 from 1984-1997
Coach, Frank McClellan who has been the head football coach at Baron since 1970 is currently a finalist for the National Inaugural Power of Influence Award for 2003.
Timm sent me this goodie. I can really relate to these.
Love, Lust, or Marriage...
Here's a guide to help you determine whether you are in love, in lust, or
are married
Love - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't
care.
Love - when intercourse is called making love.
Lust - all other times.
Marriage - what's intercourse?
Love - when you share everything you own.
Lust - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
Marriage - when the bank owns everything.
Love - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust - when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage - what's a climax?
Love - when you phone each other just to say "I love you."
Lust - when you phone each other just to organize sex.
Marriage - when you phone each other to find out what time your
kid's game starts.
Love - when you write poems about your partner.
Lust - when all you write is your partner's phone number.
Marriage - when all you write is checks.
Love - when you show concern for your true love's feelings.
Lust - when you show concern for whether your partner is cute & sexy.
Marriage - when your only concern is what's on television; & where
is the remote?
Love - when your farewell is, "I love you, darling."
Lust - when your farewell is, "Same time next week?"
Marriage - when your farewell is, "Don't forget to pick up the kids on
the way home."
Love - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust - when you only see each other in the bedroom.
Marriage - when you never see each other awake.
Love - when your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust - when your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage - when your wallet empties every time you see them.
Love - when nobody else matters.
Lust - when nobody else knows.
Marriage - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
Love - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust - when all the songs on the radio are just the same old mushy stuff.
Marriage - when you never have time to listen to music.
Love - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage - when wondering how you will get through the day is something you try not to think about.
Love - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
Lust - when you're only interested in one thing.
Marriage - when you're not interested in what your partner does; and
where IS that darned remote?
Love, Lust, or Marriage...
Here's a guide to help you determine whether you are in love, in lust, or
are married
Love - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't
care.
Love - when intercourse is called making love.
Lust - all other times.
Marriage - what's intercourse?
Love - when you share everything you own.
Lust - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
Marriage - when the bank owns everything.
Love - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust - when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage - what's a climax?
Love - when you phone each other just to say "I love you."
Lust - when you phone each other just to organize sex.
Marriage - when you phone each other to find out what time your
kid's game starts.
Love - when you write poems about your partner.
Lust - when all you write is your partner's phone number.
Marriage - when all you write is checks.
Love - when you show concern for your true love's feelings.
Lust - when you show concern for whether your partner is cute & sexy.
Marriage - when your only concern is what's on television; & where
is the remote?
Love - when your farewell is, "I love you, darling."
Lust - when your farewell is, "Same time next week?"
Marriage - when your farewell is, "Don't forget to pick up the kids on
the way home."
Love - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust - when you only see each other in the bedroom.
Marriage - when you never see each other awake.
Love - when your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust - when your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage - when your wallet empties every time you see them.
Love - when nobody else matters.
Lust - when nobody else knows.
Marriage - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
Love - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust - when all the songs on the radio are just the same old mushy stuff.
Marriage - when you never have time to listen to music.
Love - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage - when wondering how you will get through the day is something you try not to think about.
Love - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
Lust - when you're only interested in one thing.
Marriage - when you're not interested in what your partner does; and
where IS that darned remote?
And for those poets amongst us....
Redneck Love Poem
Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue,
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze,
softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May,
you ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry, jist a-fry'n in the pan,
yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud,
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a June bug a-buzzin' overhead,
you ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gun rack,
my life is complete; ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl sidin',
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate, they git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, "diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won't do, cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
Luv, BUBBA
Redneck Love Poem
Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue,
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze,
softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May,
you ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry, jist a-fry'n in the pan,
yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud,
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a June bug a-buzzin' overhead,
you ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gun rack,
my life is complete; ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl sidin',
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate, they git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, "diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won't do, cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
Luv, BUBBA
Now why does this not surprise me?
Kernersville, NC (Associated Press) Customers at the Kernersville Wal-Mart reacted negatively yesterday to 22 year-old cashier Mindy Warburton's attempts to avoid customers at her otherwise unused checkout lane. The register, number fourteen of twenty eight in the store, is positioned in the center and sees less activity than registers at the ends which are closer to the exits.
"Mindy has been here long enough to know better, but not long enough for us to put her in a higher volume checkout line," stated Jim Goosman, assistant cashier manager, second shift. "Bottom line, she needs to invite people over when she has no customers waiting."
Warburton was reportedly standing at the cash register too long after customers left, pretending to tidy up candy and gum displays, and using her diminutive size (4'10") to hide behind the taller candy racks, making her visible only to customers who passed by in search of shorter lines. "They are told to step out from all of that and actively look for customers who may be ready to check out," Goosman indicated.
The cashier denied the reports, stating that the candy racks were a mess due to "some rugrats who picked up everything and wouldn't put any of it back." Warburton claimed that, other than the candy and gum disaster, the shift ran smoothly and without incident as she did what she had been trained to do.
Warburton has been at Wal-Mart since June of this year. Goosman plans on a mid-afternoon conference with Warburton and General Manager Pete Babcock to discuss the reports as well as to lay out expectations for the holiday season. It is unclear as to whether the management team will review or use security camera tapes during the conference.
Kernersville, NC (Associated Press) Customers at the Kernersville Wal-Mart reacted negatively yesterday to 22 year-old cashier Mindy Warburton's attempts to avoid customers at her otherwise unused checkout lane. The register, number fourteen of twenty eight in the store, is positioned in the center and sees less activity than registers at the ends which are closer to the exits.
"Mindy has been here long enough to know better, but not long enough for us to put her in a higher volume checkout line," stated Jim Goosman, assistant cashier manager, second shift. "Bottom line, she needs to invite people over when she has no customers waiting."
Warburton was reportedly standing at the cash register too long after customers left, pretending to tidy up candy and gum displays, and using her diminutive size (4'10") to hide behind the taller candy racks, making her visible only to customers who passed by in search of shorter lines. "They are told to step out from all of that and actively look for customers who may be ready to check out," Goosman indicated.
The cashier denied the reports, stating that the candy racks were a mess due to "some rugrats who picked up everything and wouldn't put any of it back." Warburton claimed that, other than the candy and gum disaster, the shift ran smoothly and without incident as she did what she had been trained to do.
Warburton has been at Wal-Mart since June of this year. Goosman plans on a mid-afternoon conference with Warburton and General Manager Pete Babcock to discuss the reports as well as to lay out expectations for the holiday season. It is unclear as to whether the management team will review or use security camera tapes during the conference.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
I'm still smiling at these funnies that a friend sent in email today:
GOOD
A Louisville, KY policeman had a perfect spot to watch
for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he
discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was
standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which
read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a
young accomplice down the road with a sign reading
"TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to
just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding
through an automated radar post in Covington, KY. A
$40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent
the police department a picture of $40. The police
responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a
Kentucky State Trooper walked to her car window,
flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you
are going to sell me a ticket to the KY State Police
Ball." "He replied, "KY State Troopers don't have
balls." There was a moment of silence while she
smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then
closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOOD
A Louisville, KY policeman had a perfect spot to watch
for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he
discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was
standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which
read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a
young accomplice down the road with a sign reading
"TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to
just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding
through an automated radar post in Covington, KY. A
$40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent
the police department a picture of $40. The police
responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a
Kentucky State Trooper walked to her car window,
flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you
are going to sell me a ticket to the KY State Police
Ball." "He replied, "KY State Troopers don't have
balls." There was a moment of silence while she
smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then
closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nothing like a rainy day at home with hubby to make this old girl climb the freakin WALLS! It's rather ironic, back when I gave a damn he was never at home and now that I could care less, I can't beat him into the boat to go fishing for the day. I'm wondering if I put a "FOR SALE" sign in the paper for the boat, guns, hunting dog, and accessories might motivate him to take action?
Anyway, I'm here now for a few, even if I'm still in a zoned mood from all the bitching I've listened to about everything from the satellite dish to Zach's homework. I wonder what I did in a previous life to deserve all this delight that I derive outta this one?
A photo I took last fall in Helena.
Anyway, I'm here now for a few, even if I'm still in a zoned mood from all the bitching I've listened to about everything from the satellite dish to Zach's homework. I wonder what I did in a previous life to deserve all this delight that I derive outta this one?
A photo I took last fall in Helena.
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
You might be a farmer if...
Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife does.
You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not.
You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even after dark.
You have convinced your wife that an overnight, out-of-state trip after equipment parts is a vacation.
You have specific hats worn to: farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers and vacation.
You have ever had to wash off in the back yard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
You have never willingly thrown away an empty 5-gallon bucket.
You have used bailing wire to attach a license plate to a vehicle.
You have used a chain saw to remodel your house.
You can remember the fertilizer rate, seeding rate, herbicide rate, and final yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday to dress size.
You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment.
You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors' crops.
You have "borrowed" gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs.
You have used your castrating knife to slice and eat apples just to make your wife queasy.
And finally, if given $1,000,000 you would keep right on farming. You'd farm differently, but you'd keep on farming because that is who and what you are.
Hubby is guilty of everything in bold type!!
Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife does.
You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not.
You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even after dark.
You have convinced your wife that an overnight, out-of-state trip after equipment parts is a vacation.
You have specific hats worn to: farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers and vacation.
You have ever had to wash off in the back yard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
You have never willingly thrown away an empty 5-gallon bucket.
You have used bailing wire to attach a license plate to a vehicle.
You have used a chain saw to remodel your house.
You can remember the fertilizer rate, seeding rate, herbicide rate, and final yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday to dress size.
You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment.
You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors' crops.
You have "borrowed" gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs.
You have used your castrating knife to slice and eat apples just to make your wife queasy.
And finally, if given $1,000,000 you would keep right on farming. You'd farm differently, but you'd keep on farming because that is who and what you are.
Hubby is guilty of everything in bold type!!
Monday, September 01, 2003
Other Holiday Weekend Events.
The bread turned out fine and it was GOOD!!
We got a little rain and they cut the corn field across the road so I could see the storm clouds.
Jami was here early again today, the kids caught a turtle and his name is Turd.
The bread turned out fine and it was GOOD!!
We got a little rain and they cut the corn field across the road so I could see the storm clouds.
Jami was here early again today, the kids caught a turtle and his name is Turd.
Wanna hear it? Here it goes,,,,,,,,,,,
I've figured out the ultimate in a woman's needs,,,Insurance that will cover all aspects of PMS.
Crash the car? PMS defense, automatically covered, no matter that you ran over that poor bastard.
Kicked a hole in the door cause it squeaked again? Caused by PMS, covered due to that stress clause in small print at the bottom of the second page.
Shot the neighbor? No problem, covered under the self-defense clause, that asshole stepped on the flowers that you slaved over last spring.
Tied the kids to the tree out back? Still covered under PMS insurance under the strange and unusual punishments clause.
Blew up the toilet with a strategically placed bomb? Covered!! Pee spatters are considered a secondary condition which constitutes rigid treatment.
I've figured out the ultimate in a woman's needs,,,Insurance that will cover all aspects of PMS.
Crash the car? PMS defense, automatically covered, no matter that you ran over that poor bastard.
Kicked a hole in the door cause it squeaked again? Caused by PMS, covered due to that stress clause in small print at the bottom of the second page.
Shot the neighbor? No problem, covered under the self-defense clause, that asshole stepped on the flowers that you slaved over last spring.
Tied the kids to the tree out back? Still covered under PMS insurance under the strange and unusual punishments clause.
Blew up the toilet with a strategically placed bomb? Covered!! Pee spatters are considered a secondary condition which constitutes rigid treatment.
About Me
-
- Name:Brenda
- Location:Arkansas, United States
I'm from Arkansas, born here, moved away several times as a kid but always back again. This time I've been here for the past 35 years. It's been a trip! Guess I'm a Redneck with culture.
Blog Buds
- Kat
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- Autumn's Meadow
- Dana
- Instant Grits & MonkeyBeans Boutique
- About Me Stuff
- Brenda's Photos
- More Photos
- Web Shots
- Web Shots 2
- Instant Grits
Previous Posts
- I don't know what's going on??
- Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added ...
- Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added ...
- Git Yer Eyes In Focus,,,,,
- Retirement Does Not Have To Be Boring!
- Obit
- I swear I only mentioned it in passing
- Growing up
- Weekend recap
- Happy 1st Birthday Jillian!!
Archives
- 02/03
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Credits
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