Whats UP down South
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Day, 3 ,& 4, and home Sunday!
We piddled around some Friday morning and then decided to find a river/stream to laze by and in for awhile.
Later we went home and the kids took a dip while we cooked some ribs on the grill.
Saturday we ladies hit some garage sales while the men folk played horse shoes and cards. The only photo I took was of this cat with great attitude. I got dizzy looking into his eyes. In my mind I decided that his owner should have named him Cleeter cause he just LOOKs like a Cleeter to me.
On our way home Sunday we followed my sister to the mountain she just bought with some friends of hers. She has plans to build a cabin there some day. It's about 10 miles from a little stop in the road, and over 20 to the nearest town. There's a trail leading up to the property with a few spots of gravel or rock here and there on it. I told her I'd visit her up there when the cabin was built and she had a bathroom (
I know squatting up there is where I got some of my chiggers!) and a coffee pot. I wouldn't have made a happy pioneer folks.
The End.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/30/2004 08:09:17 AM ::
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Day 2 of Vacation
Thursday A.M. Bass Pro Shop in Springfield.
We had a fine time shopping.
Besides, we had to appease Bubbie so he wouldn't mind our afternoon plans.
Thursday P.M. drive through an Exotic Animal Park
This was fun. We couldn't get out of the car but after a few yards into the park I understood why. We were swamped by hungry (or greedy) animals looking for their bite of whatever-god-awful food that was in the bags.
There were lots of ostriches and emus. The owner told us we could run over the big, black ostrich and cook him on the grill for supper and he'd be greatly appreciative but he must have heard him cause we didn't see the big, black one. This fella was pretty pushy. He stuck his head right into the car looking for his food when we were too slow in passing it out to him.
We called this guy Larry Llama.
And this little fella Earnie Emu
We didn't get to know this old guy well enough to name him. He got close to the car and we were pushing buttons to roll up the windows cause he smelled like he'd been rode hard and put up wet,,,TWICE!!
They had a little pond with paddle boats in the park where everyone cooled off and then while Alexis and I watched, the older kids drove a few laps on the go carts. (no photos of that, sorry)
We asked the park owner about the nutritional qualities of the animal food due to the several ounces of the stuff that the Chickie insisted on consuming. He promised that it was child safe.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/29/2004 08:51:23 PM ::
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Monday, June 28, 2004
Continuation of Day 1.
After leaving the Natural Bridge, we stopped in a little hill town called Marshall for gourmet Pizza Hut pizza. The reason I refer to it as gourmet is not due to the delectable quality of the pizza but to the nearly have to sell your soul price of the shitty pizza they served. And did I mention that they did not serve beer, Marshall being in a dry county and all? I guess this could have been called a good thing since half our food budget would have been left in that little spot in the road and as it was only a third of it was deposited there.
The last 4 hours of the drive is far from boring since up or down every mountain and around each twisting curve in the road is a little surprises such as the horse barn above.
We finally made it to my sister's and were ready for a snack and to catch up on the family gossip.
Paula and Jerri
This is Sparky, my sister's minpin who was happy to have someone her own size to play with when Alexis arrived.
Ms. Alexis made herself right at home in Sparky's kennel.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/28/2004 07:40:24 PM ::
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I'm home!
We made it in about 8 p.m. last evening and were greeted about 30 minutes from home with rain. James said it rained almost every day that we were gone. Of course we were happy that it stayed down here and we had lovely weather during our entire trip.
I'm still working on the photos. My memory card ran out and I didn't get to take some of the photos that I intended to but I still got several good ones, so I'll try to post a few of those over the next few days.
On our way up on Wednesday we stopped at the site of a natural bridge located near Clinton, Arkansas. It was a winding drive down the mountain to a spot near the bottom of a gorge where we found a little cabin-like entrance to the trail. There was only one other car there when we arrived so we had a quiet stroll along the trail.
Zach scooted down this little garden-side hill and later we would learn that he got one of the worst case of chiggers this Nanny has ever seen. I acquired a couple of the critter bites myself just from the stroll down the trail so imagine his misery since he was covered from ears to waist!
I've decided that while the mountains in Arkansas and Missouri are lovely to look at, I think I'd rather fight the mosquitos and occasional normal chigger here in the delta rather than the monster chiggers and blood sucking ticks in them thar hills!
Posted by Brenda ::
6/28/2004 10:41:05 AM ::
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I'm one of those G.R.I.T.S. (Girls Raised in the South)
In a bit, which means whenever my son and his wife get their shit together and comes by, we'll be going to them there hills so I'm gonna leave ya'll with some more of that southern wisdom.
I know I've posted something like this before but something just makes me "pleased as punch" of my southern heritage and I love to get things like these in my email and share them. (even if it is over and over sometimes).
Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the
most awful kind of insult as long as it's prefaced
with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As
in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of
a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway."
Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat
an apple through a picket fence."
As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult
can't be all that bad.I was thinking about this the other
day when a friend was telling about her
new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her
toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern
accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart,
cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was
justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had
CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe it?"
said her friend.
Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends
are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their
perspective, their friendships and their recipes for
authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past
their endless complaints that you can't find good bread
down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like
cornbread!
And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying
something is "right much," "right close," or "right good"
because non-natives think this is right funny and
hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to
the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a
giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their hearts,
they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!
My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly,
but she could've stayed home."
Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day
5. Do not 'pass gas' in public. (Well yes, they really do, but they look at the person next to them in shock and smile coyly)
6. Absolutely NEVER sleep with a man on a first date! (they get up and go home to do their sleeping!) A true southern belle never lets the man she's after see her first thing in the morning until she's 'got' him.
7. Never have a gray hair until they're darn ready to have one!
Southern girls always say:
1. "Yes, ma'am."
2. "Yes, sir."
Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
2. "Well, bless your heart."
3. "Drop by when you can."
4. "How's your mother?"
5. "Love your hair."
Southern girls know their three R's!:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest
Southern girls know everybody's first name:
1. Honey
2. Darlin'
3. Sugah
Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"
Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern
charm:
1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say)
2. Richmon
3. Challston
4. S'vannah
5. Birminham
6. Nawlins'
7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!
Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates
In case you know any southern ladies---
Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from Georgia, the other from Alabama, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white pillared mansion. The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The lady from Alabama commented. "Well, isn't that nice??"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in the drive." Again, the belle from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that nice??" The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the second of the ladies commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Alabama belle. "Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on earth for?" The Alabamian responded, "So that instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that nice?"
Posted by Brenda ::
6/23/2004 05:55:27 AM ::
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Trying to get it done.
The Chick and Zach are in his room with popcicles in hand watching Spiderman on his TV while Blues Clues blares on the TV in the livingroom. I thought I'd sneak in here with a cup of coffee and take a teeny, tiny break.
There are pinto beans on the stove cooking, laundry to be taken out of the dryer and more in the washer to be dried. Then there are decisions to make about what to take to wear on our short trip and the packing to do. It's raining off and on today so the things I had planned to do outdoors will have to wait until I come home sometime during the weekend.
It's going to be so nice to drive through the Ozarks and see some hills. It's so flat here in the delta so you can imagine the awe in which we view even mountains as small as ours are in Northern Arkansas.
The Chick just came in and smeared me with a sour apple lollipop so I'd best go see where she disposed of the popcicle.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/22/2004 12:40:12 PM ::
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Monday, June 21, 2004
About those legs.
Those young legs you were viewing in the Chickie photo belonged to my daughter-in-law, Jerri. My legs are a few good years older and wider healthier.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/21/2004 08:43:02 PM ::
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I'm adding new friends to my prayer list.
God Bless Dora, Sponge Bob, and Blues Clues. Amen.
Our sweet, adorable, darling, little Chick slapped the bag boy's hands today and said, "NO, NO" when he attempted to push out my cart full of groceries. I guess she's particular about who pushes her rides.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/21/2004 08:06:00 PM ::
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OK
I uttered those two little sounds and I'm sure I've set the scene for the next two days to be far from boring. I told my son I'd sit with the Chick today and tomorrow.
This young lady is 16 months old and has already got a headstart on her "terrible twos". She just goes and goes and goes with no need of a nap these days. (Although anyone keeping up with her needs several). 
After only a few hours with her, I know why God eventually takes away the ability to have children as we grow older. It just ain't natural to have the stamina to keep up with them at that age when you're old as dirt.
If I don't get around to visit all of my favorite blogs as frequently as I want to, I hope I'll be forgiven since I'll be receiving my just rewards from being here with the Terrorist AND the Chick.
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I'm not sure why the last photo shows up as a link but ya'll can click if you want to see the two "angels" together.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/21/2004 08:24:46 AM ::
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Sunday, June 20, 2004
The weekend
It's been pretty much the same around here as far as weekends go. Someone in and out all the time and tussling with Zach over one thing or another. James didn't have to work this weekend so I'm actually dealing with 2 kids instead of just one.
My sister just called to see when we'd be up there on Wednesday and we talked about a few things that we'll do during our visit. Ya'll wish us luck, Jerri and I will be 6 hrs in a car with Bubbie, Alexis, and Zach. I hope we'll maintain our sanity during the trip. If anyone sees a crazy lady wandering along Hwy. 65 heading up to Springfield, Missouri you'll know that I bailed out when the going got too rough.
I took a few Sunday photos so I'm going to post them and wish everyone a Happy Sunday!
Miss Chickie
Mr. Toad
Mr. Toad and the Terrorist
Posted by Brenda ::
6/20/2004 04:35:38 PM ::
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
For all you wonderful Daddys and Granddaddys out there and to Bilbo's Daddy
Posted by Brenda ::
6/19/2004 09:05:12 PM ::
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Friday, June 18, 2004
We don't have to wait for hell,
we're there. May God be with his family.
Paul Johnson, Jr.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/18/2004 03:59:36 PM ::
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Posted by Brenda ::
6/18/2004 02:46:56 PM ::
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A Sex Test for Rednecks
A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
Douche is the French word for "twelve." True or False
Posted by Brenda ::
6/18/2004 08:33:24 AM ::
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Thursday, June 17, 2004
Life's Truths
On Government Doings
Fighting for peace is like f___ing for virginity.
I asked for universal health care and all I got was this lousy stealth bomber.
The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years.
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.
Dont be mad at your government. They haven't done anything.
Murphy's Laws
When you believe you have seen the utmost of one's stupidity they never cease to amaze you and go one step further.
If you have a 50% chance of being right, you're wrong 90% of the time.
Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head
If you hold a hammer in your hand, everything around you will look like a nail.
If you try to be better than worse, you'll be better at being worse.
Clicking your heels three times means you've fallen and can't get up.
Things can't get worse if you were born an Amazon pygmy cannibal
In view of the current work-load, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
Man is the only animal able to retrace his steps to make the same mistakes previously avoided.
Even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes.
Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
if a man has it he won't want it,
the guy who buys it won't use it,
the guy who uses it could give a shit about it,
so don't give a shit and you will have it all.
If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end.
Marriage is like a dog with a bone, he might not touch it, just doesn't let another dogs come near it.
On Maturity
Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/17/2004 08:39:48 AM ::
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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Only people from the South will understand this.
There was this fellow from Arkansas who had a flat tire, pulled off on the
side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the
car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned
round and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the
front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither.
They shoot old horses don't they?
I was just refilling the various shampoo bottles in both bathrooms from the larger bulk bottles I buy to avoid having to buy 3 different bottles shampoo every darned week. I've lost one. I've searched everywhere (even the microwave and fridge) and I don't know whereinthehell I put it!
Now before you ask, "Why would this crazy broad look in the fridge and microwave"?, let me tell you that this crazy broad has been known to find different lost items in the fridge before. The dumbest of which was maxipads. My subconscious figured I needed cooling off I reckon.
Anyhow, I decided I'd best take a break before I lose something really important today.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/16/2004 11:07:08 AM ::
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Tuesday, June 15, 2004
I love my country life but....
there are a few little irritations that come with country livin.
1. The same sweet, little, frolicking, baby, rabbits that you enjoy watching as you sit outside in late afternoon will wait until night to take bites out of that tomato that you've been patiently waiting to ripen.
2. Those same sweet, little, frolicking, bunnies will also eat the bark off the bottom of your cypress tree.
3. You are stuck with a dial-up connection unless you want to sell your soul to one of those satellite internet thingies.
4. Your dial-up is at the mercy of big-ass tractors who's drivers sleep as they make their way down the road and in the process take out your mail box and the main phone box down the road. The weather and kids who like to use anything sticking up out of the ground for target practice wreck their havoc too.
5. Since you live in the country where there are no laws about animals, you run across the grass and across the road to your rural mail box (the one that's laying in the ditch) and suddenly have to do an olympic long jump over the smelly logs (enough to build a cabin!) that the neighbor's St.Bernard walked over a hundred yards to deposit in your yard.
6. When you're at a little league ball game and you lock your keys in the truck, you find out that the park is about 100 yards outside the city limits and the city police won't come out. You also find out, after you've stood in the rain beside your locked truck for an hour, that the sheriff's department does not have the tools to unlock the door and there's no locksmith within a 70 mile radius.
7. When you cry, standing in the rain beside your locked truck, most people give you a sympathetic glance and walk right on by because they already know what you didn't know about the city limits and the sheriff department's lack of unlock tools.
8. Telephone repairs in the country are usually put at the bottom of the repair list but they do work past 5 p.m.
I'm sure there's more but right now I'm peeking out the window at an unobstructed country view of the lovely sun setting after a day of rain and clouds. AND my phone line is fixed so I can post this!
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Country Boys Can Survive
A filthy rich man in North Carolina decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool."
Posted by Brenda ::
6/15/2004 06:35:05 PM ::
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Monday, June 14, 2004
The fruits of Sunday labor
I'm going to hell for working like this, ya'll pray for me.
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My cous sent this to me this morning and I think ya'll might appreciate it.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/14/2004 10:45:15 AM ::
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Monday
Posted by Brenda ::
6/14/2004 09:19:09 AM ::
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Sunday, June 13, 2004
Two Bitchy Witchy Days
On Friday evening I promised Zach that I'd take him to Jerri and Bubbie's for a swim in their big, new, inflatable pool on Saturday. Bubbie called early Saturday morning to say that he was cooking on the grill also so we should come earlier than planned. I called James before we left to ask how long he'd be in the field and to tell him to meet us over there when he was through. He told me he'd probably be done by 2 or so.
At 4, he still wasn't there so I was pretty perturbed since that meant he wouldn't be coming and I'd be cooking dinner when I got home. We arrived back home at 4:30 and he came in soon after and spoke to me when he came in the door. Since I was pissed and not in the mood for small talk, I said nothing. He made a snide remark that just didn't sit right with me so the shit hit the fan and I let him have it with both barrels. THEN he called me a bitch to which I replied, "Buddy, I've been out of my hormones for 6 weeks and you haven't SEEN a bitch yet!" Needless to say, everyone walked on eggshells for the rest of the evening.
Then I woke up this morning, still in a rather shitty mood. I piddled around doing laundry and different things and then went out to water the plants on the porch. I couldn't find the sprayer that fits on the water hose and I asked Zach if he'd seen it. He and Jessica had removed it yesterday to take to her house to spray themselves with. I made him go fetch it and he slowly drags himself across the yards to bring it back to me. He hands it to me and it's broken so I got upset about it.
Hubby and Jeffrey, Jessica's daddy, are sitting beneath the Mimosa tree having a beer and hubby makes the mistake of saying the damned sprayer probably didn't cost $5, so I should just go buy another.
So, the shit hits the fan again since I said, "I don't care if the damn thing didn't cost but .99, I bought it to water my flowers and I'm here trying to water my flowers, and I DON'T have a sprayer because IT'S BROKEN!
THEN I noticed brown spots and wilted leaves on my Hollyhocks beside the house. I looked a little closer and I could see this narrow path of dead grass around the house. I asked James if he's sprayed chemicals around my flowers and he said he hadn't but he had sprayed the grass around the house. He hadn't felt like using the weedeater. He knows how pissed I am at the farmer next to us because he lets his chemicals drift over onto my yard so the DUMB ASS sprays chemicals on the grass BESIDE my flowers and the drift gets on them. The farmer didn't do enough damage I guess.
I finished watering the flowers that the chemicals hadn't burned and spotted, then I went to the shed and got the hoe and cut down the Hollyhocks. Prior to my first chop, he told me if I cut them down he was leaving. My reply to him was, "Well, I suggest you go get your shoes on and hit the road." CHOP!
The asshole was back in less than an hour.
Later on, Jerri called and asked me if I'd help her can some salsa since she didn't know how to use the pressure canner so I spent 3 hours peeling and chopping 5 gallons of tomatoes while she chopped the other ingredients and we canned the salsa. After the second canner full was on, I started cooking dinner.
The Chickie had been playing on the floor under our feet most of the time we'd been working and we were constantly grabbing her off stools that she'd climbed up on or out of cabinets while her daddy and PopPop reclined in the living room, watching TV. During one lull, I sat down for a minute to have a cig and a few sips of coffee and the Chickie came in and was trying to climb up onto the foot-stool in front of me so I hooked a couple of fingers in the back of her diaper to keep her from falling.
Knuckle deep into poop.
Sometimes I wonder if I should even get up in the mornings.
hectic.jpeg
Posted by Brenda ::
6/13/2004 05:24:59 PM ::
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Friday, June 11, 2004
Kudzu. It Grows On You.
Every time I drive to Helena during the spring it amazes me how I can see the progression of the warm days marching past by simply looking at the minute by minute growth of the kudzu vines that cover Crowley's Ridge. Last week I decided to do a little research to jog my memory about as to how in the hell this vine came to be, and be, and be, in this area.
The image above was taken on my drive through the ridge between Helena and West Helena. There's an old, abandoned house beneath those lovely vines folks!
There's so much of this fast-growing vine in the Southeastern U.S., you might think it was a native plant. Actually, it took a lot of hard work to help kudzu spread so widely. Now that it covers over seven million acres of the deep South, there are a lot of people working hard to get rid of it!
Kudzu was introduced to the United States in 1876 at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Countries were invited to build exhibits to celebrate the 100th birthday of the U.S. The Japanese government constructed a beautiful garden filled with plants from their country. The large leaves and sweet-smelling blooms of kudzu captured the imagination of American gardeners who used the plant for ornamental purposes.
Florida nursery operators, Charles and Lillie Pleas, discovered that animals would eat the plant and promoted its use for forage in the 1920s. Their Glen Arden Nursery in Chipley sold kudzu plants through the mail. A historical marker there proudly proclaims "Kudzu Developed Here."
During the Great Depression of the 1930s, the Soil Conservation Service promoted kudzu for erosion control. Hundreds of young men were given work planting kudzu through the Civilian Conservation Corps. Farmers were paid as much as eight dollars an acre as incentive to plant fields of the vines in the 1940s.
"Cotton isn't king in the South anymore.
Kudzu is king!"
The problem is that it just grows too well! The climate of the Southeastern U.S. is perfect for kudzu. The vines grow as much as a foot per day during summer months, climbing trees, power poles, and anything else they contact. Under ideal conditions kudzu vines can grow sixty feet each year.
While they help prevent erosion, the vines can also destroy valuable forests by preventing trees from getting sunlight. This problem led Dr. James H. Miller of the U.S. Forest Service in Auburn, Alabama to research methods for killing kudzu. In eighteen years of research, he has found that one herbicide actually makes kudzu grow better while many have little effect. Miller recommends repeated herbicide treatments for at least four years, but some kudzu plants may take as long as ten years to kill, even with the most effective herbicides.
Common names for kudzu include:
mile-a-minute vine,
foot-a-night vine,
and the vine that ate the South.
Personally I believe that kudzu is Japan's way of finally getting even with us!
Posted by Brenda ::
6/11/2004 08:54:51 AM ::
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Thursday, June 10, 2004
My. Ass. Is. Dragging.
XX
I had a post ready but I forgot where I put it. I'll find it tomorrow so ya'll be ready.
Nite, Nite XX
Posted by Brenda ::
6/10/2004 11:10:57 PM ::
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Posted by Brenda ::
6/09/2004 12:21:35 PM ::
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An optimist and a pessimist
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"Yes, I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
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Proof of Age
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply
for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license
to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had
left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry,
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."
So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me," and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his
experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants... You might have
gotten disability too."
Posted by Brenda ::
6/09/2004 08:44:59 AM ::
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Can I do this?
When my oldest daughter left home to go away to college I was devastated. I'm not one that handles change well and the thought of her being even 2 hours away and all on her own brought me to tears many times in the weeks before her High School graduation. I still had the two younger children at home so I managed to adapt and eventually found myself looking forward to the time that they'd leave and strike out into the world.
It hasn't happened. Jami became pregnant with Zach late in her Junior year of HS and made the decision to give him up for adoption. With my heart breaking, I pleaded with her and promised that if she'd reconsider, I would take care of him. She did and I have.
I'm beginning to wonder if I can do this. I've spent my whole life raising kids, first sisters and brothers, my own, and now Zachary. I'll be 50 in just a few weeks and I'm tired, even my soul is tired, yet my heart hurts every time I'm away from him. I've got to find a way to have some time for ME but while I'm thinking on it,,,,I hope the Good Lord is going to give me the strength and the sanity to see this through.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/08/2004 10:26:42 AM ::
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Sunday, June 06, 2004
Shoot out in I40
I promised Mistress Leslie, over there in Tennessee, to relate this little tale about the time I thought I'd been shot at on my way to Little Rock one day.
This little episode happened during a really bad time of my life. My family and friends were dying all around me, I'd already had a couple of outbreaks of the shingles, and at the time I was in a cast up to my knee with only the tips of two toes sticking out (with which I happened to be using to drive my car against the yelling and cursing advice of my doctor). Also, Jami, and the then 17 month old Zach, were still living with us off and on. Every weekend, my crutches and I were driving to Little Rock after work on Friday to take care of my mother so my sister, the nurse, could work her weekend shift at the hospital. Had I not been in such a ditzy frame of mind due to all the goings on, this little episode would probably never have occurred. But I was, and thus, it did.
Shortly after I'd gotten onto the interstate at Brinkley and just before I reached the White River bridge, I started hearing some really stange noises that seemed to be coming from beneath my car.
My first thought was that perhaps it was because of the road (you know how you hear that "tha-thunk, tha-thunk" sound as you're driving down some interstates. But the sound wasn't like that,,it was sort of like the sound of building pressure in a pressure cooker,,a hissing sort of sound,,and I couldn't figure out just where it was coming from and all of the gauges and things weren't indicating a problem with the car. So I drove on.
Just after I'd crossed the White River the hissing sound grew suddenly louder and then suddenly there was this BIGASS BOOM and I felt something hit the back of my head! I grabbed my head and my first thoughts were "OH SHIT, OHMYGOD, I've been SHOT!" I was in a really big, like almost shitting my pants BIG, panic as I tried to hold on to what I thought were my brains coming out of the back of my head as I manuvered my car to the side of the interstate.
Mind you, during these seconds in time, I felt no pain, nor did I think to actually look to see if it WAS brains and blood saturating the back of my head, I just got my ass out of traffic and pulled over.
Then the smell hit me. Knowing that if I had, in fact, shit my pants, the smell surely wouldn't be THAT smell, I looked at my hand, at the white, foamy, substance dripping from it, and then turned and looked into the back seat.
Somehow, Jami had missed retrieving one of Zach's bottles when she'd removed his car seat from my car before I'd left. There is was, fermented to bomb strength, and folks, that bottle had been there for awhile! It was decidedly past the buttermilk stage, let me tell ya. And holy shit did it smell raunchy!
I used what napkins I had in the car to wipe some of the mess from my hair and hands and then drove on, with the windows down, until I reached a place where I could better clean the back of the seat, the back floorboard, and the back seat. It took quite a while to clean the mess up when I reached my sisters and it a VERY long while before that smell finally lessened in my car.
Let this be a warning to those unwary young drivers with tots!
Posted by Brenda ::
6/06/2004 08:17:58 PM ::
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
In Praise of Older Women
I was surfing along one day and stumbled across this piece. I do not know who the author is, but they seem to be pretty wise. (This was to have been my Friday post except that I got side-tracked.)
An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh. A younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade in a brothel.
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night & ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.
The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men. (this one ain't always true - wink, wink )
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes. An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover! (child)
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman puts herself on a pedestal.
An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know...
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you.
Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.
An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to boff you too.
An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/05/2004 08:22:59 AM ::
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Friday, June 04, 2004
I had big plans for a Friday Post
But then I had to stop to:
Give a good morning hug and kiss to Terrorist
Fry 2 eggs
Put a new Gladbag in the trash can
Caution the Terrorist about abusing his computer game
Caution the Terrorist again
Get the belt to threaten the Terrorist about computer abuse
Start a load of laundry
Take cherries away from Terrorist since he'd already eaten a quart of them.
Give up the idea of my big plans for my Friday post cause now I can't REMEMBER what it was!
So, here are some more blooms to brighten yer day.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/04/2004 11:14:45 AM ::
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Thursday, June 03, 2004
Begats
Ok, for those who are confused about all the droopy leafs on my family tree, I did a little begatting informational organizing over on the left side there. The actual tree from which these leaflings dangle is a huge one and it would take many blog pages and more brain activity that I'm currently able OR willing to instigate. Aren't you glad?
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I've been trying and trying to have time to read every single one of my favorite reads over there on my list and I just can't seem to find the 3+ hours that it takes me to do it. I hope ya'll will forgive me for coming by when I can and know that I'd like to much more often than I get to!!
Posted by Brenda ::
6/03/2004 07:37:09 AM ::
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Heh
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/02/2004 10:52:46 AM ::
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Just in a mood.
And it's not a good one folks.
My oldest daughter is on one of her jags about what a bad mother and grandmother I am, again, and I'm ready to throw up my hands in defeat and go crawl under a rock for awhile.
I probably am lacking in the parenting and grandmothering department but I made a promise to take care of Zachary before he was even born, I didn't make that promise about the other 6 and now I reckon I'll have to accept the "bad" momma title.
This is all over not being able to make the 4 hr. round trip drive to Little Rock due first to a school schedule and now a ball schedule.
I'm running as fast as I can right now, damn I don't need this.
Somebody just shoot me.
Posted by Brenda ::
6/02/2004 09:21:18 AM ::
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Redneck love poem
Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue, and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze, softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May, you ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry, jist a-fry'n in the pan, yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud, I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a June bug a-buzzin' overhead, you ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gun rack, my life is complete; ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl sidin', despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate, they git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day, from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth, "diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do, cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!
Luv, BUBBA
Posted by Brenda ::
6/01/2004 11:34:00 AM ::
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