Flowers are abloomin in June!

Guess who's had 3 showers since 2 pm today? What is it with little boys and mud?

Just in case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny part is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. And you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Adventuresome Urges.

I am quite sure that it's my age and the suspicion that I'd better cram a lot of "want tos" into the last half of my life that has made me much more adventuresome than I was during the first half of my life. Of course something about raising 3 kids does things to all of the urges that might try to raise their heads too (if they dared!). So it was in my 43rd year that I first smoked pot (and my last, I might add), my 44th year that I crewed for a hot-air balloonist and spotted for him while my daughter and my Soony (my Dutch kid) went up for their first flight, and my 45th year that I hopped my big ole ass up onto the wing of a crop duster and took my first ride in the jumpseat to take some wonderful photos! Now, if they'd only let me take a ride on that space shuttle,, I'd die with a smile!!


A photo of our old house that I took from the crop duster

Whew, it's been a tough day already. Zach had a dentist appointment at 10:45 this morning so I waited until the last minute to wake him up for breakfast and his bath. Then I had to deal with this grumpy, I don't want Captain Crunch-the bath water is too cold-why do I have to wear shoes-but we can't leave while "Courage the Cowardly Dog" is on- whining this morning from the 6-yr-old terrorist.

We finally got out of the house around 10:15 and once we made it to the appointment, they were about 45 minutes behind. Zach finally gets his turn in the chair and right off the bat the dentist hurts him, so the work that should have taken 45 minutes took an extra half hour (he really did hurt him, the shots didn't take). That trip cost me a new computer game and lunch at McDonalds (which I HATE).

On the ride home, I was aching so bad that I finally picked up the cell and made an appointment to see my doc tomorrow afternoon. I know the time has come when I have to rest after vacuuming the living room or a trip to the dentist! I have way too much to do to let this keep going on so I'm going to march in there tomorrow and tell him to either fix me up or shoot me, whichever is cheaper!!

My son, the accident waiting to happen, and his wife and their friends decided to go on a short vacation this past week. Usually, their annual pilgrimage to the wilderness is to go up to Spring River in North Central Arkansas and do a short canoe trip and camp, but this year, they decided to try the Buffalo River in NW Arkansas. They all left early Wednesday morning with tents, one raft, and innertubes, and I didn't hear from them again until they were on their way home yesterday.

The phone rang around noon and it was Jerri telling me that they were on their way home. I asked about their trip and then she told me that she didn't care of they filled in Buffalo river!!! We talked a few more minutes and I told her to just hurry home cause I couldn't wait to hear the story behind those words.

They were too tired to come by on their way home so my son called last night to tell me a little of their adventure. He said their trip was great, they swam, they floated a little, made one trip to civilization for beer and extra supplies, and were having a great time. They'd left the long float for their last full day so they all got up Saturday and caught their ride to their starting point 20 miles up river. My son kept asking why it was so far since it was only supposed to be a 6 hr float trip. His friend told him that highway miles are different from river miles. Well it seems that they are, but they went just a little too far for a 6 hr float.

James the day started out nice, everyone was floating on innertubes except for one couple who had a raft. They had a cooler with beer and water, cameras and a few food items in water proof pails and baggies. 6hrs came and went and they kept coming to parts of the river that were so shallow that they'd have to pick up their floats and carry them across the rocks. Soon the women became so exhausted that in the deeper parts the guys tied ropes around their waists and were swimming and pulling them down river. Two of the friends were single guys and they had floated ahead of the others when they'd made a stop on the bank to rest and relieve themselves. James said the didn't get too worried until it started to get dark in the wilderness. With the limestone walls on each side of the river it made it pitch black and they couldn't see anything, didn't know where they were, had no idea how far Jeremy and Tristan had gotten ahead of them, so exhausted, sunburned, with scraped knees and feet from the rocks, they finally decided that they had to stop and wait for daylight to continue.

It had cooled to about 65 degrees F by then and they were all in wet swimsuits so they decided the first thing they needed to do was build a fire (they figured that would keep all the wild critters away as well). The three guys gathered some wood and worked for about an hour trying to get a fire started. Finally, my son said, "I guess Jerri got tired of our fumbling around, so my little firebug wife gathered her own wood and while we were struggling we noticed we had light, I turned around to look and she had a blaze going!" He continued on with his story to tell me that they'd nearly frozen their asses off, he and the other two husbands got NO sleep because the women didn't want to be eaten by some wild critter and kept waking them up to find wood to feed the fire. They were also worried about the two guys who'd gone ahead because they didn't know if they had the means with which to light a fire.

At some point in the early morning hours, they heard their friends yelling for them from the bluffs above the river, they yelled back but because they were down in a hollow, the friends didn't hear them. Their friends had made it back to camp and we worried when they hadn't shown up behind them and after a couple of hours, they'd found a park ranger and had gathered 6 other campers to look for them.

James said that they decided at 5:30 am, that they were going to find their way out, no matter what, but were not going to get back into that river. They started hiking along the bank and had gone less than 300 yards when they came upon another camp site. He said they guy must have thought that they were insane when a group of yelling, bedraggled people came running at him, but the guy (a man from Australia) was kind enough to drive them to their camp. He said they were pretty embarrassed that they'd been lost only 300 yards from a camp site, but the kicker was when they got to their camp and found out that they had only been 2 miles from it!

Everything turned out well in the end although 15 people went without sleep on Saturday night (the 6 lost and 9 searchers), and they were all scratched and bruised and tired. Needless to say, he didn't share my enthusiasm about his great adventure and his last words, before he hung up from our chat were, "Fuck the Buffalo River."

Jerri has promised to send photos to my email soon and let me scan some of the ones from the other camera so as soon as she does I'll share them here.

I've been thinking about my brother, Roger, for the past few days. My two sisters and I only have half brothers. My father has 4 sons with his second wife and my mother had Roger around the same time she and my father divorced. Roger died at age 31 and the day of his funeral was the last time I've spoken more than a few words to my father. Parts of my life read like the script of a soap opera but the short and sweet of it is that Roger was not one of my father's sons.

I was so angry with my mother when my brother died because I knew that he'd lived his short life never knowing who his father was.

I loved my brother.

I'm sitting here with my first cup of coffee of the day and wondering where my spring fling inspiration went. The past couple of days I just haven't been able to concentrate for very long on anything.

Yesterday, my oldest daughter came by for a couple of hours. She came with a friend who was attending a wedding so I had a little time with Jordan and Jaylen. I was the happy recipient of sweet kisses and cutie-pie hugs. I don't get to see these granddaughters as much as I'd like to, so I try to make the most of these times.

Jordan, age 5, Jaylen, age 1 1/2

I got one very welcome and very needed thing today. That Special K called me twice and gave me plenty to smile about and we also had a chat in IM.

I don't quite know how to do a Friday Five. How does one come up with the questions?

So I'm going to try to do a "What Brenda Needs Today" list and hopefully someone will give me instructions on the Friday Five soon (grin).

WHAT BRENDA NEEDS TODAY!

**Energy to do what needs doing.

**Patience

**The ability to "fix things" that go wrong.

**Peace

**As much time as needed to just be alone.

**To be first sometimes

**The ability to say what I feel without upsetting someone

**To see my sisters more than I do

I'm really very tired, and when I am this tired, I'm a bitch.

My youngest daughter only lives a few miles from me. She is Zach's mother and the mother of 3 of the little granddaughters. She lost her job a few weeks ago and she's been to visit almost every day since. Even when I'm not at home she visits and calls me in my truck, from MY house, asking me where I am.

I feel like a prisoner and my kids are the wardens. I am grumpy so I'm gonna hush now.

Yep, I tend to agree with this,,,,,

(Forrest has made a correction)


"Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow."

My cousin, Gordon, has been kind again today.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm
the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.
Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call
her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so
we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the
Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the
Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so
he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely
soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room
and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks
in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He
gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you
think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing
the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People
are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Would you believe I'm paying bills??

*****Abie in May*****


*****Abie, Krysten, Merikate*****


*****PopPop*****

Zach's youngest little sister is Abie, aged 2. She's learning to talk and sounds just like a little magpie. The last few weeks we've been having some pretty intense conversations.

Nanny: "What's your name little girl?"
Abie: "Meri Katherine" (this is one of her sister's names)

Nanny: "No, No, your name is Abie." "Who are you?"
Abie: "Meri Katherine"

Nanny: " My name is Nanny. Your name is ?"
Abie: "Meri Katherine"

Finally, after about 2 weeks of this,,,,

Nanny: "What is your name?"
Abie: "Abie"

Nanny: "Yeaaa,,,GOOD GIRL!!"
" How old are you?"
Abie: "Meri Katherine"

Nanny: (under her breath) "ohshit, here we go again."

Andy Rooney Humor

Monica
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 recently. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees

Vegetarians
"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'"

Prisoners
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

Fabric Softener
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

Morning Differences
Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

Phone-In-Polls
You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Says Into Phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 a minute to say, "I'm not in the mood."

Cripes
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Grandma
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

Answering Machines
Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." Beep. "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."

Research
Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections...who can't remember what to do with them!

****Smiles by Timm

Navajo Wisdom

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts to a location near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel. The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel. Since the man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon.

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder. After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate. His son would not.

Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to translate and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate.

Finally, with cash in hand, someone translated the message, "Watch out for these guys, they come to take your land."

I'm on my way out the door to meet a friend for lunch, but thought I'd post a little before I leave.

Usually my take of the daily news broadcasts is "Around the World in 80 Seconds". I figure that anything worth knowing will be in that and besides, it's short and to the point. But for some reason last night, I wasn't deep enough into my book when hubby turned on the news to wait for the local weather. The top stories were:

Police have pressed murder charges against the mother of an 8-month-old boy who was brought to the hospital with a fractured skull and ribs.
Lisa Marie Butler, 18, of Memphis was charged Friday with first-degree murder in the perpetration of aggravated child abuse. Police said she confessed to the killing.
Child Welfare is under investigation in this case also because the child had been reportedly abused in the past and their findings at that time concluded that it had been accidental.
Butler also revealed in the hearing held today, that she was currently 3 months pregnant with her second child.

Chante Mallard, a 27-year-old nurse's aide, is accused of striking Gregory Glenn Biggs, a homeless man, with her car as she drove home from a friend's apartment along U.S. 287 near the Loop 820 split. His body crashed through the windshield. She then drove home and pulled into her garage, leaving Biggs, 37, to die lodged in the car.
Afterward, Mallard burned a car seat to conceal the evidence -- a crime to which she pleaded guilty Monday.
Prosecutors Richard Alpert, Christy Jack and Miles Brissette maintain that Mallard, who was intoxicated on alcohol, Ecstasy and marijuana, committed murder by failing to seek medical care for Biggs.
On Tuesday, they called a Fort Worth Fire Department captain and a John Peter Smith Hospital emergency physician, both of whom testified that Biggs would have survived had he received medical treatment.
Defense attorneys Jeff Kearney and Reagan Wynn have argued in state District Judge James Wilson's court that it was an accident when Mallard hit Biggs and that boyfriend, Jackson was the mastermind behind dumping the body.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep peacefully last night.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today and the only news we hear is GOOD news!

I don't care?

Mack Ray, writer and diversified farmer in Arkansas, authors "Talegate Time" for Midsouth Farmer Magazine. I have come to look forward to reading his simplified opinions which can and do cover a variety of topics.

This month his article was entitled "Excuse Me for Not Caring" where he's covered many of the items that I've encountered in some of my favorite blogs over the past few weeks.

Mack's take on:

EUROPEANS "I don't care what Europeans think about Americans. We want their business but we really don't much care about what they really think of us. If we did care, we'd probably still be a British colony. They think we are arrogant, crass, materialistic, and obsessed with money. They are pretty much right. We think they are arrogant, lazy, fractious, and disorganized. We are pretty much right. Europeans think 500 miles is a long way, while we think 500 years is a long time."

DIXIE CHICKS "I don't care what the Dixie Chicks think about George Bush and furthermore, I don't care what George Bush thinks about the Dixie Chicks. Even if you like their music, you probably don't look to them for political advice."

HOLLYWOOD CELEBS "I don't care what any celebrities think about politics or current events. Just because you get photographed a lot doesn't mean you are wiser, or deeper, or better informed than anyone else."

REALITY TV "I don't care what happens on these shows which are not even remotely connected to reality. I want to see a show where the top executives of major corporations trade places with their lowest paid employees for a month."

I really like Mack and I appreciate the way he thinks. Do any of us really care a lot about these things? Hell, most days it's all I can do to care about having a place to live, food on the table, and a little something to smile about!!

Today I'm in one of those "down on me" days that I get sometimes. I don't have them real often so I guess I owe it to myself to feel melancholy about how I really feel about things at times. I've listened over and over to this song by Gary Allen. The lyrics speak perfectly about my mood and wants and needs. The midi is the not as beautiful as the actual, but it's all I could find to accompany.

Smoke Rings in the Dark
---Gary Allen

Well I won't make you tell me
What I've come to understand
You're a certain kind of woman and
I'm a different kind of man
I've tried to make you love me
You're tried to find a spark
of the flame that burned and Somehow turned
to smoke ring in the dark

The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey
through an empty aching soul
and The night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As I sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone
and All I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart
and All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

The rain falls where it wants to
Wind blows where it will
Everything on earth goes somewhere
But I swear we're standin' still
So I'm not going to wake you
I'll go easy on your heart
I'll just touch your face and drift away
Like smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone and
All I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and
All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

A neat find from the Tuesday's tired Nanny:

WORRIED HOUSEWIFE

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and
listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you,
darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother,"
said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad
day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't
had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle
and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and
I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling,"
she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in
half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook
your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I
know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now
stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at
the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?

"No, It's 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean
you're not coming over?"

Bear sent these the other day. I thought I'd had embarrassing moments but,,,,,,


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word... he knew better. -Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run
and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. -Kathy
Newman, 46,
Winston-Salem, NC

I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom
and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out
so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at
the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had
captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera! - Name
Withheld
(go
figure)

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
-Colleen Collins,
31, Ferndale, MI

Nuts about You! My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget. -Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amuk. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be
punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. - Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE ". That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" -Diane E. Amov

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in awhile, so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?""No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more
time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
beforeshe speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob,where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard! So glad laughter is good for the soul!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My crazy cousin in Alabama sent this link to my email this morning. Be sure to scroll over each and every pup folks!

My mother worked when we were growing up so my sisters and I were expected to do most of the housework. One morning as she was leaving for work, she told us that the living room had better be spotless when she came home.

We played around all morning but decided it might be in our best interest to get busy and do the cleaning after lunch (those willow switches left a remarkable impression on young minds and their behinds). We dusted and swept the hardwood floor and decided that it needed a little more cleaning so we found ammonia and a wire brush in a cabinet beneath the kitchen sink and got busy scrubbing. When we were finished, you could have eaten a meal off that floor!

I was in my room when mom came in from work. When she screamed I thought something really bad had happened and ran to the living room where I found her sitting on the couch shaking her head and crying. How were we to know that you shouldn't scrub hardwood floors? We'd cleaned it so well that we'd stripped it down to the bare wood.

We escaped the willow switch that day but I think it was only because she was too weak from shock.

Grandpa

I imagine all the things he must have seen, being born as a new century was taking it's first wobbly steps. There were no silver spoons for him to teeth on and probably just a rough, unfinished floor when he learned to crawl. His father owned their spot of land in Oklahoma due to his claim of it during the land rush. He spoke in later years of the unfairness of it, since another older, regal, race of people were sacrificed in it's acquisition.

The motor car was invented when he was a lad but it would be quite some time before he ever saw one. His family farmed with mules and went to town for supplies with a horse and wagon. His mother laundered his 2 shirts and 2 pairs of pants with a rub board, soap she'd made herself, and water from the well. He had one pair of shoes for winter. He ate the bread that was baked in the oven of an old cast iron stove. There was plenty of wood with which to stoke it because there were still plenty of forests back then. Their vegetable garden fed them all summer and the extras were preserved in jars, or by pickling or drying for the cold winter months. They had a cow for milk and pigs to slaughter for hanging in the smoke house. A yard full of chickens and ducks provided them with fresh eggs for at least 9 months of the year and extras were fried up to put on the Sunday dinner table.

Their simple house was built to allow breezes to circulate through doors and windows during the hot months. They gathered in the kitchen in cold weather because the stove in there was the only source of heat other than the drafty old fireplace.

Baths weren't an every day event, but at least twice a week they filled the old tin wash tub with water that had been heated on the wood stove. During warm months, with a bar of soap and a dip in the creek, they made do.

As soon as he was old enough, he had chores to do and he did them without question. His family worked side by side in order to eat and live. He said he had a good life and felt lucky because there were others who had much less.

He was 65 year old before he owned a television and only turned it on for the evening news. He bought an air conditioner for the spare bedroom (for company) in 1995, he didn't like the unnatural coldness from it himself. Mostly self-educated because at 13 his father died and left him the head of the family, he ran a sawmill, scouted timber, and farmed without even the aid of a calculator.

He and my grandmother raised 8 children to be fine adults and he outlived 3 of them. He also outlived my grandmother by 10 years and on the day of her funeral was the first time I ever saw him cry. He stayed strong for her until then.

I know all of these things and more because he told me while I sat many times with him in that old swing beneath the pecan tree in his yard.

I have such fun when I find new blogs to read that make me smile. Thank you for commenting Dave. Leslie and Katrina are much better at finding these goodies than I am but I'm sure glad they share them with the rest of us.

Last evening I watched a movie after everyone else went to bed. (yes another one!). Sometimes it's fun to watch for no other reason other than it's corny enough to be hilarious.

American Pie II is a really funny, if slightly raunchy, movie about a bunch of guys who are having a final summer of fun before college and responsibilities begin. I can't even begin to describe one of the scenes which included a tuba, and the "pretend" lesbians broadcasted over the CB waves made me wipe tears. My favorite scene was about Jimbo.

After mistaking a tube of super glue for lubricant, Jim ends up in the ER with a porn tape "stuck" to one hand and his penis "stuck" in the other. The next morning his friend greeted him at breakfast with, "Jim, you are the only guy I know who's' dick should come with an instruction manual".

A perfect contribution from Bear today.

IN THE BEGINNING

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme Donuts.

And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said "Yea," and woman said, "And another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 2 to size 6.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and it's 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And Satan said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs

I normally only give gold stars to those who catch on to the wiseassedness in me, BUT....I think the graphics that Leslie shares with us in her blog deserves some recognition. Don't ya'll agree?
So Miss Leslie, here is your star,,,,,

Well, another Friday on it's way to biting the dust. But it wasn't too bad a day. I was awake early and weaved my way through the toys after crashing in Zach's bed last night (that damned snoring again in my bed). I dropped Zach off at his "real" home and went into work until about 11. Then I ran some errands, picked him up, and came home to do a few chores. Late this afternoon we went for a little ride on the 4wheeler so I could get some practice in driving it. (forgot to mention my short, little nap in there somewhere).

I hope everyone had a Happy Friday!!

Boy blogger is really putting me in a pissy mood today! However, here is another contribution from Timm that made me smile. A discussion between a redneck father and son,,,,,,,,,,

"What did you learn in algebra class today, son?"

"Well, I learned Pi R Squared," replied the boy.

"Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied, "you may think I am
stupid, but everybody knows that pies are round."

And a little advice for the day:

No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it,
because it may never come around again.

Tball is over!! They tied tonight's game so the end result was first place for their little team. This Nanny is glad all that's past for another year. Now we just have to get through dental appointments and kick back for the rest of the summer.

Timm's been at it again! He sure makes it hard to be in a bad mood :-)

Ways to Seduce Your Spouse After Fifty Years of Marriage

Secretly replace his Centrum Silver with Viagra.

Light a few candles and put on some romantic music - then dress up
like "Matlock."

Walk around the house in a T-shirt, black socks and no underpants.
Hey, it worked for my old man.

Sensuous Aspercreme rubdowns.

Shout lewd suggestions into her hearing aid.

Crank up the oxygen tent to "high" and hope you get lucky.

Give her a sensual foot massage, and while you're down there, go
ahead and rub her breasts as well.

Tiger-striped Depends, baby!

My mind has spent a lot of time on Leslie's blog entry on Tuesday. And my thoughts on why our older citizens are being treated in such a cruel and senseless manner has to do with the power that we've given our governments and medical organizations in making decisions about our lives. I think we are allowing an outbreak of utilitarian bioethics to breed that will never go away unless we find a way to put a halt to it.

Utilitarians believe that every life should be assigned a value to society and that medical care should be rationed according to that assigned value. This philosophy supports the killing, by neglect, of the physically handicapped, Down Syndrome children, people over sixty with medical problems requiring expensive treatment like dialysis, and bypass surgery, and others. It's happening people.

A few months ago, I watched "John Q". This movie is based on a real life incident involving a man, a father, taking on the medical/insurance system when his child required a heart transplant that the insurance company refused to cover. I was sad, I was enraged, but I was also certain that this sort of thing happens every day.

I believe the bottom line, and if it's profitable, is all that matters in the majority of the incidents involving our seniors or our medically needy citizens. Government and big corporations should not have the power to make the decisions involving our lives.

Ok ya'll. Tell me what you think of my new doins here. I've been pondering on this stuff all day and finally got it sort of where I wanted it to go. The music does stop eventually in case you get sick of it, but I kind of like that song myself

Ah HA!! Got it!! At least for now. So now ya'll can click the weather text and see what it's doing down here, or the scrapbooking and Helena Daily World links to see fun stuff to do and local unworthy news headlines. Click on the Garfield Cartoon and head to his website for a smile. I'm getting there slowly but surely (turning cartwheels here).

I am still working on my weather clip. Darn thing isn't wanting to cooperate at-tal.

Alexis (the little southern chickie) has been chewing and drooling on everything over the past few weeks. Yesterday she finally presented us with the PRIZES, two sweet little teeth on the bottom itchy gums! Now before you say, "Geez, this broad needs to get a life", I want you to think about how it would be not to have teeth. There's no doubt about it, Liquid Diets suck! Think of how it would be if you couldn't eat an M&M, or a pork chop, or god forbid, a SKITTLE! Your smile would be empty and hollow. Your face would look all droopy without teeth to support your jaw muscles.

So ya'll be kind and celebrate this great event with me. I'll be going soon to buy her first bag of pork skins so we can happily munch together!

I reckon we really shouldn't worry too much about Martha Stewart and her antics. This lady is used to making something from nothing and that talent has served her well over the years. If she should happen to actually spend time behind bars we can look ahead to a new era in prison decor!

Jail birds everywhere will be trading items not attached to concrete to snatch up a copy.

Even entertaining fellow inmates will be a breeze.

And for those more used to the Ritz, well,,,here you go!

Ahhh Ha,,Many, Many thank you's to Carl, (the computer guru that Leslie lets sleep on her side of the bed). I'm going to learn something yet if I don't watch out.

I bought a new gadget today, and early birthday present for me, ME, MEEE!! I had permission from "the man" to go ahead and get it since he doesn't know which end of most of these gadgets has the viewfinder or power button! Anyway, this evening I will be installing the editing software on my computer for the new SONY Digital Handycam. It has 700X Digital Zoom, and 20X optical. Takes stills, has a remote. My fingers are itching to dive into the manual so I'll know how to turn the damn thing on and find out what all of the aforementioned means! Ya'll wish me luck!

I sure would appreciate someone looking at my source so they could tell me how to center the table goodies I inserted on my page. I'm thinking reallly slow here :-)

I'm up, and I'm almost awake, but I'm moving slow. Yesterday was a pretty full day even though it rained off and on all day. Today looks to be more of the same weather- wise. This southern belle can only take so much of this togetherness and at this point my glass is almost full!

We had a pretty good father's day here in the south today. It rained on our BBQ but the food was still good.

Zen-type thoughts for the day...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn.. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you fart.

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women.Neither one works.

20 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our rear ...Then things get worse.

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday... around age 11.

28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

The wiseass spotter award for the week goes to Special K!

Whew,,,finally a little bit of ME time!

For a couple of years when my kids were making the transition from teenage know-it-alls to young adults who know a bit less, I tried to get away to spend a weekend with one or both of my sisters. It was right after our mother died so we really needed each other then, more than ever. I also needed the break from my demanding family and then stressful job. I called it my time to "slip off the chains and kick up a little dust". Most of the time, Terri, my youngest sister, and I would kick back with a few drinks on the first evening of my arrival, or if Paula, the middle sister, was in town, we three would gather and catch up. By late evening we would be giggling and feeling our cheerios and thinking of somewhere to go to finish up our night of drinking.

Several times we ended up in a little night spot in Jacksonville called The Splash, not far from where Terri lived in North Little Rock. It was near the Air Force base and open until dawn so it was a pretty happening place. We'd go in, find a table with a good view of the dance floor and spend a few hours watching the clowns put on a show. A night of boozing really can bring out the casanova in some of those old guys! We'd sit there and make bets on which drunk would end up with what by closing time (and believe me, there were plenty of drunks AND what's there).

One night, Terri and I were sitting there when this knock-out platnum blonde came strolling in. I noticed that she seemed to be working her way around the tables, talking to this guy and that one, but none of them seemed too comfortable about it. This dame had boobs out to here---------------> and was wearing an outfit to enhance them so I was genuinely puzzled. Terri must have noticed me watching the goingson because she leaned over and told me, "Brenda, that ain't a woman". I think my bottom lip hit my knee cause she started laughing and insisting that she wasn't bullshitting me, that in truth, this busty madam was really a madam wannabe. I remain unconvinced.

I had to know, so I did what any normal, need-to-know, red-blooded, Jose inflicted, female would do. When I saw the busty broad heading for the ladies room, I decided that I needed to go too. I had it all figured out, all I'd have to do was take a quick glance up under the stall and I'd be able to see which way her feet were pointed!!

Terri must have seen the insane gleam in my eyes as I had left the table to weave my way to the ladies room cause she was through that door right behind me, and dammit, the dame was coming out of the stall just as I was bending over to take a peek. Terri mumbled something and pushed me into a stall and said she'd wait for me.

Even now, knowing what an excellent bullshitter my little sister is, I'm not convinced that the dame was a man, but did ya'll know that when you drop a roll of toilet paper when you are drunk the darn thing will unroll some 50 yards of paper before you can catch the damn thing?

After my headache eased last evening, we ended up watching a couple movies that we had rented. Catch Me If You Can, with Tom Hanks and Leonardo Dicaprio was well worth the rental fee. Since it was based on someone who actually exsisted, outside of someone's odd imagination, it was my kind of movie

Die Another Day 007 had fantastic graphics but was the typical sexy spy/sexy girls/unreal sort of movie that all 007 movies tend to be (but the gadgets ARE so neat!) Pierce Brosnan isn't bad on the eyes either so I made it though the movie without being too bored (grin).

I am very happy to be able to recommend these movies with the knowledge that I could actually remember the names of the actors!!

NOTE: Have ya'll noticed that I'm trying to get in a beachy mood here with little tropical icons I'm finding here and there?

I'm home again and have a minute to sit before the next load of laundry is done. While waiting at the stop sign on highway 1 for traffic to pass so I could cross, I noticed a big truck parked on the corner. It was a tree trimming service and one of the guys was wayyyyy up in this tree trimming limbs away from the power lines. It's been raining since early yesterday, clouds, thunder, lightening, so I'm thinking,,,, then I said to myself, "oh what the hell", and crossed over and stopped beside the man supervising from the ground.

Me: "Hey, I guess you guys have good life insurance policies with your company huh?"

Tree Trimmer: " Well, you know,,I'm not sure."

Flash of lightening, roll of thunder.

Me: "You'd better check"(pointing to the sky).

Tree Trimmer: "HEY JACK, YOU BETTER CLIMB DOWN FOR A BIT THERE".

Me: "Ya'll have a nice day now". (and I drive away).

For most of the day yesterday, I did next to nothing. I posted a little here and picked up some behind the terrorist in training. Around 1:30 I had to make a run into town though, to that hateful Wal Mart place. The rain had held off all morning but of course as soon as I was done with the shopping and ready to head home, the bottom dropped out. We were drenched by the time we got in the truck and then had to wade through puddles to carry the things into the house. The trip was a worthy one however since I found some nice and tender, fresh asparagus, and green beans. I prepared these with some chopped steaks and fresh mushrooms for dinner last night. Delicious!


I keep my truck tuned to an oldies station which plays 60's, 70's and 80's music. Zach was amused to see his Nanny bopping her way home in tune to AC/DC (that instrumental in Are You Ready is wonderful), Kim Carnes, and the Eagles.

I went to sleep last night to the sound of rain, woke up to it this morning, and now I will soon have to dress and go out into the wet to go to work for a few hours. I'm thinking Miss Leslie and Kat must have sent this liquid sunshine down this way.

My daughter-in-law sent these to me this morning:

FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who's loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend. Amen..


MALE PRAYER:
I pray for a deaf-mute
nymphomaniac with huge boobs who
owns a liquor store and a boat.. Amen.

Another day in the life of....... There's a cloud lurking on the western horizon and the wind is blowing like crazy outdoors so I think we may be in for a little more rain today. The wounded Zach is still in the bed snoozing so I'm enjoying a little quiet time before the onslaught of Toon Disney begins. Lately I'm feeling like a stick of dynamite with a short fuse and feel a big boom coming on if things don't slow down to where I can gather my thoughts and get a day here and there to myself. My daughter lost her job so right at this moment it appears that this is going to be a long, hard, summer.

I can't get into my buddy blogs :-( What did I do wrong?

I made it though another evening with the little southern chickie. We even did the bath thing and she did the pee thing, all over her nanny, when I got her out of the bath. I gave her her first bite of mashed potatoes and she gave me a big smile. I did all this and cooked supper too, but at a much slower and less organized pace than I used to. (I wonder why this is so?) Now it's time for nanny to kick back a bit before another day arrives. Nite all xx

Good grief! Now Squawk box isn't working.

What IS it with people? I took Zach home last night after his ballgame to stay until Wednesday afternoon with his mom. By 8:30 am this morning she was back with him telling me that I needed to take him to the doctor because his eyes were swollen. I gave him some benedryl (he has allergies and they are cutting wheat around here) and instructed her to take him home and take care of him. I also told her to pretend as though, for the next day and a half that I was dead and to do exactly what she'd do if I weren't here. At 3 she was back, Zach got a bee sting. He informed her that he thought that HE was going to die and that she'd better bring him to me so he could see me before he did. After much sobbing and trickery, I told her to just leave him. So much for a couple days of rest huh?

Next week, after I drop him off after his game, I'm going to get up early Tuesday morning and lock my house and LEAVE!!

Or What?

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why she doesn't want to have sex with her husband any more.

"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work. I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."

The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"

My trees are looking better and better every day. Even my little tulip tree sprouts seem to have grown a half of an inch (maybe).


The little T-ball team has a winning season so far. Here is the proud Zach with one of his team mates.

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day in the life of even the toughest southern belle. I never got around to getting dressed, I worried with baby food jars, bottles, and diapers. And I kept tabs on and refereed a 6, 4, and 3 yr old. At one point I let the older ones go outside and play with orders to the oldest (Zach) to not get wet! (he does love to play in the water). He kept to the game plan pretty much except for the fact that instead of getting himself wet, he decided that it would be sooo much fun to turn the water hose on his little sisters as they were playing in the little tent. Upon hearing screams I dashed my old ass out to aid in their escape from their watery entombment (yep, he'd zipped em up in there). My daughter birthed these children but can not remember to think far enough ahead for occasions such as these (she brought no extra clothing), so soon I had a line of little ones sitting in chairs out on the deck until they were dry enough to come back indoors.

My day ended with a call from my son who'd picked the southern chickie earlier. He gave me the blessed tidings that the sweet dahlin had waited until he got her home (just 40 mins before mommy was due in from work) to do her diaper up good and proper. With a chuckle, I said, "Good girl" and hung up the phone.

Nanny is all played out and I still have a ballgame to get through this evening! I think Sonic burgers are on the agenda for dinner tonight.

My son called last night and it seems Lexi's regular sitter is off to the doctor today so will be keeping the little southern chickie today while he attends a class at the prison (they set these up on his days off mind you). I don't mind doing this at all since every class he takes there could make that horrid job just a little safer for him and I will have a play date with my youngest granddaughter!

I decided a few months ago that I wasn't going to just sit around this summer and wait until hubby had time to go away for a few days. It's been years since we took a little trip so I got online yesterday and booked a room at the Gulf Beach Resort in Biloxi, MS. I'd have preferred to stay in the Gulf Shores/Orange Beach area of Alabama, but the beaches there aren't as kid friendly ( Zach is going this year). The hotel is just across the street from the gulf so for a few days, the last week in July, I'm going to breath humid, salty air and lie on the beach. If James can break away from the farm to go with us, fine. If he can't, it's still fine. I have also invited Zach's sometimes babysitter to go with us because I don't care much for swimming with the fishes and I know how that child loves the water. Cheryl will keep him safe and entertained in the surf.

This was the best photo I could find of the hotel, sorry the Waffle House is in the way :-)

Barb and Bear are my Alaskan buds. You've enjoyed some of Bear's forwarded jokes on several occasions. Here are some of Barb's photos from our northern most state.

A Womans Ass

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass.

I thought the results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their ass is too big.
10% of women think their ass is too little.
The other 5% say that they don't care - they love him and would have married him anyway!

Some time when you've got time on your hands, go take a look at Clint's blog and tell him I sent you. Clint is an English Professor in Salt Lake City and has sent me some lovely photos and cam sites of the Rocky Mountains there. He is intelligectual but since I'm older I let him get by with that little item.

I did another typical Brenda thing today. Hubby buys this Greased Lightening cleaner for me at the farm store in gallon quantities. I decided pour some of it in a spray bottle to make it easier to use in the laundry room. So, I grabbed the spray bottle to douse the knees of Zach's ball pants and the top came off (I guess I didn't tighten it), I made a grab for it, some spilled on the floor, I slipped in it and fell and the whole bottle flew through the door and onto the carpet in the hallway. I sat there with wet butt and aching knee and tried to clean about 4 ounces of this stuff from my carpet and discovered that it also has foaming action. The more I scrubbed, the more it foamed. I seem to have the most incredible luck at doing some of the dumbest shit in the world! (grin)

By the way,,,the name of this photo is "Water Retention". (grin)

Wow,,for the first time today I can actually get in here! Now I'm impressed :-)

I just can't remember what I was going to put here. I've been very lazy all day so for now I'm just going to say I'm breathing and going to go take a nap! Happy Sunday!

My friend Bear sent this to me today, eerie........

A very weird thing has happened.. A strange old lady has moved into my
house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got
in.

I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't
there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most
part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And,
whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is
hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and
body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just
screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every
once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some
loose change in the sofa, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to
jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to
the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I
certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old
lady is pilfering from me.

You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And
money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to
disappear at an alarming rate ---especially the good stuff like ice
cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd
better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect
she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering
with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,
like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so
they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find
anything.This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and
organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,
newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't
read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume
controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and
whispers.

She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum
cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even
made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real
challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put
them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me
to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something
on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.
She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps
me from seeing how great they look on me. Just when I thought she
couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went
to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera
shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time
appear in yours. Be alert! I hope she never finds out where YOU live!

Ya'll Come
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you
adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has the Mafia, The South has the Klan.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard and turnip greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. It's
really best to give "em a generous tip, though.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Warning: Do not buy food at this store, everything is kept in the same
fridge and mix-ups are easy.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child.
This is short for "Ya'll ought not do that!" and is the equivalent
of saying "No!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
They can't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol"
boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this
way. All of them are in denial about it.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, ya'll, watch this," stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle
of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere,
and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think that they
will be accepted as Southerners.

I was outdoors wandering around my little piece of acreage this morning and found that a hoodlum has been busy with a stick (I found the stick, so I know this to be the tool of torture) amongst some of my flowers. One of the flowerboxes has mangled stems with little buds lying all over the ground, the dahlia is beaten and bruised, and one of the roses I had labored over has no leaves. I believe the hoodlum in question to be the little angel still snuggled and asleep across the hall here and when he wakes up, we will take another tour together with Nanny asking for an explanation of his terrorist activities!!

Now, to spank or not to spank, that is the question.

One day about a year ago, I was playing my 100th game of triva in yahoo. I had come to know a lot of the people in the triv room but none really well. The comments and remarks flew back and forth, but there was a lot of huggy, kissy hellos and goodbyes in there that made it hard to have a serious conversation with anyone. Then one day "Piz" popped in, (this is the title I gave her due to my not being able to spell her whole id), and something clicked. I came to look forward to our fast and sometimes raunchy banter and right from the start we found that we often finished sentences and thoughts for each other. It was amazing. My first impressions of her were of an older lady, but even after she told me her age (months later), I came to appreciate the wisdom that she'd managed to gain in many fewer years that most do.

One year ago, I made a friend, and I hope to be able to say many years from now that my days will still be blessed with her friendship. Smile Piz, we sure do love you.

This is going to be one of those days, I can tell already. It's been raining, which would be lovely if it didn't mean hubby would be home all day snoring in the recliner. Now I've been on hold with an IRS agent concerning a client's 1994 tax return for an hour.

Sweeties, it can't get much better than this!

The birdhouse, last week, now empty.

And another That Timm is full of it this morning!!

Gotta love the Marines!

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and
you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns
and children. This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a
portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female
broadcaster and U.S. Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor
a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach
these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the
rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not
one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!

I woke up this morning to the sounds of rain but Timm's been at it again. Shame on him for making me laugh out loud before I've even finished my second cup of coffee.

A little lady from New Orleans had worked in and around family dairy
Farms since she was old enough to walk...with hours of hard work and
little compensation ...and when canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores
(1940's or 50's???) she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best
slogan...rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...."
and she said, I know all about milk and dairy farms...I can do this!!!!

She sent in her entry and about a week later, a black limo drove up in
front of her house...a man got out and said, Carnation LOVED your entry
so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able
to use it....

Here is her entry:
================================

Carnation milk is best of all,
no tits to pull, no shit to haul
no buckets to wash, no hay to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch!

No More

You can do it.

It's not that far.

Then you look up again.

You count the pews.

Then guage the steps.

You start to get up.

But you can't.

So you sit.

You look down.

You look anywhere.

But there.

Then you have to.

They are waiting.

You finally stand.

You try to go forward.

But you can't.

You can't breath.

You turn.

Find another door.

You can't bear to see her.

In that box.

Not again.

I think that every child should have a chance to believe in something. When a child no longer has faith in fairies and unicorns winning the fight for good against wicked witches and smelly trolls, the the door to childhood slams shut smacking them right on the butt, and the cruel reality of adulthood stretches for far too many miles ahead.

Do you remember when your faith in the existence of Santa Claus was shattered? I can remember the exact moment. The night my balloon full of hope was popped and those dreamy fragments flew far and wide. I was 11 years, 4 months, and 24 days old. I suppose by today standards, I was way too old to believe in such things. I had suspicions of course, but hey, I just wasn't sure, and to keep all bases covered,.....well you know,,,

My sister and I shared a room with bunkbeds and since I was prone to sleep walk on occasion, I was stuck with the bottom bunk. I had stayed awake for as long as I could, listening for a jingle or the scrape of a hoof, just hoping. I guess I nodded off because suddenly I was awakened by a noise close to my head.
"Splat! Euuu---rrrr--ooopp, Splat!"
I opened my eyes to see falling streams of puke, just inches from my face, on it's way to the floor from the top bunk. I scooted to the end of the bed to avoid being blasted and climbed out to go report the event to mom. That's when it happened. There she was, head under the Christmas tree, ass in the air, placing a Barbie under the tree. MY Barbie! The one dressed in a hot pink bathing suit, with little pink shoes to match. She even had her own canvas awning covered swing where she could sit so prettily with her bendable legs! The Barbie I had hoped Santa would bring!

Needless to say, the revelation pretty much convinced me that Santa wasn't real and it took a long time before Christmas held it's magic over me again. I was very adult about it though, I kept the news to myself and let the slamming door hit my sisters in it's own time. I didn't push it at all.

I am getting totally pissed at BlogSpot with their here today and gone tomorrow services. Where the hell are the comment boxes??????????

A friend once told me, "When your children are small, they step on your toes. When they are grown, they'll step on your heart."

It took a few years to understand what she meant by this. I know now.

Yesterday was pretty hectic and not all in a good way. But I did take these happy photos of the kids with their new play tent.
brother and sisters

Zach's dog, Princess watching

I just had to try this even if my answers are short and uninspirational (hell I just got up, what do you expect? heh)

A - Act your age? I'm not real sure what my age is sometimes. But ok, I think.

B - Born on what day of the week? Sunday. When they arrived at the hospital, mom had to go to the bathroom in the lobby. Guess where I was almost born? No wonder my life has been in the toilet at times (grin)

C - Chore you hate? Folding laundry, dusting, hell, most of them.

D - Dad's name? Billy Norman

E - Essential makeup item? Mascara

F - Favorite actor? Shaun Connery

G - Gold or silver? Silver

H - Hometown? Where I was born? Brinkley, AR. Where I lived the longest? Moro, AR

I - Instruments you play? Fingers for tapping and foot for keeping in time.

J - Job title? Semi-Retired tax specialist and accountant

K - Kids? Yes Want some? Got some, some days wish I could give em back.

L - Living arrangements? Husband and grandson (90% of the time)

M - Mom's name? Laveada Lorene

N - Need? Coffee, Diet Dr. Peppers, peace and quiet

O - Overnight hospital stays? Yes, under protest

P - Phobia? Spiders and Snakes

Q - Quote you like? "I would rather look up at them, than look down on people" (a wonderful friend's quote in reference to the Rocky Mountains)

R - Religious affiliation? Baptist

S - Siblings? 2 sisters and 5 half brothers (only 4 of which are still living)

T - Time you wake up? Too damned early, but most of the time around 6

U - Unique talent? fixing accounting screw ups

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? Spagetti squash

W - Worst habit? SMOKING. for sure

X - X-rays you've had? Too many, I probably glow in the dark

Y - Yummy food you make? Cornbread, true southern cornbread dressing, marinated cuke and tomato salad

Z - Zodiac Sign? LEO!!

(Special thanks to the person who thought of this)

Yesterday we had little periods of stormy weather. This morning it's still cloudy but I'm hoping the sun will come out later. I wandered around between rains yesterday to see how things were growing in the yard and nothing is dead yet so that's a good sign. I will have to go out later and do the fungicide and insecticide on my roses or they very well could die. I've saved them once already this year, so they are as yet only in stable condition. (pretty much the same as their grower). It's very difficult to have my little flowers and bushes out here since I'm surrounded by corn and cotton fields. Some of the nasty stuff they use doesn't sit well with plants that have no commercial value (as in food and clothing). So I keep up the fight in order to have a bloom or two, trees and a few bushes just for my pleasure.

Boy, I'm just posting away this morning. I keep finding this good STUFF!

How wonderfully true it is! I remember my mother saying most of these and more!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home"
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

An Article of Interest.

As you probably know, the people collectively known as "white trash" suffered more losses during and after the War of Northern Aggression than any other group! This discrimination has ruined our life for more than a century. That explains why today we are so funny looking.
Our brave ancestors fought against Yankee aggressors even though they did not own any slaves. Why? The question has plagued historians because slave owners, and even their slaves looked down on us white trash. There was nothing in it for us, yet we fought hard! We fought to preserve our Southern way of life. A life where you could grow corn and make your own tax-fee whiskey. A life where you could put woodland wildlife on the table, so long as you had the ammunition. A life where the womenfolk did all the drudgery while you gambled, drank, fought, farted and belched your life away.
*******
By Professor Anil Fisher, G.E.D.

Advice of the Day

If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a while.

You Live in the Deep South when...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
*****EHOWA.com

I'm gonna do this fast before I lose my nerve!


Country Home

A little shotgun house.
Fields all around.

An oak tree in the yard.
An old tire swing hanging down.

Clothes on the line.
A July breeze will make them dry.

Handsewn seersucker dresses.
As good as money could buy.

One old, red wagon,
It's seen better days.

Has given many hours.
The children had their play.

Old, tin pots of flowers.
The hot sun has tried to scorch.

Sheltered cool shadows.
An old splintery, unpainted porch.

Fence posts leaning crookedly.
Sentinals doing a job.

Keep cows in the pasture.
The corn stays on the cob.

No sound of horns or traffic.
Just the tiny dirt lane here.

Safe enough for kids to roam.
Bare feet will wander there.

Jami was supposed to pick Zach up today since she's off work for the next 3 days. She didn't. She called and said she was running late and would pick him up early in the morning. Wonderful. I told her to at least let us wake up first.

I really hate it when he goes home, but he needs to spend some time with his little sisters and his mother damn it. Also, Nanny needs a day or two to recuperate from the frenzy that is a 6 yr old boy. I don't feel as though his stepfather treats him as he should and the man also drinks like a fish. I'm torn, and I'm tired.

Someone kick me in the ass and shut me up!

Holy shit but I could use a massage right NOW! I've been doing the trimming around my deck and stuff with hedge clippers cause when I try to use the weedeater, I tend to cut stuff down (good stuff). So, I've spent the past hour on the ground, with the chiggars (and probably other crawly things), crawling around cutting grass the mower misses.

It's nice to sit back now and read all the goodies in the blogs and swig on my liter bottle of strawberry flavored, sparkling water.