Stir Crazy

I believe I need to have more contact with the adults of our species because I’m just not getting out enough without at least one child in tow. I do have fears about it though ,,, I'm afraid I am severely lacking in adult conversational skills because I don't think Sponge Bob and Dora qualify as current events. I suppose I could start a conversation over lunch about the new animated Tarzan 2 movie. Think that would work? There was one time this summer that I was so desperate for adult conversation that I spilled my guts to a telemarketer that called and HE hung up on ME!

There have also been quite a few times lately that I've come to doubt my parenting skills at this age. I'm rediscovering that shouting to make a child/children STOP is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. I have resorted to desperate measures, like when the kids are fighting, I threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

I also feel quite inadequate in the housekeeping department. In one of the bathrooms there is toothpaste on the light fixture, water at least 2 inches deep on the floor left over from a kid throwing stuff not meant for the toilet IN the toilet and from their baths, and a dirty fingerprints on the shower curtain . Oh, and I forgot, at least one complete suit of clothes owned by the child who refuses to use the bathroom unless totally naked. Every time I hear Martha Stewart's name I cringe and want to do a swan dive into that basket full of dirty laundry that seems to breed in the utility room.

Hubby has mentioned several times that the peas, tomatoes, and green beans, needed picking and it was all I could do not to jump up and throttle him. I think he must have noticed that glazed look in my eyes because he come indoors today with 2 cucumbers that he'd picked.

I think I'd like to be alone just long enough to begin to feel a little lonely but as it is, I can never even go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door even though you've told them not to bother you unless it's an emergency. Their idea of an emergency and yours are not the same. I feel it's an emergency if bleeding is involved. The bleeding should be on site though and not from someone on TV. The ringing of the phone is not an emergency either and it makes me feel sort of naked to have a phone conversation from the tub, even if the caller can't see me.

Images of a tropical island with hunky waiters carrying little, potent, drinks with umbrellas are floating through my mind. This could be a sign of insanity.

Did I mention that it's just 16 more days until school starts?