Saturday, May 08, 2004

Honoring all Moms a little early.

Because I can sleep until I wake up tomorrow and cause I luvs you all, I'm sending Happy Mother's Day wishes a little early.

You Know You're A Mom When...

Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor..... and you don't care.

When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a
room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to
call you, and you run around the house madly, following the
sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

Popsicles become a food staple.

Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill
your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Your kid throws up and you catch it.

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your
child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway.

You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.

You're up each night until 11 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping,
washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking,
driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing
sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework,
paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes,
putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing,
buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing
baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls,
rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles,
sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping
rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing,
gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at
5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go
to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Here's looking at you Mom! A nostalgic trip down Memory Lane...

"Always wear clean underwear, in case of an accident."

Cringing when you're called by your full name.

"Wait 'til your father gets home!" ( But Mom, you're single.)

"Eat your vegetables and you'll grow up to be beautiful--handsome."

"Just wait 'til you're a parent." (The curse that keeps on giving.)

"Wash behind your ears." (Come on Mom, I'm 49 now!)

"What will the neighbors think."

"If Timmy jumps off the bridge, does that mean that you should too?"

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you!"

"When I was your age."

"Stop crossing your eyes, they'll stay that way!" (Oh Mom, Jerry Lewis crosses his eyes and is making a fine living at it.)

"Mind your p's and q's!" ( To heck with the rest of the alphabet.)

"If you eat that cookie, you'll ruin your supper!" (Mom, we just had breakfast.)

"Do I look like everybody's Mom?" (The famous comeback for-- but Mom, everybody is going.)

"Answer me, when I'm talking to you. Don't talk back to me, young lady/man!"

"Close that door, do you think that you were born in a barn."

In honor of my mom who passed away at age 61 in March, 1999, and who appreciated and encouraged my humorous approach to life.

Laveada Fisher Roberts age 14

Brenda and Mom, Dec. 1998.

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