Why,,I'll swaney!

I don't know what that means but my grandmother used to say it when she was indicating surprise about something. Anyway,,my surprise, or lack there of, concerns these

Strange Patient Chart Notations

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (HA!)

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (My favorite)

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. (double HA)

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. (Ya think?)

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. (Sounds like my family doctor)

The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. (Hey, those are my symptoms!)

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. (Ok, I laughed out loud at this one)

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Not a good think I take it?)

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.