It’s been said that the only thing constant in life is change. People change, circumstances change, things change. Change can be small, big, subtle or sudden. Sometimes it’s a breeze, other times it’s a painful process. Change may be a choice we make, or it may be imposed on us. A new job, getting married, starting a family, moving house – these are examples of life changes we may experience. Some people view change as a positive challenge, others fret and agonize over the consequences of new situations. Few of us deal with change without feeling unruffled but I don't deal with it well at all. Change makes me grieve and I've been doing some powerful grieving lately.
My husband made a remark to my son over the weekend that I'd changed over the past year or so, and he didn't feel that it was for the good. I've given this some thought today and have to agree that I have changed but it's taken more than a year, and I feel it's all been for the good, for me, even though I feel I've had to fight for every inch I've gained and it's most often been a very exhausting. I have not, however, changed enough and I don't expect I ever will because I still have this part of me that will always keep the feelings of others and their needs in the forefront but I don't think I'm allowing them to step on me quite as much as I once did and that's the part of change that's not to their liking.
I think the biggest change I've made is my decision to let them know, by action or inaction, that I want to feel valued, that what I feel and think is as important as what anyone else feels and thinks even when they disagree. There have been many references to my bitchiness of late but what the hell, it's now or never, right? I have my doubts that there's another half century left ahead of me to wait for the respect that I feel I deserve. They can like it or not cause I'm getting fed up with being last most of the time dammit!
Ok, I'm done bitching now.