True Friends

My sister, Paula, sent this in an email and I'm supposed to pass it on. I thought I'd do that here cause ya'll are my friends.

To MY Friends!
I'm getting tired of those namby, pamby, girly, sissy, completely wet, friendship poems that never come close to reality so here's a series of promises that mean what real friendship is all about.

When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard that made you that way.

When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.

When you are scared - I will tease the crap out of you every chance I get.

When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to stop your everloving whining.

When you are confused - I will use only the little words.

When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again cause I don't want whatever it is you have!

When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsiness.

This is my oath and I pledge it to the end. Why you ask?
Because you are my friend.

If you want, you can send this to 10 of your friends, or get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them is mad and not speaking to you.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help
you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.