Thursday, August 26, 2004

The Seven Dwarfs

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause arrived at my door without warning: Itchy,
Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up.

One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and
started to take over my life.

The first to arrive was Itchy. I developed this
itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to scratch the skin
right off my body.

Then Bitchy came to my door. No longer was my PMS contained to one or
two days a month-- it felt like constant PMS. Then I would swing from Bitchy

Weepy for God's sake, what was wrong with me?

Ding-dong......It's the
middle of the night and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me.
Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes and introduced me to
night sweats where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my

Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy, because I was tired all the time.
I would wake up so many times in the night and not be able to get back to

Bloated crept in slowly, my once-svelte figure got thick through the
middle section, even though I was following my weight-loss program that had
worked so well for so many years!

I can't quite remember when Forgetful arrived, but one day my brain
stopped working. I considered myself a pretty focused woman until Forgetful
came, and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain. Am I getting
Alzheimer's? I wondered.

Last, All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my comfortable marriage. This was
probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family. Sex was no longer on
the top of my list...or on my list at all. My husband would give me that
knowing look, and I would think, "Frankly, I'd rather have a smoothie." "With a
Tequila kick."

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause! - What a family

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