I know I've posted something like this before but something just makes me "pleased as punch" of my southern heritage and I love to get things like these in my email and share them. (even if it is over and over sometimes).
Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the
most awful kind of insult as long as it's prefaced
with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As
in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of
a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway."
Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat
an apple through a picket fence."
As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult
can't be all that bad.I was thinking about this the other
day when a friend was telling about her
new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her
toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern
accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart,
cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was
justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had
CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe it?"
said her friend.
Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends
are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their
perspective, their friendships and their recipes for
authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past
their endless complaints that you can't find good bread
down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like
cornbread!
And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying
something is "right much," "right close," or "right good"
because non-natives think this is right funny and
hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to
the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a
giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their hearts,
they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!
My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly,
but she could've stayed home."
Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day
5. Do not 'pass gas' in public. (Well yes, they really do, but they look at the person next to them in shock and smile coyly)
6. Absolutely NEVER sleep with a man on a first date! (they get up and go home to do their sleeping!) A true southern belle never lets the man she's after see her first thing in the morning until she's 'got' him.
7. Never have a gray hair until they're darn ready to have one!
Southern girls always say:
1. "Yes, ma'am."
2. "Yes, sir."
Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
2. "Well, bless your heart."
3. "Drop by when you can."
4. "How's your mother?"
5. "Love your hair."
Southern girls know their three R's!:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest
Southern girls know everybody's first name:
1. Honey
2. Darlin'
3. Sugah
Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"
Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern
charm:
1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say)
2. Richmon
3. Challston
4. S'vannah
5. Birminham
6. Nawlins'
7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!
Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates
In case you know any southern ladies---
Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from Georgia, the other from Alabama, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white pillared mansion. The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The lady from Alabama commented. "Well, isn't that nice??"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in the drive." Again, the belle from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that nice??" The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the second of the ladies commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Alabama belle. "Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on earth for?" The Alabamian responded, "So that instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that nice?"
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