Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Can I do this?

When my oldest daughter left home to go away to college I was devastated. I'm not one that handles change well and the thought of her being even 2 hours away and all on her own brought me to tears many times in the weeks before her High School graduation. I still had the two younger children at home so I managed to adapt and eventually found myself looking forward to the time that they'd leave and strike out into the world.

It hasn't happened. Jami became pregnant with Zach late in her Junior year of HS and made the decision to give him up for adoption. With my heart breaking, I pleaded with her and promised that if she'd reconsider, I would take care of him. She did and I have.

I'm beginning to wonder if I can do this. I've spent my whole life raising kids, first sisters and brothers, my own, and now Zachary. I'll be 50 in just a few weeks and I'm tired, even my soul is tired, yet my heart hurts every time I'm away from him. I've got to find a way to have some time for ME but while I'm thinking on it,,,,I hope the Good Lord is going to give me the strength and the sanity to see this through.

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