Friday, March 11, 2005

You're never to old to see something new.

Just when I think I've seen it all I find out I'm wrong.

As I was driving to work this morning a car pulled out from a side road in front of me and a car I was was passing on the 4 lane going into town. Both myself and the other vehicle had to slow down for this due to the bravery of this lady in the hoopty cause she weren't gettin into any sort of hurry. Then the most amazing thing happened, she braked and changed lanes. No warning, no blinker, just a flash of brake lights and the gal moved on over. The rest of my drive into work was spent wondering if the laws of the road had changed again and I missed the boat.

Don't get me wrong, I'm probably not the best driver in the world cause I do tend to get in a zombie zone due to the fact that driving bores the hell outta me. But I do try to obey the traffic laws, at least the ones that I remember. I've even made up a few of my own laws and rules of the road.

1. It is not safe or sanitary to put your lipstick on while driving down a gravel road.

I know this because the last time I did this, I left the road, jumped a ditch, and landed on a turn row in about 8 inches of fine delta dust. BIG POOF of dust, BIG bump and lipstick up my nose taught me a lesson. I didn't figure it would be sanitary to continue to use a lipstick that was then all bent out of shape and that had been up my nose.

2. You will have a tire blow out only when you are alone, on a dark road, and far enough away from home that you have plenty of time to dread the cussin you're gonna get cause hubby had to get off the couch, put his shoes on, and come change it for you. This is still much better than before cell phones when you were alone, on a dark road, and too far away from home to walk, and at the mercy of a deranged madman who may kindly stop to offer you a hand (or a whack).

3. You can drive and beat your kids (who are fighting in the back seat) with your shoe while staying on the road (if it's straight) as well as keep a steady speed. The fact that the steady speed is just a tad more than the speed limit, and there's only one other car on the road, and it's a state trooper, is irrelevant.

4. It doesn't matter if you don't know where you're going or you've gone past where you should be. You CAN turn around. I believe it is perfectly legal to do this in public or private drives as long as there is noone around to complain about it. I've even done it in a car wash.

5. When it's dark and raining really, really hard and you can't see a damned thing, it's not safe to assume that the driveway you are turning into is actually where you think it is. I know this because the guy that had to come out into the rain with a tractor and chain to remove my car which was buried in a muddy cotton field up past the hubcaps told me. In a really loud voice.

6. You should always remember to take your sunshades off when it gets dark so that you can see to drive. You should not assume that the reason you can't see a damned thing is cause it must be blowing up a storm cause you've forgotten that it's gotten late enough that the sun has gone down.

7. Never assume that child safety seats are inescapable. Any 2-year-old can and will escape from them and will then be trying to hug you while you're trying to find a place to pull over to tie em up again before they arrest you.

I hope these little tidbits will increase your knowledge and aid you in becoming a safer driver.

Keep it between the lines!

1 comment:

Simon Langer said...

Hello, Just wandering the blogosphere and happened on your blog. I like the way how you have put it all together. I'll be coming back again.


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