Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Just really tired.

Lately I have this feeling of being in over my head all the time. I feel overwhelmed. It's hard to talk about, but it's like I have to please everyone, make everybody think I'm this strong, wonderful person. I feel stuck, always struggling to finish, but never getting to where I want to be. I feel like I've been asleep and I wake up in the middle of a race and I don't even remember leaving the starting gate.

I withhold information about my feelings, so much so that I think the people closest to me have to guess what's really in my mind and heart. But I do this to keep the peace and I'm really getting tired of keeping the peace. It is hard for me to make a direct request or state an opinion because being denied or misunderstood makes me feel unloved and unworthy. I'm sometimes feeling isolated and afraid of people and what they might think but at other times I just don't give a damn what anyone thinks.

I think my soul's just tired. I know the rest of me is.

Maybe I need vitamins.

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