A Mother's Life Is All About Shit.

Think about it, from the time you first become a mother, your life revolves around shit. The first time you lay eyes on them the odds are that they have a loaded diaper waiting for you are about 75 to 1 (approximate calculation folks cause I only had 3 in my survey). Believe me, it escalates from there, the loads get bigger and messier before they finally learn the reason you have a porcelain throne in that little room down the hall and, sisters and brothers, before that occurs you've been through WAR!

I've battled shit for many years. I've scrubbed shit from the walls, from cribs, from the carpet (house and car), the floor, the tub, the sheets, from the bottoms of shoes (mind you, the shoe shit coulda been their shit but there were occasions when it was strange shit from strolling around outdoors), from inside shoes, diaper bags, my clothes, his clothes, their clothes,,,,the list could go on for an eternity I reckon. When you have kids you never run out of shit.

You learn to worry if they don't shit or if they do shit, if it's too much and too often. You know exactly how long that button, or penny should take to pass (the doctor will tell you this the first time the child swallows a foreign object) and you learn to make sure, through intense examinations of the shit, whether it did.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the Queen of shit and if you have children, I'm sure you do too.