My cousin Hoppy in Highland Home, Alabama sent this to me:
We have all enjoyed redneck jokes for years.
It's time to take a look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up.
Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.
Ya`ll know who ya are...
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You might be a redneck if. . .
It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
You bow your head when someone prays.
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You treat Vietnam vets with great respect, and always have.
You've never burned an American flag.
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
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God Bless the USA.
This came from a friend who said it reminded them of me when they read it. Now I'm wondering if this is a good or a bad thing. (grin)
AN ARKANSAS CHRISTMAS
' TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND ALL THRU THE SHACK
NOT A DARN THING WAS A MOVIN' FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK
THE KIDS WERE IN BED, WE HAD NINE AT THE TIME
THE WIFE IN HER CURLERS, WAS LOOKIN' REAL FINE
A COLD WIND WAS BLOWIN' UP THE HOLLER IT MOANED
TEN DOGS ON THE PORCH ALL HOWLED AND GROANED
THE BOYS WERE ALL DREAMIN' OF WEAPONS AND A GUN
FOR KILLIN GOD'S CREATERS, THERE'S NO BETTER FUN
THE GIRLS IN THEIR FEMININE DREAMS WERE ATTUNE
TO GETTING THOSE GALLONS OF WAL-MART PERFUME
THE WIFE WANTED JEWELRY, LIKE RINGS WITH BIG ROCKS
I JUST WANTED MY CHEVY DOWN OFF OF THEM BLOCKS.
THEN OUT IN THE YARD, SUCH A NOISE DID COMMENCE
LIKE SOMETHING WAS CAUGHT IN OUR NEW BOB-WAR FENCE.
I RAN TO THE WINDOW, AND SAW PRETTY QUICK
THE MAN MAKIN THAT RACKET WAS GOOD OL ST. NICK.
YOU MAY ATHINK OF SANTA IN YOUR OWN MIND'S EYES
DRESSED IN A RED AND WHITE SUIT, BUT I'VE GOT A SURPRISE
THAT OLD BOY'S AN ARKIE, FROM UP NEAR MT. GAYLOR
HE MARRIED HIS COUSIN, AND THEY LIVE IN A TRAILER.
ON CHRSTMAS, OF COURSE, A SLEIGH FOR HIS RIG,
HE HOOKS THE THING UP TO A RAZORBACK PIG!
HE CLIMED ON THE ROOF, WITH HIS BAG AND EACH GOODY,
HE BACKED DOWN THE FIREPLACE, ALL DIRTY AND SOOTY.
FAT LEGS IN HIS BRITCHES, CHUBBY HANDS IN EACH MITTEN
I MUST ADMIT FROM THE BACK, HE LOOKED LIKE BILL CLINTON.
HE TURNED TOWARD THE TREE, HIS EYES ALL AGLO
HE WAS AN ARKANSAS BOY FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOE.
HIS NECK WAS A RED ONE, HIS SHIRT SAID, "LITE BEER"
HE HAD NO RED HAT ON BUT HIS CAP READ, 'JOHN DEERE'
HE LEFT ALL THE PRESENTS WITH AN AIR OF DELIGHT
THEN IT WAS BACK TO THE CHIMNEY AND INTO THE NIGHT.
HE RAN INTO THE YARD, THREW HIS BAG IN THE SLEIGH
THEN HE YELLED AT THE DOGS, "GET OUT OF THE WAY"
I RAN OUT TO ASK HIM WHY HE BROUGHT SUCH GOOD CHEER
BUT INSTEAD HE ASKED ME. "YOU GET YOU A DEER?"
THEN I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM AS THOSE PIGS TOOK FLIGHT
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...I NEED A BUD LITE!
HO HO HO HO HO!
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