Friday, September 03, 2004

Presidential Candidate #2

Mr. HRM Caesar St Augustine De Buonaparte Emperor is clearly one of those candidates only his mother could love although it's quite possible that he's had the love of a head doctor or two along the way. My fellow citizens will have to sit on their hands to refrain from tossing the tomatoes and stones at this guy, but refrain we must because surely we've been taught not to make fun, right? (you are only allowed to snicker quietly behind your hands.)

Mr. HRM Caesar St Augustine De Buonaparte Emperor believes there should be increased funding for Agriculture, Education, Medical research,and Public health services and no funds budgeted at all for Homeland Security. He feels that most of the other items are currently properly funded. He also feels that we should " START COLLECTING WHAT INTERNATIONAL GOVTS. OWE!"

He mostly sits on the fence concerning the abortion issue and only says, "There should be funding for family, and single behavior plannning which would help optimize an awareness of both sexual responsibility about conception control, but each level of state, county, & city should bear major responsibility for funding these programs."

Mr. HRM Caesar St Augustine De Buonaparte Emperor, a resident of Los Angeles, is the self-declared Emperor of America and has been for the past 8 years, ever since he sent a letter to President Clinton declaring war on the United States. Buonaparte claims that Clinton's failure to respond to his letter means that the United States implicitly conceded defeat.

Although HRM Buonaparte is Emperor of the U.S., oddly enough he appears to have filed paperwork to run in the 2004 Presidential election. He's running as a member of the Good Party. For his campaign photo he appears to have submitted a photo of himself posing in a face cutout from the Renaissance Faire.

This is the 43-year-old's second run at the presidency, following a self-made career in which he sold movie props. And oh yeah, a 53-year-old friend of his who refuses to talk to media shares the HRM moniker and ran under it for four elections before the younger Buonaparte reached legal candidacy age. As for his qualifications for the job, Buonaparte perhaps best explains them himself: "I've got 20 years of experience of watching these candidates, listening to their cow dung, their vomit cow dung, being spewed out on a fifth-grade mentality."

Platform: Most relevant to the election process, the "Emperor" seeks a repealing of money and signature requirements for candidates so that all those who seek the nation's highest office can have an equal shot.

1 comment:

forest said...

You are just a red neck.You know nothing about what this man is saying if you did you would then know a thing or two.You are just another main streamer who doesn't give a crap about anything except how much food you can stuff in your face.