...when you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carollers away.
...when you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
...when your favorite Christmas ornament depicts Santa Claus shooting a moon
...when your favorite Christmas movie is "Jurassic Park."
...when your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson.
...when you get your Christmas Tree from a rest stop at night.
...when you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.
...when your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
...when your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is with gin, brandy, and bourbon.
...when you use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
...when your favorite Christmas tradition involves a bonfire and reindeer meat.