My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone..
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
there's shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the
impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
Being a blonde, I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point
the wrong way.
The early bird still has to eat worms.
The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
can in prison?