I have been watching you very closely to see if you have
been good this year and since you have I will be telling
my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under
your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all
gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little
problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down
with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the
11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking,
and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing
weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese
a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves
and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled
runners in bird shit. On top of all this Mrs. Claus is
going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat,
the elves have joined the gay liberation and some
people who can't read a calendar have scheduled
Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together
and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get
your asses down to Wal-mart before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
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