Southern and Country

Southern Lady

A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the
Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the
bridge, she noticed a young man fixen {getting ready} to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,

"Please, don't jump; think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee"

He replied, "Who's Robert E. Lee?"

She replied, "Well, bless your heart, just go ahead
and jump, you dumb-ass Yankee."


Country Wisdom

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad
judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it
back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest
to God.