Thursday, May 05, 2005

Once Upon a Time,,,,

The females outnumbered the males in my family 2 to 1. I looked around last night, after I'd sat in pee for the 100th time in the past 8 years, and realized that it ain't true anymore. I'm outnumbered around here and just one of me (me being the only female) just ain't enough to keep up with all demands of the 3 males in my household.

There are two bathrooms and you'd think they'd pick one and do their missing in that one, preferably the one without the carpet. Nope, they believe in leaving the little surprises in both and a sleepy Nanny, whose eyes don't normally open just to use the pot, never learns. I truly think that, in the process of evolution, the male of our species must have skipped a step or two. Most likely a major one, where it's no longer necessary to spray or dribble urine in order to mark your territory.

Ya-Ya the bird is even getting in on the demands. He has this certain tweety, twerp that he uses to let me know he's ready to be uncovered in the mornings and will get quite insistent if I don't get right to it. He raises 9 kinds of hell at night if I don't cover the cage at precisely 9 o'clock. Don't ask me how he learned to tell time. He's going through his birdy adolescence too, he does all sorts of perverted things to his perch and cage toys. Zach hasn't asked any questions about these new activities, thank goodness, cause I am not sure how I'd explain since he did ask me how I could tell Ya-Ya was a male since he didn't have a "pecker", and to tell you the truth, I know nothing about the sexual organs of birds and I'd hate to admit to an 8 yr old I was stupid in that department.

And what is it with men/boys and mud and dirt? Is it really that impossible to work/play and not get down and roll in the stuff? They're doing better about not tracking it all through the house but I noticed the grown man of the house bringing the shoes that he'd taken off at the door the night before, because they were muddy, to the nearest chair to sit and put them on. Mud dries, makes dirt, right?

Then there's the lying. Yep, the big one does it too. I can almost understand the shorter one trying it cause he's got to learn that telling a lie will get you caught every time and there's twice the punishment then (for doing whatcha did and for lying about it). And he hasn't quite learned yet that this Nanny is the all-knowing one when it comes to spotting a tall tale. But the big un is too big for the fly-swat so what's his point?

Female tall tale spotter: When you glued the handle on that jug you found, did you do it on the kitchen counter?

Grown Male: Why? (see, here's where they cause the antenna of the female tall tale spotter to twitch, answering a question with a question is the first sign of guilt).

Female tall tale spotter: Cause there's glue on the counter and I can't get it off.

Grown Male: I didn't do it, I glued the jug,,so and so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

At this point the Female tall tale spotter has tuned him out because she's heard so many of these tall tales and knows that even if he's backed into a corner he'll deny it till he dies.

Hopefully some of my male readers will explain some of these species traits for me so I will finally know these age-old questions. I'd be much beholden.

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