Friday, April 29, 2005

Is it just me?

Or does my right margin seem to have disappeared on ya'lls end too?

Cause Tine tagged me and I love Tine.

The source goes further back but - Photo mom tagged Jane who tagged Mr. Bob who tagged Queenie who tagged Jonathan who tagged Karen who tagged Tine who tagged me.

The Rules
The idea is to pick 5 and complete the sentences, then pass this little meme on to 3 more of your blog pals! But no tag backs!

If I could be a scientist…
If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician…
If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter…
If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary…
If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect…
If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist…
If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete…
If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an inn-keeper…
If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer…
If I could be a llama-rider…
If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be an astronaut…
If I could be a world famous blogger…
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…
If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
If I could be a farmer…Wait,,I am married to a farmer, does that count for anything? If I were the farmer in charge though, I'd be much more careful around people's plants and would try not to KILL plants and flowers that people love and care for. (I hope the bad farmers are reading this!)

If I could be an astronaut…I'd never take the earth for granted and I'd take some way cool photos from up there.

If I could be married to any current famous political figure…It damn sure wouldn't be one of the war lords who are the rage now days. I'd marry a gentle leader who'd kill em with kindness.

If I could be a librarian…I'd be one of the most well read people in the world,,,after I'd read everything Stephen King and Dean Koontz ever penned.

If I could be a scientist…I'd want to be one like the folks on CSI.,,,a forensic scientist, catching the bad guys, and flirting with my Grisham-like boss.

Now I'm passing it on and tagging Ms. Leslie, Adam, and The Pissed Kitty.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Fifteen ways to avoid a good Southern butt kickin.

Issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your butt.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your butt.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or's still a Coke.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an butt kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are as literate as you (Faulkner, etc.). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your butt.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Duke, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her butt.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your butt.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and go find a cool spot, or we'll kick your butt.

8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy.

9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your butt kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your butt on home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your butt.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your butt all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your butt just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your butt.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your butt shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box.. . . minus your butt!

Monday, April 25, 2005

For Everyone with a Birthday this week!

My memory sucks lately so just in case!

Monday again.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. It was a pretty lazy one around here. Saturday, Zach and I had a couple of errands to do in town so we met the Chick and her Mommy and Daddy at the August Moon for some chinese. Zach and Chick had a dicussion over lunch and decided that it would be fun if they both went along to the dreadful Wal mart with Nanny. Afterwards we loaded up our dog food, bird food, bananas, strawberries, and some sort of new-fangled sour candies and went home, but of course we stopped at the quarter-hogging machines on the way out for tattoos.

It was too cool here over the weekend to play outdoors so we played in the house and watched Sponge Bob all afternoon on Saturday. On Sunday, we had birthday cake with Ms. Abie who will be 4 years old this week.

Happy Birthday Abie!!

Any time a cake is served around here, the Chick sees a birthday opportunity. She doesn't understand the actual birthday concept yet but we feel there is no harm done in sticking a candle or two in the dessert cake so she can sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candles. It's sort of caught on with all of the younguns now so last weekend Jami made cupcakes and put a candle in each one so they could all blow out the candle. I think this will be a sweet little tradition as long as they don't get the idea that there should also be presents every time we have cake for dessert.

Poor little Abie had to try 4 times to blow her candles out because the Chick just couldn't hold back with all those flickering lights right within blowing range.

At Last!!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

I'm no belle.

A while ago I participated in a book meme that was going around because it was interesting and I have this great love of books. Friend Houston, who passed the meme on to me asked in my comments, because I was currently reading the new Ya-Ya book, "Tell me true, Brenda, when you first read the YaYa Sisterhood, didn't you think she was writing about you and your friends?"

I've turned that over in my mind for several days now and I think the answer would have to be mostly no with a little yes thrown in. You see, true Southern Belles are born. You can't just make a decision to become a Southern Belle. The country club is a big part of their culture and that's where they make their debuts, meet their husbands, and sometimes even get married. Their lives include the Junior League because doing charitable works is part of the Belle's heritage, it's an instilled value. Young girls are put into dance classes at an early age, and the Belle's silver and pearls are always real. I knew many Southern Belle's, but growing up, I wasn't part of that special group. I think a true Southern Belle would have classified me as poor, white, trash.

Our father was mostly absent in our lives and my mother had to struggle to feed and clothe us even though they stayed married until I was 10 or so and from age 6 to age 14 we lived on the farm where my grandfather sharecropped. During those years we didn't even have indoor bathroom facilities.

I knew we were poor and although I had some great friends who were true Belles, I never invited them to my house because I was ashamed of being poor. I had moments of great awe when I accepted a few invitations to their homes and saw how the other half lived.

As for the yes part of my answer, I do believe I had the courage and abilities to take nothing and make something of it and was able to scale many mountains and mole hills that many in my family never even attempted. I have a kind heart and love my family, for the most part, no matter how dysfunctional or undeserving they are at times. I can be bold, brassy, and assertive and know how to depend on noone but myself when the need arises. Please and Thank you, and Yes Sir and No Ma'am are part of my vocabulary. I think these are all abilities that Southern Belles possess.

I guess my love of the Ya-Ya books comes from reading them and seeing that even when you're born with the silver spoon, it can become tarnished. So even the good life has it's need for the silver polish.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Tis Friday

And I know this because I looked at the calendar and I've had this Friday feeling all day cause tomorrow I get to sleep until I wake up since I don't have to get up and wrestle Zach onto the school bus. (long winded ain't I?)

We did the baseball game thing again last night and they lost again but they learned more. Does that make sense?

Up to bat.

Got the hit an off to first base.

Safe on First.

He got 2 runners in that time up to bat and played a purdy good game for a little fella.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

It wasn't me!

I'm alive, just not awake yet. The house fire that Wanda mentioned in my comments happened in Humphrey. 5 young boys and their sitter were killed. It's unbelievable. I do have family in Humphrey so I'll be calling today to make sure they're all safe.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

It's Wednesday already?

Where have I been and what did I do? It's mostly just an angry blur of fantasy type images which include having the county road supervisor strung up a tree and myself with bull whip in hand. I've really got to stop having this sort of daydream cause I really don't think it's healthy,,,,for the recipient,,,I'm ok with it.

That little weasel actually accused me, in so many words, of stealing their "road closed" signs. It was after that rainy Monday when the road had gone to whereever it is that washed out roads go and they'd finally put up the signs on Tuesday morning. Wind gusts scattered my lawn chairs all over the yard and I'd gone out to gather them up out of the neighbor's yard and to check the mail and found one of their signs nearly in my drive. Not feeling like lugging the thing a quarter of a mile back to the hole, I picked it up, WITH ONE HAND, and propped it up with a rock, in the road, just past my drive. I thought I was being kind, I could have left it there, face down in the ditch where it had blown to and lived with the guilt of some dope-headed redneck doing a nose-dive into the 15ft deep gully (there's one of those living down at the other end of this road).

Soooo,,,I said to the dickhead, "LOOK Dickhead, I didn't steal your piece of shit signs, NOONE stole your piece of shit signs, your piece of shit signs were so flimsy that they BLEW away so take a walk and look for them."

I do not think this conversation went over well because they managed to make the job of installing a new culvert last 8 1/2 days.

The road was finally passable by 6 pm last evening, and that's all I have to say about that.

Zach had his first ballgame of the season last night and they pretty much got creamed. He's the only 8 yr old on a team of 7 yr olds who are just playing their first year of ball with a pitching machine. They're actually a very talented bunch of little lads but they've got to get their stuff together so I reckon they'll improve greatly with every game.

This Nanny has got to make her seasonal "butt to bench" adjustments because those bleachers don't have much give. It takes a little while every year for the buttocks to flatten properly to conform to the seating arrangements in order to be able to really enjoy the games.

Ya'll have a great hump day, ya hear?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Nothing good.

My grandma used to say, "If you can't think of anything good to say, say nothing". I've been having murderous thoughts about the county road department so I reckon I don't have much good to say.

Thought I'd let you know I was still breathing on this end though.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

More parade photos

I took this first one of the kids waiting for us to go to the square to watch the beginning of the parade.

Jerri took the following photos. She has an excellent little camera with a great zoom on it.

Tired Nanny

Tired babies too but they had a great time.

The Chick was dancing along with the Lee High School Band.


My son, the sergeant, on a horse, ain't he purdy? (he's in the center)

They're on these horses 8 hrs a day while the prisoners are in the fields or doing clean-up. James is second from the left.

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood!

It's been so lovely outside the past few days and I really haven't had much time to be out in it but today we're going to a parade! The little town north of us, Marianna, is having a parade to welcome home their National Guard troops who've just returned from Iraq. This is going to be a treat for me for sure because I've been just aching to get a photo of my son on his horse while he's wearing his prison uniform and it'll be fun to welcome home the troops.

Wish me luck in getting some good photos!

Friday, April 15, 2005

I'm gonna go to hell in a handbasket

cause I fear I can only use the PMS/Menopause excuse for being a bitch just so many times. He's probably got a score card up there with my name on it in BIG red letters you know.

I'm in this cranky mood cause the road's still not fixed and I'm having to drive the extra miles to take the kids to school which is making a huge dent in my gas tank. The garbage truck didn't run on Monday, for the same reason and I've just been turned down again for health insurance coverage.

I called the garbage folks and told them there was another way in and they needed to use it. I called the county road department again on Wednesday and asked them if deadassedness was a way of life for them down there, then sent the photos I posted here to the daily world with a little note that started, "Let me tell you the story,,,,,". And I've decided there's nothing I can do with the insurance companies since they have more money than God and they don't give a hoot or a hollar anyway.

Ok, I've done all the damage I can for a time so I'm going to go get dressed so I can pick up the Terrorist later and go to another baseball practice.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Put on your shades!

I hope this doesn't hurt anyone's eyes too badly but I have a need to see some cheerful colors for a few days. AND I worked really, really hard on my
stacking objects
lesson in Microsoft Picture It.

For Houston

Just cause he's a good ole boy.

The Book Meme Challenge

1. You're a stuck in Farenheit 451. Which book do you choose to memorize?

Mark Twaine's "Huckleberry Finn"

2. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Two actually, Tom and his friend Stu Redman, characters in Stephen King's, "The Stand"

3. The most recent book you purchased?

"Ya-Yas In Bloom" by Rebecca Wells

4. Book or books you are currently reading?

"Ya-Yas In Bloom"

5. If you're going to be marooned on a desert island,
which five books would you take with you.

"Miss Piggy's Guide To Life", as told to Henry Beard

"Time Flies", Bill Cosby

"All I Really Need To Know, I Learned In Kindergarten", Robert Fulghum

"The Way Things Work", David Macaulay

"Don't Stand Too Close To A Naked Man", Tim Allen

Now, I'm passing on the challenge. Who's next? This meme'll really get you to thinkin.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Where's an ark when you need one?

We near bout washed away here in Phillips County, Arkansas yesterday. It rained and rained and finally the redneck engineering work done on our road last fall gave up the ghost and the danged road fell through.

They put a new 4ft culvert in last fall and I reckon they just threw it in and tossed some dirt and gravel on top cause we've had to call them out several times over the fall and winter to patch holes where little spots appeared to be falling through. Then yesterday, being the only county in the state with a flash flood warning in effect all danged day, their patch up jobs washed away. We're having to drive an extra 4 or 5 miles to get out of our little spot in the country until they fix it. I think they ought to charge the damned farmer for the repairs since it was his dragline ditch work that caused this mess.

I know my husband manages a farm, but damn, the farm owners around here think they can just do whateverthehell they want!

Monday, April 11, 2005

It's Monday Alright!

I rolled out of the bed this morning and made my way to the kitchen while trying to motivate my creaky joints to loosen up. Stumbling through the kitchen, on my way to the utility room to get Zach's frozen pancakes, the bird chirped his "Good Morning"
and I reached over the counter to pull his cage cover off. This being Monday and my eyes not being open should have forewarned me because as the cover came off, the cage came over. I dashed around the counter (creaky dash)just in time for the edge of the cage to catch my shin on it's way to the floor. Bird seed and water went everywhere and poor Ya-Ya was traumatized.

I too, was traumatized due to having a bruise and a lump on my shin from the crashing cage and having to clean up the mess of WET birdseed before I was totally awake. He didn't twitter, tweet, or whistle to me again until I was getting ready to leave for work.

Birds do have a "Go-To-Hell" stare, I know this for a fact.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Lord Deliver Me

From these folks who have all kinds of business and decide to wait till the last minute to bring their stuff for me to do their tax returns.

From this backache that hoe handle caused that I wielded this morning while I was attacking those spots of dried bermuda grass in my Azelias.

From this indigestion caused by eating that smoked sausage on a bun, loaded with mustard, that I knew I shouldn't have eaten even before I took the first bite.

From that pile of dirty laundry that I do believe is mating and breeding in the hamper.


One of my azelia blooms

African Daisy

The white Iris are blooming, but the purple aren't yet.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to
the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be
considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was
the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?"
the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you
learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they
have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that
go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends
to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added,
"Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would
happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of
worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Friday, April 08, 2005

And To Think I Once Wanted Dimples.

I really used to admire the cutesy girls in school who had those dainty little dimples in their cheeks when they smiled. You know those girls, the ones who got dates with the guys who had enough money to actually take you out for a burger AND fries and pay for both? I always fell for the rough-shod ones, the ones who, if you were very lucky, had a ride that required gasoline. But that's another story for another day, I'm getting off-sides here. Back to the dimples. The dimples I always wished for.

Anyhow, as I was getting out of the shower today, I caught a glimpse of my backside in the mirror (I hate big mirrors in the bathroom, don't you?) and I gotta say that I got my wish. I've got dimples, LOTS of dimples, and they're in my cheeks all right, just not in the set that I thought I was wishing for. Maybe I wasn't specific enough in my wishing in that I didn't ask for just ONE set of dimples in the cheeks that one uses for smiling and stuff.

I think it's time to put a lock on the fridge and take that damned ab lounger outta the box.

And use it.

Blogger has been being a right biddy to me the past couple of days and I've been trying to post these photos of the wisteria bloomin down in these parts. Here they are, finally!

I posted photos of this old house a short while ago before the vines bloomed.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Stinky Gas Prices

I'm soon going to have to mortgage my house in order to buy gas and it just ain't fair folks. Other countries wonder why we're bitching about high prices when they're seeing prices that more than double what we're paying for gas, but folks, other countries (ie. Europe, Japan) have a much more sophisticated transportation system than we do. They can choose NOT to drive their cars and hop on a bus, or a train. The only place in America where this is still possible is in the cities and while the U.S. has some pretty big cities, the U.S. is a pretty big place with a whole bunch of folks who don't live and work in the cities. Keep in mind that we don't ride horses on the farms and ranches anymore.

I've been mulling this over since I paid almost $50 to fill my ride up the other day. I know of only one city for certain and there are possibly 2 or 3 others in the state of Arkansas that offer bus service as an alternate means of transportation. The rest of us have to have a vehicle or stay at home. There are no trains or buses in my neck of the woods. A few of the folks that live in one town and work in another are car pooling but that's not an option for the majority that work or live on the farms.

I suppose I could fix the flats on my bike but I reckon the first time I tried to bike the 12 miles to the nearest grocery store, if I didn't have a heart attack from trying to peddle on my 2 miles of gravel road, I'd probably get run over by a tractor or one of those farmers in their double cab, diesel monster pickups. I'd also be hard put to find a way to pack and tote $150 worth of groceries on a bicycle.

Maybe I should stand on the corner and sell my wares for gas. I'm not much of a salesman so I suspect it would take me a week or so to get half a tank.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Mutter, mutter, curse, curse,,,,,

Some nitwit decided that kid's baseball should have an earlier start down here. Normally I have a few days of breathing room after tax season and before Zach has practice but they're not giving me a breather this year for danged sure. Still 11 days shy of April 15th and practice too,, I know insanity is just around the corner. Does anyone have a cheap, used, straight jacket?

I got off work at 4 today, drove 12 miles home, hustled the terrorist into his cleats, grabbed his glove, and hurried back to the truck to drive 6 miles back to his practice. I sat in the truck and read a book (when I could keep my eyes open) while he spent over two hours doing what little boys do at ball practice.

After practice, I drove 6 miles further to pick up take-out burgers for supper, drove home, had supper, got showers and baths, worked on homework, and then it was bedtime for the terrorist.

Now I'm sitting here waiting for my hair to dry so I can take my old, lazy, butt to sleep.

I'm going to the tanning bed tomorrow. I know I can get a short, uninterrupted nap there!!

Redneck For Sale

Every time I begin to feel that our little spot in the Mississippi River delta is acquiring a bit of culture, I stumble across little reminders that it "just ain't so". This morning as I was reading through the classifieds (you can find some good information by reading who's selling what in these things) in one of the local papers and I ran across this:

$1800 pair of men's false teeth.
Never been used.
Only asking $300 for them.

YES, the ad is real!!

The ad brought to mind thoughts of my grandfather and his wisdom. When he was about 90 he had all his teeth pulled because they'd been hurting him and the doctor wanted him to be fitted for false teeth after his gums had healed. We were sitting in his swing one day (we sat in that swing a lot over time) and he told me, "Sister, I really don't see any need in buying those teeth. I'm eating ok and I just can't see paying that much money for something that's gonna last longer than me."

Friday, April 01, 2005

Brenda's REAL Reality

Everything Comes In Threes

Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in ancient times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.

You Can't Take It With You (When you die)

Well, that depends on what it is. If it's your favorite blue suit, you certainly can take it with you. In fact you can stick a whole bunch of other stuff in the pockets just in case you do take it with you.

You Learn Something New Every Day.

Actually you don't. You learn something old every day. Just cause you just learned it doesn't mean it's new. Others already knew it.

Tomorrow Is Another Day.

Not necessarily true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so, but you know what? By then it'll be today again.

A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush.

In my opinion, who ever believed this never had a hand full of bird shit.