Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Tis the Moody Season



I'm sure trying to drag myself out of this funk but the closer it gets to the holidays the funkier I feel. More and more I let several days go by without leaving the house because the effort to do so is just so exhausting.

Holidays were always a big deal in my family when I was growing up and something to look forward to. I remember so many holiday meals at Grandma and Grandpa's house, surrounded by my mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I feel so sad when I think about how so many of the ones at those family holidays have passed away now and the ones of us who are left are so scattered that it's almost impossible to come together for much more than funerals now.

I've always felt that families should be together, if at all possible, for holidays and I struggled for a few years by trying to alternate the times spent with each of our families after I married. When I was pregnant with our youngest child, and couldn't go anywhere during the holidays because he was due any second, I started cooking the family dinners and my family would come to our house.

Now, for several years, there's been the problem with my husband and our oldest daughter and that makes me feel the loss of the holiday spirit even more. I keep feeling as though I should be able to fix things so that our family can all be together for the holidays but this stubborn, unforgiving, man just won't be fixed. Last year I made dinner here at home then Zach and I went to my son's where I could be with all of my kids who were together for the holidays.

I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm enraged cause dammit, Momma's can't fix everything even when we want to more than anything in the world.

23 comments:

wanda said...

Swettie, I know what your talking about! With me it's not just the hubby who's the problem. For some reason I have sons who'd either rather spend the holidays with their friends or their inlaws. I've finally come to the conclusion that if I'm not on their priority list, then I'm not going to let THEM ruin the day for me. So I dance with them who brung me (or who came to dance with me). ;)

Piggy and Tazzy said...

If only mothers could fix everything. But they can't. And the family would do well to remember that Mum's always try their best.

I think it's good for families to be together at Christmastime, not so sure about the rest of the year though - I just can't imagine taking dear old Daddy out to get drunk on New Years Eve.

Mary Lou said...

Well You KNOW what I would do. I would tell the old FART that ALL of my children and THEIR children were coming over here for Thanksgiving, and If he didnt like it, he could sit in the barn all day! And Maybe Zach could take him a turkey leg to knaw on!

Karen said...

*hugs* sorry you cant have everyone in one place. I know the feeling :(

Special K said...

Good Lord, you'd think asking for people to shut it and behave themselves one or two days out of the year cost them the earth. The thing that really pisses me off about this is that you're the one reproaching yourself, when it's clear the blame rests far, far away from you.

I'm with Mary Lou; James should get a time-out until he learns to play nicely with others.

Hoot Nannie said...

I was going to ask what would happen if your oldest daughter & family just came. Would there be a big scene? I tend to agree with ML and Special K, but then I know we don't know the whole situation and what the end result would be. Why can't James see what he is doing to YOU????????? Stubborn old mule!!!! (that's the nice version of what I was thinking)

Sally said...

Stick a frozen turkey tv dinner in the microwave; wave bye bye and join the rest of the "family"....

Did I ever tell you about my cousin? Her husband would not ALLOW pics of his OWN grandchildren in his home! Three beautiful kids. They have never been allowed in his home. He would visit them in PA. but would not spend the night under their roof.

Oh, but, now his daughter has remarried, has a "white" baby and is "adored" by the grandfather.

Give me a BREAK. I'm not judging James, merely wondering HOW he lives with himself!! Poor man, missing so much. Holy Mother of God. My heart aches for you. Next year you're all invited to my house; no prejudice allowed... Well, except for JAMES.....................

Course, you'll have to COOK!!!

Virginia Gal said...

Belinda, I concur with Special K and Mary Lou, perhaps you can ask your husband to just put aside his differences for this one day...how nice would that be?
My aunt and uncle had a falling out but for my wedding they both showed up and no fireworks. For short periods of time, tensions can be set aside, heck look at the Middle East!
ps - I bet you make an awesome Thanksgiving dinner!

Brenda said...

He's mentioned that if they came to dinner, he wouldn't so either way everyone wouldn't be together. I think they should put a bounty out on the delta, male, redneck!!

me said...

Sometimes you just want to lay a 2x4 upside those husband's heads, don't ya?

I'll remember you in my prayers, Brenda, and I'll be praying that James can be more forgiving. Maybe God can help with that 2x4.

Barry said...

Maybe you should take a little time to get on-line and catch up with an old friend. Maybe someone could help you take your mind off your problems for a little while. It's worth a try.......

Leslie said...

If only he'd give you what you truly want for Christmas this year. And it wouldn't cost him a penny.

: (

Anonymous said...

I know he said that if they show up he's leaving, but would this be such a bad thing? Because if he stayed then he would be a total grouch and would probably say something ignorant, right? Let him see what it's like to not have a thanksgiving dinner waiting for him. That might light a fire under his ass.

~Andie Pandie

Joe said...

I understad both sids Brenda because I am traped in the same delima! I can't run the childrens life but I refuse to let them trample on mine! I have lived in this family seperation for many years now. Sure it hurts! But you to have a life to live. I no you love the kids as I do, take one holiday at a time my dear!

Barry said...

Joe needs to learn how to spell. Looks like our public skool sistem left one behind.

Mary Lou said...

AH Barry, Leave Joe alone!! We like his irregularities, Someday you will be old like him too.

Joan said...

Ahh Brenda, It sounds like a no win situation. You wish the holidays would soften the heart sometimes, but I guess it's just another day to those who hold grudges. Trust me, Gord's family has it fair share. That's why I always do the dinners. We don't miss the begrudgers anymore, out of sight out of mind.

But, I can hear your sadness, and I wish I could help.

Joan said...

Barry,

That's our Joe, and that's the way we like him! )>

Holly said...

i hate that for you. there was alot of that kind of thing when i was in my first marriage. i'm thankful that my husband and i both get along with each others' family and extended relatives.

so very thankful.

get him a hungry man turkey dinner and you and zach go have some fun!

Leslie said...

What Mary Lou and Joan said.

Brenda said...

I love my Joe, he spells just fine!

Nat said...

I feel for you, Brenda. I hope there is a solution that works for you, and that you find some peace during the holidays. It's really too bad that those couple of people can't put aside their differences for a couple days out of the year to remember what they should be THANKFUL for. God bless, dear friend. ~Otto

cultureshock553 said...

Barry, there are more important things than being able to spell, like warmth and kindness.

Brenda, what a shame James is such a stick-in-the-mud. It must be terribly hurtful, especially during the holidays. But he must have lots of good in him, too, because it sounds like he is a great granddad to Zach.