Christmas Present!

After years of hurt feelings and appliances, I came to the conclusion that the man I married will never know, or take time to care, about buying gifts for me. He doesn't know my sizes, favorite colors, or likes and dislikes and after almost 35 years I don't think he's gonna learn. Soooo,,I've taken it upon myself to make sure I get something for Christmas this year that I really want. I found my second( I decided to wait till he buys another major purchase hunting item to hit him up for the Canon SLR that was my first) choice of digital camera and used some of my own money to put it in the lay-a-way. I then gave him the lay-a-way slip and told him when he had to get it out.

Now I'm gonna be waiting impatiently like a worm in hot ashes for Christmas to get here so I can get my hands on it.

The all-seeing Santa knows I've been good even if someone else, who I won't mention by name but who's nickname is asshole, doesn't think so.

What do you think?

I see a strong family resemblance here, does anyone else? Jerri swears hubby's side of the family leaves their mark on all the kiddies.

Trish brought these photos of Jordan and Jaylen. I think they're my most favorite of all I've seen of them.





Here's one of Zach, Abby, MeriKate, and Krysten, playing a game.


And last, but not least, Ms. Alexis, aka the Chick, playing dress-up at her Banny's shop.

Cause Karen Tagged me

7 Things

Seven things that I plan to do:

Some more online and by phone Christmas shopping
Vacuum,,,eventually
Do my Christmas Cards
Get more sleep
Read
Catch up with my blog reading
Post this

Seven things I can do:

Touch type
Drive an tractor and an 18 wheeler (as long as I don't have to go far)
Math
Bake decent cornbread and biscuits
Draw and paint a little
Have beautiful babies
laugh

Seven things I can't do:

Speak a foreign language (though I had French in HS and know a few choice words in Spanish)
Bake cakes and pies
Make Candy
Sing
Play a musical instrument
Eat Chitterlings
Get enough sleep

Seven things I say most often:

Oh shit!
I love you a bushel and a peck.
I'll beat you naked and hide yer clothes.
Sit down, stop bouncing, and do your homework!
I'd stretch a mile if I didn't have to walk back.
Please turn that down!!!
Dammit

Seven people I want to tag:

Wanda
David
Mark
Cassie b
Holly
Joan
KB

Cold Season

I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and felt better after a bit. Today it progressed to a head cold (snort, sneeze, cough, sniff). I believe I caught a germ, probably this one.



Anyway, I'm fighting that ugly bastard with ibupro and vitamins and I hope he dies quick.

A Rare Event

All the grandchildren together, in one place, at one time, and cornered long enough for a photo!


We had a fun afternoon playing Trivia, sipping coffee, and gorging our faces with yummy pies. Trish, Bubbie, and I teamed up against Banny (Jerri's mom), Jerri's niece, Dallas, and Jami and Jerri. I was on the winning team (turning cartwheels in my mind here) even though I didn't contribute a whole hell of a lot of knowledge to the game today. I think what I love most about it is the joking and laughter of my kids as they're all just sitting around being who they are.

The smaller ones were very well behaved today. I don't think there was even a drop of blood shed or any tears except for Meri Kate and she had an ear ache for awhile there.

As we set up the game, Trish made the remark that she felt drab because everyone was wearing makeup but her. Bubbie, being fast on the draw with come-backs, and totally in love with food, said, "Yeah, but you're wearing meringue, and that's my favorite decoration!" He'd had a few beers while he'd deep fried his turkeys and was in top form today. Anytime you need an expert on the contents of Victoria's Secret catalogs, he's your man.

We've made another play date for Saturday afternoon so I'm going shopping tomorrow for a Win, Lose, or Draw game for us to try out. I think we had plenty of Trivia for one holiday.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving or just a wonderful day!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I hope all my U.S. friends have a Blessed Thanksgiving and all my friends in other countries have a Blessed Thursday!!

Suffering From Brain Depreciation

There's definitely a straight line declining balance of cells in the great empty space behind my eyes after that little trip. It even caused me to have problems finding my way around in that danged hotel that didn't cover much more area than my back yard.

I arrived yesterday with just enough time to find the other two ladies from the tax company, sign in, and nab a cup of coffee before being entertained by our instructors who happened to be two retired IRS auditors (I'm pretty sure they qualified as some of the "Raisin" clan that Special K and Leslie speak of). I learned a lot, had to lug home this big ole book full of tax stuff, and was the only one in the class to win a teeny, tiny, candy bar for answering a question right.(there were only two possible answers and luck was on my side!)

The only other entertainment was hearing a story that Tammy told us about killing a donkey with Corona Lights as we sat in the hotel lounge with long, tall, icy, margaritas. I was in my pjs and in bed by 10:15 so you know I was feeling my age.

The most important thing I learned during the 16 hours of instruction was we're going to have a few pissed off clients when they come to understand what the new classification for "qualifying child" on their 2005 tax return means.


Is everyone finished plucking their bird to get it ready to stick in the oven?

Conferencing

I'll have to be on the road by 6 a.m. in the morning to drive to West Memphis to attend a 2 day IRS conference. I know ya'll can feel my excitement,, just don't let it put you to sleep, ok?

Zach will stay with his mom tonight and tomorrow night because PopPop decided he needed to work a couple of days this coming week. He started with his, "I don't know how I'll get Zach on the bus, what about his homework" whinings but I finally hushed him up with my "I don't expect you to be put upon for one damned thing, I've made arrangements for Zach's care." He then mentioned that he didn't know why I continued to work in the tax office every year and I was just too tired to remind him, again, that I am OUR tax person and that's a good reason for me to keep up with current tax laws and changes. It's also a good idea for me to keep a foot in the door in case he cuts a leg off on a cotton picker or something. It's also a good thing for me to be out of the house as much as possible during the winter when he spends so much time at home in order to prevent murder and mayhem around this place.

He should thank his lucky stars.

Anyhow, I'll be staying over on Monday night and will be back sometime late Tuesday, hopefully still retaining a little of the knowledge gained from my outing.

Itchy Terrorist

Usually on Saturday we get to sleep until we wake up around here but not today. Instead we had to get up early to hurry up and get in line to wait at the doctor's office and of all the things I just love to do, standing in line to wait is my second favorite,(insert strong curse words here),,standing in line at Wal Mart is my first favorite.

It seems the Terrorist has hunted around and found himself a spot of poison ivy and is almost completely covered in the itchy stuff. I think the only places I haven't found any on him are the cheeks of his tush and his feet. He's been pretty miserable.

After we stood in line to sign in at the doctor's office and finally were able to have a seat to wait for the doctor to make an appearance, I looked around for a magazine to keep myself and the itchy youngun from climbing the walls out of boredom. There was not one single magazine, brochure, flyer, nothing to be found in that waiting room so I asked the receptionist where I might find one. She told me that every magazine in the place had been stolen and that they'd had to start locking the restroom also because the patients were letting their kids trash it on a daily basis.

I've been seeing the doctors at this clinic for nigh on 20 years now and it's always been such a nice place. It's in one of the older old home places in Helena and they did an excellent job with keeping things homey looking so I was shocked to see yet another place hit by the ghetto gang decorators that seem to be taking over the entire delta.

Instead of falling into my usual dazed driving state on the way home, I looked around and noticed many changes to the, once grand, old river town. Less and less pride is being taken in the appearances of the homes and lawns, and there were many more homes with bars on the windows. It's really a sad sight.

I feel that the time will soon come when most of the businesses and many of the families in old Helena will be moving out our way, west, away from the river. Many already have. The sense of pride a homeowner had quickly turns to frustration when people move into the area who are subsidized for their rent and have no ambition towards home ownership. It seems as though they don't care enough to take care of anything.

Josephine the Wild Boar

I read a story about Josephine in Jr. High Literature class and the teacher assigned homework in the form of a written review of the story. It was cold that day so I had my school stuff all spread out in front of the coal fire in the living room of the old 17th century cottage we lived in. I looked up as the door opened and my dad came in from work. I knew, as soon as he asked me what I was working on, that he'd stopped by the NCO club for a few drinks before leaving the base. He didn't have much to say to me or anyone else unless he'd been drinking.

"I'm trying to write a review about Josephine the Wild Boar," I told him. And then the shit hit the fan.

"A boar named Josephine?, What in the hell are they teaching you in school? Everyone with an ounce of brains knows that boars are male hogs and it's stupid to name one Josephine." He snatched the book from the floor in front of me and when I tried to explain that wild boars were a breed of wild pigs with males and females, the ranting and raving went on for at least an hour. My stepmom and brothers stayed out of sight during his tirade and I suppose that was smart because it gave him less fuel for his fire, but damn I could have used a little back-up.

He finally blustered enough that he blew out and stomped into the kitchen to ask where supper was and I escaped up to my cold bedroom with my books. I never did finish that review.

I wonder if God explained to him about Josephine and if he finally understood.

We're educated down here

Actual answers to exams taken by Arkansas students , Lord help us if these were answers by our future doctors.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (this is my personal favorite)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Wasted day

I haven't been feeling too sporty the past few days.,,nothing I can put my finger on,,just drag-assing around like so today, after hubby came in for about the 2nd time around 11:30 and settled into his recliner with a book, I took my book and off to bed I went. I don't remember reading the first paragraph but I do remember waking a couple of times and not being able to move, so I didn't. Finally the phone rang and I stumbled around until I found it and they'd hung up but a glance at the clock gave me reason to forgive them, it was 2:10pm! I'd slept over 2 1/2 hours!

I felt bad about it for about a second and then I noticed James snoring away in the recliner so I got over it. He didn't wake up until almost 3 and he said he went to sleep when I did.

I'm like an old bear, I want to hibernate when it gets cold outside and it's supposed to get down to 28 tonight.

A tad breezy today

We're having typical autumnal weather for Arkansas today. We had thunderstorms and even a tornado warning for a short time this afternoon and the temps went from 79 with 40mph winds to 52 with 40mph winds in the space of a few minutes after the front blew through. Bubbie stood at the door and watched for the tornado but he didn't see it so it must have touched down somewhere else in the county. Luckily we're blessed with a goodly portion of farmland here so a tornado has plenty of room to ramble without doing a whole lot of damage to life and limb. The weather man even mentioned that we might get down to freezing one night this week!

Happy Birthday Ms Leslie!

Ms. Leslie has a birthday on Tuesday so I hope everyone will go over and wish her a great one.

I'd sing a song for her but she'd be scarred for life.

Another busy weekend

We've had chillins running around everywhere this weekend (not to be confused with Special K's chittlins). Jami and the girls and Jerri, Bubbie, and the Chicklets were here yesterday and today and it's been nice outdoors so the little ones have enjoyed that. The grown-ups enjoyed the little bit of quiet in between the times that the doors were banging open and closed too.

If ya'll felt an earthquake in North America today that was this Nanaw taking the ass first bounce down the deck steps. The howling noise came from my precious daughter with backup from the darling daughter-in-law because they thought this was very funny, especially since I hadn't dropped Jillian during the rumble with the stairs. There is so much loving concern in this family,,there really is. Jillian never stopped sucking her passy.

I went with James to his doctor's appointment yesterday and the spot on his bottom lip that he's seen the family doctor(who appeared not to be concerned) twice about, is cancer. They're planning on removing the cancer one day next week in office. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I decided today to give up on ever having the "Country Queen" title when Jerri came in with a snack of pickled pig's feet. Jami and I both agreed that she had a lot in common with the zombies from the Night of the Living Dead movie after watching her gnaw on that pig's foot.





Later on we had a delicious dinner of mixed greens, ham, turnips, stewed potatoes, purple hull peas w/snaps, and cornbread.

Ms Jillian had a few smiles for us today even though she's not been feeling too sporty the past couple of days after having a round of her baby shots. I think I see the clowning gene coming out in her already.

Fallish

Sitting on the fence

,,,,,but I tend to lean a lot.

I've been blog strolling a little this evening and while over at John's place I clicked over to another blogger's entry link to see the rest of the story and I began to feel as though I was one of those Liberals they were speaking about so, just to be sure, I googled up the defination of liberal and found this:

broad: showing or characterized by broad-mindedness;
"tolerant of his opponent's opinions"
"generous and broad sympathies"
"a broad political stance"
having political or social views favoring reform and progress tolerant of change; not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or tradition a person who favors a political philosophy of progress and reform and the protection of civil liberties

Then, as I scrolled through the liberal sites I stumbled upon a liberal test and decided to see if I really am a liberal since the above defination doesn't sound so bad to me.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 40% Conservative, 60% Liberal

Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I reckon it just proves that I'm a kind person who sits on the fence and checks things out before climbing over to step ass deep into anything. I only form strong opinions about things I actually KNOW all the facts about.

What do you think?

Tis the Moody Season

I'm sure trying to drag myself out of this funk but the closer it gets to the holidays the funkier I feel. More and more I let several days go by without leaving the house because the effort to do so is just so exhausting.

Holidays were always a big deal in my family when I was growing up and something to look forward to. I remember so many holiday meals at Grandma and Grandpa's house, surrounded by my mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I feel so sad when I think about how so many of the ones at those family holidays have passed away now and the ones of us who are left are so scattered that it's almost impossible to come together for much more than funerals now.

I've always felt that families should be together, if at all possible, for holidays and I struggled for a few years by trying to alternate the times spent with each of our families after I married. When I was pregnant with our youngest child, and couldn't go anywhere during the holidays because he was due any second, I started cooking the family dinners and my family would come to our house.

Now, for several years, there's been the problem with my husband and our oldest daughter and that makes me feel the loss of the holiday spirit even more. I keep feeling as though I should be able to fix things so that our family can all be together for the holidays but this stubborn, unforgiving, man just won't be fixed. Last year I made dinner here at home then Zach and I went to my son's where I could be with all of my kids who were together for the holidays.

I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm enraged cause dammit, Momma's can't fix everything even when we want to more than anything in the world.

Bugaboo

I've taken care of many a critter in my time. We've had a baby squirrel, raccoons, even a deer once, but the Chick came in yesterday with a first.

Now, to you and I, this may be a dead bug on an old, previously tossed out, bath brush, but to the Chick this is a Bugaboo and Bugaboo is sleeping. In fact, the ailing Bugaboo even had to take a nap in Nanaw's bed so he might feel better and eventually wake up. Alas, I fear that this Bugaboo is already with his Maker due to the petrified appearance of his remains, but in dealing with the imaginative mind of a 2 yr. old it's best not to mention the words "Heaven" or "funeral" concerning his state of being because she wasn't having any of it,,we tried that route. The Chick stayed busy for most of the afternoon cuddling and cooing to the brush nestled dead insect until Jerri was finally able to convince her that he needed a lot more rest and set him atop Ya-Ya's cage. He remains there still although the child has checked on him off and on. We're hoping she'll forget him so that Nanaw can send him off to bug Heaven.




We had the excellent news this week that Miss Jordan had ALL A's on her report card!! Her teacher wrote this note, "Jordan's excellent work is a reflection of her fine attitude and effort."

You know that makes a Nanny proud!!

Turkey Thoughts

Jerri and the Chicklets came over for the afternoon yesterday and Jerri and I had another of our usual "growing up country" conversations.

Jerri's whole family are critter lovers in a big way. Before you start your truck in Jerri's drive it's a good idea to check under, atop, and in the truck bed for curious critters. At this time she only has kitties, a doggie or two, a bird, and horses but you never know what may take up residence there because she won't turn a stray critter away.

She was telling me yesterday about a hen turkey her mother bought extra when she purchased some geese a while ago. The poor turkey looked as though she was starving and had a scraggly, sparse feathered, look about her but this changed soon after Loyce, (her mom), took the sickly fowl under her wing. Jerri says that's now the fattest turkey she's ever seen in her life. She's so fat that her belly/breast nearly touches the ground and she's become bow-legged. (this part of the story is where Jerri demonstrates the turkey's bow-legged waddle and that was funny as hell). I can't remember what she said Loyce named the turkey but she put her in the pen with the chickens and every time she sees Loyce, she follows her every step. Jerri also mentioned that she believes the turkey thinks she's a chicken which is a smart move on the turkey's part this time of the year.

I can remember my grandmother always having a few turkeys strutting around her yard. When I was a kid she had this big ole tom turkey who'd spend his days waiting for us to dare to venture off the porch so he could come give us a flogging. It was great fun to see if we could outrun that ole tom. I learned very early in life that a hen turkey who's got little ones is not to be messed with either.

Turkey Facts

A turkey's brain is about the size of a walnut and it is said that is has fewer brain cells than a cockroach. (It's funny how often a turkey hunter can be outsmarted by this bird.)

Turkeys have heart attacks. When the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier, fields of turkeys would drop dead.

Turkeys can drown if they look up when it's raining.

Turkeys have excellent vision and hearing. Their field of vision is about 270 degrees. (who said it takes brains to elude those silly hunters?)

A spooked wild turkey can run up to 20 mph and fly up to speeds of 55 mph. Domestic turkeys can't fly because they're too fat.

This is Friday, right?

Just call me Dr. Nanaw. I doctored that kid with some cough stuff with DM, kept the tylenol and motrin in him every 4 hours, made him stay indoors (at least until late afternoon yesterday), so he was fit enough today to go farming with his PopPop. I needed the relief but I'll keep the phone handy (which means I'll try not to lose the damned thing today as I do most days) in case I have to go bring him home.

He and I went to the grocery store late yesterday because he was craving a steak. He hadn't eaten anything since he'd been feeling poorly so I was all for feeding the little fella. After we'd gone through and had what we needed in our baskets we headed to the checkout, and lo and behold, we were incensed by this quite healthy lady standing in the otc drug aisle. Thank goodness we only passed by the aisle since the stinky fart fog was ominous enough with the pass-by cause I imagine we'd have been overcome enough to have to call paramedics had we actully been on that aisle with her. And that thing drifted! Even after we had made our way in line at the check-out, little tendrils of that funky fog were drifting our way.

I hope she was intending to purchase some gas-x from the otc choices although I believe some toilet paper might have been a "need to add" on her list too.

Even writing about it is making my coffee taste funny.

Since the funky, fart, fog is pretty much the highlight of my week, I thought I'd post this decorating idea that my cousin Hop sent to my email.


Just what we need, another distraction. There aren't enough to keep them from hitting the target as it is.

I'm too damned old for days like this.

Up at 4a.m. with a croupy terrorist. He's feeling better, I'm about done in. I guess it's a good thing they're out of school for teachers conference days tomorrow and Friday so he won't miss but one day of school but I think I'll be a nutcase before Monday!

Arkansas Speed funnies.

Brent was kind enough to post a few links with advice about preventing or avoiding speeding tickets and my sister sent these to me this morning. Great minds ya know.

GOOD -- A Little Rock,AR. policeman had a perfect spot to watch for
speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a
12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which
read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down
the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money.

BETTER -- A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an
automated radar post in Conway,Ar. .... a $40 speeding ticket was
included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST -- A young woman was pulled over for speeding. An Arkansas State
Trooper walked to her car window and flipped open his ticket book. She
said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers
Ball. He replied, "Arkansas State Troopers don't have balls." There was
a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just
said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was
laughing too hard to start her car.