Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm not sure I can do this,,,,


It's hard. It was hard the first time I tried, harder the second, and even harder the third time I tried to quit smoking. I have had this love/hate relationship with cigarettes for 40 years now and I know they're probably killing me. I don't know how to explain this addiction but I know without a doubt that I have one.

Tuesday I went to my doctor, the one who has the assembly line patient care going on, and was able to spit out in my 2 minute allotted time that I wanted a prescription for Chantix. The only thing he said before writing the prescription was, pointing to his head, " are you sure up here?" I told him that I hoped so, and that was that. I paid, I left.

Tuesday evening I went to my first support group session for smokers who want to quit. After I attend two sessions, they will provide the Chantix to me free of charge so that sounded like a good deal since I don't have insurance.

My first homework from the session is to cut my cigarette use down to 20 cigarettes a day. I did this on Wednesday although I had to go to bed twice to calm down. On Thursday I did ok too but two naps helped me through then also. Today hasn't been good, no naps and I'm a bit stressed; when I'm stressed I reach for my crutch; the smokes.

I think I'm willing but I'm weak. I love those nasty things but they're killing me. I start the Chantix next week, we'll see.

22 comments:

Sally said...

You can do it.

I know you can.

It won't be easy.

But, you can!

I'm proud of you. (HUGS)

Karen M said...

Oh, Brenda, I wish you the very best. Any habit is soooo difficult to break.

Loretta said...

Good luck!! My daughter is trying to quit too. She is down to a pack every two days. I wonder if there is the same kind of program here. She said her insurance won't pay for the pills. She told me today as high as their going its quit or stop buying food!

Jeanne said...

Good Luck to you Brenda. It is a habit that's a killer and we want you around a lot longer. Strength girl!

Maria said...

Hi Brenda, please come over to my place there's an award waiting for you!
Good luck on you! I quit smoking 10 months ago. I don´t really miss it but as I was addicted I have to be careful. I eat too much now. Everybody tells me that this is healthier than smoking :)))
Wish you all the best, dear!

Donna said...

The road to success starts with a decision. You CAN do it. I used to smoke 3 packs a day. I quit in September 1981 - cold turkey on a long, solo car trip. I have never had another one since and the smell now makes me sick. You will feel so much better!

jazzi said...

I'm rootin' for you! I can't give you pointers because I haven't been there. Yay! for finding a way to get the meds for free!

Butterfly Gardener said...

Good Luck with accomplishing your goal. I wish the best for you. I once knew a couple who give up cigarettes together and were able to pay all of their insurance with their savings.

LauraBelle said...

I am an ex-smoker, too. I smoked for 23 yrs and quit EVERYTHING 18 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 3 days ago ... I got clean (stopped eating crystal meth *my nasal passages wouldn't let me snort it anymore they were so 'abused' and I loath needles [praise God!]* and stopped my daily smoking of pot) I got sober (stopped closet drinking of vodka and 'open' drinking of beer), and, I got off the crutch of smoking cigarettes.

I did it all in one day, cold turkey. Was it hard? Yes. Did I have a lot of problems, withdrawls and all that unpleasant stuff ... yes. Do I still deal with side effects of those years of 'self-abuse' ... yes. But I did it. I do it. Everyday, one day at a time. I have all confidence that with the choice of using the med.'s you've chosen, you will quit. I have two friends in my bunco group that just quit using the same thing and it's 'funny' how I should come across this post today after us all talking about it just last night! You can do it ... and God bless you! Talk to Him alot. He can and does help. When YOU are weak, He is strong!

I pray right NOW that God will release your body of the physcial addiction of tobacco, that you, Brenda, can stand confident on His Word that He IS the Almighty physician and healer who can soothe your mind and calm your nerves! I pray that satan be rebuked in the tempting and taunting he is famous for, that in the name of Jesus, He casts off all trickery! I pray these things for you Brenda in the name of God's son, our Redeemer Christ Jesus ... AMEN!!

*whew!* Okay, now this is a first time I've prayed online! Hope I didn't scare anybody! {{huggz}}

Cal said...

Good luck!

Debbie said...

Brenda, I wish you the best of luck. I'm a smoker and have never tried to quit. I know it's not good for me, but...well you know. If I quit and gain any more weight I'll end up with a heart attack. Choosing my poison I guess. I'm not helping here. You're ready and YOU can do it, girl. Millions of others have :) I'll keep you in my prayers!! ((Brenda))

Donna said...

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Sending you a crystal blue wind...a warm sandy beach...and lots of love.....
((((HUG))))

Belle (from Life of a...) said...

You CAN do it. It will get easier everyday and every step (even baby steps) make for a more healthy and happy you (although the "happy" part probably doesn't seem so probable the way you're feeling right now). I'll be thinking about you.

cassie-b said...

Good luck - aside from the obvious health advantages, quitting is like a pay raise.

Ccas

Jeanette said...

You can do it because it sounds like you really want to that that's what it takes. I quit smoking 17 years ago after smoking for 20 years. And the support group will help too. Good luck, Brenda.

TRISHA said...

You can do it. You just have to WANT to do it. It's not easy, but it is very worth it.
I haven't had a puff in 15 days. I have saved over $80. Take it one day at a time!

Just Joni said...

OH please quit...find another habit - chewing on pencils or something...do it for the grandkids. Last year around this time my biological father died of lung cancer...he suffered and it wasn't pretty. I know you are just ornery enough to kick that habit!

itsboopchile said...

Of course you can. You can do anything with God's help and a determination to do so.
Dean quit cold turkey over 30 years ago without any nagging from me. I never started.
So, of course I was proud of him. One daughter told him he was so stubborn he would make it.
Go for it.
I'll pray for you.
Betty G

Crystal said...

Go girl!!!

I'm a smoker too so I know how it is.

It's good that u have a support group u can go to!

I'll be a rootin fer ya!!!

joan said...

You can do it Brenda! I'll keep you in my prayers for when the going get tough. I've never took up smoking, when I was young I tried it but got sick everytime and dizzy so it's one habit I don't have but now if I can only do something about the other habits I do have. It's a vicious cycle sometimes. Good LUck!

Mary Lou said...

I HAVE FAITH!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
GO BRENDA!!!!!

Cindra said...

I will pray for strength for you, Brenda... keep with it girl!!!