Either/Or

Either he's going to clean his room up or I'm going to practice child abuse with the belt or flyswat. 3 damned hours of asking, telling, and threatening are ENOUGH!!

I'm trying to convince him that if he starts with a clean room before his sisters and the Chick get here this evening, he'll have an excuse to insist that they help him clean it up before bedtime. As it is, there's not even room for them to play in there.

I hope I live long enough to see this child raised.

Tentative New Year's Eve plans

Jami has volunteered to babysit so we're supposed to go with Bubbie and Jerri to one of the Tunica casinos for dinner and a little gaming tomorrow night. The dinner part is fine cause I really like the dining choices at the casinos but I ain't a gambler in any shape or form. After about 10 minutes and $20.00 I'm either bored outta my gourd or pissed off for being so stupid for putting my money in one of those damned machines, or both.

Why do I go? Because that's the only place that my husband will readily agree to take me for a NYE celebration and I want to go SOMEWHERE! I'm tired of sitting at home. I'd much rather be sitting at a table in a place with a live band (of any kind), having a few drinks, doing a little dancing, and shooting the breeze with folks we know.

Anyhow, tomorrow night we'll be here,


Horseshoe Casino

Or here,


Bally's Casino

Or here,


Fitzgeralds Casino

Or here,


Grand Casino (personally they have my favorite buffet)

Or Harrahs, Hollywood, or Samstown Casino in Tunica, Mississippi.

I hope I can make it till mid-night! (They do have some of the cutiest little hats and tooters at those places).

Housework Should be Made Simple

Some day I'm going to get rid of my dust rags, vacuum cleaner, mops and brooms, and buy a turbo-powered leaf blower, one that'll swoosh every item the kids have stuffed under the sofa and loveseat right on out the door. It will also be powerful enough to clean out from behind the rest of the furniture and appliances that I figured didn't really need cleaning cause I couldn't see back there anyway. It'll suck up those dust bunnies up near the ceiling in 2.2 seconds and have gentle attachments for wiping snotty noses and changing diapers.

I reckon until that day comes I'll have to keep on doing things the old fashioned way,,,when I get around to it. I did get around to a few things yesterday,,,

I took down the Christmas Tree and packed everything in boxes that I packed so well that I can't move them, so they wait there patiently against the dining room wall for the Man to get around to moving them to the closet. (mind you, they might be there for awhile since the Man and the Son have gone on a hunting trip from which they'll bring home a shitload of dirty laundry! It's rather nice that Jerri has to do the Son's part now (big grin).

I vacuumed the living room, dining room, and master bathroom. That worked up a sweat and I had to get into that economy-sized bottle of ibupro before moving on to the next chore.

I swept the kitchen the first time and then Jerri came over and did it the second and third.

I washed and dried 1 load of laundry and put most of it away, the rest will still be there when the urge hits me to get to it.

The rest of the afternoon I played and watched TV cause some of the munchkins came to visit and I played a little with my camera.

Monkey Nut Adventures!

Monkey Nuts has been doing things up in style up in Michigan for the past little while. Ya'll can read about his monkey doings over at Michele's place.

Day After

I enjoyed my visit with Trish and Jerri and the girls yesterday. I had one chance to snap shots of the munchkins when they all decided to have a seat atop the washer and dryer with Dallas (Jerri's neice). They all had a really busy day playing with all the new toys and things that Santa brought.

QUICKIE!

Zach and I will be heading out in a few to go to Jerri's to visit with Trish and the girls. Can't wait to have some Jordan and Jaylen hugs! Whatcha wanna bet I'll be taking more photos with the new camera today?

Jami and the girls were going to be there today too but she called a little while ago and told me that her hubby's grandmother died last night. That's awful hard to deal with at any time but I think at Christmas it has to be worse.

I hope everyone has a great Monday! I'll be stopping by to visit my blog buds as soon as I can.

tired, tired, TIRED

Hope everyone had a great Christmas!


I'm quite sure our Santa's a redneck, probably lives up in the Ozarks somewhere cause these dental devices were in Zach's stocking!


The Chick got a real nice Dora table and chairs, just the right size for tot play. Believe me, Jerri really does have to move furniture for a day of play.


Miz Jillian just had to model the newest in hair accessories,,for the baby who has everything but a lotta hair.

Now, this Nanaw is going to fridge to load up with a bowl of fruit salad. Anybody want some?

That Reminds Me of You!

The other evening while vegging out in front of the TV a commercial came on (I forgot what it was for) where this woman is wrestling with a bundle of tangled Christmas tree lights. Suddenly she's so frustrated that she just tosses the entire, tangled mass of lights onto the tree. James said, "That reminds me of you."

While I was looking through a magazine a while ago I came upon this cartoon that reminds me of him.

I reckon you have a lot of reminders after almost 35 years.

Long day

We finally got away from that damn surgeon's office in West Memphis around 6:15ish this evening. James got in at 6 for his 4p.m. appointment and I was cold, and tired, and cranky as hell by then. Anyhow, outpatient surgery is finally scheduled for January 4th and all that's left for us to do is scrape up the money to pay for it since the pre-existing clause tacked onto his health insurance is a most surely not going to pay for it (as if it would pay much anyway with that damned $,3000. deductable). I swear, if the government doesn't get off their duffs and do something about these outragious health care costs we're all likely to be in the poorhouse soon. Or out on the street corner trying to make a living. (My luck they'd all be standing in a line for refunds).

We stopped by and picked Zach up at his Mom's (where he's been since Monday) on our way home. He's sick again and I know this for certain because he climbed his little hinny into his new bed and is snoring already.


I hope everyone is being good cause there are only a couple more "sleeps" till Santa comes. I'd be a lot more excited about it if my Santa looked like this.

He could jingle my bells any old time!!

Where I come from

Where I come from you work hard for what you have and are thankful.

Where I come from there are biased people but I don't think it's about color so much as it is about folks who expect something for nothing.

Where I come from we've got some of the finest music and musicians on the planet. We'll sooth your soul with the blues and a little jazz or make sure you shake a leg or do some toe tappin listening to rock-n-roll. We're Elvis, BB King, and Johnny Cash.

Where I come from the summers are hot and the winters are too,,,, sometimes.

Where I come from it wasn't so long ago that we worked the fields by hand and the memory of the taste of cold, clear, well water after sweating in the sun still lingers.

Where I come from the first sign of Autumn is the beginning of football season.

Where I come from cold buttermilk and hot cornbread can make a meal, and often does.

Where I come from fried is a common adjective, as in fried okra, fried chicken, fried catfish.

Where I come from your family comes first and you love them above all.

Where I come from we learn respect from birth. We respect your religion, your ideals, your political leanings, your feelings, and you'd damn sure better respect ours.

Where I come from pecan and magnolia trees are thick and lush. Our wisteria, wild roses, and tiger lilies are too.

Where I come from tea is iced so if you want a cup of hot tea you'd better say so up front. We're polite, we won't mind.

Where I come from we use air conditioning but we haven't forgotten those hot, humid days without. I think we probably appreciate it more than most.

Where I come from we're taught manners at a very young age and we use them our whole lives.

Where I come from the Mississippi River runs deep and wide and the mosquitoes are wicked.

Where I come from we're proud and hospitable.

Not sick, just weary.

I reckon I've got a case of the "getaroundtuit blues".




The #1 reason you should never fart while wearing a wetsuit.

Santa's Visit to the Delta Countryside

He got lost, apparently he, and that blond-rooted bimbo guide of his, can't read the odometer on that damned sleigh. They did, finally, put in an appearance after calling us to say they believed they were almost to the Oklahoma line. I'm thinking that I'd better not trust this little, fat, fella with the delivery of any of the important stuff (like MY digital camera).

When he finally ho, ho, hoed his way through the front door there were 5 kiddies doing some major scrambling to see who could tell him what was on their "I want" list first. The look on Zach's face when ole Santa grilled him about that parcel he sneaked open last week was PRICELESS. The Terrorist was quick to change the subject with, "Wanna hear a song?" The Chick took to Santa right away as did MeriKate and Krysten. Abby wouldn't go near him, no way, no how.

Feel like I've been "rode hard and put up wet."

I really didn't do much today, I went with James to do a little shopping (and not through yet). We found a cute twin-sized bed for Zach's room that's got drawers built in and a bookcase headboard. I told the Terrorist that Santa was shipping it early (next Wednesday) due to the size of it being too big to fit on the sleigh. Hopefully he'll keep pretending for his Nanaw that he believes in that little, fat, fella.

The Chick and Jillian brought their Mommy over for a little visit this afternoon also. Ms. Jillian has been feeling poorly this past week or so but today was a bit perkier,,if we could just get her to take her formula, she takes a few pulls from the bottle then turns her little pug nose up at it.

After supper I was sitting at the table talking to Jerri for a bit before getting to the clean up and suddenly I just felt so damned tired and weak. I even had to sack out on the couch for about an hour before turning on the dishwasher. Not sure what's up with that but I sure hope it's not that danged ole chicken flu that folks in the news keep gandering on about. I'm not sure what the symptoms are but I bet it includes growing feathers and laying eggs and stuff and I know for sure I'm too tired for all that.

Is Santa a Woman?

Just think about it for a minute.

First, how many men do you know who think about gifts before Dec. 24th? And even then, seemed surprised to find there's little left on the shelves to purchase, I've heard, "I lik'ta never found anything that I thought you'd like," so many times over the years. Of course it took him an hour or two to get through the tools and hunting sections of the store to even make it to any other department. I figure if Santa were really a man, everyone would wake up with duck callers or a router saw under the tree.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. But say there was a reindeer or two that survived the slaughter, a male Santa would get lost cause he sure as hell ain't gonna be wimpy enough to ask someone for directions!

And the final reasons I don't believe Santa could be a male?

*Few men can pack a bag.
*Men aren't interested in stockings unless someone is wearing them.
*Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.



You thought I was finished didn't you? I had to include the 10 Worst Christmas Gifts for 2005! I checked them to make sure I hadn't purchased an item or two from the list.

I just had to share these!

How could I not?

Strange Quotes

To do, is to be. - Socrates


To be, is to do. - Aristotole


Do be do be do. - Sinatra



REAL Strange Classified Ads

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers .

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it!

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never regret it.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere else again.

Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience

Got the Shakes!

Suffering from withdrawal here with the lack of time I've had for blog reading and this damned dial-up doesn't help matters cause it's as pokey as a snail race.

Jerri and the girls have been visiting again and today Krysten spent the afternoon too. There's been some crafting going on again around here and I betcha we've got some of the classiest homemade clay ornaments in the country (some of the most colorful too!)

The Chick's been watching too much television. Jerri took her to have Christmas photos taken yesterday and Santa was supposed to be there. When they pulled up to the place Alexis asked her if "this was the North Pole?" Jerri told her it was and Alexis said, "That must be a fake Santa then cause this AIN'T the North Pole!." There's just no foolin some kids.

Trish called yesterday and her girls are getting the Christmas spirit right on schedule. She said it's been hard shopping for her girls this year because they have so many toys already. (Nanaw already knew this but they don't listen much to me.) They'll be here some time over the Christmas holidays so maybe they'll get something that we adults like to play with too.

James always goes shopping and buys the kiddies something a little extra at Christmas and he was asking Jami's girls what they wanted this year. Meri Kate told him she wanted a baby doll with a bottle, Krysten told him she wanted Dr. Suess books, and Abby, bless her little pea-pickin heart, told him she wants a HORSE. I'm not sure how he's going to get around that request. This is the same tiny tot who told him one year that she wanted a camo blanket for her birthday.

I found a few more Christmas thingies that that gave me a chuckle so I thought I'd share them here since I'm so danged brain dead that words fail me. (ha!)

Thinking Like a Pioneer

I admit it, I'm a tree hugger, or at least a hugger to the extent that I think it's stupid and irresponsible for people to chop down the forests that supply the oxygen that you breath, those very forests that probably have a huge impact on these strange and violent weather patterns that folks are suddenly so worried about. But I'm a tree hugger without much opportunity to practice doing my share of recycling since there is nowhere close enough to accept the fruits of my labor other than a scrap yard that'll take aluminum cans. I think there are places in NW Arkansas but I'd be wasting about a barrel or 2 or oil on that round trip drive and that kinda makes you feel like you're defeating the purpose,,ya know?

So what I do is save boxes, bubble wrap, plastic shopping bags, gift boxes, bows and ribbon, etc,,, reuse what I can, and eventually, after I can't see the forest for the stacks and hills of boxes and stuff, toss or burn it (hanging head in defeated shame). This a very difficult thing for me to do because I come from a combination of old European and Native American stock, and not of the aristocratic kind, so being wasteful, if there is even the remotest possibility that something can be useful to someone else,. is sort of like committing an unforgivable sin. My Grandmother is probably shaking her head over me in Heaven right now,,,for sure.

My Grandmother had a back room (that's what she called it, "the back room") that served as a storage area for anything remotely recycleable. She saved all the scraps of cotton fabric from our clothes, every button, and scrap of ribbon, piece of lace, and if and when time allowed, she'd make quilts or blankets from the scraps. My sisters and I even wore dresses she'd decorated with a few of these leftovers and felt as fasionably attired as anyone wearing those store bought duds. My kids had the best time sorting and playing with her collection of saved buttons during many a visit. Paper grocery bags (I'm old remember) were used for wrapping packages, covering school books, drawing surfaces, and even for making out the shopping list before going to town.

A pencil was never thrown away as long as there was enough left of it to hold on to, Grandpa would whittle that lead point as good as any manual pencil sharpener could. I remember how he used to tuck those little pencil stubs behind his ear when he was out in the barn designing something from left over scrap metal or wood.

We live in a land of plenty and there is plenty of overflow so I don't understand why it's so difficult for us to make good use of the leftovers. Is there anyone out there who wouldn't sort and recycle if there were places that wouldn't take 2 days and 3 tanks of gas to take it to?

Raise your hands.

And remember, a 3ft. high stack of newspapers = 1 whole tree.

Thank You Jesus!

The man went hunting today. He's been hunting most every day but hasn't stayed gone long enough for me have breathing room before he's back again and in the way. Today he went to Snow Lake.

There's no place in the whole wide world like Snow Lake, Arkansas, it's almost at the end of the world with one way in and one way out because there's no bridge across the White River down there. I drove all the way to Snow Lake once to where James was helping one of the other farm managers pick the cotton crop. I'd called to tell him Zach and I were on our way and he told me to call him after I'd gone through Melwood (which was as far as I'd ever been in that direction). I knew I was getting close when I passed out of Phillips and into Desha county so I called James to tell him to be looking for us. He said he'd be at the farm shop and it was on the highway so there was no way he'd miss me.

But he did.

I drove until I passed a post office, and shortly thereafter, (like 100 ft thereafter) ran out of highway and then drove a few more yards across an old railroad track and stopped in a shop yard. I saw 3 guys standing beside their trucks so I rolled my window down and asked them "where in the hell I was". A tall man wearing a John Deere cap sautered over and asked me where it was that I wanted to be cause other than a levee or two and some dirt roads, I was about as far as I could go unless I wanted to swim a river. He didn't know where hubby was picking cotton so I called James again and told him he'd better come find me cause I had run out of road and was lost.

I had passed some really old plantation type homes along the way that were left over from the days when Snow Lake had been a fairly large settlement. There was a time when the riverboats would dock there to let off supplies and pick up loads of lumber and bales of cotton. Although that spot in the road is only 50 miles south of here, it's like another world down there and I decided that if you got hurt badly or sick you could very well die before you could get out for medical care.

Here's a poem by a young man who visited the area that I enjoyed reading because it gives you the mood of the place.

Premonition in Snow Lake, Arkansas

Snow Lake, your skies pale blue
and smell like catfish.
The drainage
ditches drone most nights-- the squares
of dikes sing your town to sleep.

When Boll Weevils appear in your town,
they snack on crops, spit
cotton seeds like the plague
across your cloudy kingdoms.

In town they drink Busch on Sunday mornings
on the street, watch their days
flow out and disappear in the fields.
At night
daughters' windows rattle in the wind
that comes down from Helena.
I pull over
to check the map and notice the scale of sky
to field is 6 to 1, then I catch
the dirty crow's feet in the corners
of clouds, how they slice into white.

Highway 85 ends here at the gravel
where a black man stands
in coveralls on his porch, watches his dog
snap at the air, stares
into the field where his life will end
quietly, 15 years from today.

,,,,,,Michael Catherwood

Getting in the Mood for Christmas

Can you sense my enthusiasm?



Zach's already been in trouble for getting into things he shouldn't. He slipped into my little office the other night and unboxed one of his games (opened up the shipping package mind you) and was getting ready to have a go at playing with it when I went in to check on him. I almost gave him what for after I finally caught him. I reckon it's time I got busy wrapping some of this stuff but last year I noticed little peek holes in all the packages under the tree. (Wonder how those got there?)

I realize this is the sort of behavior expected of kids around Christmas time but dang, my son was so good he could unwrap the present, play with it awhile, then wrap it back up and I never knew until he told me about it after he could safely avoid a whipping. (I believe that was when he passed the 6ft mark). Zach did not inherit the snooping talent.

I'm having thoughts about wrapping everything in colored duct tape. It would take dynamite to make a peek hole through that!

It's Tuesday, already?

I had one of the nicest surprises in my mail yesterday. One of the gals I went to elementary school with that I saw at the Moro Homecoming back in October sent me a copy of our 4th grade class picture. Both James and Zach were able to pick me out of the crowd in about 2 seconds and Zach was really amazed that Nanaw used to be a little girl the same age as he is now.




I've been hearing what I thought was Zach's television and went in there just now to turn it off and it wasn't on. I finally decided the noise was coming from outdoors and after looking out, rushed back in for my camera,,,



We're being swarmed by blackbirds! There are thousands of them in the field across the road.

This and That

I've unstuck my foot from the toothpaste that cemented it to the floor when I stepped in it, I have a fresh cup of coffee and a smoke, and it's as quiet as it can be with 2 TVs making racket in the house, so I thought I'd pop in and say hello.

We've had a kiddie weekend around here so the echos of little voices are still resounding through my mind.

"They're knocking my tower down, ON PURPOSE."
"I don't want a top on my glass of juice!"
"I'm being orangrey."
"Alexis's reindeer looks like it was run over by a big truck."
"But the markers are washable so the blue will wash off."
"But we're using the potty." (This was in answer to the query about why 3 little girls were in the bathroom together. I suspect that had something to do with the toothpaste cement).

We've been eating a lot this weekend too. Friday there was take-out pizza and a spinach salad. Yesterday we had hamburger steaks, mashed taters and gravy, green beans, and peanut butter fudge. Today we chowed down on some chicken-n-dumplings, pinto beans, cornbread, mixed veggies, brussel spouts, oatmeal- raisin cookies, and rice pudding. (My scales are probably cringing in the corner of the bathroom.) Jerri and Jami are responsible for all the sweet goodies cause you can't even freeze my attempts at fudge long enough to firm it up.

Jerri and Jami also did some Christmasy crafting with the kiddies after dinner while Nanny and Jillian thought about a nap (which ended up in Nanny-baby conversation and no nap).

Nanny's Pooped

But Jerri's done an update on the Chick's and Jillian's pages and added to her Sweet Southern Stories in case ya'll want to take a look.

I'll drink to that.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon



THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiate



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

"Thanks, but I don't want to have sex"

"Nope, no more booze for me"

"Sorry, but you're not really my type"

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?"

"Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing...."

Christmas Present!

After years of hurt feelings and appliances, I came to the conclusion that the man I married will never know, or take time to care, about buying gifts for me. He doesn't know my sizes, favorite colors, or likes and dislikes and after almost 35 years I don't think he's gonna learn. Soooo,,I've taken it upon myself to make sure I get something for Christmas this year that I really want. I found my second( I decided to wait till he buys another major purchase hunting item to hit him up for the Canon SLR that was my first) choice of digital camera and used some of my own money to put it in the lay-a-way. I then gave him the lay-a-way slip and told him when he had to get it out.

Now I'm gonna be waiting impatiently like a worm in hot ashes for Christmas to get here so I can get my hands on it.

The all-seeing Santa knows I've been good even if someone else, who I won't mention by name but who's nickname is asshole, doesn't think so.

What do you think?

I see a strong family resemblance here, does anyone else? Jerri swears hubby's side of the family leaves their mark on all the kiddies.

Trish brought these photos of Jordan and Jaylen. I think they're my most favorite of all I've seen of them.





Here's one of Zach, Abby, MeriKate, and Krysten, playing a game.


And last, but not least, Ms. Alexis, aka the Chick, playing dress-up at her Banny's shop.

Cause Karen Tagged me

7 Things

Seven things that I plan to do:

Some more online and by phone Christmas shopping
Vacuum,,,eventually
Do my Christmas Cards
Get more sleep
Read
Catch up with my blog reading
Post this

Seven things I can do:

Touch type
Drive an tractor and an 18 wheeler (as long as I don't have to go far)
Math
Bake decent cornbread and biscuits
Draw and paint a little
Have beautiful babies
laugh

Seven things I can't do:

Speak a foreign language (though I had French in HS and know a few choice words in Spanish)
Bake cakes and pies
Make Candy
Sing
Play a musical instrument
Eat Chitterlings
Get enough sleep

Seven things I say most often:

Oh shit!
I love you a bushel and a peck.
I'll beat you naked and hide yer clothes.
Sit down, stop bouncing, and do your homework!
I'd stretch a mile if I didn't have to walk back.
Please turn that down!!!
Dammit

Seven people I want to tag:

Wanda
David
Mark
Cassie b
Holly
Joan
KB