Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Is Santa a Woman?



Just think about it for a minute.

First, how many men do you know who think about gifts before Dec. 24th? And even then, seemed surprised to find there's little left on the shelves to purchase, I've heard, "I lik'ta never found anything that I thought you'd like," so many times over the years. Of course it took him an hour or two to get through the tools and hunting sections of the store to even make it to any other department. I figure if Santa were really a man, everyone would wake up with duck callers or a router saw under the tree.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. But say there was a reindeer or two that survived the slaughter, a male Santa would get lost cause he sure as hell ain't gonna be wimpy enough to ask someone for directions!

And the final reasons I don't believe Santa could be a male?

*Few men can pack a bag.
*Men aren't interested in stockings unless someone is wearing them.
*Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.



You thought I was finished didn't you? I had to include the 10 Worst Christmas Gifts for 2005! I checked them to make sure I hadn't purchased an item or two from the list.

14 comments:

Joe said...

I am the pnly one I know who can get lost in his home town! :-)

Special K said...

Oh, yeah, I could just SEE you giving James the Cross-Dress for Success package.

We both know what he really needs is the anal bleach.

Holly said...

santa is a woman, so is god i think. if you haven't ever seen "dogma" i think you'd like it.

now i've got to check out those bad gifts...

Sally said...

Hmmm, now you've got me wondering about my Aunt Mildred!! What is anal bleach, pray tell. Never mind; I don't want to know.....:)

wanda said...

I knew it! For years I've thought there's just no way a man could get all that shopping, wrapping, and travel done by December 25th. It was really Mrs Clause all along!

Dear God in heaven WHY would anyone need Anal Bleaching Cream? Never mind, I do NOT want to know!

cassie-b said...

More to think about! And I do believe you've got it right. It all makes sense to me. And we all know that the beard is fake.

David said...

Well I certainly agree with the stockings comment, but who the heck wears them anymore????

The rest is made up by a woman - has to be because it is not true down here. LOL

Virginia Gal said...

Committment comment - so true!! I think you are on to something....lets start a movement :)

me said...

Maybe Santa is gay, and Mrs. Claus is just a cover. Or an elf in drag? ;)

Andie Pandie said...

Why Brenda I think you just may have a point! LOL

Tiff said...

Now you definitley have a point - Santa COULD not be a man!

Those are the 10 worst? Guess I will be taking all of my gifts back then! ;-)

Leslie said...

I dunno, Brenda, that handi-cleanse thing might be kinda fun ;)

Ms. M said...

rock on sister...

Brent said...

EEEWWWW...Handi-cleanse is...EEEWWWW!!