Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Is Santa a Woman?
Just think about it for a minute.
First, how many men do you know who think about gifts before Dec. 24th? And even then, seemed surprised to find there's little left on the shelves to purchase, I've heard, "I lik'ta never found anything that I thought you'd like," so many times over the years. Of course it took him an hour or two to get through the tools and hunting sections of the store to even make it to any other department. I figure if Santa were really a man, everyone would wake up with duck callers or a router saw under the tree.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. But say there was a reindeer or two that survived the slaughter, a male Santa would get lost cause he sure as hell ain't gonna be wimpy enough to ask someone for directions!
And the final reasons I don't believe Santa could be a male?
*Few men can pack a bag.
*Men aren't interested in stockings unless someone is wearing them.
*Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
You thought I was finished didn't you? I had to include the 10 Worst Christmas Gifts for 2005! I checked them to make sure I hadn't purchased an item or two from the list.