Pooped

That past couple of nights I've also been working on tax returns here at home. I guess I don't get enough of that stuff at work. I just have some old clients from back when I used to do a lot of taxes from home that won't go anywhere else to get them done so I keep on doing them. I think they keep coming back cause I charge them about 1/4 what it would cost them at the tax office. Still $150 for 3 full hours work isn't bad (I calculated that by deducting the pee, coffee, and telephone breaks from the total).

We did not play solitare today. The door started swinging around 10 a.m. this morning and it was non-stop until 6:55 this evening. We even stole a couple of H&R Block clients cause they stopped in to see where H&R had moved their offices and we pleaded ignorance. One guy came in and I told him that our preparers were better trained and friendlier and our charges less than our competitors. One of our regular clients was waiting to have his return prepared and he told him, "Yeah and they're better looking too!"

We had one clown who couldn't remember exactly when his son's birthday was. Finally he decided on a date. Tammy was looking through his file and came up with a copy of the child's birth certificate and the dad had been wrong about the birth date. The guy says, "Well I'll be durned, that kid is so confused, he musta been born twice."

I've been looking through some photos again this evening. I found a photo taken last year of my son and I. Doesn't he look handsome in his uniform?

Friend bear sent me these great quotes

I like em!!


I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue:
"No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ...
and now wish to withdraw that statement.
~Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
~George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea visit people only once a year.
~Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce.
~Mark Twain

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
~Les Dawson

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
~Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
~Jilly Cooper

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
~Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
~Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
~Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope

A woman drove me to drink and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.
~W.C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
~W.C. Fields

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Unknown

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Unknown

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But ...everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Unknown

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~Unknown

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Unknown

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
~Unknown

And my all time favorite THIS week is,,,,,,

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning they feel as good as they're going to all day.
~unknown

I'm not awake yet here.

I've had a round with my hair and finally just gave up. I know I should have taken the time to dry it last night after my shower but I had tax returns sitting here on my desk making threatening noises.

I skipped Wednesday this week cause it was another day from hell and I just wanted it to go away. After a night of hardly any sleep, I had another printer incident and ended up having to send Tammy to pick up an extra they had at the main office in West Memphis (where they have the BETTER equipment!)

Yesterday was fairly busy but the busiest time was after Tammy went home. I do know how to have a great time, don't I?

What day is it?

I think tomorrow's Friday. If it's not, will someone please tell me before I get too excited? (Even though I have to work Saturday.)

OMG! A Redneck tattoo!

I don't know which is worse, this guy's tattoo or his belly button!


We are known for giving the deer a chance down here. Southern hospitality ya know.

Thinking back on Tuesday

I've got to get over today before I write about it.

I typed up an entry for yesterday (Tuesday) and I was multitasking by also downloading an update to my tax software. This was not a good idea whilst being logged on by modem since I not only lost the entry but screwed up the danged download and had to start it all over again. I'm going to try my topic again today by doing what I should have done last night, TYPE IT IN WORDPAD FIRST. (I don't take my own advice very well, do I Mary lou?)

Now, back to Tuesday. The tax business was slow, very slow. We did a whole 4 returns all day and spent all of our free time having a solitare contest. Do you realize how boring it is to play solitare for 4 hours?

We play music while we work and in this raggedy old building the only station we can pick up clearly the country music station here in Forrest City. I like country music but I really prefer a variety and variety is not in this disk jockey's vocabulary. Late in the afternoon John Deere Green, one of my favorite country songs was playing and I made the remark to Tammy that I thought is was so romantic that Billy Bob, in the song, climbed to the top of the water tower to paint a 10 ft. heart to declare his love for Charlene. This led me to recall with fond memories a time that I climbed a water tower.

Halloween, 1967, in Moro, Arkansas. I was brave and daring and dumb as a pile of bricks. We were having our annual Halloween egg war and my friend and I had taken a short break from the battles to stop by another friend's house to wash the natural egg conditioning out of my saturated hair and leaving there with wet hair steaming in the cool breeze I came up with the bright idea to climb the tower and use the platform advantage for our next attack. How in the hell we got up there with our delicate ammunition is beyond my recall but I do recall winning the war from our lofty position. I also recall not being able to turn my head to the right for about a week from an egg wound to my neck which left an egg-sized knot and huge bruise.

You couldn't get me up on a water tower now with a crane!

It's great what a song can do for your recollection ain't it?

Possum eating a stereotype of Hollywood South by Robert St. John

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While channel-surfing on the idiot box the other day, I came across another one of those clichéd programs about the South. These supposed Southerners were talking about eating a possum.

As long as I have lived in the South, I have never eaten a possum. No one I know has ever eaten a possum. I have never been to anyone's house who served possum. I have never seen possum offered on a restaurant menu and I have never seen possum in the frozen meat section of a grocery store.

I have, however, seen possums running through the woods. And I have seen a few possums (who weren't good runners) in the middle of the road.

In the South, we might eat strange foods, but possum isn't one of them.

As far as Hollywood is concerned, the South is still one big hot and humid region full of stereotypes and clichés (they got the humidity part right). We are either Big-Daddy-sitting-on-the-front-porch-in-a-seersucker-suit, sweating and fanning while drinking mint juleps beside a scratching dog - or - the poor-barefooted-child-in-tattered-clothes, walking down a dusty-dirt road beside a scratching dog. There is no middle ground. Most of the time, we are either stupid or racist or both.

A year ago I wrote a column titled "My South." In light of yesterday's possum experience, I would like to add to the list of things that make up my South. The South of movies and TV, the Hollywood South, is not my South.

In my South, no one eats possum. We do, on occasion, accidentally run over them.

In my South, little girls wear bows in their hair.

In my South, banana pudding is its own food group.

My South doesn't have hoagies. In my South, we eat po boys.

In my South the back porches are screened and the front porches have rocking chairs and swings.

In my South the ham is as salty as the oysters.

In my South, everyone waves.

In my South we know the difference between yams and sweet potatoes.

In my South, we eat every part of the pig, just like they do in Paris.

In my South we use knives, forks and spoons, but we let cornbread and biscuits finish the job.

My South has tar-paper shacks but it also has tall-glass skyscrapers.

In my South people will put crabmeat on almost anything.

My South has tire swings hanging under live oak trees.

In my South, grandmothers will put almost anything inside a mold filled with Jell-O.

In my South "cobbler" is a dessert, not a shoemaker.

In my South, the only things that "squeal like a pig" are pigs.

In my South ice cream is made on the back porch instead of in a factory.

In my South, grandmothers always have a homemade cake or pie on the counter.

My South has bottle trees.

In my South we give a firm handshake.

In my South "sopping" is an acquired skill and could be an Olympic sport.

My South is oleander and honeysuckle.

In my South we celebrate Easter a month-and-a-half early with a two-week long party called Mardi Gras.

In my South, fried chicken is a religion with its own denomination.

My South has sugar-sand beaches, pine forests, plains, hills, swamps and mountains.

In my South we still open doors and pull out chairs for ladies.

In my South we eat hushpuppies instead of wearing them on our feet.

In my South, it's OK to discuss politics and religion at the dinner table. As a matter of fact, it is required.

In my South, we don't hold Elvis' movies against him.

My South has shrimp boats and multi-colored sunrises.

In my South we move slowly because we can.

My South has covered dish suppers and cutting-edge fine dining restaurants.

In my South, young boys still catch fireflies in washed out mayonnaise jars.

In my South, 50 percent of the dinner conversation deals with someone's genealogy.

In my South, we don't burn crosses, we worship them.

In my South the dogs are still scratching.

Robert St. John of Hattiesburg is the executive chef/owner of New South Restaurant Group www.nsrg.com. He can be reached at robert@nsrg.com or 264-0672.

an Indigo Insights contribution

THE WAY IT WAS

People over 35 should be dead.

Here's why ...........

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats,
those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's,
or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based
paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,

doors or cabinets, ...

and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

(Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts,

or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was

always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop

with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because

we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one

bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps

and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot

the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times,

we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day,

as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no

video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video

tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones,

personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends!

We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and

teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents.

No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black

and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and

ate worms, and although we were told it would happen,

we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms

live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked

on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and

talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they

failed a grade and were held back to repeat the

same grade.

Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own.

Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law

was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law.

Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers

and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of

innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,

and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them!

Congratulations!

People under 30 are WIMPS !

One Problem Solved

With the average cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00 there is a better way when we get old & feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

4. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

5. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are okay. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you break your hip, Medicare will pay for a new hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life!

6. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you and probably will check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can even use the pool. Geez. what more can you want?


So, as I reach the Golden Age I'm facing it with a grin. I'll just check into the Holiday Inn.

Ok, I'm outta here

Got to throw some clothes on and haul my old butt to work. Ya'll have a wonderful Monday and I'll be back if I can.

Yep, It's Monday

Lazy Sunday

Other than doing a little laundry today, I just can't get the ball rolling.

Yesterday the Chickie and her mommy came by the office to bring me some lunch and stayed to play awhile in between clients. They found out first hand how much patience my job takes at times when a long time client told us a story about a young boy in their neighborhood. After 45 minutes of listening to the story which included every word every person mentioned in the story uttered (even the Chickie sat there speechless) she finally concluded the story and said her goodbyes. Jerri summed up the story in a few words,

"The Story of the Boy With One Leg Who Kept Running Away From Home".

I was amazed that the lady didn't seem to draw more than two breaths during the entire tale.

On taking a stand sometimes

It all started Thursday evening after I'd gotten home around 7:30ish to find the dining room floor still littered with army guys and tanks and stuff that had been there long enough to stake a legal property claim. I mentioned that I'd mentioned 3 days previously that they should be put away. Maybe I raised my voice a little, I don't remember, but geez, by day 4 I was getting a little irked.

Hubby must have guessed that my mood wasn't exactly a good one so he did what he does best by aggravating the situation. He began searching, like a madman, for his application for his restricted use pesticide license renewal. Take note that the application came in the mail a full 2 weeks ago. I put it on the dining room table where things end up as they're going or coming from our house and told him he needed to fill it out so I could get it in the mail with a check.

Two weeks ago.

Do you know how many meals we've eaten on that table in the past two weeks?
Well, so what if it was only 3 meals, but 3 meals where the table had to be cleared off and the table set.

The 3 occasions when we actually had our meals at the table included the presence of my son and his wife so I'm quite sure that she was the one that picked up his application and put it in my home office which is probably where it should have been to start with.

After he stomps around in a circle a few times (which is his way of looking for something), I threw on a robe since I'd just gotten out of the shower, and started doing a real search for the damned thing. I found it in about 5 minutes and handed it to him and asked him if I needed to go get a log chain to attach it to his wrist so he could keep up with it long enough to fill it out.

That did not go over well.

Move forward to Friday morning.

I awoke to the sounds of hubby and our neighbor Jeffrey discussing the length of the two rural mail routes in Lexa. In my sleep, as I stumbled to the kitchen for coffee, I mentioned there was only one really long route. I must have committed a grave sin because hubby raised his voice at me when he stated that I didn't know what the hell I was talking about.

After Jeffery left 20 minutes later he started yelling at me for saying something when I didn't know anything about it. That pretty much pissed me off so while I was in the mood I told him that I wouldn't remark on anything they discussed if he'd make sure his buddies, our neighbors, AND his brothers didn't come visiting until at least 7 a.m.!!

Jeffrey was there at 5:30 this morning, followed by my son and his friend.

I'm just an unreasonable bitch I reckon.

Good ole Cousin Hop sent this to me

I took it,,,,



Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz




Now I think I should choke him next time I see him.

A call made my day.

I just got home from work and when Zach handed me the phone as I was digging around in my only-fit-for-home drawer for something loose and comfortable I thought it might be my son or daughter on the phone. Much to my delight it was Special Kay and since she called on Sunday also, it's been a double delightful week for me! I really LIKE that yankee soundin voice of hers!

It seems that each time she calls lately the house has been full of these strange, life-draining aliens who I am forced to refer to as family, lest they grind me up into chewbaca food or worse. It gripes me to no end that they can't be quiet long enough for Kat and I to catch up properly.

During one call from her, I was relating to her another tale told to me by my son, the correctional officer.

He rides this big ole horse now so that he can keep his eyes and ears on his hoe crew and since this crew works out in the fields or along side of the roads, he also has to carry a weapon. A couple of weeks ago he had to draw his weapon for the first time when two of the crew got into a fight.

It was a cold day so he was all decked out in his big field jacket and gloves and when the fight broke out he drew his weapon from it's holster. He tried to put his finger inside the trigger guard and it wouldn't fit because of the gloves he was wearing. He twisted his hand this way and that trying to fit his finger on the trigger but it wasn't working. He glanced up when he'd finally pulled off the glove and noticed that every man on the crew was face down on the ground, including the two who had been fighting. He reckons they felt it was better to be safe than sorry while a big ole boy, sittin on a horse, was fiddle-fartin around with a loaded weapon.

He has since cut the glove so his trigger finger is uncovered. It gets a bit cold but it might avoid an escape or a mistake some day.

You know you're a redneck when,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

8. Your entire family has sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

11. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

13. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

14. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

15. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

16. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

17. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

18. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

19. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

20. You have used a rag for a gas cap.

21. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

22. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

23. You can spit without opening your mouth.

24. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

25. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

26. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

27. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

28. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

29. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

30. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

31. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

32. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

33. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

34. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

35. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

36. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

37. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph


I just couldn't end the day without posting that!

Arkansas Morning

Every day for the past couple of weeks I've passed this barn and tree on our road here. I've taken photos of it before that I think I've posted here but each year the barn seems to become more decrepid and the tree looms larger over it. When the sun is first coming up on this old relic it moves me so I shot it again.
The second photo is of a single tree that I pass every morning in a curve on the way to work. It stands alone there and I've admired it's simplicity every day so today I shot it too.

The Hurrieder I go the behinder I get!

I've been trying to get around to see everyone today but things are looking bleak around here. Every chance I get to log on for a minute it ends up being just 30 seconds and that sucks! Then this danged puter will let me do a comment or two sometimes and then most times it just acts like it has PMS and won't act right at all. When I'm finally at home in the evenings it's usually almost 8 pm and I'm brain dead so I don't get around to doing as much as I need to OR want to.

Last week I ordered a new laser printer toner cartridge here at work cause I knew we'd be needing it soon. I was right, we needed it yesterday and when I opened the new cartridge it wasn't the right one,,,,not even close! Of course all that happened right after 5 pm when not one damn thing is open to even place an order. I finally found a place in Memphis that can drop-ship the order to me in the morning but I've been all day today without a printer. It wouldn't be so horrible except that I've got 5 electronic files with checks for clients to be printed that I can't print cause I DON'T HAVE A DAMN PRINTER CARTRIDGE. Do I sound upset? I reckon I am. You'd think that those people could order the right freakin cartridge with the Model and serial number from the printer, wouldn't you?

Thinking about ya'll. Stay out of trouble or at least make it worth it (grin).

Subject: JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor assisted-living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

,,,,,,,,,,,another great Barb contribution

Exercise

-----Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Hmmmm And I thought I had bad eye sight!!

Passing it on.

Medical News!!

My friend Barb felt this needed to be brought to light, and I being one who thinks EVERYTHING should be brought to light,,,,,,,

Medical News Alert.....
American Medical Association researchers have made a
remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients
needing blood transfusions may benefit from
receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

.......Just thought you'd like to know.

This is what a big 7 yr old looks like on Sunday morning!

Favorites

My list of favorite bloggers has grown so quickly to be so many that I often can't get to each one every day. This is a big frustration sometimes because I find myself wondering how each one is every day and wondering what they've been up to and if all is ok in their world. I'm amazed at the joy I find in my daily readings since this time last year I'd never even heard the word blog before.

It wasn't anything major that I started a blog after seeing Kat's for the first time back in February, but it is pretty surprising to me that it's become what it is and continues to evolve into. I initially planned for it to be a comic-type site about rednecks here in the delta where I live, but I soon found myself sharing parts of myself as I became more comfortable in the blogasphere.

I love the fact that many of my favorite bloggers have met and enjoyed each other by clicking a link in my favorites. I've met many wonderful people by doing the same in other blogs. Each and every person who's blog that I read is special to me and their writings and personalities appeal to me for different reasons and in different ways. I'm sure as they read some of the things I come up with there are a few who shake their heads at the wide range of topics that interest me as often as they do at the words that sometimes appear in print here. I'd be the same if you were to meet me cause what pops into my head most often crosses my lips an instant later.

Dammit,,,I guess in my wandering and meandering way here I'm trying to say I love you all for one reason or another and thanks for sharing with me and coming by to stay awhile when you can.

Tee Shirts I'd like to have

I childproofed my house, but they still get in.

I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.

At my age, "getting lucky" means finding my car in the parking lot.

My reality check just bounced.

Life is short, make fun of it.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Physically pffffffft!

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

Dangerously under-medicated.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.

DID YOU KNOW?

As you walk up the steps to the Capitol Building which houses the
Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the
world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is
facing forward with a full frontal view -
it is Moses and the Ten Commandments!

As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have
the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.

As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above
where the Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten
Commandments!

There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings
and Monuments in Washington, D.C.

James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our
Constitution" made the following statement "We have staked the whole
of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for
self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern
ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to
the Ten Commandments of God."

Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said,
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great
nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on
religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ".

Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher,
whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.

Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the
established orthodox churches in the colonies.

Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their
authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making
law....an oligarchy....the rule of few over many.

Th e very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said, "Americans
should select and prefer Christians as their rulers."

How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done
for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and
unconstitutional?

'IN GOD WE TRUST"

"IN ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS TO GOD"

Friday Points to Ponder

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Today's Thursday,,right??

It's gotta be Thursday cause it's my work week hump day if it's Thursday. I got a chance to log on and read my favorite blogs for a little while today. It was pretty slow so I browsed and had some smiles. Tomorrow is the first day that we'll be able to transmit the files to the IRS electronically this year so it could be a bit busier then.

Zach is beginning to protest having to stay with his Pop-Pop so much already but he's just going to have to deal with it. I think Pop-Pop won't play right and he gets pretty frustrated when he has to watch the news and game shows when he has his heart set on the Toon Disney channel.

Sunday night he was counting his money. This kid is always broke when we go shopping but manages to find his hidden hoard once we get home. After he did his counting I asked him why he didn't spend his money for the things he wants and thinks he needs. He informed me that he couldn't spend his cause he was saving up to buy a car. He could possibly have enough to buy a decent car by the time he's 16 at the rate he's saving his and spending mine. He did make the remark, as he was stuffing his bills back into his bank, that he probably had enough to take a woman out on a date if he liked them. I told him that saving for the car was the best idea I'd ever heard!

He's going to be 7 on Saturday.

Our copier finally bit the dust on Tuesday. I was sad that my duct tape just wouldn't hold it together anymore. I couldn't even talk the repairman into taking it off our hands to use for spare parts. He told me it would be best to put it to rest by putting it out for the garbage truck. I huffed and groaned and finally managed to get the old carcass out to the curb and some dumbass took it away during the night.
We've got a loaner for a few days until our other old one gets a face lift and comes back to us.

All this sounds rather boring after the excitement at the beginning of the week, doesn't it?

I hope everyone has had a great week and is looking forward to a fine weekend.

HELLO OUT THERE!!

I had a few spare minutes here at work so I've been reading my favorite blogs this morning. Some silly something on here won't allow me to access the comments on the blogs so I wanted to let everyone know that I'm there whether you see me or not.

The past two days have been exceedingly mild compared to Monday, thank goodness!!

Mrs. Murphy Monday

Everything started out ok. I got to the office early, dumped my briefcase and coffee pot. A client came in and I discussed the things she needed to gather up to do their business return and she left as Tammy came in to start the day. I grabbed my bag and told her to forward necessary calls to my cell and left to go to the utility company to have the water meter turned back on and pick up a few supplies.

When I arrived back at the office the phone guy was there to reinstall my fax/managers line and the water man came to reset the water meter. Everything appeared to be working when they left. Twenty minutes later Tammy yells out from the back, "Something's leaking, there's an inch of water behind the toilet and it's rising!"

My client comes back while we're on the phone with the tax business owner and the building owner so I leave Tammy to turn off what'll turn off with the water and I get down to business with the tax client.

Things went fairly smoothly because the lady brought back everything I'd asked for concerning their business receipts and expenses and two and a half hours later I've got the copies of the return printing. The lady is on her cell discussing the return with her husband who is on his way from Louisiana to sign the return so they could get it in the mail. I sort of gathered by their conversation that the two were separated and the tension was running a tad high between them.

The hubby finally gets there just as I've gathered the printed forms, placed my signature everywhere it was needed, and was getting ready to have the missus sign where she was supposed to on all copies.

I have no idea what started their argument, the man was from Jordan and I could only understand about 2 words of every 10 or so he uttered, but suddenly he is grabbing all of the forms, he slaps a cup out of her hand, and all hell breaks loose. She yells at me to call 911, I yelled back at her, "WHY? what's going on? YOU call 911," and she does. I had sent Tammy on an errand but the gal that does some of our computer tech stuff was in there with me. She wasn't much help cause she's almost completely deaf and I was pretty much cornered so that I couldn't get to where Carrie could see me trying to get her attention (she reads lips really well).

The couple took their yelling outside and the guy had the tax returns in his hand. My only concern at this point was that I'd done over two hours work and that man appeared to be leaving the building with it and without paying for it.

Then the couple comes back in, still bickering, and 3 police cars come screeching to a halt in front of the office. Five of Forrest City's finest come strolling in to handle the problem. Since I had no knowledge of the language these folks were yelling back and forth I couldn't tell the officers much other than you'll have to ask them. When one officer asked me if I was ok, I told him that if he'd gather those forms that the man was waving around I'd be fine cause I'd rather they not leave the building again without payment for my services first.

The man finally agrees with the officer that he should pay me and throws a credit card down on my desk. Well I wasn't about to tell him that we didn't accept credit cards so I told one of the officers to tell him. He then goes to his car and gets his check book, as he's coming back into the building, one of the officers says, he has something in his hand.

Folks,,"ohfuckohfuck" was going through my mind a lot during this ordeal and when he said that, it left my mind and flew from my lips. Luckily, for the man, he only had his pen in his hand, cause I'm sure those officers were tiring pretty quickly of his ranting and raving.

The officers stayed until the man drove away and promised me that they'd be driving by through my stay at the tax office this season.

About 20 minutes after things calmed down and everyone who didn't belong there had left, the door opens and this little man comes in with a walker. He introduces himself as the plumber sent by the buildings owner. I looked at Tammy and just shook my head.

I sure do need a few beers!!

Just call me Mrs. Murphy

I only have a few minutes right now to post so I'll write about my first day in 2004 at the tax office as soon as I have a little more time but I wanted to let the cyber-world know that

1. I'm still breathing
2. I had 2 cigarettes today in self-defense
3. The bathroom here at the office didn't flood completely
4. There were only 3 police cars out front here and 5 policemen and I didn't cry once.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

At a loss for words

Most of the time I know what I want to say but actually putting what I have to say into words is not always possible. I am not a complex person so bumper stickers can often explain how I feel.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot

The gene pool could use a little chlorine

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

Dont be mad at your government. They haven't done anything

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof

Those who can, do. Those who can't hire others to.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Life is short. Don't be a dick.

If you're rich, I'm single.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Thanks Mary lou

I think this redneck rental property would fit into the neighborhood

Been over at TW's

And she had a spot for folks to enter this blog entry contest thing. Here's the link in case anyone is interested, TW has it on her site too. Go to Blog Madness and enter yours.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN THE 21ST CENTURY WHEN:

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they
do not have e-mail addresses

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer
the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial
"0" or "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for
three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clocknews.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors out number permanent staff and are more likely
to get long-service awards.

AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE ...

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your friends.

15. You got this in an email from a friend that never talks to you anymore,
except to send you jokes from the net.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9

17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No. 9

18. AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN STUPIDITY

As I read Mary lou's blog last evening, an incident involving my meeting with a rat came to mind.

I was very pregnant with Jami and looked ready to pop any second. I had no appetite and couldn't eat much during the day but in the middle of the night I'd get hungry and if I could get James up, I'd cook a nice breakfast at 2 a.m. or so. Most times he wasn't interested in getting up at that hour of the night so I'd go into the kitchen and pour myself a large glass of milk and have a Hostess Ding Dong (I think they call them King Dons now).

On this night, I poured my glass of milk and went over to the cabinet to retrieve my snack. When I opened the cabinet door there sat a big rat eating one of my ding dongs!! I let out a screech/scream and slammed the door. The door caught his tail so I could feel him banging against it and I wasn't about to turn the door loose in case he might touch me so I stood there dancing around like a mad woman who'd swallowed a large watermelon, screaming and cursing until James finally woke up and came to see what was going on.

As soon as his hand replaced mine on the door I was out of there like a shot and left him to defend my ding dongs with the knife he'd grabbed when he realized what he was up against. He sleeps in the nude so if I hadn't been so hysterical about a rat being in my house I'm sure I'd have found it very amusing to see a nude man chasing a rat around the kitchen with a butcher knife. However, at that moment, I was not interested in being amused.

He caught the rat somehow, I didn't ask for details, and spent several hours the next day crawling around under the house with steel wool to make sure there was no place that another creature could gain entrance. The next week, when he saw the chicken snake on an inside window sill, he never mentioned the intrusion. I only learned of that creature after they had built a new house and we'd moved into it. I no longer eat Hostess Ding Dongs (King Dons).

Prohibition vase

James brings home all sorts of junk but the other day he actually brought home a pretty neat piece of junk. A contractor friend found a whole heap of these jugs in an old basement they uncovered while building a school over in Helena. They guy went to the courthouse to see who might have owned the property when it had a cellar full of liquor jugs and he found out that there was a liquor store there before prohibition. It appears the owner continued his sales through the prohibition from his cellar. It makes a lovely vase huh?

Games for the Older Generation

1. Sag, You're it.

2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket.

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Doc Goose.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Hide and go pee. (I love this one, I play it all the time)

9 Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.

10. Musical recliners.

Just in case you get bored with your usual surfing...

http://www.nitpickers.com/

A little snicker,,,,

Q. What is the religion of a woman who had a sex-change operation?

A. A He Then



And then,,,,,,,,

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously? asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear- shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You asshole...it's ten past three in the morning!"

Tired Tuesday

It is Tuesday isn't it? If it's really Wednesday and I am thinking that it's Tuesday ya'll just don't tell me till tomorrow when it's Thursday. That is if it's Wednesday instead of Tuesday.

It was not the best of days (whatever day it is). First I had to dress to go open up the tax office for the delivery of a couple of computers. Then I had to help get them installed and set up on the network. I had a client come in who wanted to do a business return and I couldn't even do it because

1. We aren't open yet. (although I think we should have been yesterday but since I'm not the owner, I don't make that decision)

2. I didn't have the new tax program because we were in the middle of installing the computers that were to host the tax program.

I did a lot of soul searching before deciding to stay with this job for another year. Last season was horrible as I had to deal with crashing computers, irrate copiers, and the owner's lack of concern about the problems. We got these new computers this year because I told her last year that I wouldn't be back until we had something reliable to work with.

She cut it close didn't she?

I hope ya'll will bear with me through my grumpy and bitchy moods over the next few months. I'm going to look ahead to springtime to keep my sanity intact and I'll be looking in on everyone when and as often as I can.



Last year - having a break from clients

Rover Spirit has landed

I've mentioned before that our neighbor, Jeffrey, comes by around 5:30 every morning for coffee. This morning was no different and since I was up and almost awake I caught a little of their conversation as they sipped their coffee and watched the channel 3 news.

Jeffrey: Did you see that about that thing they landed on Mars?

James: Yeah, it's supposed to take pictures of Mars, colored ones.

Jeffrey: Hehe, you know what'd be funny?

James: No, what?

Jeffrey: If the first shot they had from Mars was of this little, green, bug-eyed alien.

James: snickering Yeah, flippin the bird.

James: I can hear ole Bush now, "How many of those missles can we hitch onto that space shuttle?" "Damn it, what do we need to change on them bombers to send em up there?" "This is a threat to our national security!!"

I'm laughing harder now as I write this than I was early this morning when I overheard those two talking about it.

Sunday

I've had family here all day today. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I feel like kicking a tree, but I guess I'll go in here and watch the OK and LSU game. I'm not sure who to root for. I like LSU but it pissed me off that they whupped up on them razorbacks so bad, so I might side with OK dang it.

You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

- Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels Motorcyclists.
- You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
- You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
- Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
- Your income tax refund check bounces.
- It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
- The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
- You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex
-wife/husband.
- You put both contacts into the same eye.
- Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
- Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
- You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
- Nothing you own is actually paid for.
- Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
- The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
- You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
- The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
- People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
- When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
- You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out onight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
- You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the Party last night... and there aren't any.

Ever wonder?

Bear did and he shared his wonders with me.

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

On electric toasters why do they engrave the message 'one slice'?
How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try
to stuff in that slot?

How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes
always move the wrong way?

Why do people who keep running over a string a dozen times
with their vacuum cleaner reach down pick it up, examine it,
then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say
"It's alright?" It isn't alright, so why don't we say,
"That hurt, you stupid idiot"?

Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and
you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?

What is the point of brick wallpaper?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off the table you always manage to knock
something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale
and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers ?

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger
person wondering what the heck happened?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best
friend who really is the dumber sex?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?
Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as
'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch',
but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill
'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do women never say what they want or mean and always expect
men to innately know what they are thinking?
Do they think men are psychic?

Why do men forget everything & women remember everything?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes?
After all there's no sense in two people remembering
the same things, right???

Is the real reason women live longer then men because
they don't have to live with women?

If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it
like your wife told you to?

If an optimist fell from a ten story building would he yell
out to his friends 'All right so far' as he passed each floor?

Day # 2

Well I've almost been without a cig for 48 hrs but I gotta tell you, I want one.

I was busy most of the day with more year-end junk, then at 2 I had an appt. at the hair salon. I sat in the chair, told her to cut it and shape it cause I wouldn't be back for a few months. I feel like I lost about 5 lbs of hair, it's a lot shorter.

I made black bean and rice w/ham soup for supper tonight. It tasted great but I feel sort of balloonish right now.

Little boys make me smile.

Zach is a lot like I am when he first wakes up. He doesn't want any interaction with other humans until he's had a chance to stare into space for awhile. He usually does this wake up routine while sitting in my lap. After a bit I'll ask him how his sleep was, he gives me a hug and kiss, then I fix his breakfast.

On Tuesday morning, after our cuddle, I asked him if he had a good sleep and instead of his mumbled reply he said, "It was real good. I had a good dream. It was about girls." He did not offer any more information about his dream and I did not ask!

Uhhhhh,,,

I'm up, but this does not mean that I'm awake and alert.

I know what I'll be doing for New Years eve now cause I did it. Zach and I kept the Chickie while her mommy and daddy went out. When I got her to sleep around 10, I worked some more on those W2 worksheets. I smoked my last cigarette around 11p.m., slapped on a nicotine patch around midnight, and finally got to sleep around 5 a.m. this morning after moving that thing from my arm to my fanny.

I think this is going to be one of my more cranky days.