Thoughts keep flittering in and out of my mind like fireflies doing their mating dance, then all of a sudden there's a sizzling sound similar to the noise you'd hear from pee splashing on an electric fence. Minus the screams of course.
Doc Bell has assured me, on more than one occasion, that this sense of being at odds with myself is normal for a woman of my age and most of the time I believe he knows what he's talking about. But then I start ta thinkin, he has no ovaries, has never suffered a minute of PMS,,,,how does he know what's normal? I'm sure he read it somewhere but he can't, for one danged minute, know for sure if these violent thoughts I've been having about the laundry are normal.
Even the commercials have been getting on my nerves lately. Have ya'll seen the ALWAYS one about "Have a Happy Period"? The "Clean feels good. That's why there's new Always Clean. Same great protection you get from Always Ultra now comes neatly attached to an individually wrapped feminine wipe. It helps to restore that shower clean feeling with every change. Always Clean" one? Who makes up this crap? The only Happy period I've ever had was the period of time I've had since the hysterectomy in 1999. And even that moment of happiness was almost ruined when a nurse came into my hospital room to "teach me about breast feeding". I think I scared her a bit when I growled at her.
Then there's that disgusting commercial that Burger King ran for so long, the "Big Buckin' Chicken" one, ya'll remember that doncha? Sure turned me right off of eatin anything with feathers from Burger King. That crazy chicken looked like IT might be having a happy period alright. Hey,,,maybe they should combine those two commercials, ALWAYS and Burger King might sell more wings!
Just so you'll know that this week hasn't been a complete waste of time for me, I've got a few new words for you.
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
4. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,a serious bummer.
6. Glibido: All talk and no action.
7. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
8. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.