Sunday, July 30, 2006

You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.

IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. (I've been in a church like this!)

IF Baptism is referred to as "branding".

IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".

IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"


11 comments:

John Strain said...

I've been there and they are some good folks for the most part.

PEA said...

LOL loved this!!

Tammy said...

LMBO...I've actually witnessed the collection being taken up in Ky Fried Chicken buckets and two relative ladies...one put in a fiver and the other grabbed it back and said that is too much and then dug around in the bucket for change...if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'!!!
:-D

Joe said...

Yall come back now! Ya hear! :-)

Andie Pandie said...

My town recognized the first day of deer season as a holiday and in fact we had off school. Redneck, much? LOL

kaliblue said...

LOL these are cute. Yep I'm def in my redneck-ish element *giggles*.

Sally said...

Galvanized tub? :) Guess it's better than a bucket.

cultureshock553 said...

My grandaddy went to a country church just like that. One day he fell asleep during service (he was about 85 at the time). To wake him up, the preacher said, "Mr. McDade, would you say a prayer for us?" Grandaddy awoke with a start and replied, "You say the damn prayer, that's what you're paid for!"

Granny said...

I love coming back just to hear the latest on my former home.

You mentioned Helena on Mr. Eddie's blog.

My sons' dad lived in W. Helena at the same time as Harold Jenkins (C. Twitty). They were kids together and my husband used to talk about swimming the river over to Lulu MS. Never been sure what was invented and what was real. He loved to make a good story better and his older son is just like him.

MissKris said...

This is TOO funny! I'm going to have to copy it and send it off to some friends who'll really get a kick out of it, too. Thanks for the chuckle!

Attila The Mom said...

::snicker snicker::