It's Thursday, isn't it?

Lately there are lots of mornings when I'm not sure what day of the week it is and even more days when I don't know the date.  It's good that it appears at the bottom of my puter screen!  Anyway, now that I DO know what day it is, thought I'd share some visuals with you about the "doings" in the delta.

The Mimosa trees really grew over the Winter, I guess cause it was so mild. They're blooming nicely.

They cut the wheat field across the road from our house.

Then they burned the wheat stubble to get the field ready to plant beans. I took this while standing on the front porch.

It blazed to hot and high and the smoke nearly blocked out the sun.

We had visits from some of our the girls who even helped out some. Here's Krysten pushing the trim mower.

And Miz Abby smiling her cute smile.

Meri Kate fighting the breeze in her hair. Cute too!

The lovely, serious, (or maybe mad at the moment) Krysten.

Abby, Alexis, Meri, friend and ours too, Falon, and Krysten.

The Handsome Grill Master # 1

Handsome Grill Master #2 with my daughter, Jami. Preparing to throw mustard on a crispy hotdog from the yard pit on Saturday afternoon.

Zach's sweet, and cute, little friend Dayley came to visit.

Some of that fine grilling the boys did.

I hope everyone is having a super week and I'm really glad I know it's Thursday.  Big hugs all round!
Later, gators!

For Today, May 16, 2012

 

I have decided to try to get back into a routine again and blogging has always been a wonderful pastime for me so I'll begin here. My mind remains scattered and torn so I thought The Simple Woman's Daybook would allow me a huge nudge to get my words and thoughts flowing again. So, thank you Peggy for your help! FOR TODAY

Outside my window...
The sun is shining and it seems to be telling us to get ready for a very warm day. The Mimosa trees are blooming and the birds are chirping with all different accents. I can hear a little tinkle now and then from one of the few wind chimes that are hanging here and there outdoors.

I am thinking...  
of how disjointed I feel since our lives were changed in such a huge way when we lost James last September. I don't think I quite know what to do with myself or what's in store for us as we take on this different path in our lives.

 I am thankful...
 for my grandson, Zach. I don't know what I would do without him being here with me. He gives me fits most days but helps to keep me living every day!  And for my daughter, Jami, who calls me every day,,,sometimes more,,, just to see how we are and to tell us she loves us, and for coming home as often as she can to help us do things around the house and to just BE here. I am also thankful for the health and happiness of the 3 granddaughters who enjoy visiting me as well as the 4 who don't seem to. I love them all anyway.

In the kitchen...
I'm sure there are a few dishes waiting to be washed but also a happy view through my kitchen window. Pot pies are probably on the menu for supper.

 I am wearing...
 A yellow nite shirt with little orange and yellow flowers, a pair of sleep shorts, and my crock sandals. I might get dressed later.

I am creating...
a small vegetable garden and little else except for scattered thoughts.

I am going...
to the school, to the bank, and maybe drive to town to go to the grocery store.

I am wondering... 
 If I will ever stop missing James so much. If my oldest daughter and my son will ever allow us to be a family again.

I am reading...
Zombie Fallout 2

I am hoping...
That one day my kids will decide they've punished me enough for whichever wrongs I've done and that we need to be a family again.

I am looking forward to...
Memorial Day weekend when my daughter, Jami, and her man, Chris, will be here again. Hopefully I'll see Meri, Krysten, and Abby that weekend too.

 I am learning,,,,, 
 that no matter what you do, or say, believe, or want, you can't do everything right or sometimes ANYTHING right.

Around the house...
We'll be painting the living/dining area, hallway, Zach's bedroom and bathroom Memorial Day weekend.

 I am pondering...
 everything and anything.

A favorite quote for today... 
"Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head." ~Garrison Keillor

One of my favorite things...
is my Kindle.

A few plans for the rest of the week: 
Vacuum, dust, work in the garden, mow a little.

A peek into my day...

Corn growing beside our yard,  and across the road, Winter wheat ready for harvest.

Photo Challenge: Temptations

I decided not to try to post photos of the foods that are always tempting me,,,,like chocolate covered cherries, heck,,,chocolate covered anything,,,and seafood alfredo, delicious breads, etc,,,because I would have had to take pictures of those goodies and then, so as not to waste them, I'd have to eat them.  Right?

So I decided on a few other items that I find tempting to me.

I love little doodads for my yard.  Some I have, like my little frogs hanging around in my planter of churchyard moss, or my buggy solar lights, even my latest find, a little rod with bells.

And here's my little pig on a stick for putting in flower pots or beds.  He's been with me a few years and needs repainting.

 

 

I rather like turtles too, so they show up in my pots and planters here and there.

And then there is this one place, this tempting, teasing, garden store with all these metal yard art goodies out front that cause me to hold up traffic every time I am passing by.  In addition to this magnificent rooster, there is an enormous pink flamingo, and a ferociously red razorback pig that I've fallen in love with.  The price tags have kept me at bay,  but oh my how tempting they are!

I hope everyone had as much fun as I did with this challenge.  Keep those cameras dusted off and shooting and be sure to go visit our Photo Challenge Blog and click the little blue links at the bottom of the challenge post so you can visit others who have joined us in this challenge.

More Blooms, Critters, Manicures, and a Tea Party

With Spring temps already in the 80's here in my part of the Mississippi River Delta, the blooms are popping out all over. And it's spring break for Zach's sisters, Krysten, MeriKate, and Abby this week so we are trying to stay busy. I hope to get around to doing some blog visiting soon. Hope everyone is having a great Spring!

First Rose Blooms This Spring

This is a floribunda type rose because it's blooms flower in clusters.  The closest I can come to a name for this beauty (which I picked out years ago because it reminded me of the old fashioned roses my grandmothers grew)  is perhaps a "Betty Boop", although I think the Betty Boop has a brighter, more reddish blush around the edges.

Another floribunda rose, but also a type of climber, called Shazam. I love how it seems to change colors after it opens.  

 

 

 I also have buds on my Peace,  a little pink tea rose that James bought for me last year, and my two reds (one a climber, one bush).  My new rose for this year is a type of hedge rose called a Knockout Rose.  I can't wait to see how it does.

Photo Challenge: A Little Bit of My World

 It's time for our new challenge and I sure am excited about being able to see little bits of your Worlds!

There is so much of my world that I want to share with you so this was a very difficult challenge for me.  I suppose if I were to get my rear in gear and start posting more regularly I could show you much more, more frequently, huh? Anyway, I'm getting a bit off topic,,,here's what I'm here for, to show you A Little Bit of My World.

First, I thought I'd show you my home. Nothin' fancy but it's mine. I took this from the Southwest.

On the far right you can barely see our hybrid Cypress tree.  And to the left is the Cedar and the bare one, a Mimosa.  We have a Plum, Chinese Willow, a Crab Apple and 3 Cherry trees.  On the North line is a hybrid Oak, another Mimosa, and some Rose of Sharon Shrubs.  Across the front are Crepe Myrtles,, they are small yet, but I'll show those off when they start blooming.

I was standing near the Northeast corner of the yard when I took this. Looking back towards the Southeast.

The window on the end there is my little office where I do all of my facebooking, blogging, and other computing.  The small tree is a blooming pear, next to it is a huge Cedar tree that an old friend planted there for me when we first moved to this spot.  He's gone now but I'll always remember 1992 as the year he planted it.  Just out of sight, around the NW corner of the house is a Japanese Maple that Zach and I planted this year in memory of PopPop.

I've just driven the 9/10ths of a mile from Hwy 1 to turn onto PC 201 RD, the road I live on. ( Looking North along PC 201.)

On the corner that day this was what I saw to my left when I turned onto my road.  The ag strip had a plane loading fertilizer to fly onto someone's wheat crop.

This is a zoomed in shot of the view to the South when I come off of the main gravel when I'm heading to town to shop,,,,etc,,, or to school to pick up Zach. I go 3 miles south and then turn west at Barton to go shopping.

These are the towns I might drive to if I turned North from the same corner of the main gravel road. Other towns are West Memphis, and Memphis. :-)

An early morning view of my back yard before sunrise as it looked earlier this week.

Another view from the back deck of a glorious sunrise.

And how can this be complete without another glorious view of a sunset after a storm looking west from my front porch.

I hope you've enjoyed the bits of my world that I've shared in this Challenge.  I surely enjoyed sharing them with you.  Please click on the links at our Challenge Blog to view bits of other's worlds!

Out My Back Window

The wind and rain blew the chairs about again, and we must find a new place to put the trash barrel! But I love the country view when I look out of my kitchen window.  The window ledge needs a coat of paint and a little bit of everything ends up there, but that's ok, it doesn't obstruct my view.

I'm looking forward to the photo challenge tomorrow, don't forget!!

"Lord, I hope this day is good,,,,,,",,,,Don Williams

The Photo Challenge: These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Are we ready?  I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's "favorite things".  Please hop on over to our Photo Challenge Blog and look below the post for links to all the wonderfully creative folks who joined us in this challenge.

Ok, here are a few of my favorite things:

Some of my hummingbird figurines.  I have a load of them and I love collecting them and receiving them from my family as gifts.

I love this cute little picture frame that I put photos of our babies in. Each of the little sections turns around so there are photos of each on the other side as well.

 

A lovely piece of art that James bought for me from a tiny little gallery in Mountain View, AR when we visited up there a few years ago.  I  just love it!

I love the art work of our grandchildren.  Alexis did this one back last Summer. 

I think this was a joint effort by Alexis, Jaylen, and Jillian.

I'll have to do a blog entry one day to show off all of their talents.  They all love to draw and write stories.

Zach did this in Kindergarten or 1st grade. He was so proud when he brought it home.

I have so many favorite things that it was hard to chose just a few.  I hope everyone had a load of fun doing this challenge, I sure did!

Wandering Mind and Fading Thoughts

I'm trying to keep my thoughts from bouncing here and yonder for long enough to do a read-worthy post.  Maybe when it's warm and the sun is shining,,,,,maybe.

Meanwhile, this demon pup is keeping me busier than I want to be doing things that I'd really rather not,,,,ie: cleaning up behind him!!   And not just potty material.  I wear a short robe every day to keep my arms warmer and the pockets are coming in handy when picking up the items,,,paper, plastic, a SOCK!,,,,how in the hell did he get this little packet of ketchup???,,,that Cat has strewn here and everywhere.  I then unload my pockets at the trash can, or if an item hasn't been destroyed, where it needs to be.

This ball is one of his "has been" toys. He chewed it completely up!

There's A New Photo Challenge!

Hop over to our Photo Challenge Blog and sign up for a new challenge.  Start looking for A Few of My Favorite Things,,,,as in YOUR favorite, not mine. (grin).  Have fun, get those cameras warmed up, tell your friends, let's do it to it!!

It's acting kinda like it's trying to be Winter again around here. The temps are only supposed to get up to the mid-50's and I'm already protesting.

Photo Challenge: Memories 2

Well, here I am again.  HughesNet is behaving,,,so far,,,and I'm going to try to post my Memories Challenge Photos.  I am looking forward to seeing everyone's creations!

Ok, to begin....

North Creek Gin

 James worked many, many, long hours in this cotton gin when it was in operation in the 70's.  I can remember so many nights when he would come home at 1 or 2 a.m. and fall asleep at the kitchen table while he was trying to eat his supper.  He'd sleep 3 hours or so, then get up and go gin some more cotton.

I plan to do another group of photos with this old gin in it soon, because if you stand inside, or anywhere within view, of this old place, you can look north a few hundred yards and see my James' s final resting place. I plan to attempt to brave the weeds and critters to take a photo of the cemetery from there, one of the places that I feel helped to put him on the road to where he rests much to early.

Planting a cherry tree for Zach in  2010.

Some day I will be able to look at photos of the past, that bring back memories, with smiles instead of tears.

New Photo Challenge

I decided it's time to start doing the photo challenges again. It will keep my mind busy and that's something I think I really need right now.  I so blessed and thankful for all of you, my friends, who have given me so much support as we try to keep on living normally though this.  I love you all!

So click the photo challenge link above and go see what we'll be shooting for.  I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone comes up with.

83 More Days Till Spring

Winter has never been my favorite season; I don't like being cold; I don't like wearing heavy coats; I don't like the bareness of the outdoors; but this year will be the toughest.  James was at home, a LOT, with me in the Winter months and I'm missing that time with him, even though I fussed a lot when he'd hog the remote, or snored in his recliner, etc,,,those little things that I'd give anything to have him here to do again.

For over two weeks I cried about everything, anything, and nothing.  I finally gave in and went to see the doc and he gave me  antidepressants to try.   For 3 nights over the last almost 4 months, I've slept past my usual hour, or two, or none, I actually slept for over 6 hours for two of those nights.  I know it will get easier because it has to and I know Zach needs for it to.

I decided to let Zach have a puppy that can be in the house with us and right now we're going to be very busy house breaking the little rascal.  Jillian and Alexis named him Cat and I thought it was a cute and original name so we decided that Cat he is.  I will be glad when he gets out of this whiny stage though, he's a onary little whiny baby.

Anyway, just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still here and don't plan on going anywhere.  And I'm planning on starting back with the photo challenge after Jan. 1st so dust off your cameras!

Long Nights

1995, In Stein, The Netherlands visiting our first exchange student, Soony.

Some time around 1990 I think, sharing a smile about something.

http://youtu.be/s1ZKIX0ICZo

I Only Cried 4 Times Today,,,

I have no energy.

Decisions are hard to make, the smallest chore seems mountainous, what were normally joyous things are not, things that used to bother me badly don’t bother me as much any more, I have never defended myself well, but now I can't find the energy to even try to very much. Let them say or do what they will.  To pretend takes too much effort, and I seem to need so much rest but am not getting any real sleep,,,just dozing off in my chair off and on.  I would love the solace of sleep. Nothing matters except getting through the days and the dark, hateful nights, and keeping Zach's needs taken care of.

No one can really help; it's something I have to get through myself.  If I try to talk about him, I find myself breaking down in tears.  I just want him back and I'm dreading the holidays so badly it even hurts to breath sometimes.  I know I'm not alone with my loss but I don't know how to help others with their pain when my pain is so raw in me now.

I know it will get easier, Dear God it has to. I just ask my wonderful friends here and through facebook to please don't give up on me.  I'm trying, I promise I am.




 

 

I think after 40 years of marriage James and I fit together like a pair of old, ragged, comfortable slippers.  You know the kind, really getting rough around the edges but also soft from years of regular use.  I could sometimes read his mind, he could always read my looks.  He was the good guy because most of the year he was never at home long enough to be, or want to be,  the bad guy so guess who got that job?

I've been reading some of my past posts and this one made me smile (you might have to scroll up to the beginning of it.)  You've probably read it before but I hope it makes you smile again even if you have.

Ka-Boom, Skid, Moan!

I almost did a perfect face plant yesterday,,,I reckon if it weren't for my big boobs and front it wouldda been a sure winner.

I started  falling when I tripped over Zach's flip-flop at the front door and managed to keep my wobbling balance for a few feet before gravity took over and I fell, face first, and skidded the rest of the way into the dining room with my boobs, belly, and knees taking most of the friction.  I ended up with my head sort of beneath a chair at the end of the table, gasping, cause it knocked the breath right out of me.  After I could breath again, but before I moved much,  I started praying to the Dear Lord that no bones were broken because I sure didn't like the idea of having to lay my big, ol, fat, lazy, a**, in that floor until Zach got home from school. Prayer and a little luck worked cause after a little, much moaning and groaning I was finally able to get some leverage to get to my feet.

I arose this morning with less soreness than I expected and only a bruise or two, and there's only a little carpet burn on one knee.   I'm sure a lucky old broad; having this extra padding might have been good for that one thing at least.

Lack of Affordable Health Care and Health Insurance Killed My Husband - 2

"One of the most unpatriotic things I can think of is the callous disregard so many of our fellow Americans seem to have for their uninsured fellow citizens. They are comfortable leaving millions in the hands of insurance companies all citizens know already "come between you and your doctor". And we ALL know that if you serve the corporate bottom line (our current system of health "care"), instead of being accountable to voters, you're going to chose profit over actually providing for someone's health. So many 1st world countries have successful ways of providing health care for their citizens. We should learn from them, and improve on their examples. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" should read "let me provide aide to your working-weary, your too-poor-to-get-health-insurance, your having-trouble-to-breath"... Your HMO and your insurance company already stand between you and your doctor. Don't use that as a lame excuse to prevent the uninsured from having an access to a doctor at all. The public option is compassionate patriotism at it's best."

Sort of looks like those "death panels" everyone is afraid of are already in place and thriving, don't it?

Keeping an eye on the soybean seed being unloaded.

James had worked since he was 6 years old on his family's share-cropped acres.  One year, when he was 13 or so, his Dad worked for a dairy farmer.  James got up at 3:30 a.m. every morning to help his Dad do the milking before he went to school.  After school, he ran or hitched a ride the 3 miles home so he could help his Dad finish up the cleaning and do the milking again.  He never received one dime of pay from that old dairy farm owner, hell,,, back in those days his Dad barely received enough pay to feed his family. From the day James graduated from high school until the day he died,  the jobs he held could be counted on one hand.  Anyone who knew him could tell you what a wonderful, hard-working, man he was, no matter what sort of job he did on a farm,  and he became an excellent farm manager.

This was James's school picture during the year he worked with his Dad at the dairy barn.

The thing is, farming feeds the mulitudes, but farming in the delta region doesn't provide many perks, including health insurance for the employees.   There is still a lot of "good ole boy" mentality floating around down here in our part of the Mississippi River delta, left over from the days of slavery.  Many of the farm owners feel that "ya gotta keep em hungry and in debt to ya,  pay em too much and they won't work nearly as hard."

So, why didn't he work somewhere else? I guess he was one of those folks who still believed in the American Dream and honestly thought that hard work would eventually pay off.    Also, even when you divided his salary by the hours he worked, and it showed he worked for much less than minimum wage for many months of the year, the truth of the matter is, his salary was high enough that we could actually eat and pay our basic bills at the same time. And one of the farm jobs came with a house and utilities. I helped by working  as much as I could too.   We raised 3 kids who had as much as they needed although probably not as much as they wanted. We paid for their births and other medical needs without insurance by paying as much as we could one month at a time.  But back (our last child was born in 1980)  then the highest hospital bill for giving birth was $1100 for 3 days in the hospital (the fees had doubled from the year before cause they built a new hospital).

Kinda makes you understand why I'm pretty damned mad right now,  along with having the worst heartache (even worse than some of the things my kids have said and done lately and in the past) I've so far ever had to endure in my life.  My husband didn't deserve to die at age 59.  He still had an awful lot of lovings to give to his grandbabies and  a lot of farming to do. Dammit, I miss him!

Long Nights

I've always disliked this part of the year; when the days get shorter and the nights take over so early in the evenings, but the nights are the worst now.  There's too much time to think, to remember, to wonder what if,,,
The doc gave me some sleeping pills last week because I am only sleeping in short spurts. So far they've not helped.

So here I am, waiting for daylight, again.

Lack of Affordable Healthcare and Health Insurance killed my husband.

My great, big, strong husband of over 40 years worked a 14 hour day in the field just 28 hrs before he died. He had called to say that he "thought" he might need to see his doctor on Tuesday morning so would I make an appointment.   He refused to let me take him to ER or call an ambulance when I could tell how out of breath he was... I know he was trying to hold on because of our not having health insurance,,,  I stayed in the chair and he in the recliner all Monday night after he'd come home from the field because I was afraid he'd stop breathing. On the way to the doctor Tues morning (the 6th) I was afraid he was having a heart attack and detoured to the hospital.  After the morning in ER, EKGs, cts, electrocardiogram, they decided it was early stage Congestive heart failure and admitted him into ICU so they could drain fluid built up in one of his lungs.  All the tests showed he had not had a heart attack.  He was stable, the doctor had been by to see him and said he'd do the drainage the next morning,,that he needed to rest that night, that he was going to be OK.   I left at 6 to get home to Zach and homework, etc,,,with plans to return early the next morning to wait for ICU visiting hours.  I got the call at 12:46 a.m. and our life fell apart.

At 12:20 a.m. on September 7, 2011 my husband, James, at age 59, became one of the 45,000 Americans who will die from lack of affordable health care in this great country of ours this year.

to be continued,,,,