I have no energy.
Decisions are hard to make, the smallest chore seems mountainous, what were normally joyous things are not, things that used to bother me badly don’t bother me as much any more, I have never defended myself well, but now I can't find the energy to even try to very much. Let them say or do what they will. To pretend takes too much effort, and I seem to need so much rest but am not getting any real sleep,,,just dozing off in my chair off and on. I would love the solace of sleep. Nothing matters except getting through the days and the dark, hateful nights, and keeping Zach's needs taken care of.
No one can really help; it's something I have to get through myself. If I try to talk about him, I find myself breaking down in tears. I just want him back and I'm dreading the holidays so badly it even hurts to breath sometimes. I know I'm not alone with my loss but I don't know how to help others with their pain when my pain is so raw in me now.
I know it will get easier, Dear God it has to. I just ask my wonderful friends here and through facebook to please don't give up on me. I'm trying, I promise I am.