Thursday, July 19, 2007

12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. (This is my favorite!)

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

7 comments:

Leslie said...

I phoned my boss one morning years ago and said I wasn't coming in because, basically, I didn't want to. He laughed and said, "Enjoy your day off. I'll make you pay later."

He was a good guy.

T*mmy said...

Where did you come up with this? I'm sure lots of bosses have heard simular excuses...lol!
:)

PEA said...

LOL I wonder how long we'd last on the job if we used any of these excuses!!! hehe xox

Cindra said...

I'm copying them all!

mreddie said...

They sound fairly valid to me, some more than others. :) BTW - Happy belated anniversary!! ec

Sweetie said...

No. 11 would be mine!!!

Hope you guys have a great weekend!

jazzi said...

I think I am #8. Although I haven't forgotten to go to work yet. Emphasis on YET.