Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A little list of "Doc-isms"

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.


Andie Pandie said...

It never fails that when I've got something going on with my dad, you post a Doctor or insurance entry. LOL And it never fails to make me laugh. This is such the truth!

wanda said...

As soon as I read this one, I thought to myself, "David needs to see this, then he'd better understand about the idea of using a mid-wife...".
I particularly like this one, ""We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it."

I think it (as well as the others)speaks to the heart of why medical care cost so much these days. It seems to me everyone (with the exception of nurses) in the field is out to fleece the customer/patient.

cas said...

Your comments fit exactly in my description of Doctors.

Thanks for putting it in writing.

CJ said...

You certainly hit the nail on the head, on more than one Brenda! I can't count on my fingers and toes the many times Doc has said... "
"Let me schedule you for some tests" or I'd like to run some more tests"
; and now I know what they REALLY mean. *laughs*

Thanks for the humor...

Dawn said...

I enjoyed the humor !! Going to the doctor or the hospital is almost a joke anymore even if you have insurance !

esther said...

It's a case of being too true to be able to laugh very hard....

Loved the picture of the little mousey with his trap shut......:)

Sally said...

Tomorrow will be my last dr. visit with insurance for the next 14 months. Ouch!! Wish me luck. :)

Phyllis said...

So, been to the doctor lately? HAHAHAHA

David said...

LOL Every one of them is probably true.

Virginia Gal said...

LOL - too funny!!!

The running the tests one is too true - when they do that, it means they got no clue!

Hoot Nannie said...

Well, that gave me a good laugh. And even though I hate mice (even cute little pictures of them) that one tickled me.

Thanks for the laugh!

Special K said...

These would be a lot funnier if they weren't true.