Monday, November 27, 2006

The Differences Between Men And Women

If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


mreddie said...

I have noticed that men and women are different - but I'm very glad of that. :) ec

Joe said...

I did notice a short person the other day! Galee girl, hope you had a great holiday! Back from the beach haven't posted yet!

Special K said...

Ha ha! When [let's call him] Mark was at my place for the first time, when he came out of the bathroom he said, "I can't believe how much shit you've got in there."

I thought he meant actual turds, and found myself getting a bit offended before realizing what he meant.

Brenda said...

I'm not quite as bad as that about dressing for everything. I'll dress to take a drive into town if I know I'm gonna have to get out of the truck, otherwise,,I'd best not have car troubles. Ha!

Tammy said...

You've nailed it Miz Brenda...lmbo!!

PEA said...

LOL love it...and I'm still giggling at Special K's comment!!! lol By the way, I LOVE your Christmassy look, just gorgeous:-) xox

Leslie said...

Hey, it's all purdy and Christmasy in here! *big grin*

My sisters and I couldn't figure out a tab even with calculators. We're hopeless.

Brent said...

Yeah, so guys are different from girls. I just checked inside my underwear and I can verify it's true.

Tiff said...

You hit the nail on the head with that one girl!!

Attila The Mom said...

A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals."

Actually it's the other way around in our house!!! LOL

Love the list!