Ya'll don't laugh too hard,,,I've actually done this shit.

HOW TO COW TIP

The stereotypical Arkansas pastime of days gone by. This is what your grandparents (and for some of you parents and yourself) did for fun.

Difficulty Level: easy

Time Required: bout 60 minutes

Here's How:

Get extremely drunk or extremely bored. Moonshine whiskey makes for the best cow tipping experience, but extreme boredom (teenagers with nothing to do) will suffice. Bring friends. Cow tipping is no fun without company! Find a pasture with cows. Everyone knows that everyone in Arkansas has cows so that won't be hard. Go at night so that you won't see the cow pies as you step in them...oh yeah, the cows will be asleep too. Find an isolated cow and be sure it's sleeping. Approach the cow against the wind. If you've been stepping in cow pies all night, the cow will smell you for sure if you are upwind of her and will run from the stench. Go for the tip! In a creeping motion, walk toward the cow, place both hands on one of its flanks, and push with a hard, but smooth stroke. RUN far away. The cow will wake up and tell all her friends about your stunt and they will stampede. The farmer won't be happy either (you don't want a hiney full of buckshot do you?). Go home to whittle or perhaps brew some more moonshine for your next cow tip!

Tips:

Be sure the "cow" you are trying to tip is not a bull. It is not wise to tip the bulls. Bulls are the cows with horns. Cows evolved to sleep standing up in order to better evade predators, obviously, since they can be tipped so easily, it didn't work. Don't try this at home! Cows have feelings too!!

25 Signs that Prove - "YOU'VE GROWN UP"

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather/Food Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.

18. Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going
to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is not for playing
games.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you.

There are certain things in life that you just know are fact. The certainty that you'll die and pay taxes are just two of them. I've discovered another one.

On my death bed, that friggin phone is gonna ring, and it's either going to be my son asking me, "what are you doing?", or a telemarketer trying to sell me some freaking life insurance!!

The little older lady over on the other gravel road called me this afternoon. She invited me to a "meeting of the ladies" from her church. I told her thank you very much for the invitation but I had to decline because I was not feeling well, she replied that I did not sound well either (after removing myself from my prone position on the couch and a stumbling hunt for the phone,,I reckon I didn't sound so good). What I did not tell her was that I would be kinda nervous about attending a meeting with her church ladies. They are of the Penecostal Faith, I call it the holy roller's church.

I only ever attended one of their services back when I was a kid and about mid-way through the service when some of the ladies on the first row started rolling around in the floor and talking weird, I was looking for an exit or a place to make one. Some of these churches also have snake handlers, and I know for certain that I would not be able to politely sit through a service with snakes in attendance. I do believe I will be trying to avoid this little lady in the future.

Such was my day.

After 11 hours of this PAIN,,I finally decided to forget about biting the bullet and I've supplimented the ibupro with some pain pills the doc gave me for my back. It still hurts but I'm zoned out enough that it doesn't matter as much I reckon.

The right side of my head hurts from temple to below my ear so I'm not sure if it's an ear infection, achey tooth, or sinuses. I'm whiney, bitchy, and I think it's time to go back to the couch (if Zach will move over).

I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday and writes lots for me to read later!!


October 2002 Cotton

It is mid-August and I have that same feeling of loss about the summer soon to be gone. Next week they'll start to harvest some of the earlier varieties of beans, then will come the corn and rice, then the huge cotton pickers will be making their way through the fields. I dread winter when everything dies.


On a road leading to my house


The bayou beside one of the fields, taken last fall.


Ducks on Old Town Lake, last fall.

I found this on Leslie's page, and she found it on another favorite blog so I thought I'd try it.

1) Last dream: I never dream unless I'm sick and then it's a nightmare

2) Last car ride: To southland to pick up two bushels of peas yesterday (tues)afternoon.

3) Last kiss: Peck goodbye to hubby this morning

4) Last good cry: This morning

5) Last Missing Library Book: None.

6) Last movie seen: Phone Booth

7) Last Book Read: Still reading "The Apprentice" by Tess Gerritsen

8) Last curse word uttered: SHIT, SHIT,,SHIT this morning when I stumbed my toe one the coffee table for about the millionth time.

9) Last beverage drank: Coffee

10) Last food consumed: banana nut bread at 10 pm last night

11) Last crush: My biology teacher in the 9th grade

12) Last phone call made: Martins about the peas. Last one received: I don't know,,but when I find out I'm gonna say something stronger than shit!! (woke me this morning!)

13) Last TV show watched: Cold Case Files on

14) Last Item Bought: 2 bushels of shelled peas

15) Last time showered: Yesterday morning, a longgggggggggg lingering one

16) Last shoes worn: My earth sandals

17) Last CD played: Gary Allan, Smoke Rings

18) Last MP3 Downloaded: Never done it.

19) Last annoyance: That damned worm thingy I had to remove from my puter yesterday.

20) Last disappointment: Noone baked me a birthday cake dang it

21) Last soda drank: Diet Dr. Pepper

22) Last thing written: A comment in Leslie's blog

23) Last key used: my truck

24) Last phrase spoken: Bye

25) Last trip to the bathroom: 10 mins ago

26) Last sleep: off and on from 11 pm to 7:30

27) Last IM: Katrina on Sunday

28) Last sexual fantasy: Yesterday?

29) Last orgasm: Yesterday.

30) Last weird encounter: Meeting an old school mate a few years ago who I hadn't seen since age 13. She was a customer and we thought we recognized each other but didn't say anything for a few weeks.

31) Last Store Shopped at: Wal mart in Forrest City, AR (they don't irritate me as bad as the one West Helena)

32) Last ice cream eaten: Schwans Vanilla, chocolate swirl last month

33) Last time amused: This morning when Abie (age 2) came over (I had to take a break from typing this for a couple of hours). I am wearing a white cotton nightie and she was strolling by me in the kitchen, picked up the hem of my nightie, looked under and said, "Nanny, ju need to put some clothes on."

34) Last time wanting to die: When I had strep throat when my two youngest children were 2 & 3.

35) Last time in love: longgggggggg time ago

36) Last time hugged: This morning

37) Last time scolded: Yesterday

38) Last time resentful: This morning when the phone woke me up after a night of off and on sleep

39) Last chair sat in: My desk chair

40) Last lipstick used: Avon, pinkish something

41) Last underwear worn: panties yesterday morning (Victorias secret, second skin satin).

42) Last bra worn: Yesterday, A.M., (Victoria's Secret, second skin satin)

43) Last shirt worn: One of my Handicap Kids tees

44) Last class attended: 2 yrs ago, a Web Page designing class

45) Last Final taken: Same as above 2 yrs

46) Last time dancing: During my Biloxi trip the last week in July

47) Last poster looked at: I have two Georgie O'Keefe posters and one Monet poster in my home office

48) Last show attended: So long I can't remember

49) Last webpage visited: http://www.critterchick.blogspot.com/

I woke this morning with aches and fever but decided I would have to get better or die so I went to meet my friend as planned. Afterwards I shopped for vaccum food sealer bags and I finally made it home around 11, still feverish, but not dead.

I arrived home to tackle the reboot error problem that I was having with my computer last night (or was it this morning?). On my morning drive, I had heard news on the radio about a new worm virus (w32/lovsan.worm) that was wrecking havoc and felt the dread begin after they described the actions the worm would take. It seems that all you had to do was be connected to the internet to get the damn thing due to some loophole that Microsoft, in it's all holy wisdom, left open again for people who do these things.

I have over 860,000 files on this puter...do you know how long it takes to run a virus scan over that many files??? A LONG FUCKING TIME!! Therefore, my afternoon has been spent on the phone with my virus tech support, and downloading and installing a fix and doing another scan. Finally here I am. Still pissed off but finally through with it (hopefully, since I've not had the error message or a auto reboot in over an hour now).

And I still feel like shit warmed over.

Time for a beer!!!!!

I'm back. There wasn't much to see down there except for a lot of rice, soybean, and cotton fields. It felt about 20 degrees hotter out in the sun too!!


Guadulupe

I'm off to the farm today to get signatures on tax returns from that tractor driver, then meeting hubby for lunch at the general store down there for a bit of grease-soaked lunch. Jami hasn't come to pick up Zach as yet so I guess I'll be taking him down with me. That child is in his glory amid all the dust and dirt and tractors and other equipment. I'm taking the camera so maybe I'll find something interesting to shoot.

July storm on the farm, July 2002

I guess we'll spend another day doing the "find the comments link" again. This is royally pissing me off!!

Just when I think I've got it bad.

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (Reuters) - Supermarket cashiers in Argentina are being forced to wear diapers to keep them from taking toilet breaks at work, a union says.

Female cashiers in western Mendoza province must wear adult diapers in case "cold, nerves, pressure or stress" provoke incontinence, union official Jorge Cordova told local news agency Diarios y Noticias on Thursday.

Cordova refused to name the supermarket, but he did say the chain is backed by foreign capital, said Sandra Varela, Mendoza's labor subsecretary.

"The truth is, it's difficult to imagine a line of 20 adult cashiers wearing diapers for eight hours," said Varela, who is investigating the matter.

"In seventeen years as a labor lawyer, I've never heard anything like this before," she added.

Last evening while I was banging pans and frying eggs I had a wonderful surprise call from Special K. Then later we were able to chat on yahoo for a bit. It was a great finish to a previously uneventful day for me.

Today I called her for another phone chat and, as usual, I ended up with tears in my eyes and a strain on my bladder from laughing so hard. I love that kid!!!!

This weekend has just been more of the SOS as usual. It's pretty hard to post something interesting when very little of interest has been happening. The most exciting thing of the weekend's activities? Krysten (#2 granddaughter) cut Abie's (# 4 granddaughter) bangs (almost to her scalp!) The kid is wearing a cap now in this hot weather. I thought safety sissors were for safety?????

The Perp (happy sissor kid)

The PerpEE,,, before sissors were applied

I have decided that if my kids must share all their cute little stories with me, I'll share them here, so be ready for whatever may come about!

Daughter #2, Jami, came by this morning and had to share with me. Abie, her youngest, is learning to use the potty. While she was at the sitter's yesterday she presented the sitter with an offering for praise. Yep, you guessed it. She retrieved her offering and took it to the living room for approval. Needless to say, there was a lot of scrubbing going on for a bit!

This has been a long week. I sent Zach home on Monday morning with his mom, he was back Tuesday morning with his allergies bothering him. Something there is causing him to swell and break out in a rash. I took him to the doctor today for medicine that will hopefully prevent these episodes so Nanny can get a couple of days rest every week.

Alexis spent all day Monday with me. My son was off work this week so he's popped in and out almost every day as well. All this led to the post of yesterday about prison (grin).


My son and the southern Chickie,,clowning

She's been trying to get these flowers for over a month,,she made it!!

I'm still laughing.....

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The very proper lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I justa tella my friend how to spella Mississippi."

This seems appropriate to me today.

The Art of Being a Bitch
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am & won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
By Gawd, I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B - Beauty I - In T - Total C - Control of H - Herself

I'm considering my options here.

In prison, you get three square meals a day.
At home, you cook three square meals a day
and try to get your kids to eat it.

In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.
At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids
can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it
again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation
In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.
At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the
remote control and get treated to hours and hours of
mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison, you can read whatever you want
and attend college for free.
At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane,
and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still
be able to eat for the next twenty years
In prison, all your medical care is free.
At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out
trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor
will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit,
talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.
At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and
clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave
In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters
or just hang out in your own space all day.
At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's
space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.
At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order
to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how
long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.
At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's,
and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.

In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.
At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.
In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects
for you and make sure nothing is missing.
At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your
purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or
spouses asking you to do something else for them,
or screaming at you because you didn't.
At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

Ya'll need to take a look here, this gal gets cranky at times (grin).

When I can get past Andy Rooney's whiney voice, I like his attitude.

Subject: Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney always has a good angle...you may not agree, but he doesn't back down.


Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back: (for those of you that don't know Andy Rooney, he is a 82 year old US TV commentator)


I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have
every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and
tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. (AMEN to that)

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's
better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary,
and say "NO!"

"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"?
Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European- American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!!