Sunday, February 05, 2006
Discomforts, Disturbances, and Diasters
My sister has this mountain top that she'll be building a cabin on,,literally,,log by log, on the weekends and other spare moments. So far she's working on the out-buildings so she can have a dry place to do the preps before building the actual cabin. This is her dream and I'm proud that she's working so hard to make it come true. I'm also proud that she understands that a cabin atop a mountain with ticks, and bobcats, and bears, (and probably Big Foot), isn't my cup of tea although it will be most wonderful to visit her there. I'm not a town girl by any means, hell I've got one more neighbor now than I prefer (2), but I am partial to electricity, running water, and an indoor toilet so any time I lack any of these niceties, I tend to freak. My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 on a bare stretch of interstate. I have, on two occasions, camped out, and on both trips I suffered from the three D's;
Discomfort, Disturbances, and Diasters.
The discomforts included every rock, twig, stick, and pine cone in the vicinity somehow ending up beneath whichever sort of bedding I was to sleep on. Before morning my back felt as though I'd been sleeping on boulders and the entire pine tree. There's no such thing as soft ground, not when you're trying to sleep on it. Peeing in the woods can also be included as a discomfort because I've never, ever, been able to manage it without peeing in my right shoe,, don't ask me why, but no matter how hard I try, that foot is going to get wet if I squat. Actually, I don't remember if this has been a life-long problem, maybe it didn't matter so much when I was a kid to have a squishy right shoe.
Then there are the disturbances. It's very dark in the woods at night and very noisy. I'm not afraid of the dark but I do get very nervous when I can't see what's making the noises in the dark. Of course there is the possibility that I wouldn't want to see what was making the noises but I do feel better if I know whether I should haul-ass or huddle down with a shotgun during such occasions. Trees even make strange noises at night, I betcha didn't know that, didja? Sometimes the noises will lead you to believe that Big Foot, or a dinosaur is coming right through the tent. Opossums and raccoons are only cute, little, critters during the daylight, at night they turn into people-eating carnivors. This is true! I've tried to blame these beliefs on a sleep depraved mind but that only works when the sun comes up. Anyhow, camping, in the dark, around trees, is very disturbing to me.
Lastly are the diasters. The worst of these was waking up in the morning, after sleeping atop the levee to avoid the blood hungry mosquitos, to find that you threw down your bedroll atop a cow paddy and the smell of frying bacon over a camp fire isn't the only outdoorsy aroma you've got going on. Having to try to scrub the stain and stench off in the same pond the cows are using is pretty high up on my diaster meter too. Actually, that probably wasn't as bad as having to go to the doctor the next day to get a shot so the swelling would go away from all those bites by the blood hungry mosquitos.
So there you have it, I'm no Daniel Boone, or even his wife, or step-sister. Nope, not one little bit. Sorry sister of mine.