Whats UP down South
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Senior Toons
Posted by Brenda ::
7/31/2004 02:05:12 PM ::
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Friday, July 30, 2004
Antiqued (Is that a word?)
I'm going to turn 50 on Sunday and I gotta tell you, this past year has really zoomed by for me since I was hoping it would take a little longer for this birthday to arrive.
Anyway, I've never had much hoopla made over my birthday since hubby comes from a family who didn't make much of a fuss over them (well there was that one time when he bought himself that $1000 coon hound on my birthday and I actually made the fuss) and my kids pretty much fail to remember birthdays except for their own and their younguns, but mind you that's a bunch.
Anyway, all that aside, I went plodding to my little rural mail box across the gravel road here this week and there was a package in it. I had to put down all the bills and other stuff to read the return address and let me tell you folks, I was moving much quicker back across that road, faster than a slow-speeding bullet, so I could get somewhere to sit and tear into that wrapping. The package was from Ms. Leslie and inside I found the sweetest little birdy ornament you've ever seen!! And a handy little note pad all decorated with flowers on the cover which will be just right for all my notes to remind me of stuff. I got all teary over the card and presents because it's the best feeling in the world to know that someone is thinking of you.
Today I pulled up to the old mail box on my way back from town and had another great surprise birthday card from Miz Mary lou!
I gotta tell you, I'm feeling pretty danged special this week!
Posted by Brenda ::
7/30/2004 06:22:59 PM ::
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Sunshine Years
If this is what I have to look forward to I'm thinking about passing on it. But then again, I've had moments like these in the past.
THE ROBBERY
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She
got in the back-seat by mistake."
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time
...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared
at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, no, am I driving?"
Posted by Brenda ::
7/30/2004 09:53:58 AM ::
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Thursday, July 29, 2004
Chemical Warfare
As I was driving into town earlier this week I again noticed the plastic gallon containers strewn about beside the road and in the ditches down at the end of my road across from the air strip. Knowing that this was a strip for ag planes and that those jugs had been there for a good long time, I decided to stop on my way back home and take photos of the mess and to try to see what sort of chemicals the containers had held.
Most of the containers had lain there so long that the labels had disintergrated or had faded so that they were unreadable but I did find a couple that were labeled as some sort of fungicide which supposedly aren't dangerous to humans or plantlife. I took the photos anyway because they load all manner of farm chemicals onto the airplanes at that strip and some of that stuff is responsible for the death and disease of my garden and yard plants, and for rashes and allergies that we too often have in the summer.
Jerri came by the corner about 30 minutes after I had stopped and taken the photos and the containers were no longer there. Funny how that works, huh?
Now I wish I had taken photos the day that I saw the backhoe down there burying those barrels.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/29/2004 08:57:56 AM ::
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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I'm a Grandma
There's a ball or two of clay, or chips, or gummy bears, dumped somewhere in my truck and a sticky, rewrapped peppermint in my jacket pocket. I wear baggy tees and sleep shorts all day. I recognize almost every cartoon character of the day and all of the ones from the past.
At any given moment, I might be carrying the remains of whatever's yucky from a child's mouth -- or nose. Small children throw up on me regularly. I might wash a little face with spit and my thumb,,,,, wipe their noses with my shirt. I'm sure you've seen me at the supermarket. I'm the one with the permanent look of insanity on my face with lips in the constant "NO" forming position. I'm chasing the only child in history who can be in 12 places at once.
You know who I am.
I'm the one with the glazed look on my face after answering for the millionth time, "I don't know what worms eat." I sniff at a baby's diaper -- on purpose or stick my hand in and go knuckle deep into the contents.
You know me,,,,I never get to finish a sensible thought.
Don't ask me if I've seen any good movies lately. I have if you count the Dora ones or Shreik.
I used to be reasonably intelligent, pondering the deep secrets of the universe. I once thought I was prepared for the great challenges of life. Now I find myself wondering such things as: If Bert and Ernie aren't related, why do they sleep in the same room? And, where are their parents? I remember when getting together with friends meant stimulating conversation about current events, love and the meaning of life, now I wonder, "Is there life?"
I know you don't know my first name-- I don't have one anymore. I answer to Nanaw, or Nanny. To be honest, I don't even remember my first name sometimes -- I've stop using it myself. When speaking, I simply refer to myself as, "Nanny or Nanaw".
I have my good days, too. I know I'm loved unconditionally by these little ones no matter how I look or feel.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/28/2004 10:58:14 AM ::
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I'm happy as a frog in a fly swarm
Gotta love that Haddocktwat and the great links shared over there. Take a gander at my tombstone over to the right there. I'm gonna have so much fun with that site!!
Haddock, you're my favorite twat!
I'd also be right behold'n if ya'll would drop in and visit my daughter-in-law, Jerri's, new blog. We'll be getting all the Chickie updates first hand from there and I promise, that child will keep you entertained.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/27/2004 11:35:54 AM ::
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Name my bird
Ok, so far we've had some good ones here but there's still several weeks before The Bird's homecoming so ya'll have time to get your thinking caps on. So far we have:
Shasta, borwwwd
Mr/Ms Harland Sanders II
Jazz, Yellow/Blue Jug
Spot
I've been reminded again of some of the pet names I thought up over the years. I had a Banny chicken named Brenvic, A cocker spaniel named Hinkle (originally Twinkle but my sister couldn't say it), a squirrel named Violet, dogs named Hunter, Jack, Fancy, Gizmo, and Useless, and a ginger cat named 'Tin-Tin.
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Kim, over at Bacon and Ehs dared her readers to post a photo of our 80's hairdos. This isn't a closeup mind you, but it will show that I wasn't a stylin kinda gal back then but I am a daring kinda one so I'll put it up here.
1982 with my sisters and 4 of my half-brothers
Posted by Brenda ::
7/27/2004 07:56:11 AM ::
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Monday, July 26, 2004
Adopting a baby!
This morning I had to pick hubby up at the shop where he left his truck for repairs so we drove on to another little town to visit a pet store. Hubby decided to grant my wish for a cockatiel for my birthday so we went to search for one.
The owner had 2 adult male tiels for sale but they were already 1 1/2 yrs old and I've heard that the younger the bird, the easier they are to train. I was feeling disappointed until the owner told me that she had a hatch of 4 chicks who were 2 to 4 days old and if I didn't mind waiting, I could have my pick of the new babies. I should be able to bring the new birdie home around the first or second week of September.
A bird's sex is not easily defined until after they've molted at around 4 to 6 months, so I plan to name my tiel a gender-neutral name and I'd like to ask my readers if they'd offer some name suggestions. So far the only ones I've thought of are E.T. and Gizzie so ya'll give me some ideas, please?
Here is a photo of a newly hatched birdie that looks like the one the owner showed me. They get prettier, I promise!
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Just had to post these. The Chick loves her critters.
The lady with the Chick is Momma Kitty, I think.
,,,,,,,photos by Jerri
Posted by Brenda ::
7/26/2004 09:23:17 PM ::
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
It's Sunday, Isn't it?
Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell
happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/25/2004 12:30:15 PM ::
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Saturday, July 24, 2004
Today's funniest emails
There were two blonde guys working for the city. One would
dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They
worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again." The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
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A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
Posted by Brenda ::
7/24/2004 10:31:06 PM ::
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A story based on one sentence.
This writer is hilarious and I'd give my right ass cheek to be able to write with this much imagination.
Ya'll go have a read.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/24/2004 12:08:41 PM ::
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Friday, July 23, 2004
Here She Is.
The Chick did it, go take a gander at our Alexis.
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to
say one thing."
What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say,
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he
thought for a moment. You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your
problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and
read the Bible. "Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots
to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase
in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the
solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi,
we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot
looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads
away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"
I had to try this little thingy from over at Shara's.
You're Bettie Page!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Brenda ::
7/23/2004 07:48:39 AM ::
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
Good Afternoon.
Jerri sent me an email with a preview of the catalog banner with the Chick on it but it's still in sort of a rough form so I'll look on the site this weekend to see if they have it posted yet.
I've been awake way too long and have been feeling kinda dragged out today but I slipped outside onto the deck this morning and took a pic of the mist hanging over everything.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/22/2004 01:41:44 PM ::
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
A few more photos
MeriKate, Krysten, and Abie
Playing on the trampoline
Doesn't this look like a terrorist to you?
It's been a long day here. The Chickie and her Mommy came before noon and my son came after work so they stayed for supper. Nanny has been playing all afternoon.
I thought I had Zach talked into going to Bible School so we could have a little break from each other and to have 10 minutes alone with James because he is complaining about how he's being left out in the "cold" for months now (because Zach refuses to go home even for a visit!) However, about an hour before time to go, Zach decided that he didn't want to leave me so when James came in from work I told him he'd best go buy winter gear for that "cold" he continues to moan about.
Like I'd have any energy to bring him in out of the cold anyway.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/21/2004 09:02:31 PM ::
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Our Chick won first runner up in a modeling contest!
She won first runner up in an online contest and will model an outfit for Palm Beach Swimwear this season.
Alexis
Posted by Brenda ::
7/21/2004 10:51:45 AM ::
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Heh, heh
Hung Chow called his boss and says,
"Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick.
I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work".
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow I need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and make love.
That makes me feel better and I can go work. You should try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon.
You got nice house."
Posted by Brenda ::
7/20/2004 10:10:14 PM ::
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Tuesday already
I've actually had to get some work done this morning. I hate days like this, don't you?
IRS form 941 for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE
State Employment Report for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE
State Tax report for 2nd quarter 2004 - DONE
Now if I could just get through the 6 pages of new information the IRS sent AND comprehend it, I'd be all done for the day.
I think I need a 3 hr coffee break.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/20/2004 09:27:28 AM ::
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Monday, July 19, 2004
New and Better Disposable Products
"Screw the Planet, I'm an American, Life is Good!"
See, now, the happily narcotized, entirely sexless, vaguely bulbous modern housewife in the recent TV commercial as she finally tosses away her angry, growling, animated (!) toilet brush (see how it snaps and snarls at her like a drunken deadbeat dad! See her toss it into the trash can and then plop her butt down on it in satisfied glee!) in favor of -- say it with me -- disposable toilet scrubbers you use once and throw away!
Scotchbrite Disposable Toilet Bowl Scrubbers, when you care enough to dump a bunch of toxic crap down the toilet only to have it be pumped through the sewage system and get filtered through the City's already heavily overburdened sewage-treatment plant and intermixed with 10,000 other toxic deadly chemicals and then pumped out to sea in a swirling nauseating stew of stickygross human by-products. Oh, and those plastic handles last about 2 million years in a landfill. Sweet!
The entirely silly and pointless Swiffer family of totally toxic landfill crap you really don't need but millions of people are apparently buying via some mass genius PR-marketing delusion that somehow tells them this junk might somehow be better than a really good broom or mop, despite how it's basically nothing but a plastic rod and an electromagnetic sheet worth about half a cent and if you want the same damn effect just take one of your fabric-softener sheets out of the dryer and put it on the end of a broom handle. Voilà.
Mark Morford
This gives me pause for thought cause I'm all for saving that tree and the rain forrest, but my first thought was how much do these products cost?
The Clorox ToiletWand starter kit, which includes a ToiletWand and six single-use sponges, has a suggested retail price of $9.99. Single-use sponge refills, sold in packages of six, have a suggested retail price of $2.99.
Compared to the plastic toilet brush that I bought at Freds for .98 which is good for several years and is easily disinfected with bleach, which sells for less than $2 a gallon (a gallon of bleach goes a longggggggg, longgggggggg way), it's like comparing the price of gold and silver.
But what about those icky germs, you say? Well my friends, chlorine bleach will kill most anydamnthing. Even AIDS, if you could drink the stuff without it killing you!
I refuse, however, to give up my handy little Swifter Duster. Even if I do cry when I have to pay the price of a nice roast for the refills.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/19/2004 09:22:03 AM ::
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
Sunday
Today makes 33 years of marriage, to the same man! As Special K and I discussed the other day, if I'd murdered him instead of marrying him 33 years ago, I'd be outta jail by now!!
Posted by Brenda ::
7/18/2004 01:51:44 PM ::
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Saturday, July 17, 2004
It's Saturday and
I've been doing the domestic goddess thing again today but the only problem
with that is I'm not actually domestic goddess material.
My day began with a side trip to the bathroom whereupon my big ass was
tossed in the floor by what I suspect is a "terrorized"
toilet seat. One of the doohickies that holds it on
mysteriously disappeared. He's been pleading innocent but I still
have my suspicions due to his current misdemeanor record.
After having only one cup of coffee and not nearly enough time to attend to
my blog reading, Hubby was back home from work because it rained last
night and the fields are muddy. He decided to piddle around in
the garden for a bit and ended up picking more peas and some green
beans so I've been shelling and snapping. The canner now has
another full load that'll be ready to turn off and cool in about 40
minutes.
I've also prepared some stuffed bell peppers and cabbage rolls and have them
in the crockpot. James and Zach have already asked me twice when
supper would be ready.
The nondomesticated part of me, which is the part that has control most of
the time, wants a nap but the pile of dirty laundry, and the
vacuum, and this damned cluttered office, says that a nap is not in my
Saturday future.
I feel like June Cleaver without the dress and pearls.
Have a great Saturday folks!!
Posted by Brenda ::
7/17/2004 03:07:35 PM ::
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Friday, July 16, 2004
Purple Hull Peas
Posted by Brenda ::
7/16/2004 10:33:18 AM ::
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I'm from Arkansas
Ron White on being from Texas:
I'm from Texas and in Texas we have the death penalty and we use it. That's right, if you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. That's our policy. Right now there's a bill in the Texas legislature that would speed up the execution process of those convicted of a heinous crime with more than three credible witnesses. If more than three people saw you do what you did you don't sit on death row for 15 years Jack, you go straight to the front of the line. Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty. My state's puttin in an express lane.
Brenda on Arkansas:
Arkansas is the only state in the Union in which swap meets are for arranging marriages, understandable when you consider, in the last 17 Miss Arkansas beauty contests, nobody won.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/16/2004 10:04:42 AM ::
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Thursday, July 15, 2004
Man's ex-wife informs him that he's dead.
Thu Jul 15,11:02 AM ET
Oddly Enough
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian taxi driver got a rude shock when he discovered his blind ex-wife, who thought he had died in an explosion, had him buried in a Moscow cemetery, a newspaper reported on Thursday.
Oleg Lunkov learned of his apparent death when he applied for a passport and was told he died in a bomb blast on Moscow's metro on February 6. His ex-wife thought he was on the train, but being blind, she got her mother to identify the remains.
"I thought, 'I hope they didn't bury me on my birthday'," Lunkov told the Moscow Times after visiting his grave in southeastern Moscow. "But it turns out they did."
The grave has been exhumed by police investigating his wife for possible fraud.
Lunkov's name still appears on prosecutors' official list of the 38 people who died in the explosion.
I just love stuff like this!
Posted by Brenda ::
7/15/2004 08:27:29 PM ::
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Tis the Season
It's that time of year again. For 24 hours a day, here in my country, the lovely sounds of silence, or crickets, or frogs, are overcome by the deep vibrating thrums coming from the power units that pump the irrigation water for the pivots and miles of polypipe. Even from a quarter of a mile away you can hear/feel these diesel sucking motors drawing the water up from the nether regions.
It's also the season for canning vegetables that have to be picked and prepared even though it's hot enough to melt wax outdoors. I'd better get started on those peas I shelled last night.
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There's something oddly satisfying about seeing the end results of your work.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/15/2004 10:57:37 AM ::
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Laws of the Universe
I've learned a few of these over time by trial and error, mostly error.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
--Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair
Identical parts aren't.
--Beach's Law
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
--Anthony's Law of the Workshop
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
-- Tussman's Law
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
--Lowery's Law
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
--Peer's Law
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
--William's Law
Machines should work.. People should think.
--IBM's Pollyanna Principle
The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where they can do the least damage.
--The Dilbert Principle
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
--Ehrlich's Law
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
--Ralph's Observation
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
-- Cannon's Comment
The newer the carpet the greater the likelihood that the bread will land jelly side down.
-- Law of inevitable consequences
Posted by Brenda ::
7/14/2004 07:41:54 AM ::
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Men are Aliens
When I woke up this morning and went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee I was greeted with the usual sights found in my kitchen and living room every morning.
Two coffee cups sitting on a table in the living room.
A trail of coffee drips from where the pot sits on the counter, across the floor leading to the living room.
Mayonnaise sitting on the crumb littered counter beside an open loaf of bread.
Two open cupboards just waiting for me to bang into them in my early morning confused state.
This stuff has been going on for 33 years now and you'd think after that many years of mentioning (what hubby calls bitching) that these things are not acceptable morning visions, he'd finally get the message. In my wifely wisdom I know it ain't gonna happen. Men are different. Men are so different that I really think that they evolved from some strange spore deposited here a millennium ago by aliens from another planet.
How different?
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who
admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about doctor appointments and ball games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Women understand color. They seem to know what to wear all the time. Men just think red is nice, pink is nice, so why not have them together?
Men appreciate the importance of a 42 inch plasma screen. Women do not.
Women are more interested in the small details. If you told a woman that you had just returned from a trip to the surface of the Moon, she would show her interest by asking who you had gone with.
Men know that common house spiders are far less dangerous than scorpions. Women don't care, it's creepy, KILL IT!!
Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender
Women pee together. Men do not acknowledge, let alone speak, to each other when peeing.
Men can watch six different channels at the same time and know the name of none of the programs they claim to be following. This pisses women off.
Men have a gene that enables them to maintain a vice like grip on the remote control while reclining on the sofa studying the insides of their eyelids.
Men can write their names clearly in the snow and often do.
Women parallel process, men parallel park.
Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.
Men will hear you open a beer from three rooms away but can't hear the child crying right beside him.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
No use in two people remembering the same thing.
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
If women knew what men were thinking they'd never stop slapping them.
The only way to understand a woman is to love her and then it isn't necessary to understand her.
There is no way to understand a man. You just learn to live with bread crumbs and coffee trails.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/13/2004 09:12:49 AM ::
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Monday, July 12, 2004
Last post about Amsterdam
I've presented the Amsterdam tour backwards because we spent so much time that day in the Red Light district and at the Anne Frank House. We did, however, do a little more during our day trip.
The first thing we did after arriving by train was to take a canal boat tour. That was pretty awesome because the boats passed along the streets as though the canal were just another lane on a highway (which canals in Amsterdam actually are).
platform inside Central Station
We took the canal tour in a boat like the one on the left in the photo.
See the little tunnels going under the street bridges? It took some maneuvering to get through some of those.
CanKoepelkerk Church Dome
We also took a walk and went to the Van Gogh museum and to Dam Square (de dom). Dam square is the physical center of the city and we decided, as we walked and went into shops along the way, to meet at Dam Square if we got separated. To the west the square is flanked by the Royal Palace which doesn't really resemble a palace due to it being originally designed as the city hall but it was elegant nonetheless.
Dam Square
The Royal Palace in Dam Square
Now we come to the end of the Amsterdam tour. I hope ya'll enjoyed it. I don't expect to spend much time there during my next trip since I'll probably be helping Soony with last minute wedding things.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/12/2004 09:52:52 AM ::
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Sunday, July 11, 2004
Lazy Sunday
This is the sweetest little ponytail in the world!
Her momma has the patience of a saint!!
Posted by Brenda ::
7/11/2004 04:22:20 PM ::
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Saturday, July 10, 2004
267 Prinsengracht, Amsterdam
Anyone who visits Amsterdam should see the Anne Frank house and museum. I read her diary many times over the years without comprehension of what it must have been like for a young girl to be locked away in hiding for two years at such an impressionable age. Her written words brought the horror of the halocaust to your doorstep. By visiting the house that was her prison her written words come alive.
As you wind your way up the narrow stairways and through the empty wood-floored rooms, peeking out windows to the sidewalk and canal below, you eerily feel what it must have been like for the families who lived in hiding for so many months. You'll pass through the famous bookcase and enter the "private", cramped rooms of the family; the bathrooms, the kitchen, and finally the room where Anne pasted photos to the walls and created a life for herself. The photos are still pasted to those walls and remnants of the old wall paper is still attached in places. The museum is very well set up with video screens telling the story as you pass through the halls and rooms. Remnants of the day are in glass cases.
I left the house with tears streaming down my face.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/10/2004 08:33:56 AM ::
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Friday, July 09, 2004
Got the Crud.
I've been putting it off for two weeks now but after those two weeks of little sleep from coughing my gizzard up I finally went to see the doc today. He diagnosed mycoplasma pneumonia, aka, the crud. The treatment includes lots of liquids, rest, some big pills suitable for horses, and some sort of nasty stuff that supposedly tastes like oranges and pineapples ( but tastes sort of like what I'd imagine poison made from foxgloves would). If I feel worse or not a lot better after 6 days I'm to return for more x-rays.
I've gotta get better, or die cause it's cheaper.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/09/2004 03:49:26 PM ::
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Doing the Netherlands in 1995, Part 1.
Some time in late Autumn or early winter I'm attending a wedding in the Netherlands. I'm pretty excited about the trip and have been thinking a lot about our last trip over there.
Nine years ago hubby and I made the trip to a small town in the south of Holland, to visit Danielle (Soony) who had lived with us for 10 months in 1989/1990 as an exchange student. We went somewhere and did something different every day of our trip but I think the most fun day was the day we "did" Amsterdam.
We arrived by train cause parking is nearly impossible in Amsterdam.
I read about it. I saw pictures of it. And I had to walk through it when I was in Amsterdam. Actually we went through on a family day trip. The Red Light District is like nothing else I have ever seen. The ladies sitting in the windows with the red neon lights was so surprising to me and yet so ordinary for Amsterdam. What is considered a taboo in many places is unassuming and acceptable here. You can even buy maps to direct you through the area or get a tour guide! You are advised not to take pictures in the area and I did not want to cause any commotion so I kept my camera out of sight for the most part while we walked through this area. We did try to negotiate with one prostitute to take photos but her english wasn't too good and she thought we wanted a 3some or moresome and never did understand that we just wanted to pay her to have her photo taken with us (clothed) so we gave up pretty quickly. Anyway, walking through the red light district is all part of the Amsterdam experience.
A view of part of the Redlight District just as it was getting dark.
I had to smile as I tried to imagine this fountain on the square in front of the courthouse in Helena. Those old bible-thumpin ladies would be in a swoon!
In the red-light district, the bottom floors of many of these buildings have been converted into sets of small rooms -- or single rooms with small booths or chambers -- with large, door-sized windows facing the street. These windows are typically lined or overhung on the outside with red (or pink) lights. Inside, a prostitute poses (usually in lingerie or a thong bikini) under a black-light or a dim white light.
You're walking along the brick-paved streets checking out the scene. To your left is the canal, to your right a series of prostitutes lit up in the windows, their lingerie like neon signs glowing white under the black-light as if illuminated from within; a live sex show with a barker out front trying to lure in an audience ("You've seen the girls in the windows, now come see the banana show! And they offered us a family discount!"); and an Amsterdam coffeeshop, where you can buy hashish and cannabis, magic mushrooms, poppers, space cakes, and good drinks.
There are coffeeshops everywhere!
There is a great variety of ages, races, body-shapes, and come-ons. Some women sit on chairs looking out at the canal with bored expressions on their faces; others pose, dance, gyrate like "exotic dancers;" others eat fast food or do their nails; others open their doors and call out offers to interested-looking passers-by. You see a man in front of you walk up to a lit window and knock. The door opens and a price is negotiated. The man enters the room and takes off his jacket. The prostitute closes the door and shuts the drapes over the window.
You stop in at a sexual novelty store to get your bearings. Videos galore, magazines for every conceivable taste (for instance, the "animals" category is subdivided into specialties -- women with dogs, women with donkeys, men with cows, etc.; there is even a set of nudism magazines ostensibly made for kids in the naturalist subculture but which are obviously a compromise solution for making relatively non-threatening child pornography available to the pedophile set), dildoes, butt plugs, bondage supplies, poppers, desensitizing lotions for the premature-ejaculate/sore-anus crowd, lewd postcards of all varieties, video viewing booths equipped with leather couches and rolls of tissue.
Coffeeshops sell coffee but they also sell green gold. Yes folks, marijuana is for sale in the coffeeshops with the green and white sticker in the window. Dutch tolerance is a wonderful thing.
Don't overdo it and become a silly tourist knocking the locals off their bikes or let one of those Dutch bike riders knock you on your ass. There are bikes EVERYWHERE and the tiny, narrow streets don't allow much room for you to wander around in a daze without watching where you're going or who's coming up behind you.
Take a tour in the canalboats. It's the only way to experience the true Amsterdam as the canals were of great historical importance. Only few places on earth have this possibility. Personally I would recommend the Museumboat (main boatstop across the Central Station, next to the TouristInfo). This canalboat has six major stops near most visited museums. You can hop on and off the boat as many times as you want and can also endlessly make circles the whole day.
Tomorrow I'll take you on a tour of the rest of Amsterdam.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/09/2004 08:15:27 AM ::
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
Arkansas Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know, But
Joe is yo' half-brother."
So Susie put aside her Joe,
And planned to marry Will.
But, after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still.
You cain't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half-brother."
But Mama knew and said "My Child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
Cuz you ain't no kin to Pappy.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/08/2004 08:53:42 AM ::
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004
When does it become child abuse?
I am determined that Zach is going to clean his room. I made him stay in there from 9:30 a.m. yesterday until 9 p.m. last night with breaks to pee, get drinks, and have meals (we did have to go out to pay the water bill). The room is still a diaster area so as soon as he wakes up I'm sending him right back to it.
I'm more tired from this than if I had cleaned the damn thing myself!!
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Let me add this on here.... it's too good not to.
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot.
Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the backroom to find it.
From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
To which Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot!"
Posted by Brenda ::
7/07/2004 08:46:20 AM ::
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
In just a few weeks I will be turning Fifty, that's 50!
Fifty years have now passed. In a way it seems a bit hard to believe. I've seen a lot of changes in the past fifty years, but somehow it sure doesn't feel like fifty years. Actually, it's turning out to be quite a weird experience.
I grew up as an Air Force brat, but from age 6 to age 14, I lived on a rural farm in Arkansas next door to my mother's parents. Today I live just 35 miles or so from there but I've been fortunate to have seen many places along the way.
When I was growing up we had no indoor bathrooms. One of my earliest memories is the was a tall narrow outhouse that stood in the back yard. It was dark, smelly, and a haunt for spiders and wasps. I caused a major diaster one year when I was burning trash and burned down the toilet along with our old barn.
We didn't have a telephone in our house but when I was around 9 or so, my grandparents got a phone. It was on a party line and the phone rang every time anyone was calling any of the other two parties on the line but it had different rings. Grandma would get upset with us if we answered her phone at the wrong rings. So we'd sit there and wait for 3 long rings in a row before we could answer the phone for her. There were old ladies in the neighborhood who had nothing better to do than to listen in on all the phone calls.
Remember the stories of so-and-so's grandfather who had to walk a mile to school trudging through the snow? Well, I've been there and done that. Literally. At least we were lucky in that we lived that mile from a small town and a mostly modern school for the early 60's and there isn't that much snow during Arkansas winters.
I'm finding that I know more and more people who don't remember the Beatles or Kennedy's assassination or Huckleberry Hound or Saturday morning Tarzan and Sky King. I have heard it said that you're only as old as your attitude. I've always managed to find a variety of interesting things to occupy my mind and body. I'm finding out that not all of them were good.
I don’t have gray pubic hairs! Yet.
I'm now convinced that life is an ongoing lesson in humility.
Diet pills don't work. They just make me chew faster.
As I have heard it said, sometimes you’re the windshield and sometimes you’re the bug. Sometimes you’re the seagull and sometimes the unsuspecting tourist. I carry a Kleenex for life’s unexpected moments.
In the year I was born,
The Salk vaccine for polio was discovered.
Ike proposed the interstate highway system.
The top song of '54 was "Shake, Rattle and Roll" by Bill Haley and the Comets
Gasoline cost 21 sents a gallon
Cost of a first-class stamp: $0.03
Nobel Prize for Literature: Ernest Hemingway (US)
I grew up listening to such great music.
Shake Rattle and Roll Bill Haley & His Comets
Rock Around The Clock Bill Haley & His Comets
Unchained Melody by Les Baxter
Maybellene by Chuck Berry
Ain't That A Shame by Fats Domino
Only You by The Platters
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by The Platters
My Happiness by Connie Francis
(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction, The Rolling Stones
Yesterday, The Beatles
The House Of The Rising Sun, The Animals
Oh, Pretty Woman, Roy Orbison
The Lion Sleeps Tonight, The Tokens
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix Experience
Honky Tonk Woman, The Rolling Stones
Runaway, Del Shannon
I Heard It Through The Gravevine, Marvin Gaye
Leaving On A Jet Plane, Peter, Paul & Mary
Wild Thing, The Troggs
Louie Louie, The Kingsmen
She's Not There, The Zombies
I also grew up loving music by such greats as Grateful Dead, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Janis Joplin, Sly & The Family Stone, The Who, Jefferson Airplane, Joe Cocker, Blood Sweat And Tears, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Sha-Na-Na, Jimi Hendrix, The Eagles, The Beatles, Elvis Presley, Simon and Garfunkel.
I heard "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night for the first time when I was dating the lad who would become my husband.
I remember John F. Kennedy being elected as President of the U.S. and remember his assination in November 1963. I watched the news as John Glenn orbited the Earth and watched it again as three Apollo astronauts—Col. Virgil I. Grissom, Col. Edward White II, and Lt. Cmdr. Roger B. Chaffee— were killed in spacecraft fire during simulated launch.
I watched the Beatles when they appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964, the news when it was announced in 1968 that Robert F. Kennedy was shot and critically wounded in Los Angeles hotel after winning California primary.
I remember the Apollo 11 astronauts—Neil A. Armstrong, Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr., and Michael Collins—take man's first walk on moon.
I've raised 3 children to adulthood and have seen the family grow by 7 as they have their own children. I've mourned the deaths of my grandparents, my mother, my brother, and two nephews and have outlived 3 good friends.
I don't remember ever being without responsibility for someone. I suppose this is true of anyone with younger brothers and sisters though.
I was here at the beginning of this great electronic age we now live in and have been amazed at it's progression. I stand in awe over the friendships that it's offered me from all over the world.
I could write pages and pages about the things I've seen and learned over the past 50 years but I fear it would in no way compare to the things seen and learned by my parents and grandparents who worked so hard for the things I've enjoyed over the first 50 years of my lifetime.
The only problem I have with turning 50 is the fact that I'll be HALF A CENTURY OLD! That's considered an antique isn't it?
Posted by Brenda ::
7/06/2004 10:21:10 AM ::
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Monday, July 05, 2004
The Speedy saga.
During the first night of our visit with my sister in Missouri we met my nephew, Fisher's, little buddy, Speedy, the hamster. I'm not a great fan of hamsters since their appearance is much like that of a fuzzy rat, but I think Jerri's love of them was just a tad less than mine because she actually referred to him as The Rat.
Around 2 a.m. on Thursday morning I awoke to see Zach standing beside my bed with fear in his eyes. He was muttering something about Speedy as I tucked into bed beside me but it was the next morning before I realized that what he'd been saying was that during the night Speedy had escaped from the sleeping bag that he'd be sharing with my nephew.
I did a quick search upon finding Speedy's empty cage and we discussed the fact at breakfast that ole Speedy was probably hid out somewhere and it was doubtful that we'd find him since he'd had a head start on his escape.
On Saturday evening as we were gathering some of our things to pack for our return home the following day, I heard Jerri yelp, "Ohhhhh Shit!, it's the Rat!" It seems Speedy had decided that he should show himself to bid us goodbye and let himself be known by trapsing across Jerri's foot. We were so thankful that she didn't stomp on the little fella.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/05/2004 09:31:54 AM ::
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Sunday, July 04, 2004
Tired enough to die but too lazy for a funeral.
That's pretty bad huh?
I slipped in here to read a couple of blogs before taking my old, tired ass to bed and one of the ones I popped in to see was The Pissed Kitty's. It brought to mind one of my sorry old memories. Actually not old enough but we won't go into that right now.
This memory comes from around the same time as the "shot on the interstate" episode when I was going as fast as I could in every direction but the right one and was afraid to stop and take stock for fear that I'd fizzle right on the vine.
My baby sis and I decided this one particular evening that we needed a break. Her friend, the catholic who's confessions caused the heart attacks of at least two priests that we know of, was visiting for the weekend and we all went out. My sister invited her boyfriend to come along and he, being the kind, gentle, man that he was, invited 3 of his copter pilot buddies to meet all of us at this little bar at the National Guard Camp in North Little Rock.
Well, we ran into them on the way over to the bar when we stopped to have dinner at this little Mexican place that had excellent beer. I don't quite remember, probably due to the fact that I'd been sippin on several margarita's throughout the afternoon, but I believe that we never got around to actually ordering much food other than appetizers. But, did I say that the beer was excellent??
I know there was a couple of pool tables at the little place at the camp, and a pretty well stocked bar. I know this because one of those copter pilots kept going to the bar and bringing back these little, teeny, tiny, tequila shots. Several times. And I don't believe they ran out of the stuff, at least not to my recollection.
Anyway, this one particular pilot throughout every topic of conversation, would interrupt to ask me, "Are those real"? I'd say, "yep", and the conversation would continue to flow around the table. Finally the little smart-ass slapped the table and said, "Well I don't think they are"! I told him, as politely as a person can through a tequila haze, that they were real and he wouldn't know what real was anyway since he didn't look like he was old enough to know REAL. He kept on and he shouldn't have.
The next thing I remember was standing there with his driver's license in my hand and a cool breeze blowing gently across my chest. I don't think the lad will ever be the same.
I also seem to recall him standing beside my sister's car, after I'd gracefully sashayed my way to it, as he asked me to adopt him and take him home with me.
But I didn't cause I knew sobriety usually comes way too soon.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/04/2004 11:55:23 PM ::
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The end of a long day.
I woke up this morning, checked my email, posted a bit in my blog, and then I took a nap. I had to get ready for the afternoon of work that snuck up on me.
I bet I'm one of the best corn shuckers in Phillips County, Arkansas.
I hope ya'll had a wonderful day and have a Happy 4th of July! (even you folks who don't live in the U.S.!)
Posted by Brenda ::
7/04/2004 12:07:56 AM ::
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Oh, it's Saturday huh?
I lost a day there somewhere.
Last night while chatting on IM with that Special K that we all know and love, she gave me some tips on how to use my stat counter. I looked in the margin on the stat page and, lo and behold, there were other informational items to be found.
For instance, I found out that every time I opened up my blog page it put a hit on my counter. No wonder I was getting more numbers up there than I was getting comments about my witty ways. So I fixed that little do-hicky beings that I don't want to count ME.
Then I looked a little further and found that my blog had been accessed through search engines a few times yesterday when folks were searching for things such as
Brenda big&start
whats up with girls
amusement park braless
braless boobs photos
daisy duke type stretch shorts
Weird, but it could also be that these folks are like me and can't spell for shit.
Have you ever noticed that it doesn't much matter what you're searching for, there's a porn site for it? Really, there are some things I'd rather not know the details of.
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Thought ya'll might appreciate this t-shirt I bought for hubby at Bass Pro last week.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/03/2004 06:42:11 AM ::
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Friday, July 02, 2004
The Root of All Evil
Dear Uncle Ralph,
The local preacher says beer and money are the root of all evil. He says that beer and money break up marriages...especially when money is used to buy beer. Is this true. After watchin all my huntin buddies, I think beer is the reason most marriages happen... and it's the reason for havin kids runnin around the house. Am i right or is the preacher just tryin to keep me from havin fun again?
Cork screwed again,
Raymond
Dear Raymond,
I almost never disagree with a preacher. I figure that they got an inside track. But , the good book don’t say that the money is the root of all evil. It says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. I know, I checked.
So this leaves me to wonder, if I love money, but have none, am I still evil or just broke? Cause if having money is evil then I am a saint. But the good book does have something to say about beer. You should look this one up – it’s that important.
Hezekiah 9, verses 1-3
Yea, it is better to drink not the fruit of the hops lest your loins defy thee. A woman of lesser beauty oft becomes the lust of thy heart and the lust of thy heart begat children. Again I say to drink not the fruit of the hops and avoid strong drink lest thy children also cometh with lesser beauty and thy sins shall find thee out on the countenance of thy sons.
Let me translate: Don’t drink Buckhorn (or any other beer). If you do you’ll end up with an ugly woman and have ugly kids.
I wish I had read this 30 years ago.
So your observation is also correct. My advice to you is: listen to your preacher. He knows.
Uncle Ralph
Posted by Brenda ::
7/02/2004 10:40:08 AM ::
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
I can't help it
this is funny!
A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Lower Cajun. “I'm not hiring any Cajuns”, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Cajun without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred."
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?”
Posted by Brenda ::
7/01/2004 05:11:26 PM ::
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Low Tolerance
For some reason, certain people enjoy it when other people are suffering. I don't know why they are like that. Maybe it's because others did the same to them growing up and this gives them a feeling of power that they wished they had. Small-minded people thrive on the misery of others, because the misery elevates the self-esteem perhaps.
I don't know.
They do not realize the people they hurt most have nothing to do with the person they do not like for whatever reason. They take something as silly as politics to the extreme like it was something that could be painted black or white, right or wrong. They say we come here to protest, when we all know it's just their game they like to play to pass their time at work or life at home. These arguments are used to pass their time and nothing more. They do not care who they bother or who they disturb, as long as they are able to pass some time. Time in which their life is stagnant.
I also believe that this sort of person is a hypocritical do-gooder in that they'll take their charitable actions to the extreme as long as there's something in it for them, even if that something is unrecognizable to most as being worthwhile.
I try to accept this type of person because I have a tendency to disbelieve that anyone can have such a cold spirit and a person with this sort of personality does sometimes offer offer comic relief to one's normal, daily activities.
Lately my tolerance for acceptance has been very low.
I don't know.
Blame it on my age or something.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/01/2004 12:06:54 PM ::
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Blue Collar Comedy Tour
If ya'll haven't seen this DVD you gotta! These guys sure know how to make you laugh.
Larry The Cable Guy: My grandma just recently passed away, at 104 years old. That right, but they saved the baby.
to Jeff
Larry The Cable Guy: So I go to the flower feller to get her some flowers, and a card up 'ere at the flower feller.
Jeff Foxworthy: Wait, wait...
Larry The Cable Guy: So I go in there...
Jeff Foxworthy: No, wait, wait, you bought a CARD for your dead grandmother.
Larry The Cable Guy: They had 'em there.
Jeff Foxworthy: I know I'm gonna regret this; what did it say?
Larry The Cable Guy: Get well soon!
Recounting his arrest record
Ron White:,,,And one DWI, which turned out to be a bogus charge, because it turns out they were stopping every vehicle that was traveling along that particular sidewalk. And that's profilin', and profilin' is wrong!
In the lost luggage section of an airport
Bill Engvall: She said, "Can I help you?" I said, "Yes ma'am, you lost my luggage." She looked me right in the eye and said, "Has your plane landed yet?" "No, princess, I'm having an out-of-body experience! I'm just checking on it! Here's your sign."
His definition of redneck
Jeff Foxworthy: A glorious absence of sophistication. It can be full-time or part-time, but we're all guilty of it at some time or another. And if you're not guilty of it, then you have relatives who are.
I'd never heard of Ron White before watching this dvd but I will be looking for some more of this stuff. He's a hard drinking, smoking Texan (who does both on stage btw), and he pretty much renewed my belief that some Texans can actually be funny.
Posted by Brenda ::
7/01/2004 10:15:11 AM ::
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