Tee Shirts I'd like to have

I childproofed my house, but they still get in.

I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.

At my age, "getting lucky" means finding my car in the parking lot.

My reality check just bounced.

Life is short, make fun of it.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Physically pffffffft!

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

Dangerously under-medicated.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.