This and That

There's not much going on here in the Arkansas delta these days. I'm mostly trying to keep my feet warm and my head on straight and not doing a very good job of either. I think I've been spoiled by the mild winter we've been having so that when a few days of real Arkansas winter weather does occur, I start daydreaming about Spring, and daffodils, and warm sunshine. We're due to have a nearly 70 degree temps the next two or three days and that's supposed to bring rain and more cold by the weekend. The weatherman in Memphis mentioned some possible freezing rain for Friday night and Saturday. I hope he dreamed this cause we don't cotton much to freezing rain around these parts, it usually means we'll be without electricity. I don't like being without electricity.



I had to stop by Sears yesterday on my way to work to buy a new clothes dryer. Mine is still working but it's a hand-me-down that my sister, Paula, gave me after the fire and I think I've worn it out cause it takes forever and a day to dry a full load of laundry. I figured it was time for a new one since they have raised the utility rates so much and that old one just isn't energy efficient anymore. Some dude was in there shopping for a washer and was moaning and a groaning about the prices. When I told the gal which dryer I wanted and was paying for it, the guy said, "What's wrong with a clothes line? I like the smell of my clothes when they've been dryed outdoors on the line." I looked at him and replied, "Yeah, and I bet you tell your wife that she can get your clothes cleaner by using a scrub-board too huh? Hush and buy the woman the washer ya cheapskate." He was still bitching as I left.



I had one of my

dropeverydamnthing

moments this weekend. I made a huge pot of Chili and some hotdogs to have to eat before Alexis's birthday party. The chili was simmering so nicely on the stove and I reached up into the cabinet to get a toothpick out of a box I keep in there, all handy like. Somehow the box, that held a million and 1 toothpicks, came with my hand and those little suckers went everywhere. There were toothpicks in the chili, the hotdogs, the floor, all over the stove, I was picking up toothpicks for awhile! I think James got a pick or two when he was putting chili on his hotdog but it didn't kill him. I didn't feel so bad later when Banny (the Chicklet's other grandmother) came by. She musta been having one of those moments too. She spilled coffee, ice water, and a sippy juice that one of the kids had left too near the edge of the table. I don't think the sippy juice would have spilled except that Jillian was sitting in the floor there and happily snatched it up, upside down, and gave it a good squeeze after it nearly conked her on the head. I had this rush of near joy in knowing that I wasn't the only one with this affliction.



James gave me a box of candy and a Valentine today which was kind of a surprise since he's only remembered this holiday maybe 5 times over the past 35 years. Anyway, the Valentine was quite romantic for him, in flowery words it mentioned the reason for his burps were due to my fine cookin, the farts were due to contentment, and the snores were cause he was dreaming of me. I wouldn't mind if he dreamed of some sexy young thing if it would stop the snoring.



Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!!

Happy Birthday Chick!!

Alexis is 3 today!! Happy Birthday!!

A Little of the White Stuff

It didn't stay around long after the sun came out this morning but we did see a little snow yesterday.

Winter,,,maybe

That's sorta kinda how winter is for us here in Arkansas. We get a lot of "it could", "it might", "possibly", and "perhaps" in our weather forecasts, especially during the winter months. The forecast today is the "possibility" of from 1 to 3 inches of snow beginning about mid-afternoon, but it could be more or none, or just rain.

We're like a Taint (defination not suitable for young readers). Taint deep south, and sure taint north so we sit right where it can do almost anydamnthing, and it might,,,or might not.

We'll just carry on with business as usual and act surprised if the white stuff gets over our shoes.

Babyboomer Fashion Tips

Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to Conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least
13. Thongs and Depends

The Visitor

He came uninvited and he's not potty-trained so he's gotta go. I'd show him the door but he's being evasive. I'd catch and release but I'd be fooling myself into thinking he wouldn't find his way back.

I bought traps today.

Ain't living with a field mouse in the house.

Discomforts, Disturbances, and Diasters

My sister has this mountain top that she'll be building a cabin on,,literally,,log by log, on the weekends and other spare moments. So far she's working on the out-buildings so she can have a dry place to do the preps before building the actual cabin. This is her dream and I'm proud that she's working so hard to make it come true. I'm also proud that she understands that a cabin atop a mountain with ticks, and bobcats, and bears, (and probably Big Foot), isn't my cup of tea although it will be most wonderful to visit her there. I'm not a town girl by any means, hell I've got one more neighbor now than I prefer (2), but I am partial to electricity, running water, and an indoor toilet so any time I lack any of these niceties, I tend to freak. My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 on a bare stretch of interstate. I have, on two occasions, camped out, and on both trips I suffered from the three D's;

Discomfort, Disturbances, and Diasters.

The discomforts included every rock, twig, stick, and pine cone in the vicinity somehow ending up beneath whichever sort of bedding I was to sleep on. Before morning my back felt as though I'd been sleeping on boulders and the entire pine tree. There's no such thing as soft ground, not when you're trying to sleep on it. Peeing in the woods can also be included as a discomfort because I've never, ever, been able to manage it without peeing in my right shoe,, don't ask me why, but no matter how hard I try, that foot is going to get wet if I squat. Actually, I don't remember if this has been a life-long problem, maybe it didn't matter so much when I was a kid to have a squishy right shoe.

Then there are the disturbances. It's very dark in the woods at night and very noisy. I'm not afraid of the dark but I do get very nervous when I can't see what's making the noises in the dark. Of course there is the possibility that I wouldn't want to see what was making the noises but I do feel better if I know whether I should haul-ass or huddle down with a shotgun during such occasions. Trees even make strange noises at night, I betcha didn't know that, didja? Sometimes the noises will lead you to believe that Big Foot, or a dinosaur is coming right through the tent. Opossums and raccoons are only cute, little, critters during the daylight, at night they turn into people-eating carnivors. This is true! I've tried to blame these beliefs on a sleep depraved mind but that only works when the sun comes up. Anyhow, camping, in the dark, around trees, is very disturbing to me.

Lastly are the diasters. The worst of these was waking up in the morning, after sleeping atop the levee to avoid the blood hungry mosquitos, to find that you threw down your bedroll atop a cow paddy and the smell of frying bacon over a camp fire isn't the only outdoorsy aroma you've got going on. Having to try to scrub the stain and stench off in the same pond the cows are using is pretty high up on my diaster meter too. Actually, that probably wasn't as bad as having to go to the doctor the next day to get a shot so the swelling would go away from all those bites by the blood hungry mosquitos.

So there you have it, I'm no Daniel Boone, or even his wife, or step-sister. Nope, not one little bit. Sorry sister of mine.

Get well SOON Jaylen!!

Jaylen's tonsils were sick so she had to have them out last Wednesday. She was able to go home from the hospital yesterday. Eat LOTS of popcicles Jaylen! We love you!

Too Tired to Tango

For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.

State of the Union

"The president's speech shows that he continues to be in denial about the realities in Iraq and here at home. He is dressing up tax breaks for wealthier people as a solution to our health care crisis. Americans need better health care with good doctors, not more accountants to figure out complicated tax schemes. The speech showed that President Bush and his Republicans allies in Congress refuse to acknowledge that their new Medicare plan is a disaster." _ Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J.

"After ignoring problems in our nation's health care system for five years, President Bush touted an expansion of Health Savings Accounts tonight that will cause more problems than it will solve. Health Savings Accounts and Association Health Plans only shift more costs onto consumers, making health care accessible primarily to the most well off. The president failed to propose a way to make insurance more affordable, more accessible and more secure for more Americans." _ Rep. Frank Pallone, D-Long Branch

"Tonight, the president once again uses compassionate language and then offers policies that hurt, not help, the average American. Enough is enough. America has seen before what happens when a president thinks he is above the law and when his supporters in Congress think staying the course and trickle down economics will solve all of our problems. It's time for a change." _ Rep. Steven Rothman, D-Fair Lawn.

I had hopes that, for once, President Bush would set aside his love of fancy words and empty promises to do something constructive during this second term in office that he's been grated. I now fear it's hopeless and we're being fucked over once again. I don't know about ya'll, but I want the same health care benefits that our members of congress, who were elected to serve us, are privy to.

Is the a democratic view? Only if being human is being democratic.

I'm MISSIN Ya'll

I've been trying and trying to get a break between clients to read about what my blog buds have been up to and by the time I get to one or two, the day is done and I'm nodding off. Please forgive me and know that I'm thinking about you and I'll be by to visit as soon as I can. (Ya'll can't be doing anything much till I get unbusy, ya hear?)

OK, there I am.

After several hours of coming back to check to see if I can access this danged thing, Blogspot has surely been #1 on my shit list today.
**

I finally got a check from the client who's owed me since last April and on my way home from work this afternoon I stopped in at the drive-through at the bank to cash it. After I'd done that and left I started thinking and wondering if they check those bank videos very often.

Brenda: I need to cash this check, I've been waiting for this gal to pay me for about 10 months and I want to hurry and cash it.

Little Bank Teller Friend: Sure, I can cash it, but you know if it bounces we'll take it out of your checking account.

Brenda: Yeah, yeah, I know, but if it bounces I'll just have to drive to Wynne and whip her ass.

Little Bank Teller Friend: (laughing) Oh yeah, you'll take it out of her hide.

Brenda: Well, I'm not quite as scrappy as I once was, but I'll give it my best.

Little Bank Teller Friend: Just make sure she remembers you were there.

Brenda: Yeah, I don't know karate or kick boxing but I think I can still manage pipe-wrench or baseball bat.

I was laughing as I drove away until I noticed that damned little camera in the window.

Damn Blogger!

Who knows if this will show up. I can't even open up my blog. Am I there? Here? Anywhere?

Exactly how I feel

Back When

I have a facination with old buildings and barns so on my way home yesterday I pulled off the highway to drive down a little lane to get closer to these old relics of times past. I've snapped photos of one of the old houses before, when it was covered in wisteria back in the spring.









I wonder what memories these old places hold?

Happy Birthday Trisha!

Trisha has a birthday today!! I'm not telling how old she is cause it'll make me appear ancient!

Ramblings

Phillips County Arkansas will be Midas rich for a few weeks with all the refund anticipation loans that have been churned out this past week. Most of the "refunds" aren't actually refunds due to their being EIC credit that the government has gotten fond of giving out these past many years, which I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't for the danged fraud going on that we're not able to do diddle about. But I guess it's 12 of one and half dozen of the other, the government might as well be sticking our tax money in those slot machines over at the casinos for all the good they do with it. At least this gives those with lower income the opportunity to pull the slots.



The Chick was in fine form this past week. It was cold and rainy one day and Jerri had some errands to run so she called her mom to stay with the girls. When Banny came in (that's what Chick calls her other grandma), Chick had about 10 of her baby dolls lined up on the couch and she told Banny, "They've all got clean panties on and they've been fed, now I'm going with my momma." I believe she was a tad upset when she didn't get to.

Then tonight we were sitting at the supper table and we heard a thump in the living room. Chick piped up, "What the hell was that?" Try swallowing your food without choaking after hearing that sweet little girl voice come out with that. I think I snorted pinto beans out of my nostrils.



Jerri took some great photos of the kiddies last weekend with my new camera.

Wanna see?

Ok. (grin)

Good Ole Days,,,Or Maybe Not,,,,

Conversations take many twists and turns around this house so that you'd never know, in advance, what subject might crop up in the run of an hour or two. This evening, as I was thumbing through one, of 'bout a hundred (it seems like), farm contraption catalogs before tossing it into the trash along with it's brothers, a rain water catcher caught my eye. I mentioned to James that it was a good idea for those who might need to conserve water, he said, "Uh, Yeah, what is it, a 55 gallon barrel?" I looked a little closer and read on a bit and said, "Uh huh, except it's only a 35 gallon barrel and it's plastic, but it has a top on it to keep it clear of bird poop and other trash, I reckon." Then I looked at the $85 askin price and decided that if we ever needed to conserve water we could make our own using stuff from the county dump for nothing. (Recycle ya know.)

Anyway, this led to a conversation about how our grandmother's used to have a barrel at the eave of the house to catch rain water. My grandmother's, and I'm sure his also, would use that water for baths, hair washes, and for puttin in the rinse tubs on wash day because it was much softer than the regular old water that was pumped from the well. It just made the soap suds up so much nicer in a tub full of rain water.

We also reminenced about how nice it was when we got electric pumps and didn't have to pump all the water from that old pitcher pump out back. Toting a couple of galvanized buckets full of water back to the house wasn't so bad, but it was hell on the hands when you had to pump and tote enough for bath water or wash day. I remember many outdoorsy baths in the summer time. It was much easier to tote that empty, old #3 tub from the back porch to a spot near the pump than it was to tote all that water into the house to fill the tub. I was much tougher then so those mosquitos that buzzed and bit during those baths didn't bother me near 'bout as bad as they do now that I've gotten more delicate.

Another conversation took a turn to a discussion about the good ole days when James told me about a nice oak tree he and his hunting buddy took a rest under today. James said the told his buddy that I used to be able to handle an oak tree about that size back when we would cut our own fire wood.

We'd go to the woods and he'd down a tree or two with the chainsaw and cut it up into nearly manageable logs and the kids and I would load it onto a trailer (Trish and I did the heaviest of the work cause Bubbie and Jami were still little tykes). After we'd cut a load, we'd take it back to the house and split and stack it. We had a splitter that was belt driven by the tractor pto thank goodness, cause I've never been handy with an axe. Every time I've ever tried to split fire wood I'd end up hurting myself.

Now that I think on it, just doing that chore is probably another one of the hundred or so reasons that my back is in such sorry shape now.

Well, those are my Thursday thoughts. It's been a long, busy, day of doing tax returns so I'm gonna hit the hay so I'll be able to rise for another busy one tomorrow. I hope everyone had a great Thursday! I'll be around to blog visit soon!

Busier than a Bee with a caffiene rush!

Still here,,mostly.
Been busy, busy.

Happy Birthday Zachary!!!

9 today!!! Soon you'll be in double digits!

I'm Country and Proud

I've lived in the country for most of my life and the few occasions when I've had to live in the cities have only strengthened my resolve that city living just ain't for me. I come from a family of farmers and I learned to respect and rely on the land for a lot of the things I've needed. I might be forced to pay a dollar for a cucumber or bell pepper during the winter months, but if I do, it's because the ones I planted out back in my garden got blasted by cotton chemicals or a hail storm.

Where am I going with this, you ask? Well, I'm getting around to it, just hold yer drawers on.

Today, before the doors opened inward and in spilled all the little chicklets who came to help Zach celebrate his coming birthday, I was having a pot sit, and the only reading material nearby was the Mid-South Farming magazine. Pot sittin and farm magazine reading just seem to go together in this house and if you sit there long enough you end up learning a little something whether you intend to or not. During this particular sittin spell I learned something that really got my dander up somewhat.

This one article about "natural fertilizers" caught my attention for some reason, and as I read it, I began to realize that it won't be long before country living will be going to hell in a hand basket. The article was about how scientists and chemists are working on taking the smell out of "natural" fertilizers due to the fact that city folks are moving to the rural areas and the smell is just too much like shit for their preferences.

The very first thought that bounced around in my head was, "Well city folks, it IS shit!" It's what cows do, and pigs, and horses, and chickens, and all other matter of farm animal do. It's only nature. And it's only natural around the countryside that these nutrients not go to waste and some of the smaller farms still spread it all natural like,,in the rough.

But it seems that "natural" fertilizer isn't their only gripe. They're also concerned with the smell when they build their big ole country houses next door, or down wind, to a hog or cattle farming operation.

What's the country coming to? A city?

So the scientists and chemists have discovered something that could possibly take some of the smell out of "nature". They've found that the natural fertilizer that comes from cows who are fed dried corn feed smells much worse than if they're fed corn feed with more moisture in it.

Can you believe that? Never mind that the cost to the cattle farmer to feed his stock will most likely double if the government decides that a cow needs more moisture in it's food to keep his cow pies from smelling to high heaven. Keep in mind that this would be the same government who pays the scientists and chemists to do these studies about shit. Also keep in mind that this shit study and others is paid for with our tax money.

I tell you, reading stuff like this is enough to make you want to put off pot sittin for a long time. It's surely enough to "rile the hell up" a country-lovin southern belle. Next thing you know, they'll be paving all our gravel roads so as not to get dust on those city-slicker driver's SUVs.

I don't know about the rest of the country folks but I plan to load my shotgun and be on alert for city folks trying to horn in on my little piece of country down here. And for good measure, I'm going to keep on top of things by reading all them farm magazines from now on. If it's shit today, who knows what it'll be tomorrow!

Only typical

Nothing notable going on here except work and home to work. Typical mostly.

I only worked till noon yesterday so I could go with James when he had the surgery on his lip. I was even in there with him and didn't lose my Shoney's lunch as I watched the doc take a chunk out of his lip and sew him back up. There wasn't nearly as much blood as I had feared so it wasn't so bad. The doc told me to come closer so he could show me the stitched up incision and the sort of tending it might need and I'm thinking to myself,,"Do I look all nursey and stuff here?" But instead of saying anything, I stuck my head up under that light so I could see everything he was talking about. James couldn't say anything due to the stitches and stuff in his lip so I was able to tell the doc all sorts of things about him without being corrected. That part was sort of fun.

James insisted on driving home and I got a little nervous a couple of times when he decided the incision was bleeding and was daubbing at it and weaving all over the road.

Anyhow, he's just a tad sore today so I left him at home with plenty of straws and chicken noodle soup,, I figure he can take the noodles out and sip it.

Today I'm a little tired and grumpy cause we didn't arrive home till after 9 last night and we had thunderstorms that disturbed my near comotose condition,,,had some really weird but loud thunder in those storms.

Happy Friday Thirteenth ya'll!

Happy Birthday Mary Lou!!!

Sixty! Now is the time to make your mark on the world – explore the Antarctic or become an astronaut. Make your mind up to take on exciting new challenges - straight after your afternoon nap.

Helpful Tips for being 60

Never attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.

Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.

Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.

Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.

Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.

Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.

No one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when it’s dark.

Modern science enables even fifty year olds to have the youthful looks of a teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.

Should you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule – forget it!!

Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.

Take the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects – bed, fridge, television etc.

Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘mummy’.

Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.

We LOVE you MARY LOU!!

P.S. I thought you might like these ideas for tee shirts.

Blogging Sister

I know ya'll must think I'm awful for not introducing you to the newest newbie to blogging, my sister, Paula Sue, over at Southern Girl in the Ozarks. But I really have a good excuse, I've been as busy as a cat covering up shit (hush Leslie, Bilbo will get the hang of it when he's ready). Paula sent me an email to let me know she was finally set up to start bloggin and we dashed off a few emails, but I was in the midst of doing financials for one of the companies I do books for and well,,it's tax time, and don't forget third grade homework duty. Anyhow, it looks like she's managed to introduce herself and I'm pleased as punch that ya'll have made her feel so welcome.

Paula is the middle sister. I'm the oldest, and Terri, who frequently reminds us, is the youngest. I reckon we were probably the baddest kids in those Hog Tusk Creek bottoms at one time in our lives and then, we grew up, cleaned up, put on clothes, and shoes, and turned out purty danged well. Didn't we Paula?

Welcome to the blogesphere sister of mine!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

James (Bubbie) is 26 today. His momma remembers what she was doing 26 yrs ago today!











I love you big boy!

CJ Did It

I've been tagged.

Four jobs I've had in my life: Waitress, maid, office manager/acct., tax specialist.

Four movies I could watch over and over: Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, (and I can't think of any others)

Four places I've lived: Arkansas, Minnesota, North Carolina, Great Britian

Four TV shows I love to watch: CSI: Las Vegas, City Confidential, NCIS, American Justice

Four places I've been on vacation: Scottland, The Netherlands, Miami, Gulf Shores, Alabama

Four websites I visit daily: Google, gmail, Google News, Jigzone

Four of my favorite foods: Kung Pao Chicken, Seafood Alfredo, Mussels, Shrimp

Four places I'd rather be: In the tropics somewhere, Key West, Costa Rica, Menorca, Cancun. I'd make an excellent beach bum!

Four albums I can't live without: Joe Diffie :Greatest Hits, David Allan Coe: Super Hits, Eagles: Hell Freezes Over, Gary Allen: Smoke Rings In The Dark

Four people who are now tagged, (if they choose to accept): Joe, Mary lou, Phyllis, Holly

My Thoughts

Ya'll know that I don't normally get too caught up in current events and politics due to my level of frustration being between slim and none, but I do occasionally have a thought or two about what's going on around me even though my thoughts don't matter in the amount of a drop of water in a deep well to the "Ones Who Make the decisions".

So, ok, I've been thinking,,,,

On Pat Robertson's 700 club message which included remarks that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's severe illness was deserved.

I believe Pat Robertson is in dire need of medical care himself because surely the man has brain damage, or is, at the very least, possessed by some demon with a "valley girl" inability to keep his mouth shut. If this guy is our road to Heaven then I fear we are Hell bound.

On Iranian and Russian talks on a nuclear compromise plan. Iran has said that it has a legal and undeniable right to build nuclear fuel cycle, and will reject any suggestion on enrichment abroad.

Well sure they're interested in building a nuclear fuel cycle,,, at around the same time they'll be using the uranium enrichment to enrich their military use of the technology. I also believe we'll be sending troops into Iran before all is said and done.

On the mining accident that killed 12 miners in Tallmansville, W.Va.

I think deadly incidents in mines and industrial firms, which nationwide killed more than 15,000 last year, are often attributed to lousy management and obsolete safety facilities when actually these can be boiled down to an irresponsible attitude and indifference to human lives. Many of the tragedies could have been avoided if owners and managers had strictly followed safety rules. Human lives and livlihoods will continue to come last when we're talking about big bucks.

On the Democrats wanting sweeping House ethics investigation.

Well, go ahead and sweep, mop, and scrub em out but for every one you remove there will be hundreds more to replace them. The facts are that lobbyists run our country, they use their bottomless campaign donations to influence policy and even write laws and I can't imagine there are even a handful of politicians who could resist the wealth and power the lobbyists provide.

On the initial age ban on older folks (over age 45) being able to go on the field and dance during the Stones Super Bowl concert because they felt it would be too physically demanding for the old geisers.

The ban has been lifted now but I find it pretty damned stupid that they would even think they could have gotten by with something like that. Holy Shit, talk about discrimination! If I were one of the fortunate who could afford the tickets I'd be using my walking cane and pacemaker to put some whoopass on the security guard who tried to keep me from wiggling my ass to some Stone's music on that football field! Hell, probably half the band is in worse shape than most 70 yr. olds but they can still get the job done!

On the Medicare Drug Plan being offered to our seniors.

This plan is so damned confusing that it's damn near impossible for our Seniors to comprehend and typical of the sort of thing our government would come up with. I reckon they feel if they make it so difficult to understand then some of our seniors will, and have, given up on even trying to sign up for it. Of course they can call the federal Medicare assistance hotline at 800-633-4227 but if it's like any of the other government hotlines, you either can't understand a damn thing they're saying, or they don't even understand a damn thing they're telling you.

I'm done now.

Allllrighty Then

I have cold feet and a hand gun, any questions?


I was moaning bragging about the lovely Springish weather we've been having and was wondering if when we were going to have some of that half-assed cold and rotten weather that we have here in the Arkansas delta most winters. It's not that I like Winter ya see, it's that I dislike it when Winter is trying to be sneaky about being Winter,,,when it's being a tease.

I shoulda kept my mouth shut.

This evening I'm suffering from chilled, crunchy ice feelin, feet and I hate having chilled feet. My feet prefer earth sandals and warm rays of sunshine gently caressing them. They do not like being two blocks of flaky, frostbitten, flesh hanging off the end of alligator hide calves.

Flaky, frostbitten feet put me in a bitchy mood, ask the two old geisers who were in front of me in the line at Hayes supermarket where I stopped after I got off work to dash in for a couple of things. They had a smidgen of stuff in their basket and were already being checked out and were in the express lane so what would you think? Less than 10 items, express line, being checked already, hell, I'll be out of here in 10 minutes or less.

Wrong. I knew this the first time old geiser number 1 of the pair pushed pass me to go find the eggs they'd forgotten (fast as a speeding turtle too). I wait, cause I'm bitchy but not so bitchy that I would be rude to the old geisers, (yet) and also, the other two lines, which actually had checkers, which weren't express, had numerous folks in them who appeared to think they were going to starve if they didn't buy out the freakin store on a Thursday evening.

Then old geiser number 2 pushes past to find another forgotten item (OG number 1 hasn't even returned yet mind you) and it was then that bitch opened her mouth, you know, the bitchy one who previously was not rude to old geisers.

"Holy Shit! You mean they're not done shopping yet????"

This retort caused the express lane checker to grab the phone and yell for more checkers and 20 minutes later I was finally out of there. Those 2 old geisers weren't though. They might have been back there in the meat department having them pluck chickens or something by then, who knows?

I finally arrived home in time to tote in the grocery bags, throw some sandwich fixins on the table, and help the Terrorist study for some tests he has tomorrow.

And my feet are still chilly!

Conversing

The scene: In Nanaw's living room on New Year's Day.

Chick's Daddy: Alexis, tell Nanaw where we went this morning.

Chick: We went to McDonalds for a big "supper", but they didn't give me pancakes in my big "supper" so I didn't get pancakes.

Daddy: Big Breakfast Alexis.

Chick: Oh,, breakfast.

Nanaw: No pancakes? Why didn't they give you pancakes in your breakfast?

Chick: Because they're assholes.

The scene: Every adult in the room trying to keep a straight face while the Chick's Daddy hides his face in the couch cushions.

A little list of "Doc-isms"

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

I was awake but not at the casino due to the fact that we were too full of fine food, too tired, and too in need of a good cup of coffee and our pjs. We might have managed (maybe) to hang on until 2006 had the "Special New Year's buffet" at the Grand not taken a much larger wedge out of our night's budget than we expected, all due to the scrawny lobster tails that they'd added to one of the buffets. Anyhow, they used those little tails as an excuse to jack up the meal price by a good 40%. After a short gasp at the bill, Jerri and I, for the first time in history, managed to put away more than the value of our meal (that'll learn them, durn em). I believe Bubbie and James were perhaps a little embarrassed at the pile of crab and shrimp shells left over from our feasting. I had quite a little stack of mussel shells lined up on the edge of my plate too.

Afterwards I was able to bend enough to sit in front of the nickel machine as it gorged itself of almost 30 bucks before I finally hit enough to get 20 of it back and headed upstairs to a quarter poker machine where I finally lost it all. I think I only ended up feeding the machines about 40 of my hard earned dollars (I lost 10 at a quarter slot in a record 10 minutes first off).

It was a little after 10 pm when we arrived back home where I quickly found my way into my pjs and prepared myself a cup of coffee and let the New Year come in as I watched a rerun of CSI Las Vegas accompanied by the snores from Zach and James.

This morning I slept until around 10, (and might have slept a tad longer had the phone not woke me up) did a little house work, had some fine peas, greens, jalapeno/cheese cornbread muffins, and cheesy fried taters, and ham for our first meal of 2006. Now I'm near 'bout ready for a hot bath and bed in order to rest up for my first day back at the tax office tomorrow.

I hope everyone entered gently into 2006 and that the year ahead only brings the very best to all!