Dealing with the burdens of life:

Don’t ever listen closely to the Sponge Bob theme song. It will lodge itself in your brain, and days later you could find yourself in a biker’s bar with Hell’s Angels and you’ll still be singing that song.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once..

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.